I know I'm awesome, and I need time, help and action to become actualised
- Thread starter fyg
- Start date
B
Branch
Guest
Check this out on YouTube. See what you think.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcrGlUHlu4M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcrGlUHlu4M
fyg
Well-Known Member
I haven't watched that video fully yet, Branch. It's possible that I'm resisting doing deeper learning on this stuff, even though, I know quite a lot of snippets of the science.
Looked at soft P pics yesday. Not cool, but it happened.
Today, I opened up laptop to look up a word from a book I'm reading, and just the large font of "@twitter" on a google search made me think of the way I have used twitter recently to look at an old favourite P star through there. A 'safe' (obviously know that's bullshit) way to look at her, which has led to image searches etc...
Struggling to find some momentum at the moment, but also that I'm not in the right headspace to be doing this with all the concentration and conviction that's needed. Had some drinks with friends last night, which, in hindsight, was needed. I've had such a timid mindset lately, that a few beers (an not too many) brought me out of my shell. Not a long term solution to my current existential considerations (basically, what I'm doing with my life, and what I'm gonna become), but a needed boost. Bit triggered today from very mild hangover but okay.
I've been reading a few bro's posts lately, and though I haven't commented, peoples progress is genuinely making me happy (and admittedly, a tiny bitjealous covetous). Guys on here are kicking ass! And that's great!! 
Peace x
Looked at soft P pics yesday. Not cool, but it happened.
Today, I opened up laptop to look up a word from a book I'm reading, and just the large font of "@twitter" on a google search made me think of the way I have used twitter recently to look at an old favourite P star through there. A 'safe' (obviously know that's bullshit) way to look at her, which has led to image searches etc...
Struggling to find some momentum at the moment, but also that I'm not in the right headspace to be doing this with all the concentration and conviction that's needed. Had some drinks with friends last night, which, in hindsight, was needed. I've had such a timid mindset lately, that a few beers (an not too many) brought me out of my shell. Not a long term solution to my current existential considerations (basically, what I'm doing with my life, and what I'm gonna become), but a needed boost. Bit triggered today from very mild hangover but okay.
I've been reading a few bro's posts lately, and though I haven't commented, peoples progress is genuinely making me happy (and admittedly, a tiny bit
Peace x
FTL
Member
Hay Fyg,
Do you know how a tree grows?
First a seed falls to the ground
It germinates
Splits open
Grows a tiny root
A few small leaves
It slowly builds on that
A few more roots
A few more twigs and leaves
Slowly, calmly
No hurry
Sometimes it seems to stand still
But the roots are growing
Burieng for water
Sometimes the leaves drop
And you think its dead
But the roots are growing,
Storing food for next spring
Then next spring it goes in high speed modus
In a few months it jumps up from the ground
Doubles in size
Leaves all around!
Ill give you a virtual coockie if you get the allegory
Stay Strong
FTL
Do you know how a tree grows?
First a seed falls to the ground
It germinates
Splits open
Grows a tiny root
A few small leaves
It slowly builds on that
A few more roots
A few more twigs and leaves
Slowly, calmly
No hurry
Sometimes it seems to stand still
But the roots are growing
Burieng for water
Sometimes the leaves drop
And you think its dead
But the roots are growing,
Storing food for next spring
Then next spring it goes in high speed modus
In a few months it jumps up from the ground
Doubles in size
Leaves all around!
Ill give you a virtual coockie if you get the allegory
Stay Strong
FTL
B
Branch
Guest
GoodLife said:
No problem. You summed it up perfectly. Pretty amazing stuff. Thanks for reposting!
fyg
Well-Known Member
FTL said:
Thanks very much, FTL. I like that.
On the allegory... I can see that it resembles people and their/our own non-linear journey to achieving things or letting go of things, however one sees it. That we're growing even when we don't see it ourselves doing so? But maybe that's too obvious. I really like it though, just the same.
B
Branch
Guest
FTL said:
fyg
Well-Known Member
The last few days I've been getting my studies for this year in-order, as there have been some decisions for me to make and some admin stuff going on. I still wanna get away. Have thoughts about how I've had relationships with people until now, and wonder how much will change in that dept, in the future. I want real friendships with people, but I have issues with trust and my own selfishness.
The areas of study, self-study, volunteering, work and wellbeing are on my mind of late. And "on my mind" is an accurate relay of where I'm at. I've realised that I spend a lot of time thinking things through, and like the video posted by William on here by Charles Bukowski that recommends we go "all the way", I realise that I fall just short of doing that. I invest time and energy, so I hope I manage to find a way that get's me to where I need to be in all walks of life. Somehow, I need to take one-step-at-a-time, and I don't know whether that means attacking each of the aforementioned areas, one-at-a-time or compartmentalising the projects and allotting times in the day, week or month, to them. This last year or two, the methods I've used have been unsuccessful in attaining a grounded and effective way of studying, self-studying, working and 'being-well', but I've had some successes in these areas in the past. It's being disciplined enough to 'be well' at the same time as studying and working and having friendships that I've fallen down.
I know all that could sound a bit absolutist, in that if everything (areas I mentioned etc.) isn't working well at the same time in synthesis, then I'm failing. But I can't help feeling that it is possible to achieve some level of mastery over our own lives, or at least make a bloody good attempt at it. I guess, we're talking discipline, happiness, and humility. Ultimately, a level of happiness that is good enough.
Anyway, I'm starting to get rhetorical and my desire is to stay in the now as much a possible.
Peace RN.
The areas of study, self-study, volunteering, work and wellbeing are on my mind of late. And "on my mind" is an accurate relay of where I'm at. I've realised that I spend a lot of time thinking things through, and like the video posted by William on here by Charles Bukowski that recommends we go "all the way", I realise that I fall just short of doing that. I invest time and energy, so I hope I manage to find a way that get's me to where I need to be in all walks of life. Somehow, I need to take one-step-at-a-time, and I don't know whether that means attacking each of the aforementioned areas, one-at-a-time or compartmentalising the projects and allotting times in the day, week or month, to them. This last year or two, the methods I've used have been unsuccessful in attaining a grounded and effective way of studying, self-studying, working and 'being-well', but I've had some successes in these areas in the past. It's being disciplined enough to 'be well' at the same time as studying and working and having friendships that I've fallen down.
I know all that could sound a bit absolutist, in that if everything (areas I mentioned etc.) isn't working well at the same time in synthesis, then I'm failing. But I can't help feeling that it is possible to achieve some level of mastery over our own lives, or at least make a bloody good attempt at it. I guess, we're talking discipline, happiness, and humility. Ultimately, a level of happiness that is good enough.
Anyway, I'm starting to get rhetorical and my desire is to stay in the now as much a possible.
Peace RN.
B
Branch
Guest
fyg said:
Well said, fyg, and very thoughtful. You sure sound like you're gaining clarity and perspective. Bravo!
I like what you say about everything in synthesis and about mastery. Everything in synthesis may be an unattainable goal, as I think you imply, but there's room in our lives for mastery as well. Not complete mastery, but those hard-won shining moments that make the journey worthwhile and life a blessing.
Congrats on 6 days!
Peace and love,
Branch
fyg
Well-Known Member
Reset. 2 PMO. A bit embarrassing after getting bravo's from RN Bros. But! Nonetheless, this isn't working for me at the moment. Just watched filmic P for the first time in 4 months (which was my record) - that's possibly as I looked at some GIF's the other day... very possibly a bridge between stills and video. I still need a break, so maybe I'm gonna look to have one and get away for a while. But, I'm not happy with my stop start (that has gone on for at least 6 weeks now, hell, I don't wanna look at the dates).
I had cravings to look at my old fave P star today, as I looked briefly at her the other day, and took a proper look today. Not for that long, but I don't think it really matters. Long enough, at a handful of vids and x 2.
I have the chance to meet a girl who I've had some spark with in the past, tomorrow, and I always wonder if I self-sabotage by doing this shit before hand. Anyway, I have to accept where I'm at.
Peace RN, and sorry to be not showing the way and setting a good example. But, to stay positive at the end of this message, keep going, everybody on here.
I had cravings to look at my old fave P star today, as I looked briefly at her the other day, and took a proper look today. Not for that long, but I don't think it really matters. Long enough, at a handful of vids and x 2.
I have the chance to meet a girl who I've had some spark with in the past, tomorrow, and I always wonder if I self-sabotage by doing this shit before hand. Anyway, I have to accept where I'm at.
Peace RN, and sorry to be not showing the way and setting a good example. But, to stay positive at the end of this message, keep going, everybody on here.
Gabriel1960
Active Member
It's all about perseverance.
In the area of perseverance, you're doing great!
What little things can you credit yourself as accomplishing along the way?
In the area of perseverance, you're doing great!
What little things can you credit yourself as accomplishing along the way?
fyg
Well-Known Member
I like the enthusiasm, BlueSun. I've messaged you.
This afternoon I had a horrible f***ing headache and sickness. And the weirdest, what seemed like a pixelated floater, in my vision for somw time, that brought on the headache. Literally lay in bed in a dark room for a few hours until it abated. I can't help thinking it was related to the P I've checked out over the last few days.
I looked at P yesterday, and whilst the day before there was some soft stuff that I looked at, that I can't deny, I liked, yesterday, it had no effect, or hardly any, along with some harder stuff. 1 PMO. I'm sure if I escalated, i'd have got a big dopamine hit, but I had no desire to do it. It was a weird feeling to have filmic P on my laptop after so many months without it, it felt surreal and... shit.
I'm not gonna kid myself that I won't have a desire to look at again, I only know that right now I feel washed out (very possbly from looking at P, but not long sessions), tired, headachy, sick, low confidence etc... this could also be down to bad diet and stresses lately too - but! my gut is that it's mostly P. I hope I have some more clarity over the next few days about where I wanna go with this thing.
Peace, all.
This afternoon I had a horrible f***ing headache and sickness. And the weirdest, what seemed like a pixelated floater, in my vision for somw time, that brought on the headache. Literally lay in bed in a dark room for a few hours until it abated. I can't help thinking it was related to the P I've checked out over the last few days.
I looked at P yesterday, and whilst the day before there was some soft stuff that I looked at, that I can't deny, I liked, yesterday, it had no effect, or hardly any, along with some harder stuff. 1 PMO. I'm sure if I escalated, i'd have got a big dopamine hit, but I had no desire to do it. It was a weird feeling to have filmic P on my laptop after so many months without it, it felt surreal and... shit.
I'm not gonna kid myself that I won't have a desire to look at again, I only know that right now I feel washed out (very possbly from looking at P, but not long sessions), tired, headachy, sick, low confidence etc... this could also be down to bad diet and stresses lately too - but! my gut is that it's mostly P. I hope I have some more clarity over the next few days about where I wanna go with this thing.
Peace, all.
Philgood63
Active Member
Hey fyg,
I know that's pretty late answer, to say the least, but I've just decided to get back to RN after a more than 3 monthes break, and I've read your nice and motivating words in my thread, just after I decided to give up... well I just want to adress you a VERY warm "thank you" for that because it really kicks my ass and that what I need right now ! I do not regret that break I did in my reboot because I really needed it, but I feel now it's time to give it a new try, and your help is great bro ! Of course I can't say I will be better at it now, truth is that I don't have any clue for that, but anyway... what is important is to try and you reminded me my own words I had forgotten, and that was great. I wish you the best in your quest. Peace.
I know that's pretty late answer, to say the least, but I've just decided to get back to RN after a more than 3 monthes break, and I've read your nice and motivating words in my thread, just after I decided to give up... well I just want to adress you a VERY warm "thank you" for that because it really kicks my ass and that what I need right now ! I do not regret that break I did in my reboot because I really needed it, but I feel now it's time to give it a new try, and your help is great bro ! Of course I can't say I will be better at it now, truth is that I don't have any clue for that, but anyway... what is important is to try and you reminded me my own words I had forgotten, and that was great. I wish you the best in your quest. Peace.
fyg
Well-Known Member
Hey Philgood,
Mate, you're totally welcome!! and I'm glad you came back to do this and had a good rest. At the moment, I don't know how this is gonna work out for me either. Over the last (I think pretty much around the same timespan you mentioned of) three months, I've been stop-start with this process - so I'm waiting to see how I move forward with this... My next, or this, attempt has to be an honest one.
Thanks for the best wishes on the quest. Same to you man, same to you! Good luck, and welcome back
Mate, you're totally welcome!! and I'm glad you came back to do this and had a good rest. At the moment, I don't know how this is gonna work out for me either. Over the last (I think pretty much around the same timespan you mentioned of) three months, I've been stop-start with this process - so I'm waiting to see how I move forward with this... My next, or this, attempt has to be an honest one.
Thanks for the best wishes on the quest. Same to you man, same to you! Good luck, and welcome back