17 year old porn addict and a straight A student and his struggle of relapse!

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OSS

Guest
Goodluck talking to her.

I think you could benefit from vitamin D3 supplementation. Try a 3000-5000IU dose daily (take it mid morning) for a few weeks and see how it goes, it's usually pretty cheap stuff but make sure it's a quality brand. Probably best found on an online supplement store.
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
@OSS Thanks dude I'll make sure I try it, but this exercise and meditation is going well. I have noticed if I keep momentum in going out and socializing I lack any depressive withdrawals.

Anyhow I am back in my parents house for a week, and have recalled some memories of my pornographic tendencies. I am laughing at it now, but during those dark times the compulsion was crazy. I have re decorated my room because of the porno atmosphere the room resonated with, however I have the biggest addiction challenge yet in terms of artificial stimulation...Social media and internet movies/t.v shows. Right about now I have spent the entire day on facebook, and watching t.v series which is kinda pathetic realizing I can spend quality time with my family and have old friends to catch up with. So Internet is a huge problem, which is kinda having a physical impact on me now, I feel completely burnt out mentally and thinking is getting foggy and lazy. And there is that huge migraine with a mixture of anxiety whilst on facebook.

I need help limiting my use of the internet, it is impossible for me to go without the internet :/ If I check my facebook 3 times a day 9am,4pm and 10pm, then I shall adapt easier because I am specific about the timings. The duration on facebook, should be about 30mins max I shall have a timer. I will still use my Netflix account, but I shall only watch things during the weekend and max 5 movies and I must go sleep before 12. lol It may seem weird because I am saying this allowed in public, but personally I stick to it if I am specific and when I fell there is an obligation because I told people.  anyways I defiantly feel my dopamine receptors are still screwed up because of porn, and as a result I binge on anything enjoyable from movies to facebook to sleep. this is getting depressing. But if I can get rid of my reliance on artificial stimulation, I should enjoy life more :) peace
 
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OSS

Guest
Glad to hear the exercise and meditation is working.

Big congrats on 100 days! Good shit man

I 100% agree, spending too much time in front of screens in the endless depths of the internet messes with your head pretty significantly. Limiting the amount of times you check facebook is a big challenge, I got rid of the facebook app, messenger app and took my browser off my home screen on my phone so it's not constantly in my face, it did help.

Did you ever have any erection or libido problems?
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
@OSS hey thanks man you will definitely reach such apex, anyway I don't think I have erection problems or lack of libido, I definitely know when I was recovering from porn I had premature sperm leakage by thinking about intense F*kd up porn...(dark days) and no real life sexual energy or vitality aka Libido. But now the premature leakage is fixed, but I still have messed up dopamine receptors. I feel like a drug addict that needs meditation and exercise to get a quick fix. This is again fixed around winter depression, but summer time libido sky rockets. Maybe its seasonal effective disorder or my brain is still fixing up- aside from the long ass explanation why do u ask?

-Okay I have decided to give my reboot the whole package, which includes no porn,no masturbation and no internet overdose. My issue lies within my need for a dopamine fix(bro science). Tbh without masturbation I would have never gotten over my porn addiction, but now I need to fix my brains reward circuit. So I am resetting my counter, and if anyone has any information or advice in fixing my brain I am all ears.
 
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OSS

Guest
I was mainly curious to see how much your EQ had improved after 100 days no PMO. Mayb it is seasonal or maybe you may just need more time, especially considering drug addicts can take a full 2 years until they're essentially back to normal. I forgot what this 2 year time span is termed.

Goodluck with the new goals, I think what you're already doing (no M, no P, rewiring, exercise, meditation) is just about everything. The only other thing I could think of would be to cease O even with women for a month or two, but I've never really heard of anyone benefiting from that beyond erection quality issues. So maybe something you could consider in the long run if no M doesn't fix the problem.
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
@OSS Yeah EQ in erection quality then yeah definitely I was not ED, but I did sometimes have those leakage with a semi erection if I contemplate porn. So I would say it is a massive improvement. It is just addiction to internet itself is what is holding me back from becoming the best I can be. I am just rewiring my internet dependency to a certain degree. But thanks dude.


So far I have been bored, and suffered some withdrawal from a lack of internet. However I have been observing my self, my emotions and thoughts etc and realized I have totally burnt myself out!! completely! Instead of relaxing I would spend countless hours on those bullshit vines and youtube pranks wishing my life to be better. I have achieved somethings in life, but I can do soo much more. The single thought that makes me even go on the internet is "I need a break" but I don't really take a break. Now I have replaced my "relaxing" habits of sitcoms and facebook to 20 mins of classical music a day, and a whole Saturday off. I have never studied or even had such taste but it feels soo relaxing and I can drift off into another world, so I'd say it is magic.

Eillott Hulse has given me huge insight to my personal development: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7rYTv3Z3f4 -I suggest anyone who wishes to develop themselves check him out
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
Merry Christmas Guys, I just wanted to say how cheerful today is :) I have not watched porn in over 100 days, and I can control my self from relying on artificial stimulation. My brain feels kinda clean, and I am feeling much better. I jump out of bed every morning, and make everyday count! My EQ has improved drastically and my energy levels are being restored. Maybe the last piece of the puzzle was my obsessive addiction to artificial stimulation. It has been 4 days without dosing on facebook or online movies, and my memory is re developing and my depression has ceased. I don't know what is happening but I am not complaining lol - Have a nice day everyone :D 
 
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OSS

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More good news man, nice. Do you mean 100% no facebook and movies or a good controlled amount? Amazing that depression has ceased already

 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
@OSS Thanks man and yeah I mean absolute minimum. But for now I tell my brother to check my facebook lol and I stay away from movies and youtube pranks. I am taking this extreme move mainly because it does not let me get on with my essays and courseworks, and that depression I guess is the regret and stress from constant procrastination. Anyways things are going fantastic.


So what an amazing experience, I wrote a haiku, learnt how to paint met up with old friends. Most importantly I have started to appreciate the company of my female friends. Usually I stick around for sex which is really unhealthy, now I enjoy laughing and fooling around with them. I have never felt this feeling of enjoyment before, I finally enjoy things better than the internet. I live in the moment, and have finally embraced the winter. Because I can only access the internet to study or for research, I have started to meditate more. Usually I meditate 10-15mins a day. However I have started to meditate 60 mins a day and damn was this a huge change in my life. I feel as a gorilla has came of my back, and the color of face is quite vibrant and healthy. I not only feel energized but my anxiety and depression have vanished. I am certain meditation is the fundamental reason why I have developed good will power, and now 1hour of meditation I can't loose track of thoughts, I can change my emotional state with ease. My brain feels like it had a mental orgasm. Also my sleep quality has sky rocketed through the roof. Great experience meditation and exercise, my lethal weapons of awesomeness ;D peace everyone
 
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OSS

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Good to hear you're more able to appreciate female company. If you don't mind me asking, did you try meditate before having sex and if so did you notice a difference?

You just inspired me to start meditating again hahah.
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
@OSS unfortunately I have not but it would be quite an experience. However meditation for 30 mins in the morning and I am charged,clear and focused. I can handle stress much much better, however I would say the best moment is sleeping after 30 mins meditation. I kinda lucid dream, but It feels like I have slept in a hot tub for 1,000 years. The amount of emotional baggage dealt with meditation, I feel like a new man everyday. Have fun meditating my friend.
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
I have relapsed, but not too hard thankfully. I am not going to say I am disappointed, but lets be real I had it going. However I proud I did not binge, but I do feel the desensitization and the world for a few hours seemed like blur/illusion. I definitely I have made a lot of recovery, however I also know I have not fully recovered. I still have a dysfunctional lymbic system, which is why I had a lot of issues with internet addiction. I have also observed porn strikes at the absolute moment of boredom, and as soon a I think about it the room just lights up. I find this fascinating, I guess it's just dopamine surging. Also I still have my confidence with females, but I got dry humped and I kinda had a half erection with some semen leakage. This means I have erection problems. Lastly I have noticed a huge surge of anxiety coming back, abit like asthma, I feel my lungs restrict and panic... Before this ceased to exist, but now as I meditate I keep the anxiety becoming amplified. I remember couple weeks ago I began to doubt whether porn really caused my anxiety issues. I also read articles about watching porn  in moderation, well I guess its not for me :/ Porn definitely causes me anxiety and other issues.

I am definitely leaving porn for good, I made a promise to my self to never indulge things that hold me back from chasing my dreams. Now I am closer in understanding my own physiology and psychology, I am kinda glad porn contributes to most of these issues so I don't have to go searching far.
 
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OSS

Guest
Good to read you're not too down, you must have been at 110 days or so? Go another 90 and 1 PMO in a period of 200 days will be nothing! Stay vigilant however, the risk of binging is still there but I'm confident you'll be able to control it. I think some degree of limbic dysfunction is almost unavoidable in modern western society with the internet, facebook, fast food, porn, tv etc. however, if you keep these things to a minimum (as you seem to already do) and you engage in exercise and meditation it will put you far ahead of the typical person.

Did you have dry before or after the PMO?

It sounds like you have this process (I say process meaning the understanding on physiology and psychology) under control despite of slip ups which is great!
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
So far my recovery has been excellent! I feel much better than I did when I was on my 100-120 days of reboot. Why? Because of meditation. I definitely know I have recovered. I don't have internet addiction or compulsions, and porn was just my way of escaping reality. My erections are perfectly fine and I have a deep inner sense of happiness. I used to suffer from depression, because I am really self aware and I began to realize my happiness was superficial. Materialistic pursuits was the only form of "sustenance", not that I don't purse hard in the world, but that inner feeling of emptiness began to become ever so clear. After meditating I have came to an intuitive realization, the only reason why I have compulsive issues with stimulation online be it porn or movies, was because I was distracting myself from the reality of myself. I don't want to go deep and philosophical, but I do think there was an imbalance within myself psychologically and physiologically. Now I give 100% attention and will in everything I do in my work and student life, but I also take a few moments out and notice the intricate design of nature. I sometimes observe the patterns on leaves and sketch out water fountains and ducks in the river. This only takes a 1-2 hours of my time in a week, and it is the most peaceful moments in my life. Surprisingly I am an extrovert, I require people around me to become energized, and alone I become depressed and tired, but personally I do require a balance of inner and outer pleasure and fulfillment.
 
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OSS

Guest
wow man, reading this is incredible! This is really an inspirational post.

Do you do mindfulness and guided meditations or do you sit down and just focus on your breath
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
Lol Thanks, good to know my contribution benefits others.  I just sit in complete silence complete absence of thought. I have recently found out I have "ADHD", but now I can silence my thought at once which allows me to have complete concentration. This is really useful in getting rid of negative thoughts throughout the day. But yeah 40 mins of no thought and no movement and my body and mind feels completely balanced.
 
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Ikeepmyselfanon

Guest
Progress has been tremendous in terms of self improvement. I am again back to that busy routine I don't have time to masturbate let alone watch porn. Meditation plays a key important role in regulating myself and my emotions, giving greater motivation throughout the day. However after coming across methods of increasing emotional intelligence, in being aware of ones emotions I can finally kick those facebook and twitter impulses. Most importantly I have realized I have been emotionally distant from everyone, mainly due to my upbringing, but this does not allow me to be empathetic towards others.

I have also realized I used methods of emotional intelligence in kicking my porn habit without realizing. I was always aware of the change of state and the crave of porn. I did also mark this impulse the level of crave, from 1-100 with adds being 60-70 and biology text books of ladies as 10-20 (i know bad example). After being aware of the amount of craving certain triggers can cause I began to be weary and do press ups each time a trigger above 60 comes in. This is because I felt the need to release this energy before it becomes trapped as anxiety and tension.(my own theory, not verified :p) This was good in the short term, however in the long term I would explode with anxiety if I did not release completely. So I decided to take up polymetric and strongman training that require explosive energy, and it was a giant step to success. Soon enough exercise has replaced my porn void as a habit but also as a energetic means of self regulation. 
 
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