From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)

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CarloGualvez

Member
Day 12: Near to relapses

I am so proud of myself because I conquered another "near-to-relapse" situation. Do you remember the girl with the big boobs? I've checked her profile again and guess what? While viewing her pictures, I am massaging my dick but I did not go!!! 12 days is a pretty too damn far to relapse and I don't want to have a bad feeling after. Even if this is a near-to-relapse situation, I still recognized this as an improvement because I know the girl which means I can pursue her if I really want and I stopped viewing porn which are just artificial girls and girls that I don't know. This situation is an improvement to my reboot.

Even if it is a good one, I must stop fantasizing and start moving. I just realized that I deserve a beautiful woman and not just fantasizing their pictures. Next move? I am planning a date but still thinking about it. Why? Because she will just be an instrument of my sexual desires and not really a good girlfriend material for me. I am just wasting my time if my purpose is only the first one.

Bring it on! Live up!
 
J

J

Active Member
Hey Beastmode,

Happy that you are doing better and moving forward. It's good that you were able to exercise self-control and recognize your triggers so you can avoid them. I wouldn't worry about dating right now specially when you are trying to kick an addiction right now. It's an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and about who you want to be.

Porn robs so much from our lives that it's almost like we forget who we are and the best part of what makes us interesting because we start to lose interests even in the simple things that once brought us pleasure. I will say being a few days away from the 5 month mark one of the things I don't miss is the brain fog. I hated the brain fog, felt like Adam Sandler in that movie Click. It is the most debilitating feeling to experience. Envision who you want to be then aim and aspire to be that guy. You can do this. Baby steps and patience.
 
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newperson24

Member
Hey BeastMode!
Glad to see you are doing good man. Avoid any pictures and everything even if it is to a real person since it can lead you to relapse! If you want to see her do it in RL not from a screen. I agree with J, you should date man! You can go out and have fun, this will be good for rewiring! I am not saying you should take advantage of her just for rewiring but since you like this girl give it a chance she may be a good girlfriend, that's what dates are for, to see who the person you are dating really is. Just remember that in case she could be a potentially good girlfriend,  take it easy with sexual stuff. You must avoid orgasm at all costs since its too early for you to have one, it might give you chasers!
 
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CarloGualvez

Member
Day 14: Two weeks of firing up!

Yeah! Two weeks of streak! I've never got this streak before and I'm going to be honest, I am really proud of myself. I began to see improvements: Increase self-discipline, Increased focus with the help of classical music, I began to accept rejection as a learning experiences and most importantly, I can stare woman in they eye even if they are just passing-by! This is a real improvement and I am more determined to continue. With the help of books like "Porned Out" and "Your Brain on Porn" I began to see the possibilities and "super powers" that I can retain back after I recovered from a long phase of losing. I am now minimizing my posts in my journal, maybe I will post 1-2 times each week for updates of this "super powers". For the people  who battled PMO for the first two weeks, I got to tell you that it is hard but it is worth it just like what Les Brown said, the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory.

Update about the date, I am still considering her. The effects of porn are still on my mind that's why I can't still decide but even if I made a decision not to date this woman, I will find another woman which is more attractive to rewire my thoughts!

Let us defeat PMO!
________________________________________________________

Newperson24, I am seriously considering it. Thanks for the tip about dating man! I really appreciate it. I'll update you later on how dating life continues in my life.

J, yup! From this battle, self-control is the most powerful weapon that I have and thanks to you and newperson24, for your unwavering support in my reboot!
 
C

CarloGualvez

Member
Day 0: Fucking Relapse

Damn. I was left alone in the house and urges are reallu tough to break. I started to surf softcore to hardcore. I am starting all-over again and this is 3 times happened. :(

Maybe a suggestion would be great to conquer this situation of being alone.

 
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newperson24

Member
Hey BeastMode. I never had this being alone type of relapse, however i remember that once urges appeared i would shut down my computer and go outside for a walk or something. Did the urges appear on their own or was there some kind of trigger? The only thing that worked for me was willpower, after 7 months of relapses i had this burning feeling of failure and how i never wanted to go again to day 0 for the 4304304 time. In my opinion the best way to avoid a relapse is to:

a)Find a new hobby and/or exercise
b)Willpower!(lots of it)
c)Avoid any triggers no matter their source
d)Find a gf(or spend your energy trying to find one it really helps)
e)And the most important: Switch things for the better. I was always the "inside" type and didn't really want to go outside. So i started going outside and doing things i would otherwise dislike(like having classes, going to new places with my gf etc) and i realised i was really enjoying myself(fucking PMO made me wanting to avoid any social contact). This reduced my cravings DRAMATICALLY.

I believe that very few people can win this through willpower alone. Most of us gotta mix a lot of stuff. Ensure that you are not alone if you are afraid that you will relapse, and even if you are don't use your computer. Shut down the internet, go outside with a friend, read a book. It doesn't matter. If you have cravings shut down the computer asap!

Sorry for the long post but you gotta BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and HATE P for doing so many bad things to you.
Keep going and don't beat yourself up! Keep us updated:D
 
C

CarloGualvez

Member
newperson24 said:
Hey BeastMode. I never had this being alone type of relapse, however i remember that once urges appeared i would shut down my computer and go outside for a walk or something. Did the urges appear on their own or was there some kind of trigger? The only thing that worked for me was willpower, after 7 months of relapses i had this burning feeling of failure and how i never wanted to go again to day 0 for the 4304304 time. In my opinion the best way to avoid a relapse is to:

a)Find a new hobby and/or exercise
b)Willpower!(lots of it)
c)Avoid any triggers no matter their source
d)Find a gf(or spend your energy trying to find one it really helps)
e)And the most important: Switch things for the better. I was always the "inside" type and didn't really want to go outside. So i started going outside and doing things i would otherwise dislike(like having classes, going to new places with my gf etc) and i realised i was really enjoying myself(fucking PMO made me wanting to avoid any social contact). This reduced my cravings DRAMATICALLY.

I believe that very few people can win this through willpower alone. Most of us gotta mix a lot of stuff. Ensure that you are not alone if you are afraid that you will relapse, and even if you are don't use your computer. Shut down the internet, go outside with a friend, read a book. It doesn't matter. If you have cravings shut down the computer asap!

Sorry for the long post but you gotta BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and HATE P for doing so many bad things to you.
Keep going and don't beat yourself up! Keep us updated:D

Thank younso much bro! I really appreciate it. I'll keep you updated
Click to expand...
 
LogReg

LogReg

Member
Obviously u spend too much time at home. U have to change ur lifestyle in order to win over urges. My adv8ce is to say good bye to pc, find a girl or spend time with girls. Gym and walks are also nesecerry.
 
Villes

Villes

Member
Hey Beastmode!

I'd advice all of the above plus some simple tricks to fight in the moment:
If you happen to be alone at home (or somewhere private) what you can try is when triggered, slap your cheeks, snap you fingers, shake your hands/head, drum beat with your hands on a flat surface, anything you can think of, but just get your body moving and keep doing it until the urges pass!! These might sound silly, but for me they've worked really well to channel out urges and direct the mind away from triggers. Urges are like unchannelled energy that make you tense and distracted so the key point is to move! Also it conserves willpower.
And like I said, these work momentarily and evetually you'll have to go out to the world if the urges continue.
 
mrclean

mrclean

Member
Read your journal. You are doing great job. Like your awarness, commitment and looking from positive perspective.

Great to know that you celebrate your successes and proud of yourself. It's helpful

As for tips I'll drop mine:

- cold (yeah! totally cold) showers do great work (reducing urges, reseting brain, enchancing willpower)
- consider to block pornsites using K9 (for me sometimes needing extra time to bypass protection gives extra time for reconsidering my actions)

Godspeed
 
C

CarloGualvez

Member
Day 0: Series of Relapse


I am embarrassed. I am feeling weak and I am feeling worthless. After the fifteen day relapse, I cannot go another week again. It felt like I lose the motivation again. I cannot go on like this. :(
 
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newperson24

Member
I remember this feeling indeed. In my journal i stated that i was relapsing for almost 7 months. I almost fainted of my anger and depression after a relapse. But i never gave up and today is my 80th day away from p.

Never give up no matter what! Imagine all the good things that will happen if u succesfully beat this!
 
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zuzaman

Member
The enemy inside you actually mention is as if you have were pointing to yourself.

Sometimes it feels like we are our own enemies. But given a degree of self-acceptance you can find an ally in yourself. You have gone a long way already. Do not feel ashamed. Give yourself a pat, give yourself some good words. You are worth it brother.
 
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CarloGualvez

Member
Day 0: Back here

Since, I started to quit writing here, everything had fallen apart. I cannot go another 5 days without PMO. Because I felt embarrassed to the people that I am motivating here: that I cannot go on without PMO for 7 straight days.

I think I should continue writing here, I am so depressed right now. I failed all the person that I continually motivating.

But I will continually fighting... this is my fight just like what us guys doing here.
 
C

CarloGualvez

Member
Day 1-2: Its been a series


I managed to survive to nearly two days AGAIN! Based on my analysis, strong urges come on or before three days. So, I will still be needing enough energy to keep it going.

I have learned a lot from the past days. I learned that what you resist persists. I have the wrong strategy on the past weeks. I must not even entertain the idea of PMO or doing masturbation while watching porn because entertaining the idea of fighting the urge will make the urge bigger than your will. Just like what I watched in the film Merlin, since the witch is powerful to defeat, Merlin chose to IGNORE her and not fighting her, then after that she just disappeared. So when urges comes, I need to redirect my attention to other things or just let it pass. I learned a lot that we must accept the "urge" then not acting on it. Knowing the "urge" is just a thought, we can choose to act or not. So far, I didn't chose to act and I have faith that I will still ignore it.
 
LeirTheFox

LeirTheFox

Active Member
Hey man, what up?

I read your journal and, so far, seems to me you're dealing with some sort of Chaser Effect. It's quite common when we're on the spree of the 1st days (since we're still with the orgasm effects on our bodies), but also when we have sex. That makes the 1st week incredibly hard to deal with.

My suggestion is that you read what YBOP has on the subject, to get acquainted to what you're dealing. Also, since we got a brain who got its reward circuit totally messed up, craving more and more dopamine, I'd also suggest you to find one activity that's hugely rewarding to you. Sports are a good suggestion for starters. Don't do like me, who started to crave sweets to deal with this urge.

We're still there, if you need us. You can do it!
 
C

CarloGualvez

Member
Day 3-5:: Its a working habit

I'm very happy that I have conquered another urge in my life and again, the ignorance and "not minding" the battle is working for me.

Whenever I am feeling something,its always automatic that I ignore it and I am just do what I have supposed to do. With the help of having meeting of a new girl, this addiction is starting to boot up.

I am also happy with the idea of "not minding the days". Everyone really like the streak of how many days but as I learn more, minding the days will not be helpful instead live in the present. I have re-learned the statement, just survive for this day.

It is also motivating to see my past relapse, just like what you are seeing below, its full of tick marks, not just once but twice, and thrice. In my recovery, I am just laughing and thankful that after this battle, the "trying" will be worth it.

For now. there will be a three day retreat. My mother, father, and our youngest sibling is not home and only me and my sister is in the house. I will focused on the idea of meditating some words and ideas. This will be challenging because no other people are around me and I still got access to technology. But when I am through with this, I will update you. :)
 
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