let's feel again

I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
Hello out there,
(and sorry for my english...)
today I watched some videos from your brain on porn and this cool piano playing guy from this website (i love you, man! it's so good to know that you're not alone) and since i have actually had neuroscience as a major in my biology studies, i had some HEUREKA moments while watching this. Finally, I know whats going on with me.
Wow!
So I'm gonna start to reboot TODAY. I have fapped to some stupid "teen" porn for the LAST TIME two hours ago  :'( Sad? NO! I hate porn, I hate, how it has actually turned me into a completely asexual person. Not able to have sex with real women anymore. Perceiving them as objects. Shit, that's not me!
When did this happen?
After 8 years of a relationship with ups and downs (but I'll tell you that: we fucked every time we saw each other until the end, plus we were the best buddys, discussion partners, travel mates etc) she quit me, and I was destroyed for quite some time (years!). I couldn't fall in love, didn't feel aroused by women, my whole fucking life was in question. So when she quit, my porn use got more and whats more important, it became the only way I was living my sexuality. Of course I had used porn already during our relationship, but I also had just genuine, beautiful sex with a woman I loved. Not anymore. When I first started having one night stands again, and then longer lasting affairs, I noticed that my erection was weaker than before, I couldn't reach orgasms, sometimes mr. i'm-not-to-blame wouldn't respond at all. So I blamed him! Actually no, I put the blame on alcohol first. I thought: I get desensitized by alcohol easily, so I can't fuck when I'm drunk. I told that to the girls and I believed it myself. It got worse, so I actually went to a doctor after having consistently failed in an affair with an ultra-hot, sweet blonde. I told him that I have obviously got anxiety problems since I can jack it easily, but when it comes to real women, I can't get the guy up. So he said, no prob, mate, here you go and I got the drugs. But after some successful tryouts, I even had instances, where nothing happened EVEN WITH THE STUFF. I didn't have morning wood for quite some time. I can't fap without porn, I can't fuck. Again: I CAN'T FUCK. Unbelievable.
Things have changed a bit lately, because I do have rock-hard morning wood at the moment. Lots of dopamine - I fell in love (unfortunately with a good friend, so I'm deeeeeep in the friendzone but that's not the topic here). She's the most lovable woman I've met in a long time, but I'm actually afraid to start anything sexual with her because I'm a sick freak, who has no idea what sex is actually about. Crazy stuff. But I started to notice some things about what's important in women: her smile, her lovely, warm attitude, her intelligence, her interest in me. Yes she's cute, too. But that's really not the point. There's millions of cute girls but they don't inspire me. They only inspire my porn-brain - it has to stop.

Love to you all, guys, I hope it won't be too difficult.

 
I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
BTW: I'm 35. And I have a serious concern: I fantasize a lot at the moment, and I'm afraid that this will sabotage my efforts, because it keeps my dopamin levels high. Has anyone had a similar experience?
 
A

aiminghigher

Member
Hey man,

Nice to see you want change. Nothing like not being able to have sex anymore to get you motivated  :)

There are no absolute truths here. But lucky for me you didn't ask for one truth, you asked for similar experiences.
So here's mine: fantasizing did sabotage my efforts to quit.
When you've been watching porn as much as most of us here, it's simply very hard to accept that you cannot sexually stimulate yourself anymore. So your mind is very quick to suggest: ok, no more porn, but what could be wrong with what I make up myself?
I personally believe that fantasizing is way better than porn, but experience tells me that in the reboot stage, it will merely make it that much harder. Because you want to retrain your brain to get fired up with real women and real touch. Fantasizing on the other hand is too similar to watching porn. For your brain, there's not that much difference. It may take more effort on your part to get a clear image in your head of something arousing than it takes to watch and click, but to your brain the resulting scene is the same. You're still training your brain to respond sexually to something you are not actually taking part in in reality.

Good luck!
 
I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
Hey thanks for your opinion, plus I think that you are probably right. But try not to fantasize when you are heavily in love. Kind of difficult. Damn, I have to watch Game of Thrones now - hope there's no nudity  ;D ;D ;D
 
I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
Just a quick update. Just 5-6 days in and I am feeling quite good!
My penis is very small and lifeless, it feels like it's retreating inside me, plus I have slight blue balls. I've had this before so I don't know if this is the oh so feared flatline yet. I get aroused by women - was at a party the other day and made out with a hottie, my penis got at least semi ready, but my friend threw me out of his bedroom so we couldn't go further. I got an erection from the kissing, but I have never experienced the contrary so I don't know if that's progress. Haven't got strong urges, except for the first night (!) and when I read an article about Hugh Hefner and what goes on in his mansion. Which sounds, by the way, terrible but it aroused the hell out of me. Still I easily refused to look at P.
Feels like a cakewalk so far, but let's not get overexcited.
 
I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
Zero urges today. My D feels better, meaning I don't constantly feel it, he's kinda normal again. Two days ago I had a bad craving, I was sweating, constantly thinking with my D, it felt terrible. Did some pushups and meditation which didn't really do the trick, so I watched some football world cup and after almost two hours the cravings eventually died down. Very good! It helps to just think: It ain't gonna happen. P will be no part of my life.
Staying strong! Over 8 days now, I guess it's kind of a record.
 
S

SuchAFool

Member
wow, so this is pretty much exactly my story as well ( my story is right by yours on the main page) .  I can tell you that I am getting better, but am having ups and downs like a mofo.  one day I can fuck 5 times, one day I can't at all.  EVERY single time I relapse though, I eventually fall into the "can't fuck" zone, so whatever you do, DO NOT go back to porn, not even a peek.
 
gotet

gotet

Member
We are ALL going to feel brahs! Man FUCK this porn shit! It?s crap brahs! We don?t need that shit brahs!
 
I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
Cheers guys!
@suchafool: Every fucking time, heh? Yeah, that's what I figured. Good to hear you are getting better (I generally love to read the success stories for motivation) but we should all live with ups and downs - chicks have their headaches, too.

And a little update: Yesterday I fell into the trap of wanting to try. Actually first I accidentally saw some R-rated images, clicked through some of them, sweating, urges, was completely turned on - but I managed to close it after a minute so I won't reset my counter. Actually felt pretty strong that I could just say no.
Then I tried fapping just thinking of a girl I've talked to in the cafeteria (she's got the longest legs you can imagine). I got to 80 % pretty quickly, but I challenged myself to just think about her face, about kissing her, blahblah, eventually my dirty mind moved to her amazing legs and ass - bam: 100% erection. Tried to control myself: don't do this now, you're gonna fall behind. Ugh. I stopped, but ten minutes later started again, only imagining kissing, but I eventually stopped. No O. Was close though. But I'm gonna try hardmode as long as I can. Woke up this morning, serious wood, started to M again (same chick). But again I stopped before O. Holy shit, that was close.
10 days!
 
I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
Shit! I kind of relapsed. Technicalliy, I didn't look at P, but I will still count this as a relapse. Gotta be harder on myself. Man, I really thought I was kind of progressing, had serious mornning wood for the last days, but every morning I felt kinda tempted so I started to M but without going to O the last two/three mornings. Was super horny these last days, flirting a lot, feeling more healthy, but I had terrible blue balls (well because I did some M for quite a while but without O). Today I seriously considered to visit an escort, I even browsed some webpages and then I MOed to the fantasy of an escort blowing my D. Well if this is not P-fantasy then what is. So it's kind of a relapse, also because I said I want to do hard mode. Damn. How do you treat this HUGE horniness, man?
Well, so let's start from zero, and actually not really zero, I made some progress: I made a decision and still stand by it, I get serious morning wood, I can O from fantasy alone, which was unheard of during the last years.
I didn't M for 16 days, this is the longest period since I reached maturity. So this time it will be more - I'm trying to beat the 60 days!

If anyone has some advice how to  treat the horniness - it was driving me nuts. Nuts I say.
 
123bob

123bob

Member
I didn't realize that masturbation was a problem... ? Thought it was just porn... and not even porn but rather the excess abuse of porn.
 
I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
For a normal guy I think masturbation is not a problem and even watching (some) porn is not a problem. But I'm not a normal dude, I have PIED man. I have to reboot my fucking brain. So first of all, browsing escorts and then MOing is kinda like watching porn. And I want to try hard mode, that means not only no PMO but also MO and especially edging - which is what I was doing.
Whatever, I'm not doing this for the counter.
Feeling good today! Plenty of exercise and an ice cold shower! FUARK brahs!
 
I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
Long time no update: It is becoming easier and easier not to watch porn, sometimes I look at bikini images and stuff for a while, but I'm still abstaining from porn. Feeling good! I did MO ca. twice during this time, but only using fantasy - this was next to impossible before so I guess this is progress. Trying not to do it, but all these summer-chicks outside are making it, well, harder.... ;)
I'm writing less frequently, because I don't want to make this an obsession, but I will honestly track my progress.
We're gonna make it!
 
F

fugu

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Keep it going man! It sounds like you are on the right path and taking some good steps.
 
H

Hedges

Member
iwanttofeelagain said:
Shit! I kind of relapsed. Technicalliy, I didn't look at P, but I will still count this as a relapse. Gotta be harder on myself. Man, I really thought I was kind of progressing, had serious mornning wood for the last days, but every morning I felt kinda tempted so I started to M but without going to O the last two/three mornings. Was super horny these last days, flirting a lot, feeling more healthy, but I had terrible blue balls (well because I did some M for quite a while but without O). Today I seriously considered to visit an escort, I even browsed some webpages and then I MOed to the fantasy of an escort blowing my D. Well if this is not P-fantasy then what is. So it's kind of a relapse, also because I said I want to do hard mode. Damn. How do you treat this HUGE horniness, man?
Well, so let's start from zero, and actually not really zero, I made some progress: I made a decision and still stand by it, I get serious morning wood, I can O from fantasy alone, which was unheard of during the last years.
I didn't M for 16 days, this is the longest period since I reached maturity. So this time it will be more - I'm trying to beat the 60 days!

If anyone has some advice how to  treat the horniness - it was driving me nuts. Nuts I say.
Click to expand...

I feel you on this man!! I'm about the same level as you right now, extremely horny when i think about it When i dont think about it it doesnt bug me, when i see a girl i'd just think alittle suddenly my penis takes control! Next thing i am browing escorts and making plans to meetup.  I was suppose to go see one today but i stopped myself right away (even contemplated going massage parlour for nice body rub + hj) ! I realized as horny as i got, lack of sleep (over excited about to get blown by a escort).  I realized in my lack of sleep that i can't let this control me! It is not different than being hooked to porn by using escorts which is not real.  I feel powerless on this shit when it happens but because of this powerless i need to take control.  Can't do this everytime my dick wants to sneeze and abuse myself.  Getting off alcoholic addiction by substituting cocaine is no good for us man. 

As hard as it is i am still PMO free and its a fight!

Keep fighting the fight man,  i will be around!
 
I

iwanttofeelagain

Member
damn, I relapsed. i knew it would happen all day long, kept myself busy, fighting it, in the end I told myself, ah just once is ok, if you don't watch the hardcore stuff it's allright etc.
feeling terrible.  :-\
 
D

daws

Member
Hey,  great reading your posts because i'm the same with browsing escorts and using cam girls also, or escorting cam girls ...crazy!
The only kind of porn I use 99% of the time is cam girls or looking at the escorts. Definitely porn as you have stated which can lead to some pretty lurid out comes.  I have met with escorts and to be honest its not real sex and having the pressure to perform with someone you have no connection with just makes things even harder..or not so. You're just a customer and there is NO satisfaction in it. But, try tell my brain that after a month of no PMO. Its the ultimate fix and becomes quite a consuming train of thought. To stop me doing anything silly I have just M'd without P just to cool off and it works as a safety valve. A good piece of advice someone gave me was to go and use that money on something else. Do something with it :)

All  the best
 
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