Time to change! [weekly journal]

L

longway

Member
Day 24

I start to learn to write blind, using 10tip. I started to make music again.
The unwanted sexual thoughts begin to annoy/boring me. The thoughts were rly over the top, cheered on by the many crap on the internet. The avoidance technique start to take effect! I guess my first big step will be the completion of 30 days! I hope one day i will write; day 356.

@123bob, thank you ^^
 
L

longway

Member
Day 25

My thoughts about sex have become somewhat more explicit! not easy sometimes...

But i feel i'm on a good way. I still think i'm in a late puberty, but controlling myself better.
I also start to dream about Women in a normal way, almost without the dirty stuff. It got still  a little bit mixed up.
I feel almost how this addict goes away and sometimes i recognize how my thoughts try to trick me.
I should not forget, this is a rollercoaster, next looping is coming!
 
L

longway

Member
Day 26

Almost a month, this will be a new record for me!
Still on a Rollercoast! Sometimes the pressure is getting harder, i try my best to remember myself, not let my mind trick me.
I must build up my Selfcontrol, with a strong body comes a strong mind! it is time to make sport! Even if i would start by little steps, i have to push myself! At least, every morning sit ups.

 
L

longway

Member
Sorry, i had a fall back.

I was under the shower. It happen in seconds. Pressure was to heavy! The images in my head were to strong, but not as usually. It was not some dirty porn or something that i know from the internet. It was more like... normal.

Well, at least i got rid of the need of porn from the internet.
I have to be clear to myself, thinking about it why this happen. It was only a matter of time until this happend.  It would be unbelievable if i could manage this with no problems!

The pressure was to heavy but at least i do not any longer need internet porn, images or videos!

As silly as is sounds like, but what do we learn when we fall,... we stand up and try it again! I'm still in the mood to fulfill my goals! I will overcome this!

Sorry for the bad news, idk what to say. I don't want to start to complain over myself. I will start again from day 1 ...
 
L

longway

Member
Today i start to change this thread to a weekly journal! At least one post every week, maybe two or more.
On top of that i have a list were i check every day. (it's my calender)

i hope that way i can write more here once a week.

@ oncelostnowfound, thanks! I see it like you! Therefore no reason for me to give up!
 
L

longway

Member
Here we go, first week over!

So far so good!
I have a feeling that i'm in a weekly impuls, i'm almost on the edge right now and have to be calm down!
I manage to stay up early, 6 in the morning and later i will take a could shower! This will help over the day but idk what tomorrow will be...  should i take every day a could shower? At least for a few weeks, 2 month or so.

Since i started this i was not once on a porn site or something like that. Absolutely clean!

One thing i'm sure about it, these porn images/videos are poison for the mind! They replace something you should do on your own without any help! They trick the nature of the body, destroying the natural expiration of its hormones!

without these images/videos (Digital sexslave, yeah i made up this word ^^ ) you get a totally different pacing. Before i started this, i was almost every day in the temptation. Right now it is more like every week and even then the pressure is not as severe!
 
L

longway

Member
not going well!

It seems that every week, at the end, the pressure is to hard!
Still not doing sport but at least i wake up early!

It feels like i'm doing it wrong or my mind trick me! I need something that reminds me everyday the importance of this!
It is really not easy! I will not give up, that for sure! But so far it seems i can't still reach my goals!
Right now i stretch my pressure to a week. I remember a time where i was almost everyday on the edge! On top of that, i do not any longer need images or videos from the internet! So i guess some goals i accomplished!
 
D

Dave

Member
Keep up buddy!
Maybe you can write down your own (personal) motives to stop porn and all the wrong that it did to you and look at it anytime you have a bad moment. And also, don't blame yourself but just be supportive with yourself when you struggle.

Cheers!
 
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