Finding freedom by MrClean

mrclean

mrclean

Member
Day 5 started. Having hopes November will go easier than October.

What is most important in this phase for me now is to tackle core issues

- concentrate on my goals instead of others'
- be in connection with feelings to clearly and strongly know what I want
- be very careful about my comitments to others (not to promise too much, not to promise things I don't want)
- stick to daily routine

 
mrclean

mrclean

Member
I have binge lasting one week. I tried to delude myself, that only peeking for 10-20 minutes and edging is not a big deal.

How strong defence mechanisms are...

Yesterday I had sex with my GF after 2 months split. It was very connecting and pleasent. However I experienced problems with my E and got a little bit nervous. This gave me additional layer of motivation.

So basicly I go back to square zero. What is conforting is as I quit porn till start of may, the number of my porn sessions drops down every month. Before may it was 30-60 per month, now is 4-5 per month....

 
I

IWantToLive

Active Member
Hey buddy, sorry to hear that you are struggling.

It's common to lose motivation when PMO'ing. But remember where PMO takes you. It's definitely not a good place.

We only have one life to live, and wouldn't we want to feel proud of ourselves?

I do this for myself, more than anything else. I want to be happy and healthy and have a positive view of myself. When I engage in porn, I have neither of that. That's why I avoid PMO.

Come on now, you can do this! You are stronger than this addiction. Now get up and do something good today. Positive things create positive habits which eventually make the negative things (eg PMO habit) weaker over time.

 
mrclean

mrclean

Member
IWant!

Thanks for encouragements and congrats for yor 30+ days.

I blocked sites using K9 and going to go running with my girlfriend.

Better to invest time in relationship rather than PMO ;)

Stay strong and positive!
 
mrclean

mrclean

Member
Day 6

Feeling strong feeling good. No visible signs of dopamine withdrawal or not strong ones.

I feel calm and motivated and I remember to keep my daily routine
 
mrclean

mrclean

Member
Day 10

Going little bit down on motivation and bad emotions. However I'm totaly aware of it and planning more time to recover my emotions and strengthen my decission today.

Get lucky. Crave for recovery. Get a life. (TM)

 
I

IWantToLive

Active Member
Your mind plays tricks on you after some period of sobering. But, remember relapse isn't a justification for anything good. Keep going strong.
 
U

ulaozin

Active Member
Hi MrClean,

Come back man! Do whatever you have to do to get up and come back!

You were fighting so nicely! At least update your counter and start over. Give us some sign of fight. Even if it's only your counting of relapses. Don't let this habit take full control again! Don't let it gets comfortable. Any resistance is a good thing. Even if you relapse, try to not extend it and count it. Put against it any kind of resistance.

I'm here thinking about you and sending you my positive energies.  :) 

 
mrclean

mrclean

Member
ulaozin,

I'm still fighting, however I droped my routine to write on forum and counting days. However your message is encouraging in very many way, so I'll go back to journalling.

Marry christmas and Happy new year for you all!

I'm 4 days porn sober. Glad that I made my way back to my GF and I have quite normal sex now.

My 2015 year in review:

Jan - many
Feb - many
Mar - many
Apr - many
May - 6 relapses
Jun - 12 relapses
Jul - 14 relapses
Aug - 14 relapses
Sep - 8 relapses
Oct - 6 relapses
Nov - 6 relapses
Dec - 5 relapses

So, slowly but I'm progressing. I'm also more aware of my personal inside mental games

 
I

IWantToLive

Active Member
Merry Christmas to you MrClean!

It's amazing to see that you have made good progress this year in terms of reducing your PMO habits. I wish that in 2016 you can do even better. Glad to hear that you are back with your GF and enjoying a healthy sex life. Stay strong and keep on trucking friend. We know very well that this PMO addiction is bad and we are gonna kick it out of our lives.
 
U

ulaozin

Active Member
Hello man,

That's wonderful news!  :) :)

Merry Christmas for you too!  ;D

Patience is the key! Strong in the force you are.
 
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