kopp's journal

K

kopp

Active Member
Hey guys!

French dude here, 21 yo, studying computer science. I have a gf for 3 years now. :)
Here is a link of my old YBR journal : http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=9181.msg152466#msg152466

I quit the YBR forum as I was feeling better, I never really recovered but I stopped "compulsive" masturbation for a while and totally stopped porn.
However, with time going on, I started being less attracted to my girlfriend, we were both mad at each other for a while, and I started masturbating again to evacuate the frustration.
This week I masturbated every day, from 1 to 4 times. I feel like I wasted so much energy, I just dont want to do anything right now...

Those last months, I don't go ou that much, I don't call much my friends, I don't practice sport enough, I don't really improve my life...

So, I have to stop this shit, for real. I wanna be the sex machine I was when I met her again, I wanna have those hard-as-a-rock erections and that energy that makes me want to conquer the world again.

I'd like to stop using the computer too but hey.. i'm studying computer science so... I'd really like to find a balance to this, to use only my computer for work and self improvment, and destroy all the procrastination and stuff.

I'm here to recover and stop, and make friends and recovering buddies. I'll share as much tips as I can.
I'm into sport a bit too and self improvment, so don't worry if you see working out / social activities / health / ... stuff on my journal. I'm pretty sure it's a part of the recovery. :)

See you guys! I'm already feeling a bit better. :)
 
K

kopp

Active Member
Here you can read a topic I wrote about "strange goals" that were set up by a lot of guys on YBR and my point of view about it :
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=9814.msg165598#msg165598

tl;dr : avoid impossible goals, goals that aren't precise well enough, goals that depend on something you can't control (something extern, like meeting a girl, losing your virginity... you don't decide when you lose it)...a good goal has to be SMART.

So, lil' goal to start for me :
five days without masturbation from now, including today. Im gonna install a counter again. :)


I'll set goals about sport and studies soon too.. I just have to think about it a little bit. I feel like I should write some more about why I want to reboot too. Those last days were a huge step back in my bad past...

(note for myself : if you reach your goal, immediately set a new one)
edit : another note for myself : http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=7639.0
cold showers again baby!

gotta focus on stayin positive!
 
noises1990

noises1990

Active Member
Hey man! Goals are good, but be careful to set them right. Don't try to over do it and be patient with yourself. Set a big goal then break it down in to more little ones just like the production planning of a video game! Stay strong brother and be focused on your goals! Best of wishes and luck to you my friend!
 
noises1990

noises1990

Active Member
Don't feel miserable about it! It's just a step back and since it's your first day well I guess you should've seen it coming! But try focusing on why is it that you want to quit PMO, maybe it'll help you through your first few days.
Also, note your triggers and try as much as possible to avoid them!
 
K

kopp

Active Member
Thanks :)
I have to do some thinking and writting about my life vision this morning. Everything will go better after that.

However, I feel good today. I'm gonna kick some ass, cuz that's the only thing I know how to do. :p

I'll take a look at your journal soon!
 
K

kopp

Active Member
It's hard, harder than in my memories. All I wanna do at the moment is to have sex... Im not doing anything really productive today, Im bored by almost everything. that sucks :s

I'm not used anymore to have this low level of energy, I don't know what to do.

Gotta switch my mindset
 
K

kopp

Active Member
Ok so writting makes me forget about all the shit stuff, and it makes me use my brain and avoid thinking of sex.

I started writting the following paragraphs using the verb "want to", but I figured out it would be better using the verb "will".

I will succeed in life. I will see movies, read books, listen to music and podcasts, go to expositions, concerts, museums...
I decide to be inspired. I decide to be the best I can be.
I will improve my look again and again, I will improve my body, I will be cut and jacked.
I will be at-ease with people, learn social dynamics, I will build a rich social life. I'll discover new places, new bars...
I will learn new stuff. Maybe economic stuff, maybe marketing... I will apply self improvment methods.

I will rock my studies. I will rock my life. I will tell my girlfriend I love her. I will make her happy.

I loved working out and I will work out again.
I will go back to my best rythm of life : working out, eating healthy sleeping well and cold showers every morning.

I can see myself in the future, with a hot body, a good health, good grades, a sexy smile, an impressive social and sexual life... Maybe a blog, maybe a job... I will make money :) I'd love to buy my dad a sport car and my mum a house in her favorite place... Taht would be awesome!

I will right my own routines to start and end everyday the best way I can :)

I will be the hero of my own movie.
 
K

kopp

Active Member
I reached my 5 days goal!
My new goal is to go for another 5 days and reach 10 days without MO :p
 
K

kopp

Active Member
Sorry dude, I didnt take time to look at your journal yet...
Thanks for your encouragements :)

I reached my 10 days goal and I'm now aiming at 5 more days. I feel better with baby steps than aiming a big goal at the moment.

However, I don't feel really good those last days. School is getting more and more boring. I basically seat on a chair for 8 hours, learning and doing nothing. I hate that. I don't know who I could talk to about it. This is just a waste of time... I could do so many things with that time.

I don't know what to say really, but I don't feel good. I enjoy programming but school sucks so much... I almost lost my passion, when I get home I wanna do everything but work just because school fucked up my day. I still have an interest for computer science, but I just never want to practice...
 
K

kopp

Active Member
Im not feeling so good recently.

Studies are annoying.

I have to invest my time in myself, I could do so much good things, I really want to improve my life. I just don't know what are the steps. I don't know where I want to improve it.

Fact is: I'm complaining about my life, but I don't do anything to change it... :D
 
K

kopp

Active Member
I'm tired, tired, tired. School is frustrating. I don't know how to handle this anymore. I don't wanna miss my diploma..

Im usually a happy guy but I feel like my life is getting nowhere. This is not about porn addiction, this is about my whole life...

I remember when I was feeling so powerful, and I think like this time is gone...
 
K

kopp

Active Member
I need help guys... It looks like I can't do it alone. I did nothing of my day and I only still have 4 hours before going to bed. I relapsed 2 times... it seems like I just don't enjoy life as I used too :s
 
K

kopp

Active Member
I never tried the 90 days thing. I always thought I wasn't so addicted that I needed it. Today I feel like I need it. I really want to give it a try.

So... day 1 is today. :)
 
K

kopp

Active Member
So... day 2 of my 90 days challenge.

I feel a bit lost so far. I'm lacking of energy and having brain fog. There are so many things I should do, I don't know where to start... and I'm wondering why, why I'm not having the energy I had months ago when I was succesful at school, succesful in my relationship with my girlfriend, working out a lot and having a strict diet...

What should I do today? I want to be succesful again!
 
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