33 y/o - just started reboot - have some questions

M

mosa

Member
Hello forum - how is everybody doing?

I am new to this site - my first day and first post.

No PMO for me in 6 days. Feeling really good with some emotional ups and downs in between. I definitely feel like I look better and overall feel it. I have a few questions/concerns; maybe you guys can give me some ffed back.

A little background on me. I started PMO when I was around 12 to VHS tapes. I would sneak downstairs when no one was around and PMO as quick as I could so I wouldn't get caught. I haven't always watched porn. I have had a few relationships and never really had problems having sex. There are def times I O'd a lot quicker than planned but what can you do; there are also times that I couldn't. I do have an addictive personality and had issues with drugs and alcohol. I really started to get bad with PMO about 3 years ago. I lost my job and place; pretty much had to start life over. Went back to school and while in school a doctor put me on anti depressants. I would go to school then be home and PMO while on the scripts. I feel like that affected me. Around the same time I started school I began a relationship. Through the relationship I would PMO, she knew but not to the extent. I have a had rare days where I have PMO 3 times in a day but I was always good for one. More than one PMO session a day I have done but few and far in between.

I am to the point now where I feel dead down there unless I watch P. I have had enough of it! I want to be free of it. The last time I tried reboot was 2 months ago and made it 21 days. I am in for the long haul now. It feels good to share this stuff. I have a lot more to say and will definitely share more.

?? Did anyone ever feel like their testicle region was sore after no PMO for a few days? Not the testicles themselves but in the scrotum region. Its almost as if my body is ready for PMO and is waiting to O. Its not pain, but discomfort.

?? I have a flirtatious situation at work with this woman. we play around a little. Is this bad for my reboot? By playing I mean we have kissed a little and have a touchy feely relationship but no sex and no real messing around. Its playful. At times when we have been touching I have gotten erect and some prejaculate has come out. This ever happen to anyone? I would probably O very quickly if we were to get really physical.

Thoughts?

Thank you for reading this! To everybody out there, stay strong and focused!






 
D

dumbdumb

Member
well, i'd say that the fact that you get aroused from kissing this girl means that you aren't dead down there, and a little ooze is normal.  i'd say that if you're not fantasizing about porn related stuff when you're with her, then it's probably fine.  but, ultimately, it's up to you as to whether or not it's bad for your reboot.  good luck with your recovery and keep coming back to the forum!
 
M

mosa

Member
Start of Day 7 - No PMO - heading to the gym

Thank you for your response.

I am not fantasizing about anything P related when playing around withe her but I am also not interested in pursuing anything further with her, meaning a real relationship. now that I am writing, it seems wrong but I have told her I do not want a relationship. I just want real contact. Being that i have battled with drugs and alcohol in the past (haven't used anything for over 2 years) and have a very addictive personality< I could be using her as my outlet as opposed to P.

A concern of mine is that I will suffer from some onset of PE? is this possible? I am just spitballing here based on having discharge from touching. It's like my body has been conditioned to expect the O, does that make sense?  Can the reboot help this?

Although it seems i can get erect with "real contact" I havent been able to MO w/out P for a while and the few times I was able, It was not full erection, maybe 40-60%.

It would seem that I am so conditioned to PMO for the past few years that the idea of real contact and performance issues has become the concern.

I am sorry my thoughts are so scatter brained. i am knew to this forum and it seems that with sharing, I am trying to get a whole bunch of thoughts out at once that have been on my mind,

Thank you for reading
 
D

dumbdumb

Member
I definitely know the scatterbrain and racing thoughts feeling, too.  I also have addiction running in my family, and I'm very afraid of the prospect of getting addicted to something else once I kick this.  I feel your pain, and your definitely not alone.  But, you also seem very self aware, which is a good thing, very in tune with your patterns and behaviors.  It sounds like you're doing the right things.  Keep it up.
 
M

mosa

Member
Day 8 - so far so good - NO PMO - hit the gym and feeling good.

I read on someones thread to not think about it and move forward. if I do think about it, I'm not beating myself up. If P pops into my mind I quickly get a different happier thought in there. I can honestly say that I truly feel a lot better even after 7 days.


Hey T -
Thank you for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it. I tried to search for your thread but couldn't find it. Is there a link?
 
D

dugger2015

Member
Great work so far!
Everything that you mentioned you're experiencing in your first post is normal.
Gym has been my home away from home during this reboot. Really need to exhaust my body so that I can fall asleep quickly.
Keep up the good work!
 
F

fightforlife

Guest
Hey.
Good work so far, keep going!

Keeping away from drugs of all kinds is a good lifestyle, I think. I stay away from alcohol as well and it feels so much more healthy. Same is for P. Getting away from it will finally uplift your spirits after going through the rough time.

You seem to be on a good way to get back on the right way.
 
M

mosa

Member
(my thoughts again will be scatter brained - I apologize; but thank you in advance for reading)

Its day 9 - No PMO. Getting back into the gym is the greatest thing I (or any of us in this forum) could be doing. A few years back before I lost my place and I was a gym rat. I was in great shape and am truly looking to get back to that.

It's odd that I haven't really had the urge to watch P but part of me is missing the O. It could be that reading YBP and these forums in preparation of stopping has helped me know what to expect. It feels like an eternity since the last PMO and its a distancing that I look forward to increasing everyday.

Thinking about how I would prepare to PMO it seems so ridiculous. Preparing to sit in my room and click through scenes to PMO instead of working on myself as a person - its just ridiculous. I'm not looking to beat myself up anymore than I have, I'm grateful for my progress and looking forward to what the future will bring.

Something I did yesterday did dawn on me as not that good. Being that I'm back to the gym I'm looking for the motivation to get back in shape, quotes, images etc...My nephews were over yesterday and they're on instagram so I signed up. I ended looking for bodybuilding images and needless to say I come across images of very fit and attractive women. AARRRRGGGHHH!! I thought to myself I shouldn't be looking at this. To be honest, it did not want to make me PMO or MO for that matter. But it did bring concern about that being that these were images. My thought to myself was "everytime I see an image of a beautiful, fit woman (not a Pstar) or a real woman at the gym or walking on the street am I going to have an issue??" Shouldn't I be able to use these images as motivation of what I want in my life? A beautiful fit woman, that's REAL and is mine - Isn't that the goal?

What are your guys thoughts? I am considering deleting the app. I can say that I wanted to look at the images of the girls but not it a way of wanting to MO - it was giving me the desire of something I wanted, something real but at the same time I in no way want to go back to PMO - that is not an option!
I know that addiction is a slippery slope and myself or others as addicts will lie to ourselves to make it ok. Im trying to be honest and put it out there. I've

Fizbo and Fight  - thank you so much for reading and sharing with me. Much appreciated! Lets keep doing this!

 
O

ominoreeg

Member
I would advise you to watch Gabe's videos. Anything that is visually stimulating and made out of pixels, is not really helpful, and probably even harmful. Even though you do not immediately link it to want to MO. You do feel somewhere something in your brain is triggered that says: hey, I like this image, let's see some more. That is the same brain area that made us addicted to P. I'd say: delete the app.

I noticed at some point all I did was checking out every girl on the street, wondering how bad that was. This is impossible to stop: I mean, I have to look at other people when I'm in traffic no? I'd hate to be rebooted but in hospital lol ;D First: real woman are definitely better than pixeled women. Second, the thing that works for me best (when trying not to obsess over them) is to try and see them as people instead of a nice piece of ass. When I see a hot girl and think: "oh but she could be a very superficial bitch with daddy issues and a shopping addiction", it is not very nice of me, but if it helps me to reboot, then why the hell not :p But even thinking nice things about their lives and characters helps to objectify less, I have noticed.

It is very good that you are aware of your triggers and alert on the things that are going on - keep it up! And kudos for the gym spirit!
 
F

fightforlife

Guest
Delete the app! Let nothing get in the way of your cure.
Use the beautiful women you see outside as a motivation. You might one day get to fully enjoy their physical beauty and more importantly explore their inner beauty as well.
 
M

mosa

Member
I deleted the app earlier this morning shortly after i posted; I could actually feel myself wanting to look - terrible feeling.

T - youre so right - If you have to ask, you already know the answer!

Thank you for the support!
 
M

mosa

Member
Good Morning - I hope everybody is doing well. Deleting the app was 110% the correct move. I knew it deep down but didn't want to - thank you all again for your quick responses.

Starting on day 10 today - couldn't hit the gym last night, I'm still sore from getting back into. Definitely going tonight and do some hard cardio and crush my legs.

I can say I feel really good. I caught a smile from girl walking to work this morning. It feels good to be seen! This whole process feels great.  It feels like I'm rejoining society.

I never realized how much time PMO took away from me - does anyone else feel that way? Not only the time it took to go through the PMO process, but the residual after affect of being tired, groggy and negative. In these past ten days , I just feel more positive. I'm making an effort to look at girls (in a non creepy way) and exude some confidence.

How is everyone else doing?
 
M

mosa

Member
Good Morning - Day 11

Slept like shit - dog started barking at 2 AM - woke me out of deep sleep; i did have a partial erection; not very strpng but there. I was happy.

I'm finding things are getting a little difficult. I have not looked at P and have not O'd since starting but last night I had a tingle to do so. I refrained. 

Had a sex dream - it was with my ex and P related - i kept pushing it out of my mind. Then coming out of the subway I saw a woman in a very sexy professional outfit and my mind raced to a P scene - very weird feeling to see a very sexy woman and then completely degrade her by putting her into some trashy scene. I focused on her being a person and being intimate and then rid the entire sexual scenario from my mind - trying no to focus on sex but being intimate and communicative - does that make sense to anyone else? It feels good to say at least.

Thanks for reading
 
M

mosa

Member
Meant to add that I am feeling less anxious and more confident although this morning I felt a little off.

New emotions to overcome and feelings to overcome only make us stronger, right?
 
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ominoreeg

Member
Hi man. Yeah as I told you before, I think that is a very healthy way of reframing, by thinking of that woman as a person who you can interact with, instead of the gut response of the little dopamine kick that sees them just as one more hot thing to watch. And so good to observe what's going on in your head, instead of being lead by it on autopilot. Keep it up!
 
M

mosa

Member
Good Morning - Start of Day 12

I am having major withdrawal symptoms. Very difficult to deal with but I am doing it! Please tell me this gets easier.

The longest I have gone no PMO was 21 days a few months back and I thought about it everyday. This time around I am more educated as to whats to come but it seems more difficult this time; maybe because I am more committed.

My loins were burning this morning - they wanted an O. I guess it was my brain too wanting the whole process. I was having thoughts of P last night and could feel myself wanting to watch it but I didn't. It truly is an addiction.

 
O

ominoreeg

Member
It WILL get better. I know the feeling, the feeling that nothing else than giving in will take the anxiety away. It is a lie. It might take it away in the short run, but only increase it in the long run. It happened to me several times, I did not give in and I usually felt much better the next day.

Some people need to give up living in their own country to be safe and happy, some people need to give up being in touch with their family to be happy. Staying away from P to be happy is such a small price to pay in comparison.

For me, it helps to think of it this way: sometimes there are these women. They are intriguing and sexy, but when you get involved they turn out to be not only exciting, but also complete devil bitches that make your life complete hell. After breaking up, you long back to the thrill, but you know that looking her up will make your life into hell once more. P is like this kind of woman. It was a wild ride, but now it's gone: don't let her ruin your life again.
 
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