Deuce, Vetrn - Thanks for dropping me a line. Appreciate the support.
Yes, I think what we're all facing here takes a lot of courage. At least we're aware of our problem and believe we need to change. That's a good thing.
Deuce, the shame thing is one of the worst side effects of PMO. I don't have any freedom when I'm actively doing the PMO thing. As if that isn't enough, there's all these other bad side effects like desensitization, hypofrontality, etc. Shame, that right there ought to be enough for me to rid myself of it. When I'm thinking clearly and centered, this makes sense. But when 3-4 days have gone by and I haven't had any activity and start getting urge, I take the easy way out instead of remaining disciplined and steadfast. I think only time away from behavior and adding days together free of PMO is the only way out. As hard as it is, I've noticed when I string some days together, I feel better about myself and relate better with others.
Vetrn, glad you're here. And glad you can relate with post here.
You guys are doing better than I am. And I commend you for it.
I got into an argument this weekend with my wife over finances and she said she wanted out of the marriage. She says this all the time, even though we've been married for 12 years. Still, when she threatens me with this, I've noticed my stress level goes through the roof. Maybe I have abandonment issues from my childhood. Who knows. All I know is when I'm stressed and angry, especially when it pertains to issues with her, I use this as an excuse to act on PMO. I rationalize to myself, "Well, she's not active with me sexually so to hell with it...might as well get it from somewhere." Take easy way out by not being aware, taking the path of least resistance, and doing what comes naturally to me without having to think about it. This is so selfish. I should take responsibility for my sex life with my wife. I'm the man. It's my responsibility to lead in this area (it goes without saying, I don't mean dominate!! I value an equal relationship and have a lot of respect for my wife and women in general). Instead, I take the immature way out by blaming it on her...she's not giving me any, so it's her fault. Go to the office and look at P and M. What a stupid way to live. It really is. It's encouraging to me to see here all of you who've been free of this for so long. You must be getting healthier every day. I want what you have.
I keep thinking my marriage would improve if I were able to give up this destructive behavior. She probably has good reason not to sleep with me right now. So what. It's not the end of the world. But if I'm patient and start working on myself, maybe the bedroom activity with wife would come almost as an after thought. It has in the past. I guess it's an indirect way of solving my problem. It's counter intuitive. I mentioned in an earlier post I had 17 days free of PMO and felt my confidence go way up. Well, hell, there's my answer. Women love confident men. And when I'm messing around like an adolescent on the internet, my confidence plummets. Depression sets in...and all those other unpleasant feelings...shame, remorse, guilt, irritability, impatience. Do I need to go on? I need some discipline here to look at the long-term consequences of my behavior. I'm here for a finite time. But my desires are endless. They're insatiable, especially when it comes to P. Like they say, I'm trying to fill a void with the wrong thing.
Haven't been thinking clearly, because I've been actively acting out the last 3 days on a binge of PMO. I handle anger and stress in destructive ways sometimes. I know I'm capable of doing better.
Thanks again for the encouragement. I'm glad I found this site!
Yes, I think what we're all facing here takes a lot of courage. At least we're aware of our problem and believe we need to change. That's a good thing.
Deuce, the shame thing is one of the worst side effects of PMO. I don't have any freedom when I'm actively doing the PMO thing. As if that isn't enough, there's all these other bad side effects like desensitization, hypofrontality, etc. Shame, that right there ought to be enough for me to rid myself of it. When I'm thinking clearly and centered, this makes sense. But when 3-4 days have gone by and I haven't had any activity and start getting urge, I take the easy way out instead of remaining disciplined and steadfast. I think only time away from behavior and adding days together free of PMO is the only way out. As hard as it is, I've noticed when I string some days together, I feel better about myself and relate better with others.
Vetrn, glad you're here. And glad you can relate with post here.
You guys are doing better than I am. And I commend you for it.
I got into an argument this weekend with my wife over finances and she said she wanted out of the marriage. She says this all the time, even though we've been married for 12 years. Still, when she threatens me with this, I've noticed my stress level goes through the roof. Maybe I have abandonment issues from my childhood. Who knows. All I know is when I'm stressed and angry, especially when it pertains to issues with her, I use this as an excuse to act on PMO. I rationalize to myself, "Well, she's not active with me sexually so to hell with it...might as well get it from somewhere." Take easy way out by not being aware, taking the path of least resistance, and doing what comes naturally to me without having to think about it. This is so selfish. I should take responsibility for my sex life with my wife. I'm the man. It's my responsibility to lead in this area (it goes without saying, I don't mean dominate!! I value an equal relationship and have a lot of respect for my wife and women in general). Instead, I take the immature way out by blaming it on her...she's not giving me any, so it's her fault. Go to the office and look at P and M. What a stupid way to live. It really is. It's encouraging to me to see here all of you who've been free of this for so long. You must be getting healthier every day. I want what you have.
I keep thinking my marriage would improve if I were able to give up this destructive behavior. She probably has good reason not to sleep with me right now. So what. It's not the end of the world. But if I'm patient and start working on myself, maybe the bedroom activity with wife would come almost as an after thought. It has in the past. I guess it's an indirect way of solving my problem. It's counter intuitive. I mentioned in an earlier post I had 17 days free of PMO and felt my confidence go way up. Well, hell, there's my answer. Women love confident men. And when I'm messing around like an adolescent on the internet, my confidence plummets. Depression sets in...and all those other unpleasant feelings...shame, remorse, guilt, irritability, impatience. Do I need to go on? I need some discipline here to look at the long-term consequences of my behavior. I'm here for a finite time. But my desires are endless. They're insatiable, especially when it comes to P. Like they say, I'm trying to fill a void with the wrong thing.
Haven't been thinking clearly, because I've been actively acting out the last 3 days on a binge of PMO. I handle anger and stress in destructive ways sometimes. I know I'm capable of doing better.
Thanks again for the encouragement. I'm glad I found this site!
