Will Stalwart
Active Member
Day 19 - Flatline
So it's been quite a stretch since I posted here, and I feel as though it is time for an update. The first point I would really like to address is this flatline I am currently in. I thought I understood faltlines before, however this is not the same. I feel completely flat. Sex and PMO are completely irrelevant to me. I find myself actually having to consciously tell myself that any girl I see is attractive. This flatline is FAR stronger than anything I have experienced in the past. It is a complete absence of sexual desire.
But on this point there are some other things going on in my life that could impacted this. Firstly, I have been on and off seeing a girl for about a year and a half. But recently I have confirmed that she is in fact dating a girl. This was not unsurprising, as I had already figured this out way before she confirmed it. But that didn't dampen the fact that it hurt. A lot. I had strong feelings for that girl, maybe more than any before. The only reason it never progressed to more than it was is because I was living away from home. I also knew the new girlfriend. This girl has wore her down over the best part of a year until she felt something for her. I am venting here, and don't even agree with every point I make. But I honestly believe that the connection we made when we first met will always be stronger than this one she has developed with her new "partner". Of course I wished them the best out of principle, but I honestly don't know how to feel. I'm very confused about the whole thing.
I also have a lot of work right now. So I've no time to consider PMO (which is good). This does not mean the flatline is an easy period. Yes, I do not want to PMO. But there are other more confusing emotional dilemmas that come with it that make it difficult. I would like to emphasis that while my sex drive is low, my need for the closeness to women and the companionship is high. It is a complicated feeling that I am not entirely used to, but it does feel lonely.
I have more to say on this subject, but I am conscious of rambling, so I will continue in a future post. This vent has helped me rationalize a few things in my head, so if you read this, thank you.
So it's been quite a stretch since I posted here, and I feel as though it is time for an update. The first point I would really like to address is this flatline I am currently in. I thought I understood faltlines before, however this is not the same. I feel completely flat. Sex and PMO are completely irrelevant to me. I find myself actually having to consciously tell myself that any girl I see is attractive. This flatline is FAR stronger than anything I have experienced in the past. It is a complete absence of sexual desire.
But on this point there are some other things going on in my life that could impacted this. Firstly, I have been on and off seeing a girl for about a year and a half. But recently I have confirmed that she is in fact dating a girl. This was not unsurprising, as I had already figured this out way before she confirmed it. But that didn't dampen the fact that it hurt. A lot. I had strong feelings for that girl, maybe more than any before. The only reason it never progressed to more than it was is because I was living away from home. I also knew the new girlfriend. This girl has wore her down over the best part of a year until she felt something for her. I am venting here, and don't even agree with every point I make. But I honestly believe that the connection we made when we first met will always be stronger than this one she has developed with her new "partner". Of course I wished them the best out of principle, but I honestly don't know how to feel. I'm very confused about the whole thing.
I also have a lot of work right now. So I've no time to consider PMO (which is good). This does not mean the flatline is an easy period. Yes, I do not want to PMO. But there are other more confusing emotional dilemmas that come with it that make it difficult. I would like to emphasis that while my sex drive is low, my need for the closeness to women and the companionship is high. It is a complicated feeling that I am not entirely used to, but it does feel lonely.
I have more to say on this subject, but I am conscious of rambling, so I will continue in a future post. This vent has helped me rationalize a few things in my head, so if you read this, thank you.