Hello all,
I found this sight through YBOP.com and couldn't believe that what I was going through was truly an addiction.I have struggled with porn viewing since I was 10 or 11 ( now in my mid 40's).I have tried "rebooting" quite a few times on my own,but have not gotten past 13 days.I find myself very vulnerable,depressed and in a world of my own when I MO.I have made every excuse in the book to my wife why we are not intimate.I chalked alot of it at first too "mommy issue",which I am sure is somewhat a catalyst to the start of all this,but it's time to be a big boy and realize there is a more important issue which is my MO'ing.I feel sorry for her,because she is such a great woman and mother,and she does not deserve this.I am not a severe as some,but my tastes in what porn I watch, and my thinking has gotten me very scared.I am new to all of this and for the life of me can't understand why traditional "straight porn" is becoming "ho-hum".I have always considered myself very attracted to women,but as of the last year or so my mind has gotten me to view men as somewhat appealing now.I would look at a woman naked on screen and it is just not that exciting anymore.They almost look like a blank slate.
I hope I can gain some insight to what is going on with me,because it has been so distressful and lonely.I almost feel like I am so sort of "closeted" man living a double life.I know that when I did get up to 13 days I felt more confident and didn't let anyone take advantage of me personally and professionally.As a so called reward,I fell back into this world of porn.What I found out is that therapists are good,but it is ultimately a personal uphill battle that I need to fight myself and get better.I am greatly encouraged to see that there is a support group to this.That other peoples stories mirror mine and that I am not this deviant.I have had some traumatic episodes in my life in the last couple of months that have made my problems with porn escalate.Whatever anyone could offer me,with regards to advice would be appreciate.
I found this sight through YBOP.com and couldn't believe that what I was going through was truly an addiction.I have struggled with porn viewing since I was 10 or 11 ( now in my mid 40's).I have tried "rebooting" quite a few times on my own,but have not gotten past 13 days.I find myself very vulnerable,depressed and in a world of my own when I MO.I have made every excuse in the book to my wife why we are not intimate.I chalked alot of it at first too "mommy issue",which I am sure is somewhat a catalyst to the start of all this,but it's time to be a big boy and realize there is a more important issue which is my MO'ing.I feel sorry for her,because she is such a great woman and mother,and she does not deserve this.I am not a severe as some,but my tastes in what porn I watch, and my thinking has gotten me very scared.I am new to all of this and for the life of me can't understand why traditional "straight porn" is becoming "ho-hum".I have always considered myself very attracted to women,but as of the last year or so my mind has gotten me to view men as somewhat appealing now.I would look at a woman naked on screen and it is just not that exciting anymore.They almost look like a blank slate.
I hope I can gain some insight to what is going on with me,because it has been so distressful and lonely.I almost feel like I am so sort of "closeted" man living a double life.I know that when I did get up to 13 days I felt more confident and didn't let anyone take advantage of me personally and professionally.As a so called reward,I fell back into this world of porn.What I found out is that therapists are good,but it is ultimately a personal uphill battle that I need to fight myself and get better.I am greatly encouraged to see that there is a support group to this.That other peoples stories mirror mine and that I am not this deviant.I have had some traumatic episodes in my life in the last couple of months that have made my problems with porn escalate.Whatever anyone could offer me,with regards to advice would be appreciate.