treehugger513
Member
The relationship with my PA started out wonderfully. We were one of those cases of two best friends falling in love with each other. I though I had the advantage of knowing his flaws before I stated dating him because we were best friends. We had an amazing relationship and I had never been happier. We were engaged in December and had planned to get married in August. 2 months ago, I learned he was a PA. His addiction lead him to cross many lines I would not normally stand for including swapping pics with people online.
It understandably took him a while to be completely honest with the details of his addiction. The more I found out, the more hurt I became. When I found out that PA was a 'thing', and a very prevalent thing, it gave me a sense of peace because it made sense to me.
Once my PA confessed to me and acknowledged his addiction, he took action. He immediately placed accountability software on his phone, he started reading articles, books, blogs and anything he could get his hands on regarding addiction. He stated running again to replace the physicality of the addiction. On top of that he started meditating and keeping a journal. He is now seeking therapy for both himself and us. He has made strides in his confidence and happiness. Our communication has never been better.
So why do I still feel so bad? Why can't I shake it? I still have the urge to flee even though he is doing everything right. I went from never having a single doubt about marrying him to having a whole mountain of doubt on my shoulders. Actions speak louder than words, and he has shown me nothing but positive actions. So why can't I move on? There are moments when I recognize all the hard work he has done in the past couple of months and I see just how important this is for him. But I still find myself crying wondering what to do?
Is there an end to this feeling? Will I ever feel normal and capable of trusting again? After posting on different forums, I have found no hope for us as a couple. The responses I get seem to be along the lines of "wait for it, it will come back'. Or "back out while you can" or something similar. I searched for forums looking for hope when maybe there isn't any. Maybe there is only reality and the reality is it probably won't work.
It understandably took him a while to be completely honest with the details of his addiction. The more I found out, the more hurt I became. When I found out that PA was a 'thing', and a very prevalent thing, it gave me a sense of peace because it made sense to me.
Once my PA confessed to me and acknowledged his addiction, he took action. He immediately placed accountability software on his phone, he started reading articles, books, blogs and anything he could get his hands on regarding addiction. He stated running again to replace the physicality of the addiction. On top of that he started meditating and keeping a journal. He is now seeking therapy for both himself and us. He has made strides in his confidence and happiness. Our communication has never been better.
So why do I still feel so bad? Why can't I shake it? I still have the urge to flee even though he is doing everything right. I went from never having a single doubt about marrying him to having a whole mountain of doubt on my shoulders. Actions speak louder than words, and he has shown me nothing but positive actions. So why can't I move on? There are moments when I recognize all the hard work he has done in the past couple of months and I see just how important this is for him. But I still find myself crying wondering what to do?
Is there an end to this feeling? Will I ever feel normal and capable of trusting again? After posting on different forums, I have found no hope for us as a couple. The responses I get seem to be along the lines of "wait for it, it will come back'. Or "back out while you can" or something similar. I searched for forums looking for hope when maybe there isn't any. Maybe there is only reality and the reality is it probably won't work.