I found this site after doing some reading YBOP which helped me realize that I have been suffering from PIED. This is where I am currently and I hope to map the path that got me here.
As long as I can remember I have always had some fascination with sex and had erections at a fairly early age. My sister and found my grandfathers stash of playboys and spent countless hours reading the cartoons and of course the nude pics. I remember playing with my penis but of course was too young to have an orgasm or ejaculate. Over the years until my early teens I would occasional attempt to masturbate, often for hours, sometimes with a magazine but more often it was just self exploration. At some point in my early teens I finally found out what I had been missing. I had my first orgasm and it was like nothing else I had experienced. I was hooked. I went through cycles of daily masturbation and when I was able to get my hands on a new mag(often Hustler, High Society, etc) already preferring mags that showed some pussy. I intuited my way into what I later learned was edging. I would stroke as long as possible enjoying every pic in the mag and making sure I didn't cum until the end. Of course my edging orgasms were even more intense and that much more addicting. Fortunately by the time I was 16-17 I became sexually active and dived in head first and for awhile I was masturbating less and usually not to porn and was doing everything I could to hook up with girls my age.
So far ED had never been an issue and if anything the most I ever experienced was delayed ejaculation such that a few times I had to stop mid-sex because it was taking too long for the girl. When that occurred I would usually finish myself manually either with the girl or at home after. This lasted until my early 20s.
Over the next decade or so masturbation to porn was infrequent and usually resulted in extreme arousal and a good orgasm. I was regularly dating or in relationships with regular sex. Masturbation was occasional (3-4 times a month) and usually not to porn. Often I would wake up horny with morning wood and start the day with a smile. Well into my 30s other than 1 or 2 cases of whiskey dick I had no performance issues with a live person or alone. However masturbation was definitely a part of my life and porn was the exception not the rule. However in my early 30s my relationship changed to a long distance situation where there had been some strife and lack of stability. With all of this alone time, porn and strip clubs began to fill the void that was left by my girlfriend who was now on the opposite coast. If it wasn't for online computer games I probably would have become a porn addict back then. Computer games took enough time to distract me from daily masturbation and porn was reserved for special "me" time when a good nut was due. Eventually the long distance relationship ended and that along with some life issues I went through a bout of depression which led to some performance anxiety and occasional PE which usually improved with some more regular sex.
After couple years of single life I met the woman I would later marry and entered into my longest lasting relationship. We went through the usual honeymoon phase with lots of sex, but I still masturbated but often not with porn. As the relationship progressed the sex life simmered and my masturbation increased and was almost daily and sometimes more than once a day, especially on weekends. It was at this point that I experienced what I now realize was PIED. At first I chalked it up to being too drunk or the 2 times I masturbated that morning. By now porn was used when masturbating nearly 100% of the time. My wife worked early and went to bed before I did which gave me plenty of time to peruse the readily available internet porn and I was hooked. Nude pics, porn clips, webcams, forums etc. I was stroking to porn almost every day and rarely had performance issues except on a few occasions with my wife. To mitigate the problem I would try and plan our sexual encounters so that I would refrain from a PMO so that performance wasn't an issue. Attraction was never the problem. This cycle went on for 5+ years.
Over the last 2 years or so life has added extra stress to the mix and my wife lost her job and went into a deep depression. Not only did this mean that she was home all the time but that she was up late. No more late night stroke sessions for me and her depression also killed her sex drive. The lack of sex just led me into more masturbation but my time and opportunities were limited to early mornings before work. In this phase masturbation became a race to cum so that I could leave for work on time or on weekends before the wife got up and it was not an option. Little I realize at the time was that this race to cum had it's side effects. First, when I did have sex with my wife I had a hair trigger and couldn't last very long (which I attributed to the long gaps between sex). These gaps could be 2-3 months but sometimes less. Second, in order to cum fast enough I had to expand into different types of porn and eventually I was using tiled windows and watching one of my carefully collected and cataloged porns, a webcam, forum etc all at the same time. It was taking more to reach the rushed goal. During the last 6 months things got worse. My wife and I attempted to have sex and PIED reared its ugly head and I couldn't stay hard with her. She took it as me not being attracted to her and of course that was not the case for me. This happened 2 times and my confidence was rocked and I worried about my wood. Thus began a rapid downward spiral of more and more porn and an erection that was increasingly unreliable. If I stopped stimulation for even a few seconds I would start to lose my erection and often times the only time I was 100% was right as I was ready to cum. It wasn't long before there was an occasional case where it took great effort to get hard and a few times I came while only partially erect. I was experiencing a lot of anxiety at this over my boner and was considering viagra etc. I began to research online and eventually came across YBOP and realized that my old friend porn had done me wrong.
I did some reading, read many journals and knew that I had found the culprit. Up to this point I had never seen porn as immoral or dirty, my wife knows I viewed porn and laughed about my collection. We even watch porn together once in awhile. I just never realized how I was affecting my brain and my erection. As a result, 5 days ago I decided to solve the problem and reboot.
I plan to post again to talk about what I have been through so far and to help myself stick to this reboot. My immediate goal is 30 days of no PMO (not sure how to get that counter) and limit MO to when I am horny and without any form of porn or psub. Thanks to everyone for the stories I have read so far and wish me luck and I embark on this challenging endeavor.
As long as I can remember I have always had some fascination with sex and had erections at a fairly early age. My sister and found my grandfathers stash of playboys and spent countless hours reading the cartoons and of course the nude pics. I remember playing with my penis but of course was too young to have an orgasm or ejaculate. Over the years until my early teens I would occasional attempt to masturbate, often for hours, sometimes with a magazine but more often it was just self exploration. At some point in my early teens I finally found out what I had been missing. I had my first orgasm and it was like nothing else I had experienced. I was hooked. I went through cycles of daily masturbation and when I was able to get my hands on a new mag(often Hustler, High Society, etc) already preferring mags that showed some pussy. I intuited my way into what I later learned was edging. I would stroke as long as possible enjoying every pic in the mag and making sure I didn't cum until the end. Of course my edging orgasms were even more intense and that much more addicting. Fortunately by the time I was 16-17 I became sexually active and dived in head first and for awhile I was masturbating less and usually not to porn and was doing everything I could to hook up with girls my age.
So far ED had never been an issue and if anything the most I ever experienced was delayed ejaculation such that a few times I had to stop mid-sex because it was taking too long for the girl. When that occurred I would usually finish myself manually either with the girl or at home after. This lasted until my early 20s.
Over the next decade or so masturbation to porn was infrequent and usually resulted in extreme arousal and a good orgasm. I was regularly dating or in relationships with regular sex. Masturbation was occasional (3-4 times a month) and usually not to porn. Often I would wake up horny with morning wood and start the day with a smile. Well into my 30s other than 1 or 2 cases of whiskey dick I had no performance issues with a live person or alone. However masturbation was definitely a part of my life and porn was the exception not the rule. However in my early 30s my relationship changed to a long distance situation where there had been some strife and lack of stability. With all of this alone time, porn and strip clubs began to fill the void that was left by my girlfriend who was now on the opposite coast. If it wasn't for online computer games I probably would have become a porn addict back then. Computer games took enough time to distract me from daily masturbation and porn was reserved for special "me" time when a good nut was due. Eventually the long distance relationship ended and that along with some life issues I went through a bout of depression which led to some performance anxiety and occasional PE which usually improved with some more regular sex.
After couple years of single life I met the woman I would later marry and entered into my longest lasting relationship. We went through the usual honeymoon phase with lots of sex, but I still masturbated but often not with porn. As the relationship progressed the sex life simmered and my masturbation increased and was almost daily and sometimes more than once a day, especially on weekends. It was at this point that I experienced what I now realize was PIED. At first I chalked it up to being too drunk or the 2 times I masturbated that morning. By now porn was used when masturbating nearly 100% of the time. My wife worked early and went to bed before I did which gave me plenty of time to peruse the readily available internet porn and I was hooked. Nude pics, porn clips, webcams, forums etc. I was stroking to porn almost every day and rarely had performance issues except on a few occasions with my wife. To mitigate the problem I would try and plan our sexual encounters so that I would refrain from a PMO so that performance wasn't an issue. Attraction was never the problem. This cycle went on for 5+ years.
Over the last 2 years or so life has added extra stress to the mix and my wife lost her job and went into a deep depression. Not only did this mean that she was home all the time but that she was up late. No more late night stroke sessions for me and her depression also killed her sex drive. The lack of sex just led me into more masturbation but my time and opportunities were limited to early mornings before work. In this phase masturbation became a race to cum so that I could leave for work on time or on weekends before the wife got up and it was not an option. Little I realize at the time was that this race to cum had it's side effects. First, when I did have sex with my wife I had a hair trigger and couldn't last very long (which I attributed to the long gaps between sex). These gaps could be 2-3 months but sometimes less. Second, in order to cum fast enough I had to expand into different types of porn and eventually I was using tiled windows and watching one of my carefully collected and cataloged porns, a webcam, forum etc all at the same time. It was taking more to reach the rushed goal. During the last 6 months things got worse. My wife and I attempted to have sex and PIED reared its ugly head and I couldn't stay hard with her. She took it as me not being attracted to her and of course that was not the case for me. This happened 2 times and my confidence was rocked and I worried about my wood. Thus began a rapid downward spiral of more and more porn and an erection that was increasingly unreliable. If I stopped stimulation for even a few seconds I would start to lose my erection and often times the only time I was 100% was right as I was ready to cum. It wasn't long before there was an occasional case where it took great effort to get hard and a few times I came while only partially erect. I was experiencing a lot of anxiety at this over my boner and was considering viagra etc. I began to research online and eventually came across YBOP and realized that my old friend porn had done me wrong.
I did some reading, read many journals and knew that I had found the culprit. Up to this point I had never seen porn as immoral or dirty, my wife knows I viewed porn and laughed about my collection. We even watch porn together once in awhile. I just never realized how I was affecting my brain and my erection. As a result, 5 days ago I decided to solve the problem and reboot.
I plan to post again to talk about what I have been through so far and to help myself stick to this reboot. My immediate goal is 30 days of no PMO (not sure how to get that counter) and limit MO to when I am horny and without any form of porn or psub. Thanks to everyone for the stories I have read so far and wish me luck and I embark on this challenging endeavor.
