Walking Them No-PMO Shoes

[LeirTheFox]

[Day 13: Sunday, March 20, 2016]

Woke up around midday again naturally.
This part was pretty much like yesterday.

During afternoon, set my plans for dating that waitress chick.
We arranged to meet at night.

I read the book, ate some stuff and played guitar.
It was pretty much a chill afternoon.

After I trimmed my beard and got ready for the date, that girl sent me a message and asked me to wait for awhile.
I decided to treat myself nicely and went to buy a chocolate and some snacks.
When I was about to leave the apartment, I met this beautiful woman taking care of this cat, that seemed lost.
I talked with her for awhile and tried to help her find the owner. That actually doesn't mean much: I just told the gatekeeper to look out if someone shows up searching for a nice cat.

After I bought the stuff and ate the chocolate, the girl said she was about to leave.
So I met her. We spent some time talking, laughing and everything was alright.
I don't have any fancy techniques to get the girl or anything. I just try to enjoy her company the most and, when I'm feeling the best, I reach for her hand and grab it. If she lets it, I know it's all game. It hardly fails, and when it did, it wasn't because I done anything unrespectful to her.

So I did that and, after some time, we kissed. We went on tongue-fencing for about fifteen minutes.
The first thoughts that came to my mind after that were in comparison to my last date.
I brushed them off, telling that people are different and, besides, it wasn't that bad.
Everytime thoughts of missing her comes, I dispel them.

Also, I decided not to lie to her or use her. I'll come real clean with her on the next days, disclosing about past relationships, current emotional unavailableness and limerence. If she doesn't want to go on, I'll respect that.
She's a nice girl and I wouldn't like to hurt her ? that's why I'll play honestly.

After I went back home, watched some anime, eat the snacks and now I'm here.
I'm kinda tired. Since I'm going to wake up early tomorrow, guess it's time to call it a day.

Cheers,
L.

 

[Diesel driver]

I enjoy reading your journal. You have an awesome vibe and impressive writing skills.

Glad to support whenever I can however you are on top of your game right now. Still there for you though.

Cheers!

 

[LeirTheFox]

I enjoy reading your journal. You have an awesome vibe and impressive writing skills.

Glad to support whenever I can however you are on top of your game right now. Still there for you though.

Cheers!

Hey DDriver, good to see you around here
Hope things are going great on your quest. Thanks for the cumpliment and also for the support.
You've been following my journey for quite a long time, and it's good to have someone who understands us by our side.

My sincerest thanks!

[Day 14: Monday, March 21, 2016]

Had to wake up early this morning to attend to my classes.
Funny thing to mention is that I got up too early to leave home, but also to late to make some coffee.
So I decided to treat myself nicely by going to a coffee shop before class.
Too bad I ate shitty food there. More on this subject later.

During the experimental newspaper class, I presented my friend's cartoon, which my class declined in favor of something new.
And they just loved the idea I gave them. That made me feel scared because, as presented some days ago, I never drawed with a critical message on focus.
Well, I'm already taking the reboot, right? What else can it happen? Bring it on 8)

After the class, went to lunch with a colleague of mine. In there, we discussed about how sex isn't everything ? and how society slaves us and overrates it just to keep us under control ? and our lack of interest on going to places where women are treated like prizes because, as we realized, this change the dynamic entirely for us. It's hard to have someone interested to meet you when they're too busy treating men as trash.

That's just a sound generalization, yeah, but I think my point is clear. Places where women pays less (or even enter free of charge) have this implied dynamic.

During my part-time job, did the usual and, after that, went to the bank to pay some late bills.
Keeping a physical small notebook in my pocket for taking notes of my tasks have helped me tons on my organization.

Also, got the results from my english test. Got one level less than I applied for :-[
I'm still doing the classes anyway: if I'm to try a MFA scholarship in Creative Writing outside Brazil, I'd better domain english as best as I can.

After paying my bills, went to the cafeteria and had another lame snacks.
I met a friend of mine who attended to Performing Arts class. I invited her for my photo novel project, and she seemed happy with the idea to work with me.

I was supposed to go to the library and study but I got no certainty if I was included in the class I was going to study, so I went back home. Repenting on all the unhealthy stuff I ate during the day, I went to this small market near home to buy fruits and other healthier foods.

When I got home, finished reading Fight Club ? what a book, my friends! ? and started fooling around with the guitar. Although I really dig and try to learn some blues patterns, I also figured out how to play Everybody (yeah, that Backstreet Boys song) just for the sake of the humour, and realized it could be mellow and soft if you play it slowly. Guess music is all about what you put into it.

After that, decided to move my lazy ass and finally started working on the script for the photo novel.
It was a bit hard at first, but managed to finish the first "scene", at least.

On No-PMO: been noticing more the physical traits of my colleagues. Well, I just reached the two weeks mark, right? It had to become hard again ;D

The first progress I can relate is: my mood is mostly good lately. Of course I do still feel shaken by emotionally heavy stuff, as it's easy to perceive on the last entries. But lately I'm able to accept more, to bounce back more easily. I got my shit together most of the time, and it's good to feel like that.

I guess that's what people call self-confidence. Well, welcome aboard, new state of feeling. Don't mind the seats, and please do visit my fellow brothers who're on this fight, too!

Thanks so much for the support. Now I'm ready to meditate and sleep, so if you excuse me...

Cheers,
L.

 

[LeirTheFox]

[Day 15: Tuesday, March 22, 2016]

Holy moly, today I managed to wake up earlier without setting new alarms!
Too bad I haven't did anything too productive during that time. Had a healthier meal, then read a new book and signed for those english classes. My routine might be even more filled now, but that might not be a problem. As long as I keep myself on No-PMO, I'll be fine.

After that, I spent some time reading mangas online. That costed me my entire free time.
In an ideal world, I'd be going to the library for studies during the morning. I hope that I can do it when I manage to balance my routine.

Around midday, cooked some yakissoba for lunch, then had a cold shower.
Nothing new happened during my afternoon. I'm sticking with a water bottle around me, so I can keep myself hydrated.

Before my night class, I noticed that one colleague reminded me of Mia from Californication a lot.
I can't say that gave me urges, but she definitely triggered some sort of fantasy interest.
I felt like an adolescent again, daydreaming about some perfect kind of girl.

Did my best during classes, but had an average performance today.
Well, guess I have to study harder!

When back home, met my roomie and invited him to walk around and eat a hot-dog.
I felt good until we ate it: soon I started realizing I was again intaking a lot of crappy food.
Tomorrow I plan to organize and prepare my meals better.

On No-PMO: Been noticing girls more at the street, but don't feel any huge cravings for PMO. Also, I've been slightly more aggressive ? in a good manner ? towards the waitress chick I dated sunday. I sent her a message stating that I wanted to "start over from where we stopped" 8). Maybe we'll see each other during these holidays, but we have yet to set that.

That's it, guess I'm calling it a day.

Cheers,
L.

 

[LeirTheFox]

[Day 16: Wednesday, March 23, 2016]

Today was the 1st day of a long streak of holidays. I'll be until next sunday without university or job obligations, so... I won't be that busy. That's where the problems kick in.

I woke up around midday today. Had a really strange erotic dream involving me and a girl in a cruiser ship... along my family.
When I think about it, I feel a bit awkward. I've been making an effort to show myself as a grown man to them, and I'm not sure of how I'd act when it comes to situations where I'm to show my interests on women.

During the afternoon I haven't done much. Read a bit from this new book, played on Lumosity, trained some guitar and... well, just that. Tried to talk with that girl to set for another date, but it seems it will be hard for us to see each other along this week. After some time, fell asleep for some short time.

Just after waking up, went for the cold shower and left home for a new place near home that got "homemade breakfast" cuisine. It went less costly than I thought it'd be. Thing is, I ate some unhealthy stuff. And that repeated later on, as you guys will see.

Went to the Batman vs Superman premiere at the local movie theater with my friends. Bought soda and popcorn, so again I ate unhealthy, salty and sugary stuff. I'm pretty sure it's not only a dopamine withdrawal effect from porn, but also from reducing sugar on my other meals. I gotta tackle that back or else I'm fucked.

On No-PMO: urges are starting to kick. I ended up making an account on a local dating website, in which women pick you instead of having you pick them. This might be another withdrawal symptom, as, like I read on one of these articles, dating apps may be P-subs. I notice myself getting excited when women approve me, but in the end, I don't see any point on that.

I don't see myself open to new connections ? even talking to that chick I'm dating doesn't feel so natural ? and I'm questioning if that's even good for me to keep pressing on. My biggest fear is that, on not meeting someone, I might develop an attachment to the scenario where my last meaningful relationship returns. As stressed out before, I don't want that to count on that because it's a situation that can't be guaranteed, and it would end up with me suffering even more if, in the end, that don't match the reality.
Of course, mr. Fox here also have some lesser fear of consequences: I don't want to end up creating shallow connections, wasting other girls' time or, even worse, hurting them feelings.
I might not be responsible for their hearts ? as it's their decision to get involved with me ? but by not stating them my true circumstances surely would be an unethical attitude.

Regardless of that, what's really precious on these days is that I'm seeing that life can be really beautiful, even without sex or love interests. Even on these times of "emotional cloudiness" I don't feel sad on an overall sense. I feel more gathered within myself, more centered and... happy?
One unreal stuff that used to happen with me is that I had this pressure to "get the girl's attention" everytime I found someone cute around me. Now, even if I do find her attractive, I don't feel like it's obliged to happen, or otherwise I'd be in agony.

Looking back, now, that's sick as fuck, man.

I feel it's more easy to accept things lately in general.

That's it. I'm calling it a day.

Cheers,
L.

 

[QuitQutting]

Hello Leir, I would've like to post here sooner but, as I stated in my own journal, I've some problems with committing to... pretty much anything. So, sorry about that.

As Diesel driver already stated, you're on top of your game, I couldn't express it better. You seem really focused on your priorities and you're also working really hard toward your goals.

It's good being so focused about eating in an healthy way and I know only too well how hard it's to simply avoid to "autopilot" on junk food. You're already aware of your behavioural patterns regarding that so you're already on your way toward an healthy diet.

Actually, you've been slowly but surely putting in action a lot of empowering new behaviours to replace your old ones and that is essentially the basic of self-improvement.  I've read once that self-discipline is actually a skill that needs training (and I totally agree with that) and one suggested method to do that was to build a schedule of your own volition, starting with one simple task and sticking to it while adding more tasks over time. I think you're already doing that. I just hope to be able to do the same soon.

Regarding the PMO issues: I've ended up acting in a similar way as you did in response to your urges (but, if we take the context in account, my behaviour is worse) by looking up a dating site "for adults". Still, you've already nailed down the essence of that behaviour by taking in account the consequence of acting it that way and. Again, you're on top of your game. Understanding is key in our fight. Knowing about our urges and obviously about ourselves will bring us victory in time, I'm sure of that.

I'd like to add a lot more to this but I got to go now. Thank you for sharing all this with us.

Stay strong, friend.

 

[LeirTheFox]

Hello Leir, I would've like to post here sooner but, as I stated in my own journal, I've some problems with committing to... pretty much anything. So, sorry about that.

As Diesel driver already stated, you're on top of your game, I couldn't express it better. You seem really focused on your priorities and you're also working really hard toward your goals.

It's good being so focused about eating in an healthy way and I know only too well how hard it's to simply avoid to "autopilot" on junk food. You're already aware of your behavioural patterns regarding that so you're already on your way toward an healthy diet.

Actually, you've been slowly but surely putting in action a lot of empowering new behaviours to replace your old ones and that is essentially the basic of self-improvement.  I've read once that self-discipline is actually a skill that needs training (and I totally agree with that) and one suggested method to do that was to build a schedule of your own volition, starting with one simple task and sticking to it while adding more tasks over time. I think you're already doing that. I just hope to be able to do the same soon.

Regarding the PMO issues: I've ended up acting in a similar way as you did in response to your urges (but, if we take the context in account, my behaviour is worse) by looking up a dating site "for adults". Still, you've already nailed down the essence of that behaviour by taking in account the consequence of acting it that way and. Again, you're on top of your game. Understanding is key in our fight. Knowing about our urges and obviously about ourselves will bring us victory in time, I'm sure of that.

I'd like to add a lot more to this but I got to go now. Thank you for sharing all this with us.

Stay strong, friend.

Hey QQuitting,

Good to see you here, friend. I've checked your journal and, while I haven't commented anything in there, it seemed to me we're in a similar path, even facing similar demons right now!

I'm not at the level I want to be ? staying hungry and foolish as usual ? because my routine still doesn't put my literary career on priority, nor includes physical activities. I do feel that my body has a limit on its mental progress, and body may be the reason. Sure, the small everyday checklist helps tons when I manage to follow it, and reading everyday is making me think games may be more of a vice than a pleasure.

Sure, there's some progress in comparison to my life prior to PMO-days... but I believe it can be even better. And that's what I strive to do.

Good thing you aknowledged your situation before you ended up doing anything related to PMO.
Dating sites can lead us to dates with real women... but since it's easier and behind a screen, I believe it can distort our experiences with them. The real risk, though, is to be led to seek for P again.

Stay strong too, my friend, and thanks for your kind words.
They mean a lot to me.

Cheers,
L.

 

[LeirTheFox]

[Day 16: Thursday, March 24, 2016]

Woke up with the pain of the holidays: late and with no real obligation to do.
My afternoon was pretty much a follow-up of yesterday, with even cooking the same yakissoba for lunch.
I also browsed the internet, read this book for some time and... well, not much besides that.
One good downside of that dating website I was registered is that its use was limited: I couldn't talk with more than three different girls. That was a good enough reason for me to leave it.

One funny thing that happened is that I was called for an extra shift at the bar and, one hour later, the girl I'm dating invites me to do something on this night. If I knew that she had these plans, I could've dropped out.

In the end, I was glad I didn't: the bar was bustling with activity, and when my shift was over, it gave me a nice profit for the night.
When returning home, a heavy rain started to pour on the streets. It felt like a big, cold shower. And it was amazing.

On No-PMO: idleness is the devil's workshop, so I feel the urges kicking when I'm doing nothing. It's good to remind myself that No-PMO itself won't just change your life. It's a change of habit, but if you still treat yourself badly and doesn't use this new energy to make something useful out of it, you're just changing prision cells.

Anyway, that's it. I'm calling a day.

Cheers,
L.

 

[LeirTheFox]

[Day 17: Friday, March 25, 2016]

Third time's a charm, right? Woke up late again, around 2 PM, and did nothing really different after that.
Had no lunch today, just ate a reinforced breakfast meal ? can't call it a brunch, I think ? and spent the afternoon slacking off.
The power in my apartment was cut for some short time, so I catched my pace with this book I'm reading. I plan to finish it until next tuesday, so I can keep my newfound habit of devouring a novel per week.

In the end of the afternoon, I went for a small walk to buy some snacks.
Watched this really nice animation, Boy and the Beast, while eating.
After that, decided to do the newspaper cartoons I was assigned to do. Man, that was hard. Although I did had the concepts of every frame I wanted to draw, it was quite hard, so I had to keep redrawing and redrawing.

Bought a pizza to share with my friend ? okay, shitty-eating alert, I'm aware ? and we talked while eating it.
I definitely don't feel motivated to eat better because I'm not training. I should tackle that with some sort of sport I can do it at least twice a week. I don't want to train everyday because my routine won't have space for that.

On No-PMO: Urges are starting to kick when I wake up, but so far, all of them are quite withstandable.
Meditation before sleeping helped me tons with staying calm before hitting the bed.

That's it for today.

Cheers,
L.

 

[LeirTheFox]

[Day 18: Saturday, March 26, 2016]

Had the same trouble as before, both with waking up late and eating crappy stuff.
Spent my afternoon organizing my clothes, downloading some new music and talking with my roommate.

It was interesting to note that I totally S U C K when it comes to holidays: my routine is entirely disgraced and I did few to make something productive out of my free time. I also realize that most of my actions aren't stacking on a healthier life. I gotta take some action this week or else I'm screwed.

Went to work into my night shift at the bar. Aside from some minor errors, today everything went smoothly. We managed to keep organized, excelled in teamwork and, the best part, we sold a lot. The only drawback is that I ate shitty food in there. Damn.

A side-note: I've been doing tests to measure my overall wellbeing on YourPersonality. I've been keeping it since I came to this forum. One of the biggest progresses I see is that my personality went from anxious and dismissive to secure on E V E R Y measured aspect ? partners, friends, family and general relationships. I definitely feel a bigger sense of welbeing and higher self-esteem. I reccomend you guys to do it monthly (don't worry, the website sends you reminders) to see how you change.

On No-PMO: when surfing the internet, was watching this awesome video clip from a blues band and saw some comments about one model that appeared on it. Went to check about her and stumbled on her model portfolio, which contained some light erotical poses, the flashier one with her using a see-through bikini. I didn't find it arousing, but I was sure it was a P-Sub. When I realized, brushed it away as soon as possible. Gotta be more careful, as I just identified one of my triggers.

I'm excited. Three days left for the third week mark! ;D

Cheers,
L.

 

[LeirTheFox]

[Day 19: Sunday, March 27, 2016]

(Late posting, I know)

For the last day of my holidays, I did pretty much the same.
Woke up late, had an ok-ish meal, read a bit and then... nothing.
Did nothing during my afternoon.

Productive time started at night, when I finally finished my cartoon for the experimental newspaper.
Thing is, I had to buy some shitty snacks to eat while doing it.
I have no doubt that it's a dopamine withdrawal. And also that may count with the fact I have no proper "leisure" activity on hedonistic terms, since reading is more of a study to me. I am currently planning on take some exercise to put all this tension down. Still deciding between returning to an old practice (boulder-climbing) or learning a new skill (swimming). I'm tending to the latter one.

Anyways, after that, unwinded by reading a lot of mangas online. Ended up going to bed by 4 AM.

On No-PMO subject: urges are getting strong, but manageable when meditating.

Cheers,
L.

 

[vigilantwarrior]

Hey L, I'm new here, but I love your consistency!

I noticed you mention what you've been eating pretty often. I actually want to start eating really healthy this week. I know I won't do that every single day or every week because I'm not the best with my diet but if we both try to improve that, it might help for now at least. Worth a try! 

Keep up your awareness while browsing and what-not, and keep up the posts, you're a great writer!

-siphus

 

[LeirTheFox]

Hey L, I'm new here, but I love your consistency!

I noticed you mention what you've been eating pretty often. I actually want to start eating really healthy this week. I know I won't do that every single day or every week because I'm not the best with my diet but if we both try to improve that, it might help for now at least. Worth a try! 

Keep up your awareness while browsing and what-not, and keep up the posts, you're a great writer!

-siphus

Hey Siphus, welcome to the forum

As you can see, I try to put as many details as possible regarding No-PMO issues. Our bodies get entirely affected, and I'm not new to see that I tend to eat a lot more sugary/unhealthy foods when going through tough withdrawal periods. By mentioning them everytime, and when I take my time to read back, I remind myself of the habits I gotta change.

And, finally, the more details and openness you throw into your journal, the more commited you stay to it. That puts Journalling in a new habit while we abstain from nastier behaviours.

Today, as I'll post more onwards, was a great victory because I managed to have healthier meals in comparison to before.
I'll try to keep like that from now on. I don't know what's your take on diet, but I find it really hard to maintain it if I'm not training ? which is the case now and I'm trying hard to change this circumstance. Feel free to share your thoughts!

Thanks so much for the encouragement and the cumpliments on my writing. Let's keep in touch

Cheers,
L.

 

[LeirTheFox]

[Day 20: Monday, March 28, 2016]

Since I was obligated, I woke up really early today.
While drowzy, considered the idea of eating outside home. Then I thought about those bad foods and felt managed to eat a sandwich and have a yogurt.

[Warning:Textual Triggers]
Troubles started when getting to class: it's summer here, so the girls are wearing more exposable clothes. One of my colleagues wore a really loose dress, and she had big boobs :-[ her dress strap kept falling through her shoulders, to the point that almost exposed her bare chest ? she was wearing nipple stickers, so she was totally braless. And I almost got totally brainless in that class. It was really hard not to look at her.

After she went away, I took a walk to cool my mind down. A friend of mine, which was responsible of writing the same articles as me, hanged around and we shared some opinions about parties, mindless chase of women and our chores. After that, went back to my class so I could do some tasks I was assigned to.

[Warning:Textual Triggers#2]
Around midday me and my buddy had to participate on this party dissemination at the campus. We met some old colleagues that worked with us in the previous editions. As more people came, the two of us got our attention on this smoking hottie girl that would be working with us. In a similar context to some hours back then, she had massive boobs and was wearing this really tight top. The sweat over her skin made me feel out of control again. This sudden rush of desire made me feel electric for half an hour, which, in all reboots, is the first time I get these reactions. Not sure about how there's some sort of fantasy playing there or if's just plain desire.

After a healthy meal on the campus' restaurant, went to my trainee job. Started doing my chores and then received an advice from my buddy: the guys who corrected my english proficiency tests (the one I did back in 16th march) made some mistakes and I had actually a higher grade. So, in the end, I was classified for the category I applied for! ;D
I had to go to their department to change my register, but I did it gladly ? the results made me feel really good for the rest of the day.

After my trainee shift was over, I met a colleague and we went together for the campus' restaurant. Again, more healthy food <3 and also a nice conversation along the way. Then we attended to this boring meeting for another party. I might seem contradictory, as I am working for two different parties right now, but they happen on a timespan of two months, and I am going into them for real different reasons.

On the way home, bought some healthier stuff to eat, but couldn't deny myself a small chocolate bar. When considering my overall meals during the day, that's still a progress.

Back home, I procrastinated a bit but then reminded myself of the comic strips I had to finish. I outlined the sketch with a black pen, a work that took me about two hours but in the end I felt really happy for doing that.

On No-PMO subject: I am feeling STRONGLY more attracted to real women than to artificial stimuli. To the point that, when I decided to tell my friend about the boner experiences I had today, I sent him the profile of both girls ? and their pictures were nowhere as appealing as the girls themselves.

Progress, maybe? Maybe.

I'm feeling a bit tired early today, so I'm going to hit the bed now.

Cheers,
L.

 

[LeirTheFox]

[Day 21: Tuesday, March 29, 2016]

Haven't managed to wake up early today. Kept fighting with my alarm clock, putting on snooze mode. :-\
Ended up waking up at midday. Still had time for a cold shower and plenty of time to eat, so I went to this restaurant that made nice healthy meals. I ate a lot in there, and for a very special reason: today I reach the three weeks mark!

After that, went to my trainee job and did nothing uncommon, as usual. Had to set some interviews for the experimental journal I'm doing. Man, the e-mail exchanging and the colleagues' pressure made me mad. When I finished everything, went to meet this friend that asked for my camera. He was talking a lot, and that pissed me even more. Not to mention that I just reminded I couldn't apply myself for the logic exercises, ending up quite mad.

I realized that, for the first time, I had a mood swing. When bothered, the bad feelings didn't stood for long. That energy, however, carried me for the rest of the afternoon.

Gladly, it ended up on the very same Logic class I had tonight. Talked with this cute chick that reminded me of Mia from Californication (I think I mentioned her before). She was quite receptive and sympatethic. I got her smiling at me one or two times. Things got even better when my teacher presented his assistant, a stunningly beautiful girl with tanned skin and slight asian traces. Said she'd be available for answering questions outside class when the teacher wasn't avaliable. Guess who's going to ask for some extra lessons? :

Seriously, though. The questions I'm dealing with are confusing as fuck.

When the class was over, I went home. Talked with my colleague so we could organize the script for the interviews we'll be conducting tomorrow. It took us some hours of ressearching, debating and organizing, but I think we might be ready.

For some congratulating on the 21 days, I went out and bought some snacks. Considering I had a healthy intake of foods for the entire day, such low sugar consumption AND the dopamine withdrawals, I can easily understand these acts.
My plan is to visit a nutritionist so I can set a diet that's right for me.

On No-PMO subject: It's getting harder again. Stumbled on some P-related content (ads) and then got myself googling for leakage and nude girls' photos. Took some time to brush off. When I finally did, seriously thought on blocking my internet access. Won't do it because I'll have no control on the next computers, and it might reinforce the tempation. Gotta find other tools to deal it.

So far, I'm glad I got this far. Now's to the first month!

Cheers,
L.

 

[vigilantwarrior]

On your comic strip subject, I'm glad you got the time to put towards something like that. Is that a hobby or a job on the side? My brother does amateur writing for comics and works with sketch artists and such so that sounds really cool if I'm understanding correctly.

On that latter sentence of the last post, I definitely encourage you to be extra on guard, homie. The googling sounds like dangerous waters. I know you got this. Get those healthy habits in.

I've been eating much better, at least for the past couple days. Not perfect but that's not the expectation I don't think =)

-siphus

 

[LeirTheFox]

On your comic strip subject, I'm glad you got the time to put towards something like that. Is that a hobby or a job on the side? My brother does amateur writing for comics and works with sketch artists and such so that sounds really cool if I'm understanding correctly.

On that latter sentence of the last post, I definitely encourage you to be extra on guard, homie. The googling sounds like dangerous waters. I know you got this. Get those healthy habits in.

I've been eating much better, at least for the past couple days. Not perfect but that's not the expectation I don't think =)

-siphus

Hey Siphus,

The comic strip is a side activity for my experimental newspaper class. My colleagues just loved them, which sounds like a good step for me to keep doing them in more profound ways.

What you mentioned was crucial: staying busy and away from the possibilities of accessing P-subs were extremely helpful to not keep falling on p-subs and, eventually, relapsing. It happened before like that. Avoiding it is the best stragegy to ensure that it won't happen again that way.
The healthy habits are slowly kicking in ? I'm spending less on unhealthy stuff and trying to eat more at home or at the campus' restaurant. Next step is, when I finally make some time, to add some sport. I've been really inclined to boulder climbing, but that's yet to be decided.

I know I've been postponing the entries on my journal for two days. I'm going to post them later. Things are really busy lately.

Cheers and thanks for the support,
L.

 

[LeirTheFox]

[Day 24 - Friday, April 01, 2016]

After two days of intense work, I was finally able to return here.
I'm getting a lot of work to do, and also having to wake up early, so it wasn't a surprise I had to neglect posting here in favour to my sleeping schedule. In fact, I might need to write about my days on the day after. I'm yet to see how's going to change.

Anyways, woke up early, had some coffee and a sandwich and went to my class.
In there, the subjects of study were quite similar to my Creative Writing lessons, so, felt like I had some advantage towards my colleagues. Had to leave my class to interview one of the guys who were to talk about Brazil's actual crisis. He had a lot of communist-related ideas (no problem with that though), but when putting it together with his mastery to the subjects in comparison to me, I struggled a lot to interview him. Felt powerless and extremely tired.

Had a healthy meal at the campus' university, this time alone. After that, met my friend and we bought some sweets after lunch. For someone who was going sugarless, it has to be acceptable, I think. Did nothing really productive at work today. After that, had some coffee, paid bills and then went to study Logic subjects. Felt really tired early, there's still a lot to study, so yeah, pressure's on the rise.

Went back home and changed clothes to wear this promotional tee-shirt and talk about the party we're attending to. Met this friend of mine, and after this promotioning act, the real question starts:

[topic: emotional questioning]
We went to this happy hour inside the university that was going on for some time, because my friend had to meet this girl he's dating. I hadn't went into one of them for some time, thinking it was because my uninterest on getting women again. When we met her, she was with a friend ? and a beautiful one, in fact. So I was talking with her friend, and slightly interested. My point was initially to "wing" my friend, but slowly I started to have "better" ideas than going home. Then, this guy appeared and she seemed remarkably close to him. My interest dropped. And after some time that I saw they were a couple, my interest crushed down.

Some time after that, I got caught in the fact I was interested in a girl again. Was I, really? Then I just remembered this girl I'm dating and the lack of interest on meeting her. I suspect the novelty factor, along with the No-PMO excitement, had a play on this. I felt a similar anxiety when I went to the first date with the last one, but just after we kissed, for some days, I started to have a drop on my patience to have anything but sex.

That's not a definite conclusion, though. I just felt a bit controversal because I wasn't interested on real dates with emotional connection since my last relationship with that girl that went to the interexchange program. Even although I'm as happy alone as when I was with her lately, my fear is to be stuck on the possibility to that scenario where she returns and we get back together. A scenario that, not only may lead me to unhappiness, but might be myself masking the laziness to go after someone else.

Then, finally, I'm not really obliged to approach women and I won't be exactly a loser if I was, ipso facto, stuck on that scenario.
All that's happening may be really natural, and I'm the one unfitting the reality with oughts and shoulds.

There's not many persons I can get good advice for that. Most of them are younger or, somewhat, less wiser than me on that subject. :/

On No-PMO: Flatlining. Today it was the first real day of low libido and cringes for P-Subs. Even women, albeit beautiful in real life, weren't making me as mad as some days ago.

That's defintely a good sign of stabilization. I just hope it transfers itself to the emotional.

Cheers,
L.

 

[vigilantwarrior]

The comic strip is a side activity for my experimental newspaper class. My colleagues just loved them, which sounds like a good step for me to keep doing them in more profound ways.

Sick, I want to find something like that for myself, that sounds pretty dang cool.

The healthy habits are slowly kicking in ? I'm spending less on unhealthy stuff and trying to eat more at home or at the campus' restaurant. Next step is, when I finally make some time, to add some sport. I've been really inclined to boulder climbing, but that's yet to be decided.

That's a great workout, mentally and physically. That would be cool


I'm glad you get to talk out (or write out, I suppose) those thoughts and ideas and possibilities instead of just letting them spin around in your head. Seems healthy. But it sounds like a lot's going on, I'm glad you made it back here 

-siphus

 

[LeirTheFox]

Thanks for the kind words, Siphus. Putting the words here have really helped me on walking them no-PMO shoes.
I'll get you informed when I return to boulder climbing. Let's see what happens.

[Day 25 - Saturday, April 02, 2016]

In a nutshell, woke up pretty late and didn't do much.
Instead of ressearching and studying for this really hard news article I had to write, I slacked off big time.
While I did played my Lumosity game session, spent the entire afternoon watching youtube videos and drinking decaf.

When it was about evening, the waitress girl called me for this happy hour near the university. At first, I thought on going there and get full disclosure on her, stating that she was pressing me much and I wasn't avaliable for what she wanted. Turns out she was pretty chilled when we got there, and it kinda puzzled me.

[Warning: textual triggers]
We started to make out in there, and things got pretty wild. We went to a more private place so we could touch ourselves more freely. I touched her entire body, keep grabbing her boobs and putting my hand between her legs. At first she was resisting it because of the people around us, but once we got to a more silent place... well, she started rubbing my dick over my clothes. No need to say I felt extremely excited, to the point I felt some pre-seminal liquid being expelled. It happens when you're too horny and not fucking, I believe.

Anyway, what puzzled me even more is that some acquantainces of us met us together, and that made me realize the symbolic meaning of walking hand on hand. She went to meet a friend in common, and I went home. Asked for some delivery food and, after that, decided to tell her I wasn't feeling secure for anything serious.

On No-PMO: not much problems. Steam has suggested me some games involving visual novel and nudity, but I passed them. I'm not interested on fanservicing and jerking off to virtual boobs.

Cheers,
L.