unlovedwife
Member
Hi all, I'm looking for some support and coping strategies. I felt like raping my husband today.
Some background. Married three years, no children and it feels like we are just friends/flatmates. I discovered his porn collection (hard copy) shortly after we moved in together. He threw it out, saying 'I have you, I don't need it anymore'. The sheer volume of magazines and dvds was daunting, but I took him at his word. About six months and numerous computer viruses into the marriage, I cleaned his computer. No records of anything on the internet other than P, and P featuring women almost the opposite of me physically. After being confronted, he announced he was leaving and stormed off. That is when I first found ybop. At one stage I would catch my husband masturbating to porn every time I came home. He was embarrassed, refused to talk about it and stormed off every time. If he did talk, it was the addict speaking, all talk, no action.
This pattern has continued, I have told him that I will support him, that I feel threatened in my role because of his use of P, and finally that just because his libido is focused purely on pixels it doesn't mean mine does. I am a married woman in my twenties and I haven't had sex in nearly two years. He has made excuses for six months to avoid seeing a specialist in sexual addiction therapy that I have found for him, has hidden porn stashes around the house, has lied to me countless times all the while being the sweetest friend that anyone ever had. I really care for him, but this is doing my head in.
Today after about a week of no(t being caught with) porn, I discovered that he has found a way around the internet filter on the pc and has been browsing pornography, to the point of taking a day off of work yesterday with fourteen hours of internet porn. This morning, I lost it and confronted him physically and verbally. As per usual he stormed off. I am worried about the effect that this is having on me. My therapist is not really helping and I'm beginning to think that it might be easier to leave before I become aggressive to the point of physically hurting him. I don't want to be that angry nagging wife, but his addiction is hurting me so badly that I often think of leaving.
How can I approach this more constructively? His continued behaviour doesn't gel with the repeated "I'll stop" and "I love you" that I hear from the wonderful man that I married. Is there a way for me to stop being hurt and reactionary? What advice do the men on here have? I really feel like I am losing the plot.
Some background. Married three years, no children and it feels like we are just friends/flatmates. I discovered his porn collection (hard copy) shortly after we moved in together. He threw it out, saying 'I have you, I don't need it anymore'. The sheer volume of magazines and dvds was daunting, but I took him at his word. About six months and numerous computer viruses into the marriage, I cleaned his computer. No records of anything on the internet other than P, and P featuring women almost the opposite of me physically. After being confronted, he announced he was leaving and stormed off. That is when I first found ybop. At one stage I would catch my husband masturbating to porn every time I came home. He was embarrassed, refused to talk about it and stormed off every time. If he did talk, it was the addict speaking, all talk, no action.
This pattern has continued, I have told him that I will support him, that I feel threatened in my role because of his use of P, and finally that just because his libido is focused purely on pixels it doesn't mean mine does. I am a married woman in my twenties and I haven't had sex in nearly two years. He has made excuses for six months to avoid seeing a specialist in sexual addiction therapy that I have found for him, has hidden porn stashes around the house, has lied to me countless times all the while being the sweetest friend that anyone ever had. I really care for him, but this is doing my head in.
Today after about a week of no(t being caught with) porn, I discovered that he has found a way around the internet filter on the pc and has been browsing pornography, to the point of taking a day off of work yesterday with fourteen hours of internet porn. This morning, I lost it and confronted him physically and verbally. As per usual he stormed off. I am worried about the effect that this is having on me. My therapist is not really helping and I'm beginning to think that it might be easier to leave before I become aggressive to the point of physically hurting him. I don't want to be that angry nagging wife, but his addiction is hurting me so badly that I often think of leaving.
How can I approach this more constructively? His continued behaviour doesn't gel with the repeated "I'll stop" and "I love you" that I hear from the wonderful man that I married. Is there a way for me to stop being hurt and reactionary? What advice do the men on here have? I really feel like I am losing the plot.