Road to recovery - a winning path?

[Taka]

Well I am past 30 days. I have read somewhere on a site for alcohol addiction that dreams about relapses are quite common. They are arguing whether it suggest positive change during reboot or just announces another stage in recovery process. Anyway I think it might be just another milestone in my reboot. Just hope similar dreams will not occur more because the feeling after waking up is not nice. The relief on the other hand that it did not happen is great. I am looking forward to another 30 days without PMO

 

[David25]

Just finished my first day!

@Taka how are you feeling after 30 days?

 

[Taka]

David25, good that you have started your change. Right now I am feeling pretty good. It starts to feel liberating when there is not this huge part of your life that is not sucking your time and energy. But hey the reboot process got its high and lows. I think I am coping well with this because it is my third try but not all progress from previous attempts have been lost and my brain is much more balanced now. I cannot tell for sure how am I doing because I have got my finals at university from next week till mid-june so I have got other things occupying my mind. That actually helps a lot to keep your mind busy. Other than this I can tell that something called the "brain fog" is gone. I also do not give a shit about most things that did get to me in the past (not sure if it is a good thing). For unknown reasons the past few days I am sleepy as fuck (seriously I sleep through most of my day). Well I will keep you posted on the benefits but I kind of can?t recognize them on a full scale since I am not very social lately because of school and I got a lot of work. Can only tell you that during my last longest streak (40 days) I became a lot more social or better, people wanted to get social with me - you know like strangers in the club or bar started to talk to me and we had a good time. I have better skin now. My conversation skills are better. I guess almost all of the other benefits people are talking about in their reboot accounts are working for me. Just do not know if the important part, my DE, is cured or not since I do not have a girlfriend for the time being.
Anyway, keep up at it David! It is definitely worth it and it opens up a path for your self-perfection.

 

[Taka]

I have also noticed an interesting thing. When talking to other people I am using much more hand gestures. I am kind of introverted guy (or maybe extrovert trapped in an introvert due to porn addiction?) but compared to hand gesticulation I am used to, I am now using hand gestures like an Italian Some of my friends have noticed it anyway.

 

[Taka]

Well almost 40 days here. No desire to PMO at all. I was wondering the other day that I am getting used to this no M or O too much Hope I will not spend rest of my living days like a monk.

 

[David25]

40 days that's quite an accomplishment!

Can't wait till i've reached day 40!

How are you feeling? Do you feel more confident?

 

[Taka]

Well Mr25 I don?t really think it is about confidence. I am still somehow shy when approaching ladies I dont know at all. But when I do get engaged in a conversation I have less problems flirting with them if I feel like it. It is about calm mind for me. I do not get distracted that easy anymore. I used to have lot of thoughts running through my mind and I was not able to shut them off and that changed for me. I can certainly say stopping the PMO improved my life by a great deal. Healthier body and mind. What do I do with it now is entirely different topic

 

[Taka]

God damn it. I am halfway through the 90 days hardcore reboot but my horninnes is sky high. Do not know if I should pursue the path of hardcore mode or start MOing. It is so hard without a girlfriend on my side. I mean I did not have PIED or something but my DE did not go away entirely the first time I have reached 30 days or so. I know this is an ambiguous topic but any insights?

 

[Taka]

Well I am trying to get over it myself. I am holding my MO (definitely not coming back to P) just because I joined the No PMO May Challenge. It is possibly the only thing stopping me right now. I really want to finish the 90 days hardcore mode.

 

[jnv]

Hey there. That's something I'm wondering about since I've started my first no PMO challenge ever 17 days ago. I decided to do it hardmode and I do not have any goal in terms of days about how long I'll do it hardmode. I don't have any gf either at the moment and I guess there'll be a time when I'll need to MO again (I stopped watching P for the rest of my life, so it's out of the question) but I still don't know when it will be and what the frequence will be. If I had to go strictly for the challenge, I think 90 or 100 days are good round numbers.

 

[Taka]

jnv, I decided to go hardcore after my last attempt when after 30 days my problems with DE were not solved entirely. Plus it lead me to relapse. So this time I decided to go slightly longer. If it is going to be full 90 days it is hard to say but I think it would not hurt if I reached it. I heard sometimes it is helpful to set small goals like another week, another 10 days. So we will see how it goes. I think if I will have the chance for intercourse or I will find a girlfriend in that timeframe, I would start to O again with no hard feelings.

 

[Taka]

Hmm I am starting to experience memory improvement. I have started to remember random things from my childhood (like when I was 5 years old and up) I thought to be long forgotten. Nice

 

[Taka]

Well good things coming my way. I am 50 days in no PMO. I have also arranged a date - havent got one for almost 2 months. But got my graduation exam coming so that is not a good thing

The days of my no PMO calendar running slower than ever, I really want to get to day 60 and beyond. Hope that not releasing the sexual tension in such a long time will not mess with my mind. Really need to stay focused here, for the exam and for the date (do not want to appear as needy).

 

[Taka]

I think I have reached a point where I am ready to delete my porn stash on my old desktop. It is in our other apartment where I do not go very often, certainly not for PMO sessions. I think this will be a huge milestone, to sever the bonds. There lies my most precious collection of scenes from the early years when I just started to "use". There also lies a great danger. I might find myself on the verge of a relapse when searching through various files containing this highly contagious material.

Wish me luck my friends!

 

[jnv]

great decision

 

[Taka]

Well my brain is preparing for the task of deletion my stash. Second time in my rebooting process I have dreamt about relapsing, in two separate dreams! I only remember that the dreams were very fucked up and I am glad they did not happen. That only proves that this move, I have decided to make, is the move in the right direction.

 

[Taka]

So I had a date last night...And boy I could know that it was going well because not only my mind but my body was able to pick up signs of her affection towards me. I do not know if I am a wrong reader or not but during our conversation I sometimes felt my dick responding to her smile and non-verbal gestures Anyway the good thing here is that I was not focusing on her body and face imperfections like I always do (I think I am a bit superficial thx to porn), I did not imagined her in any sexual fantasy and I thought she is absolutely gorgeous.

I think my reboot might be almost done my friends and I need to rewire now.

 

[Taka]

Long time no posts. So here is an update. Thought I have rebooted fully, about 60 days in I have started to MO again. Ended up with PMO. No big deal, the progress is not lost. Do not feel the symptoms of PMO abuse at all. Just need to get back on track.

 

[DonnyD]

Hey man sorry to hear that. Are you going cold turkey again or still masturbate?

 

[Taka]

2 DonnyD: No, masturbation is off limit again. The thing is that masturbation is closely connected to P in my brain so I think it was inevitable outcome to relapse. My relapse was caused by stress and I think I was drunk and shit so there are many factors. But the connection between M and P is definitely there.

I think it is important to rewire with a real partner for me. The thing is I have kind of a dry spell right now so I thought why not MO. Not a good idea. As one of my fellow rebooters suggested I should stay off all social media thingy and dating sites, so I will try that.