2 weeks in & I see a difference, but he does not/ won't admit (to my knowledge)

[sjanem]

Hi again, so it has been a week since we had "the talk" about everything. It had been a week since he had PMO'd then, so here is week 2 (start of week 3 for him). He has not PMO'd now in two full weeks. He still has not accepted the 'addiction' as real but, nor looked at the site of the vids (that I know of, but he did say he is willing to "try" and go without P and that he will try to go without M as well but he says that might be more difficult. He does not have ED (that I know of) with him it is more an emotional thing...or should I say emotionless thing. (fyi, if you remember, he has planned to move out to get away from me and the kids for more "alone time")

Here is what I have noticed in the last week since the talk (and no PMO for 2 weeks)...
He is doing things he did not before such as:

-]Noticing and commenting on the decor in the house. It's been there, but he is just noticing.

-He volunteered to wash all the pots and pans from dinner last night (very rare, usually just returns to the room to watch tv or play games on the computer after dinner)

-He agreed to go for a walk with me (something he has always resisted)

-He has given me a few compliments.

-He spoke to the kids, and even tried to include them in activities.

-Despite him planning to move out (and break up) he has decided that he will give the no PMO thing a try.

-He became aroused Friday evening (to me) while kissing! I made the move, (I know, but it had been about 3/4 weeks since even as much as a slightest touch, or accidental bumping into...and we live together and still share a bed! [kingsize]). (BTW, We hadn't kissed in a year maybe?) We kissed for just a few moments and said he "felt something he hadn't felt in a long time" and he got a rock hard and giant erection that I had not seen on him in a very long time. He then said he was confused at what that meant for us, and the whole break up/ moving out thing. (I still am not getting my hopes to high as he has not 'officially' changed his mind yet on leaving.)

I am weary still about leaving the house though, or leaving him alone in the house while I run to the store. So far, for the past week, he has come with me on all outings, and has not been home alone. (Normally, he'd just outright refuse to go to the store with me and give me excuses to not go). This week, whenever I need to go somewhere, I say "are you ready to go?" and says "I have to?", and I say "yes, you need to get out" (very nicely) and he hasn't argued or given any excuses.

-He opens doors for me, and says please and thank you for the littlest things.

-And lastly, he making eye contact with me for longer than a split second and we have had more casual conversation in the last week than we have in the last 2 months! He wants to talk about random things, he is open and honest about his "habits", and yesterday he actually engaged in random conversation and helped in the kitchen during football! Something he would never do before! Ever!

Hopefully this is all really happening and not just him trying to please me in order to avoid confronting the issue, or to "prove" he doesn't have a problem, now that he knows all the signs/ symptoms of the addiction.

That being said, I think he is having a few doubts about leaving (although we have not revisited this issue/discussion yet; one thing at a time) because he is talking in 'future' speak about things. Like finances, bills, decisions, etc. Yet just 2 weeks ago he had made the decision to break up with me and said once everything was in order, he was leaving. Now everything he says is "us" and "we".

I don't know what to make of all this, but I'd like to stay optomistic and trust it is the process taking place.

EEk! What do you all think? Any experiences like this? Is it posssible to see such dramatic changes accross the board in just 1-2 weeks?!?!

 

[1morechance_again]

Personal opinion: He's in the phase of being unburdened of his guilt. Right now, he has come clean and at *this moment* he doesn't have anything he's having to hold back. That feeling is a huge rush. Not biting your tongue about one thing allows you to talk freely about all things.
Think of his mind/emotions like a spillway on a dam. Every time he has something he has to hide from you, part of the spillway gets blocked off in an effort to hold in the secret. The more he has to hide, the more gets blocked off. As it gets more blocked off, even other emotions have trouble getting out. All of his emotions get so backed-up and under pressure from having to hold so much in. To us, it seems like the spillway just dried up, but we can see high-pressure leaks and a disaster coming. When he fessed up, the flood gates opened. All of his emotions are coming out right now faster than he can even comprehend. There is a lot of love mixed in there that was previously held back, a victim of blocking off other emotions.
Eventually, the flow will normalize, I'm sure. Hopefully, he won't keep put you both through this cycle.
Much love, sister.

 

[Pr3c1se]

This is all just 2 weeks in too.  Just imagine what your relationship could be if porn didn't exist.

Yes it's completely possible.  The changes without PMO is dramatic. That's why so many of us are fighting to get away from this addiction.  It's a BIG DEAL. 

I broke up with my ex almost 2 years ago now, and I sometimes wonder if porn was the reason, (I had no idea about mya ddiction at that point in time, I had no idea you could even become addicted to porn and had zero idea the side effects). 

I do hope things work out for you guys, even if he does watch porn, that might help him realize that he doesn't have the level of control he thinks he does.  Have you gotten him to read yourbrainonporn.com?  Show him that site.

Also, its VERY VERY important you don't put all the blame on him, or say he's the person who needs to change.  I am CONFIDENT you have some issues as well inside the relationship.  So both of you need to focus on what you can do different to make this relationship work.  If you say "you need to do this and itll save our relationship"  That will just push him away.  There are things you can be doing as well, just find them.

 

[sjanem]

Thanks,

Unfortunately, he still does not see it the way I do. He isn't sold yet on the addiction. He has agreed to try and go without P and M to see if it is an issue. The changes I have seen over the last week...he seems to think he was always that way. (He defintely was not and has never been the amazing guy he was over the last week.)

I don't know how he cannot see it! Why does he think he was doing all of those great (normal relationship) things before, when he wasn't? I don't get it.

He still has refused to look at the site or watch the videos.

I saw major improvement in him that lasted all week (as you can see from my initial post), but then yesterday he had a total flip. He was very moody, mean, and reclusive. He avoided me at all costs. He said he still has not PMO'd (week 3) so, maybe he is just feening for it and is blaming me again for not having 'alone time'?

He says he hasn't thought about P or M but, his actions tell a different story. He either has thought about it, watched P and/or he MO'd, and is lying, or he is in 'withdrawal' and doesn't know it and has become an A**hole again this week. He said 'last week was last week' and he was 'confused' but this week he is dead set on still moving out and creating a divide between us and that he was just confused.

Ugh!!! Unfortunately, I think this ends with him moving out and having never given serious thought to the addiction. He says he has a "void that only living alone will fill", and that he wants to "feel the excitement of a new relationship". I think you can guess where this is headed...living alone with his computer/ porn, the void in life becoming deeper, and him eventually getting bored with new relationship....and not connecting the dots of the addiction. So sad. Been with him 5.5 years now, living together for 1yr. Wish I could help. He doesn't want it though. Should I even feel bad for him anymore? I feel like it is wasted time and energy to care but an addiction is an addiction right...everyone needs support. I don't know. If he is too stubborn to care about himself, us, and his brain...why should I?

Over the last few weeks I have wanted to do nothing but help him through this. Now, I am having doubts as to whether or not I should just give up and let him leave without a fight and let him be...him.

 

[Pr3c1se]

Thanks,

Unfortunately, he still does not see it the way I do. He isn't sold yet on the addiction. He has agreed to try and go without P and M to see if it is an issue. The changes I have seen over the last week...he seems to think he was always that way. (He defintely was not and has never been the amazing guy he was over the last week.)

I don't know how he cannot see it! Why does he think he was doing all of those great (normal relationship) things before, when he wasn't? I don't get it.

He still has refused to look at the site or watch the videos.

I saw major improvement in him that lasted all week (as you can see from my initial post), but then yesterday he had a total flip. He was very moody, mean, and reclusive. He avoided me at all costs. He said he still has not PMO'd (week 3) so, maybe he is just feening for it and is blaming me again for not having 'alone time'?

He says he hasn't thought about P or M but, his actions tell a different story. He either has thought about it, watched P and/or he MO'd, and is lying, or he is in 'withdrawal' and doesn't know it and has become an A**hole again this week. He said 'last week was last week' and he was 'confused' but this week he is dead set on still moving out and creating a divide between us and that he was just confused.

Ugh!!! Unfortunately, I think this ends with him moving out and having never given serious thought to the addiction. He says he has a "void that only living alone will fill", and that he wants to "feel the excitement of a new relationship". I think you can guess where this is headed...living alone with his computer/ porn, the void in life becoming deeper, and him eventually getting bored with new relationship....and not connecting the dots of the addiction. So sad. Been with him 5.5 years now, living together for 1yr. Wish I could help. He doesn't want it though. Should I even feel bad for him anymore? I feel like it is wasted time and energy to care but an addiction is an addiction right...everyone needs support. I don't know. If he is too stubborn to care about himself, us, and his brain...why should I?

Over the last few weeks I have wanted to do nothing but help him through this. Now, I am having doubts as to whether or not I should just give up and let him leave without a fight and let him be...him.

WHy would he refuse to look at a site or watch a video?  Even if he doesn't believe he is addicted.  That makes zero sense and it is clear he is hiding something.  Perhaps he does know it's the truth, but thinks he can kick the habit without admitting to it.

Say fine, if you don't have a porn addiction, I'll believe you... but that has nothing to do with watching these videos with me.  Lets sit down together and watch them.  If you still feel the same way, I won't bring it up anymore.

Focus on yourself.  Give him space.  Allow him to move out.. AFTER watching these videos together.  Then focus on yourself and making yourself a better person.  Focus on your children.  He will come back.  He's not going to leave his children like that.  He has severe issues from what I can tell.  I think him being alone will allow him to hit rock bottom.  I obviously think he shouldn't leave his home specially with children (is he concerned at all with THEIR PERSPECTIVE ABOUT THIS?)  He sounds like a coward to me, but I understand the strong pull this addiction has on the mind. I get it.

Allow him to leave, let him hit rock bottom, then be open to him coming back if he promises to work towards this reboot.

Many of us men, once our significant other finds out about this addiciton, go into hiding mode... where as long as our girl doesn't know we're watching porn, it's just as good as us actually not watching porn.. So we hide the crap out of it.  He might be doing this.


YOu cannot force people to change.  That will only push him away.  All you can do is unconditionally love him, and realize the struggle he is facing.  Then provide as much information to him as possible, then hope he makes the correct decision.  He will come around eventually.  He will see where porn has lead him, alone..away from his family.... isolated.... He will realize this eventually then he will come back.. If you make him feel too guilty, he will be too ashamed to come back.  YOu need to let him know that that door is always open for him should he decide to be strong enough to walk through it.

 

[sjanem]

Thank you for your thoughts!

I should add/ remind you that the kids are not his. They are mine and he fulfills a step parent/ co-parent role. We have been together for just over 5.5 years now. (since the kids were in elementary school)

I am 9 years older than he is.

They are aware that we are breaking up and he is moving out, but he has not (nor have I) been able to tell them why. I know why, and I know my SO's "reason" why but they do not match up because he won't admit his addiction. So, he gave the kids some vague lame reason about leaving which made it seem like it was their fault and so now partially blame themselves despite my insistence on it having NOTHING to do with them.

Anyway, I think you are 100% correct here. It is going to come to him leaving, being alone (searching for that "void" that doesn't really exist) and possibly (hopefully) coming to terms with his issues. So, I have done all I can. I assume I will have no more updates to give. I will hang around though because I am learning more and more every day I am on here and I love learning regardless of the subject!

 

[sjanem]

WHy would he refuse to look at a site or watch a video?  Even if he doesn't believe he is addicted.  That makes zero sense and it is clear he is hiding something.  Perhaps he does know it's the truth, but thinks he can kick the habit without admitting to iT.

I THINK/ SUSPECT YOU ARE SPOT ON WITH THIS SENTENCE!!!


I obviously think he shouldn't leave his home specially with children (is he concerned at all with THEIR PERSPECTIVE ABOUT THIS?)
NOT AT ALL...HE COULDN'T CARE LESS I DON'T THINK.

He sounds like a coward to me, but I understand the strong pull this addiction has on the mind. I get it.
Allow him to leave, let him hit rock bottom, then be open to him coming back if he promises to work towards this reboot.

THIS IS MY THINKING AT THE MOMENT TOO.

Many of us men, once our significant other finds out about this addiciton, go into hiding mode... where as long as our girl doesn't know we're watching porn, it's just as good as us actually not watching porn.. So we hide the crap out of it.  He might be doing this.

I SUSPECT AS MUCH.


YOu cannot force people to change.  That will only push him away.  All you can do is unconditionally love him, and realize the struggle he is facing.  Then provide as much information to him as possible, then hope he makes the correct decision.  He will come around eventually.  He will see where porn has lead him, alone..away from his family.... isolated.... He will realize this eventually then he will come back.. If you make him feel too guilty, he will be too ashamed to come back.  YOu need to let him know that that door is always open for him should he decide to be strong enough to walk through it.
[/quote]

AMEN! SO REFRESHING TO HAVE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON THIS. THANK YOU

 

[chickaboomski]

I have only just been theough all thia and has taken me a while to reply as it is so raw and I know your pain, and I know your hope that he would just wake up. My SO did exactly the above, stopped but refused to acknowledge addiction. That was also when the sneaking and covering up started after the first couple of weeks P free. I did notice those same instant changes. And dramatic effect. But it soon stopped there. He took until 2 weeks ago to admit it, and after I ca?led it all off to say it. Even now, my SO not looking at these pages makes me wonder how much longer before it all creeps back in. Just one look, thinking his in control. I can't tell you what to do or how to fix it, because I don't know. But I do know while I wanted the admission more than anything else, it was just the first step of a very long journey and it has to be one step after another to make progress. Xx

 

[sjanem]

Wow...thanks Chickboomski, that helped a little knowing you are going through the same exact scenario. Makes me feel less 'crazy' for lack of a better word because that is how he makes me feel about this. Like it isn't real and I have dreamed up some weird addiction that he doesn't have. I know it is what's wrong with him, us, and so much more in his life. He is so damn stubborn. Thanks for posting. My situ is very new too and I feel that I do not have anythong to offer anyone on here so, I do not really reply to anyone. Reading your reply here though has made me realize some people just need to hear they are not alone. I knew I wasn't alone but, thanks for validating things.

 

[chickaboomski]

The hardest thing is to know the problem and want them to acknowledge it, originally he never hid it and I never knew it was the cause of anything until I tried to figure out why he couldn't ejaculate with me. I ended up here and all the pieces fell in to place, meanwhile, things had got more distant and sex rare. He would stay up late after me and encourage me to have early nights. Same thing, he is not the father of my kids but has been there in their lives for almost 3 years.  I tried nicely, I tried again, and then I cracked it and left an it goes or I go policy. Because I hadn't cought him out, but just knew from the distance, the way we had sex, the whole down in the dumps days, moody and picking at me when he would never have done that before. So with him knowing I had no proof, he flipped the cards and said maybe our relationship problems were me and the way I treated him. So was I crazy? I do suffer PTSD and that when triggered can set off some crazy thoughts and reality. So I backed off, apologised and questioned my sanity for several months, as his mood swings went in to lashing out verbally  at me on 2 occasions for nothing.  I knew it was still around. This was so not his character. Fast forward a couple more weeks and he dropped his guard not closing an incognito tab on his phone. So. I was done. He tried everything, nobodies perfect, I didn't know it was a big deal, blah blah. The next morning I got the admission. An apology and an acknowledgement of the hurt and trust he had broken. I still did not fold. Days later we had a discussion. Instantly I seen just like you, a new man. He began to teach my daughter guitar, after she had been begging him for months to show her chords. We went bowling and he was happy. He looked at me different, and there was a passion behind our sex that had never been there. He is the man of my dreams. And even more so now as I have never met him porn free. But the work is on both of us. Keep showing your man the REAL is far better than his fantacy could ever be. Not just in the bedroom, but in the day to day enjoyment of company and mundane things. That he is apart of something special being invited into yours and your kids lives. That is a privilege not given to just anyone. Xx You're not crazy. Or alone. All the best

 

[sjanem]

More progress? He was pretty horny this morning and was aroused by me. (Remember, we have broken up and he wants to move out but are still living together until the finances are in order for him to be able to leave.) Anyhoo, he was great last week and I saw significant change, followed by two days of him being just plain mean and a moody a$$hole to me. Then, he woke up wanting to cuddle with me, aroused, and happpy again.

It's a roller coaster for sure. So, I told him to resist the urge to jump my bones and shut it down. I then said to him" It has been 3-4 weeks since u watched porn and 2 weeks since u masterbated, I think you should be prepared for what's coming next"

He said "what do you mean?" I said, "well many guys report in weeks 3 and 4 that they have wet dreams and...etc etc...(I just told him everything everyone on here reports)" He looked at me and I instantly knew...it had already happened.

He said "Funny you say that, about 2 weeks ago I had a random wet dream and it was so weird because I hadn't had one since I was a teenager (He's 28 now)" I said "Great!" "He said he didn't tell me because he was "embarrased".

Then today, he had the confidence to say something to a coworker at work that he has been wanting to confront for a while. He did it! He had so much confidence so i took advantage of it. The thing is, he talked to his coworker about a habit he has...excessive and loud throat clearing, like every 5 minutes all day every day, and so I ran with it.

I said, "Good for you. Maybe he is unaware that he even has that habit and didn't realize it was affecting you and others around him. Now that you have brought it to his attention, maybe he will consider making a change, seeking medical advice, or quitting smoking. You might have changed his life by confronting him."
(The whole time I was really trying to get him to realize our situation and apply what he had just done for that guy, to what I am doing for him!)
Not sure if it clicked but I was not going to let that opportunty to escape!

So, it is up and down for the last 2 weeks. he is all over the map. It's driving me nuts how emotional, talkative and cuddly he is one day, and complete avoidance the next. I want him to get through this.

He still has not admitted a PMO problem, an addiction, nor looked at the site of watched the videos. He has agreed to try to stop and he is in week 4 of no P and week 3 of no M.

 

[sjanem]

I should add that I am confident that he has not PMO'd because I stay at home, (meaning I odn't leave for work) and I do my errands during the day while he is at work. When he gets home, we are always in the same room with eachother until we go to bed. If he is doing it and lying, its during work hours 9-5 (which would be weird and innapropriate). Anyway, even the shower isn't private because it's a stand up stall with all glass. Literally, when he is home, all doors are open and we are together in same room at all times. The only computer is in our bedroom and if he is on it, I'm in the room, and we don't have internet on our phone plan. This is the new norm in our house and he seems okay with it. It's weird because he wants to break up and move out, yet he is still trying to make me happy. His brain is hijacked for sure and he is definitely confused about life. lol

All this makes me feel better about things because I see that some onf you here have to leave the home for work, school, child activities, etc and therefore there are periods of time where your SO is alone. I couldn't imagine the anxiety this must cause you. I'd be so paranoid the whole time I'm gone and he is home.

 

[Pr3c1se]

Hi.  If he is threatening to leave.  You should NOT be there for him when HE wants it.  Just saying.  YOu need to distance yourself.  He cannot have you and not have you when he wants.  I know it sucks and you want to be there for him.  But by you emotionally detaching yourself, it'll help him realize what he has lost.  If you are ther with him, he'll never realize this. 

Have you tried couples counseling?

Also, if he has a cell phone, he can PMO whenever he wants.  In his car @ work.. on his way home.. etc... not saying he's doing htis, but just be aware of its potential to occur.

 

[sjanem]

I agree! There is no sex between us. I feel glad that he is getting aroused by me, wants to cuddle and is more conversational but...there is a line. We are not to have sex. He is to resist but still "connect" with me in an emotional way.

I am really hoping he is NOT using his phone! He would have to connect to wifi somewhere to do it. If he does it at work, he could be fired. I hope he is not that dumb!

 

[Pr3c1se]

Hopefully him getting that wet dream after YEARS of not getting it, shows you know waht you're talking about.

This stuff is real, and it's pretty clear he is a part of this community.

 

[sjanem]

I cannot get him to look at the website or videos nevermind counseling!
He trusts my assessment and says he belives me and is willing to try this.
I must say that he has always listened to my analysis on everything and he trusts me. He has always insisted my intelligence is something to be admired. I have a medical background so when I offer an opinion or assessment of some symptom he has...he ussually heeds my words. He always takes my opinion into consideration in everything else in life, so I am hoping the same is true for this issue as well.

He has, on a number of occassions and to a number of people, admitted that I am much more intelligent than he (he is pretty smart too though...he's an engineer) but he praises my intelligence. That's why I hope he is taking all this in and not (for the first time) insulting my intelligence!

He's not a terrible person. He just sucks in bed, and is the most unemotional person ever with mood swings not to be reckoned with. I mean, he takes care of us. He loves us. In his leaving, he is intending on providing financial support after he leaves because he knows what a hardship it will create. The kids are not his and we are unmarried. He could just leave. But he is choosing (at the moment) to leave and provide financial support to us for an undetermined length of time, as long as we need it. My hope is that he will get through this addiction and connect the dots BEFORE he leaves so we can avoid all that and be a happy family again.

 

[chickaboomski]

I totally get it. And you are lucky that you are always together outside of his work hours. But Precise is right in a way, he could possibly do it on his phone outside the house, and if he hasn't yet, just be prepared it may happen. Not saying totally withdraw, but protect your heart and build a small wall around it. My SO was at home by himself at the start for lond periods of time. After the 3rd confeontation he began coming to work with me and started helping out with my business. It is very hard to tell what is moodswings from withdrawels, and moodswings from just not getting as much as his brain desired. Because he still found a way, with his smart phone to do it. And it wasn't until he seen what he was losing that he woke up, when I turned around and said I'm done. I'm not trying to bust your bubble. Just sharing my experience thus far. So far though, it sounds like he has made some major progress, and it would be obvious in his head the wet dreams, the other things, all mean he was ADDICTED, he has to know that by now. I would say its the addiction holding him back from admitting it, because then in his head it's really real. His not quite ready to face that yet, but sounds like he may soon. This turns good men into moody pricks who can't even see what they are doing to themselves let alone anyone else. The changes you have seen are real. I truly hope it continues down the positive road for you guys and he connects the dots. Xx

 

[Pr3c1se]

I find it so strange that he would avoid watching the videos.  I just don't understand it.  Even more so since he is believing you and is attempting to give this a try.  Very confusing stuff.

Ahh he's a fellow engineer.  Most engineers are strange folk. haha  But engineers are good people! 

Once you are his only sexual release, he will get much better in bed. 

I have had sex with many women.  I consider myself really good with sex.  But at the height of this addiction, with my PIED.  I failed horribly with sex.  It's the worst feeling MID SEX to worry if your dick is gonna go soft. It's even more worse when you take a girl home and no matter how hard she tries you just can't get hard.  Shitty, shitty feeling. lol

Does he experience PIED?  Does he have trouble getting hard for you on command?  These things will SIGNIFICANTLY IMPROVE once he completes his reboot.

I have a girlfriend now, and we have sex 3-4 times a day when she's around (I only see her about twice a week)... but I must say, as my first sexual encounter AFTER successfully rebooting, the sex is unlike I've ever had before

 

[sjanem]

Thanks ya'll!

Chickaboomski - I thought about that but I know he rarely uses data on his phone, nor is he stupid enough to do it on a work computer. SO, I hope he is not finding another way or connecting to wifi somewhere.

Pr3c1se - It is kinda strange but, he is not one for admitting he is wrong, accepting critisism, or being humble. He is so hardheaded. I think a part of him already knew he had an issue but he cannot say that I am right. He is horrible at taking blame. He never had PIED that I noticed. I remember a few times in 5.5 years (maybe 4-5 times) where he was unable to get it up, or keep it up and usually there was alcohol consumption involved each time but each time he became angry and blamed the alcohol or me. However, there were long periods of no sex or disinterest in sex...sometimes for weeks at a time. I thought he was gay at one point. Then I thought he was so fucked up in the head from some mental illness, that he was asexual. Weird because I have alwasy known he watched P. I too thought PMO was normal. Boy was I wrong! I can see M being normal once in a while but this P thing for the lastd ecade for him has really mind fucked him. It all makes sense. Even his taste in women makes sense. Including me! For most of my life I have heard 2 things...either I resemble a supermodel (when wearing little or no makeup; au natural) or a porn star (when all dressed up with dramatic makeup and hair for a night out). EEk! Now all those jerks I dated over the years makes sense! I'm a target for guys with porn brain! Uhg I am so thankful for Gabe Deem (AND ALL THE GUYS AND GALS ON THIS FORUM!) for providing me with the knowledge to be equipped to see the signs in a guy. The website has helped me tremendously, even if my SO cannot be helped from the site. I feel that I have a weapon against those with the signs of a P addiction.

He has no problem getting hard around me. But when he does, and the arousal hits...he'd rather go to the computer. It's "easier" and "faster". And if he cannot have his computer time (which is pretty much every time since we moved in together a year ago) because we are home, he gets angry with me and says he is not happy here and wants to leave. It's quite clear what's happening.

Engineer...yes strange breed indeed. He is a good person, aside from his condition which is making him seem mentally ill!!!

 

[hoopvol]

Hi Jane,

I've been following your thread and I feel so sorry, you have to go through all this. I understand it's very confusing. For you and your kids!
I don't know what advice I could give you. Except that you have to take care of yourself and the kids. I've you think he's really trying to change, you might want to stick around and see what happens, but if he doesn't (want to): don't blame yourself!!
You have been damaged and you need to recover as well!
I'm glad you found this site and that it helps you to learn about the nature of this addiction and to notice the signs.
Keep us posted and stay strong for yourself and your kids!!