Conquering Ego and Mastering Discipline (Journal)

[planet_earth_is_blue]

Hello! My name comes from Space Oddity by David Bowie?

I'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today
For here
Am I sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do

I use the same username on Reddit (NoFap). You can call me Blue if you'd like. I originally found this forum when I was searching for ways to track my progress (NoFap's badge system is currently down and has been for a couple months now). Anyways, I'm 20 years old and here's my story:

WHO ARE YOU

How long have I known how porn affects our brain? Roughly 4 years

What is the longest streak you've had? 120 days

What is your approach? A mix of discipline and forgiveness. This forum post on yourbrainrebalanced.com: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0 is a great resource if you're new to this.

That forum post made one thing clear to me: Abstinence is NOT recovery. I used to blame myself for never being able to sustain a porn-free life. Discipline can only get you so far... That forum post made it clear that I needed to start developing healthy habits if I ever want to make significant progress.

What are your core interests?

I enjoy almost every form of exercise but there are a few which I enjoy more than others, most notably: weightlifting, basketball, and hiking.

I am focused on transforming my body at the moment through weightlifting. I have made considerable progress since I first began in late February. Bodybuilding has been the greatest medium for releasing stress and empowering myself. It feels good to be truly passionate about something, and as a result, experience 'real success'; the gratification of having applied discipline and witnessing results.

I have also made a hobby of nature/wildlife photography. I make a point of spending time during the weekends taking photos at local nature preserves. I love to watch nature documentaries in my free time. In general, I feel a deep connection to my environment and animals.

I love self-improvement books. I?m always willing to learn how I can expand and grow as an individual (that willingness is what led to NoFap in the first place, after all).

Here?s what I?ve read that I think others might find interesting:

The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson

FINAL NOTES

For the next year (2016-2017), I will be making a constant effort to develop healthy habits and explore my interests wholeheartedly. I have high expectations for myself. I have an idea of how I want to live my life and I really want to make it a reality. If you choose to read on, please note that I will not refrain from sharing my experiences during this journey as honestly as possible. Some posts will be dark, some will be joyful; such is the nature of life.

I'm considering finding an "accountability partner", however, I'm worried that the individual may require more than I can offer in terms of support. If you're reading this and would simply like someone to check-in once in a while then I'm all for it. Let me know!

That's all for now. Please feel free to share your thoughts, I will do my best to respond to each reply.
____________

Edit (4/20/16): added name explanation, reading interests
Edit (5/13/16): reformatted some stuff

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

Added a simple tracker to my signature. I'm not sure if I should set a specific goal or not; I'm worried about being overly ambitious. I've had many streaks in the past, some only lasted 7 days, others lasted months at a time. This time, however, I'll just try to take it one day at a time.

On another note (on the topic of "abstinence is not recovery"), I'm going to make a point of reading every day. I've done a good job of resisting the urge to browse Reddit or YouTube mindlessly, but I should start to replace it with reading rather than just abstaining.

 

[PeaceOfMind062012]

Hey planet_earth_is_blue!

Can you describe the 'cold shower' method? What's it about? I've heard about it, but I don't know much about it. What is it supposed to be good for?

Nature is super awesome! Get out as much as you can

 

[rickster69]

Yo my man, been looking for a bud to help me through this and I like to think Im pretty easy going as well. Lol even though I got myself into this hole. Anyway I'm here to help if youre down !

 

[IAdmitItIHaveAProblem]

Hey! Welcome to the forum. Excellent life decision. I really appreciated your comment on Leir The Fox journal page, about video-game self-medicating.

I haven't gotten around to finding an accountability partner, even though it's been a while. Let me know!

Anyway, you're more than welcome to just pop in on my journal page -- even if only to say 'hello'! (Adversity is the diamond dust...)

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

DAY 11

Feeling depressed. I can't remember a day without acne. I've had nodular acne since I was 13. I'm getting tired of people looking at me with soft eyes. My suffering is obvious to everyone around me. I'm that ugly kid with fair skin and severe acne. I do my best to ignore it and focus on what I value most in life, but I can't help but wonder what it would be like to feel comfortable in my own skin for once.
I have moments when I'm on the verge of tears, repeating to myself that "it's not your fault." (like this scene from Good Will Hunting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtkST5-ZFHw) I do everything I can (in terms of hygiene), but genetics are too strong. My face is not representative of my habits. I'm extremely healthy, and I have been for most of my life.

I sat in the car today (in the gym parking lot) after working out and just cried for 30 minutes while listening to music. I'm sick of pretending I'm strong when I just wish someone would hold me and let me be vulnerable. I wish someone would smile at me for once. I wish someone would make an effort to befriend me for once. I'm always putting myself out there and approaching people, attempting to have a pleasant interaction for once. Not once has someone treated me normally. Same old soft eyes and dismissive conversations. Each time I end up regretting having exposed myself. If no one appreciates my company, why should I bother? I won't anymore. I'm sick of this. I'll just focus on myself. I keep telling myself that I don't need anyone. Am I lonely? I don't know. I feel pretty comfortable being alone. People don't understand me.

I keep telling myself that this is temporary, that one day I'll have clear skin. And on that day, everything will come together because my efforts in the gym will pay off and I'll have it all.

I started Zenatane (isotretinoin) 3 days ago. The medication is known to have a very high success rate amongst patients suffering from nodular acne. However, it has severe side effects, too many in fact for me to list here. Other than the physical toll that it has on the body, isotretinoin is also unofficially connected to depression. I'm not sure that my crying spell this morning was related. A lot of things came together to cause me to release like I did. I think my abstinence from PMO made me more capable of tapping into that intensity. I haven't numbed myself to the pressures of life in a long time. I guess I finally felt the wave; the ebb and flow of life.

The process of obtaining an isotretinoin prescription was long. When my dermatologist first recommended the medication, she asked me if I had a history of depression. I explained to her what I've been going through for the last 5 years (not acne related, my family has struggled to support my manic depressive sister [read: bipolar]). Life at home is hell. I frequently slept at friends' houses because of how unstable my sister was/is. Knives in my house are locked up because my sister has threatened all of us during manic episodes. On several occasions, I've woken up in the middle of the night to her yelling my name, having cut her wrist to the point of needing stitches. Yes, she has been hospitalized (mental hospital) many times. My mother is too loving, and my father has pretty much given up, so she lives at home, despite her madness. She's on medication, but it's hard to find the right combination that balances her brain chemistry. Anyways, needless to say, there's a lot of shit going on, and it's been going on for most of my childhood. My dermatologist kindly listened to my life story and explained that it would be best if I did not start treatment.

The very next day, I called my therapist that I bad not seen for 4 months and scheduled a couple appointments. At $150 a session, I was reluctant, but I wanted to establish a support system so that my dermatologist would feel more comfortable. I spent the next 3 months taking another ineffective antibiotic. After a couple sessions with my therapist, I signed a release so that she could confirm to my dermatologist that I was healthy and was making great progress in developing effective coping mechanisms (exercise, therapy, etc...). I had my blood tested, I signed some paperwork, and I left with a prescription for a harsh drug.

(I digress) There's hope. In 90 days, I'll likely have clear skin. But at what cost? The medication makes my bones ache, my skin and eyes severely dry, and my immune system weak.  No, not my joints. My bones. It's the strangest feeling. You know what, though? I don't give a fuck. Acne has affected me for far too long. As an outsider, you probably think that I have a choice whether or not I let it affect me. I agree with you, I firmly believe that happiness is a choice, but only to a certain extent.

After sitting in the car feeling sorry for myself, typing the majority of this on my phone, I finally drove home. I walked into the house, greeted my mother and had a casual conversation with my father about the upcoming Warriors game. I love my parents. I'm grateful for the life they provide for me here in Palo Alto. There is a lot of darkness in this house, but at least we have each other. Sometimes pretending to be strong actually helps you feel stronger. Humans are strange.

I'm sorry if I can't leave on an interesting note. I really just wanted to vent. I'm exhausted from the day's events. I feel like I've told my life story about struggles at home a million times. I'm getting sick of being defined by it. Whatever. I'll just continue to separate myself by focusing on developing healthy habits. I need to work on forgiving myself. I have to accept my imperfections and learn to love myself for all the wonder values that I DO have.

Anyways, I'm glad I added something honest to my page. I'm sure this is not the last of intense moments that I will experience throughout this journey, but I am ready to embrace each of them. Of course, there also be moments of incredible joy!

Despite the somber nature of this post, PMO will absolutely not tempt me today. Crying my eyes out was uplifting in the most genuine way. My mind is clear and I feel remarkably calm. I'm glad that I am not numb to these emotions anymore and that my progress recently has amounted to such personal growth.

I?ll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite artists of late: "The road to success is prone to collision." (Logic)

 

[IAdmitItIHaveAProblem]

Hey, hey hey! There's a saying, "Beauty is only skin deep"
If I see someone with flawless complexion, but the second they open their mouth and have STUPID things to say, they can go piss up a flag pole.

Now, I see this other guy here on these forums who, in my experience, has had only positive things to say to other people. <--- THAT makes you awesome right off the bat.
Does a lump of coal get upset because it isn't yet a diamond? But it is time and pressure that separate the diamond from the coal. I know you know that, but keep in mind that you are special, and you are valuable, and your personal value is not contingent on your looks. And I know you know that, I read that in your post. But I want you to know that, even now your efforts are paying off to some people because you're an inspiration of sorts. So keep it up, sport.   

Oh, and about all this, "I sat in the car today (in the gym parking lot) after working out and just cried for 30 minutes while listening to music. I'm sick of pretending I'm strong when I just wish someone would hold me and let me be vulnerable. I wish someone would smile at me for once. I wish someone would make an effort to befriend me for once. I'm always putting myself out there and approaching people, attempting to have a pleasant interaction for once. Not once has someone treated me normally. Same old soft eyes and dismissive conversations. Each time I end up regretting having exposed myself. If no one appreciates my company, why should I bother? I won't anymore. I'm sick of this. I'll just focus on myself. I keep telling myself that I don't need anyone. Am I lonely? I don't know. I feel pretty comfortable being alone. People don't understand me."

I'm gladly your friend, and I'll do my best to make you feel not so alone. PM me if you ever just wanna chit chat, because This ^^^ is not healthy, and I would hate to see you continue down this road. OKAY?!  8) 8)

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

I really appreciate the thoughtful response on my journal.

I was obviously deep in emotion at the time of writing that post, but among the impulsive thoughts is an honest reflection on my current situation. I won't be home for much longer; I start university in the Fall. I'm grateful for this transition period in my life when my character is challenged and I'm forced to develop healthy habits.

On the subject of feeling appreciated: I am loved by many. When I initially wrote that post, I wanted so badly for absolute strangers to accept me. This thought hints at my life-long struggle with perfection. I'm quite aware of it, and I'm doing my best to adapt a healthier, positive internal dialogue. Forgiveness is something I need to work on, and it starts with accepting myself.

Thanks again for showing an interest in my wellbeing. Please know that that the feeling is mutual

 

[achilles heel]

First of all: Thanks for helping me out today! I woke up early with some urges and immediately went to the forum to get my focus right. I read your comment at my journal and wanted to know about your story. Your introduction really impressed me and I read the whole link you shared. The urges were gone, I took a bath while listening to music and prepared breakfast to keep reading afterwards.

Now I'm surprised to read your mental breakdown at the second part. I don't have any idea on nodular acne and how it affects you, but you're doing right focusing on the positive aspects of your life, as there are a lot:

I'm sorry if I can't leave on an interesting note. I really just wanted to vent. I'm exhausted from the day's events. I feel like I've told my life story about struggles at home a million times. I'm getting sick of being defined by it. Whatever. I'll just continue to separate myself by focusing on developing healthy habits. I need to work on forgiving myself. I have to accept my imperfections and learn to love myself for all the wonder values that I DO have.

Anyways, I'm glad I added something honest to my page. Now other users can see an unfiltered version of me that my first post did not really reflect.

As I said, I was impressed by your introduction, because you're only 20 years old and yet know a lot about addiction and its therapy and you are on the right way to get rid of it. When I was 20 I didn't even know porn was an addiction or that it might harm my brain, although I was highly addicted. I wasted years with this shit and now that I'm heading towards 30 I finally understand it. It took me so long to understand the effects of nutrition and you already changed yours, adding a workout-routine that made "considerable progress".

You have an intact family you love, seem to have certain economic freedom (gym, car, entering university), a deep connection to nature and discovered a passion (photography) focusing around it. Seriously: Your life is full of opportunity and you have such a positive and strong attitude, that no temporary mental breakdown should and will bring you down. If so, don't hesitate in messaging me and I will do my best to help you to remain on the right path. You're doing great, keep it up!

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

I?m doing really well today. I slept for 8 hours and only woke up once in the night as opposed to the usual 3-4 disturbances. I figure I should share an example of my morning routine here since I talk about health so often. Here?s what I did this morning:

5:00 AM | Woke up. Shower, quick breakfast, prepared post-workout shake (ON ProGainer) and pre-workout (Pulse)
6:00 AM | Drive to the gym.
6:15 AM | Drink pre-workout. Shoot hoops for 20 min.
6:40 AM | Leg day.
8:15 AM | Drive home. Banana, granola bar.
8:35 AM | Shower w/ music. Feeling really good/happy.
9:00 AM | Weigh-in. Up in weight. Glad to be gaining again after being sick for a week.
9:10 AM | Cook big breakfast.
9:30 AM | Sit down to eat. Watch Netflix show.
10:00 AM | Take isotretinoin. Read for a bit. Sat outside in the backyard and watched a blue jay eat from the bird feeder.
11:00 AM | Checked e-mail/messages on RebootNation.
11:30 AM | Wrote journal entry.

I?m lucky to not have any obligations in the morning. I?ve really enjoyed the past two months of working out in the morning. It?s nice seeing the same people in the gym every morning and I absolutely love having the basketball court all to myself. I?m making great progress on my fitness goals and I?m getting pretty good at shooting as well. Needless to say, I am a morning person.

I?m going to be working from home today instead of going to the library in the afternoon like I usually do. I need to make more progress on my online class, and I have the house to myself so there shouldn?t be any distractions.

I haven?t had any lasting urges for P. I?m just too focused on achieving my vision for myself. A lot of good things are coming together for me and I feel stronger after each passing day. I am starting to value this forum much more, too. I appreciate the support from others.

I started playing video games here and there again, but I get bored very quickly. I?ve only spent 6 hours on Steam in the past two weeks. It?s a nice distraction every now and then.

Everything is coming together because I am making a conscious effort to become a better version of myself. Right now I am the healthiest I have ever been?mentally and physically. My acne might still be bad, but I'm persevering and still focusing on my vision. I don't have much else to say. Life is good.

Edit: typos
Edit2: removed my weight

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

DAY 26

I haven't felt like posting anything in my journal recently. I don't want to make a habit of posting about urges and other P related symptoms. I want to forget about P and just focus on improving myself every day.

I've been doing the same thing every day for the past month. I wake up at 5am, workout, study at the library, and go to sleep by 9pm. I have no complaints. I love my routine. All I'm saying is that my journal entries would get pretty dull if I just talked about the days events.

I like Siphus' section in his journal titled "Learning & Expanding" http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=8578.msg91235;topicseen#msg91235 where he reflects on something interesting he read/heard that day. I think what he's doing is a great habit to have, not just for recovery, but for keeping an active mind when we leave school and enter the workforce. I'd like to add something similar to my own journals.

I'll think of more ways to diversify these journal entries. Again, I want to forget about P. The main goal of this journey is to grow as an individual and fill the void that P leaves behind with healthy habits.

I'm working on making a spreadsheet that would allow me to track a few things like weight, sleep, and activity. I'm also going to have a section where I check-mark if I met my goals for the day like meditating, reading, and playing the piano.

Stay healthy

 

[IAdmitItIHaveAProblem]

I reckon you've been good, amigo?

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

DAY 32/DAY 0

It all happened so fast.

Little slip-ups in willpower (playing games instead of studying, skipping meals, browsing Reddit) added up over the past week.

I'm stressed about money lately. I want to be able to afford to meet with this one trainer because my workouts lack intensity recently.

My goals need to be re-focused. For the next 7 days:

• 15min/day Reddit browsing allowed
• Prepare at least 2 meals/day in advance
• Bed by 8pm
• No games

I wish I had reached out to someone when I was feeling down...

 

[IAdmitItIHaveAProblem]

Feel this: 32 Days! That's a LONG time. You have a lot to be proud for in that time-span. You are traveling a winding road full of pot holes, in a damaged car.

Tell me something good, what's new in your life? How has your lifestyle change affected everything else thus far? (eg. relationships in the family, friends, how often you eat)

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

Feel this: 32 Days! That's a LONG time. You have a lot to be proud for in that time-span. You are traveling a winding road full of pot holes, in a damaged car.

I am proud! Thanks for the reminder. Although this wasn't my longest streak, this was definitely the most rewarding one. I've cut down on a lot of bad habits along with P that I used to depend on during my struggles with life. This last streak, however, I focused on building new, healthy, habits and that has made a world of difference. I've only just begun this new chapter in my life and I can tell that it's going to keep improving from here on out.

Tell me something good, what's new in your life? How has your lifestyle change affected everything else thus far? (eg. relationships in the family, friends, how often you eat)

I feel more disciplined and aware (read: mature) as a result of several lifestyle changes. Overall, the vision I have for myself has become more whole, in a sense. Now I have goals associated with many different aspects of life that I did not have beforehand. Most importantly, however, is that I'm making real progress towards achieving them. At my lowest point, I thought my dream life was completely out of reach (at least from the position I was in at the time). It was only when I realized how absolutely essential these values of mine were that I began taking the first steps. And that's what matters most; taking the first steps, diving into self-improvement head first, and understanding that this life is my own. I'm somewhat of an optimist now, and the same could not have been said a couple months ago. I know specific parts of my 'vision' will continue to change as I experience more of life, but it feels good to be making progress towards becoming the best version of myself.

... Which reminds me of a great quote I read on /r/NoFap recently: "We must suffer one of two things. The pain of discipline or the pain of regret and disappointment."

Thanks for checking in! It feels like you've been kind of distant, I hope things are going well.

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

DAY 1

(The internet was down all of yesterday so I wrote this on my phone and I thought I should post it anyways.)
_____________

VIDEO GAMES

If you happen upon my journal and you want to quit playing video games, check out GameQuitters or /r/StopGaming. Even if you don't play video games, a lot of the guidance that the site provides also applies to quitting P (rapid dopamine release, numbed pleasure response, willpower erosion).

Here's a story from a professional Starcraft player who decided to quit. I enjoyed his discussion about triggers.

http://gamequitters.com/why-i-quit-professional-gaming/

...

Also, Cam (creator of GameQuitters) made a great video about "the Sunk Cost Fallacy" associated with video games; which I totally resonated with.

Here's the link: http://gamequitters.com/how-the-sunk-cost-fallacy-keeps-you-playing-games/

You might think I?m just dumping links at this point, but I seriously have this new site to thank for helping me refocus and I just want to share it with others.

Sometime in the last two weeks, I forgot about how video games affect me. After playing I always feel tired, empty, and regretful. I genuinely don't want to play because when I think of my future, I don't see video games. However, my brain hungers for me to re-establish the dopamine connection and so I keep coming back to gaming.

I appreciate the good times I had with video games, I really do; however, I'm realizing now that my life vision has shifted, and it's time for me to move on. Furthermore, video games and PMO are very similar in terms of how they affect our brain chemistry. That is why it is critical for me to cut them from my life completely if I wish to make any real progress.

Some might suggest that attempting to conquer too many vices all at once is a plan for failure, and I agree. However, in my experience, I cannot play games in "moderation." Two weeks ago, I played a game every other day for 1-2 hours, seems fine, right? It was until I started to slowly play more and more. Eventually, I reconnected with old gaming friends and began skipping meals in order to play for 4-5 hours. The night that I relapsed, I had played for 6 hours, browsed Reddit for 2 hours, and it was now 2 AM. I was exhausted (usually went to bed at 9pm), dehydrated, and not thinking clearly. I had also exposed myself to social media and even though it was nothing sexual, it was still enough to trigger me.

I'm not blaming video games, I understand that it was a lapse in discipline, but I recognize games as an unhealthy habit that I wish to change. There are just better ways to spend my time, and I don't even mean studying, I mean there are other FUN activities that leave me feeling much more fulfilled. It has gotten to the point where I don't even know why I am playing anymore, which is a really fucking scary thing. I want my actions to be nothing less than deliberate.
_____________

JOURNAL

I feel okay today considering the fact that I expected to feel a lot more shame/guilt as a result of having relapsed. I had a great conversation with my Dad about addictions and he shared with me some his own struggles. I discovered that he used to smoke pot every day between senior year of high school and sophomore year of college. I appreciate that I have a Dad who's willing to be vulnerable and admit mistakes to his kids. After lunch, we went to the park and played basketball for an hour. I was able to jump, grab, and hang from the rim. I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've reached a regulation height basketball rim. Dad was impressed and I felt joy. It may sound cliche but there's a special bond between a son and his parents in which it feels good to prove himself physically, and I guess I felt it.

My goal for the rest of today is to be happy. I'm going to do what I can to stay relaxed WITHOUT indulging in video games, P, or Reddit/YouTube browsing.

Anyways, time to eat my second (late) lunch and take today's isotretinoin. My skin is clearing up nicely, by the way.

Thanks for the support!
-Blue

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

DAY 2

I am having an amazing day.

After two days break, I went to the gym today. I've noticed a huge drop in my ability to connect with each muscle since the relapse, and that sucks because my workouts feel a lot less productive even though I doing the same movements with the same weight. I have a hard time getting into the zone and feeling any intensity. However, I had a good time at the gym and I'm just happy to be back on track.

Afterwards, I went home and had brunch with my family in order to celebrate Mother's Day. It feels great to express gratitude; I'm very lucky to have such an amazing mother.

Then I watched my mother garden and kept her company while I ate more food. When I was finished, I went inside and studied for my final. At 3:30 my mother and I went to yoga at the gym. Boy, does that class kick my ass, but I always feel amazing afterwards. I need yoga because, even though I stretch on my own every day after workouts, it helps to participate in a class and perform more challenging movements at a more intense pace. I want to stay injury-free throughout my time weightlifting, and the only way to do that is to be proactive about increasing mobility.

Went home and ate a big early dinner and wrote this journal entry.

I just need to keep myself busy during these next few days and I'm sure I'll reach my temporary goal of 7 days.

Happy Mother's Day!

-Blue

 

[IAdmitItIHaveAProblem]

My my, aren't we observant! Yes, I have been incredibly distant, not just on the forums either. (but Ill post on mine, I guess)

I'm glad you were able to talk to your dad about all that, it's good stuff. That was a pretty good article from that Starcraft player, he was super spot on. I'm doing something similar with regard to social media apps like instagram, snapchat and twitter (Not that it's a trigger, but it's clearly not healthy for me).

Also, glad your skin is clearing up! Speaking of acne, my back breaks out really bad, so I've been smearing Adapalene Gel .1% on it. Just started. From what I understand, topical gels don't work super effectively on the back, but I think the reason people say that is because they can't get a good enough spread because of the arm stretch. We'll see how that goes.  :
On a different front, I remember you said you were sick of always being the one to put yourself out there with regard to friendship. How has that been going for you?

(I'm glad your day went amazingly)

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

Hey hey!

I left a reply on your journal!

I think a lot of people have unhealthy relationships with social media. In general, I think social media is great for businesses and celebrities to connect with their audience but I just don't see how it is productive for the average person. I used to use Facebook in high school, but it has been about 4 years since I last logged in.

Life is getting a lot easier the more my skin clears up. Ever since I started taking this medication I have nearly completely forgotten about acne. The reason is that I know the medication will be effective and that it's just a matter of time (isotretinoin has a very high success rate). It feels so nice to not be constantly worrying about my appearance throughout the day. I am much more confident lately, but I suspect that is also a result of working out.

In terms of putting myself out there, I'm not necessarily approaching people, but I am being very receptive to anyone who asks me questions at the gym or just wants to chat. Ever since my face started clearing up, I've noticed an increase in the overall energy of my conversations with strangers. People smile at me/say hello to me more often than before. Just as I predicted, I'm not depressive by nature, I simply had acne and a few bad habits. I've started making real progress in those two areas and life is ten times easier. Thanks for asking!

Good to hear from you

 

[planet_earth_is_blue]

DAY 3

So far so good as far as avoiding P, video games, and browsing (reddit/imgur).

I got my blood drawn first thing in the morning today so I didn't workout until late afternoon. (I have to get blood test once a month to make sure all is well while taking isotretinoin.)

I?m actually glad I didn?t go in the morning because it meant that I was able to workout with Kevin who always lifts in the afternoon. He must be in his 40s-50s and has been lifting for years. He has been doing MMA for a while and before that he wrestled for 20 years. Needless to say, he?s a strong dude and he knows his stuff. I always enjoy lifting with people who know more than me. Beware, though, just because some guy can move a lot of weight, it doesn?t always mean that they know what they?re doing (i.e. lifting with proper form). Fortunately, I have the privilege of working with Kevin who is both strong and intelligent. Today he showed me a couple different ways to add diversity to my leg workouts. We usually just work in between each other?s sets of squats with some small talk, but today he went out of his way to take me through a complete leg workout.

You never know how people will respond to a conversation in the gym. I?ve had a few bizarre encounters with some interesting characters, but Kevin is one of the rare instances of meeting someone who is both easy to talk to and competitive.

All in all, great workout with good company.

Afterwards, I walked home (beautiful weather), took a shower, did some chores, and prepared a small post-workout meal (big bowl of plain oatmeal with frozen blueberries + a large glass of milk).

I?m going to eat my meal while studying vocabulary for my English final (thank you Quizlet).

Overall, today has been very peaceful and productive. I?m eating well, my energy is high, and I?m pretty happy. I?m also feeling grateful that live in a nice area with a lot of outgoing people.

I realize that most of my posts are centered around fitness. I'm trying to find ways to fill my days other than studying and working out. I may be finding a job soon in order to pay for a trainer I'm about to start working with. Stay tuned.

That's all for today,
-Blue