Rebooting with New Girlfriend

[Guy Called Gerald]

Hi Guys without further introduction, here's my story:

- started masturbation ~12 years old
- went from underwear magazines (12yrs old) to hardcore porn (almost daily since ~14yrs old)
- was a late starter with sexuality (18yrs old first time with a girl)
- never had serious long term relationships, only ONS
- i am 24 yrs old now, healthy & pretty much an average guy in general
- over the last year i noticed weaker erections and decreasing sensations of my penis
- at first i didnt blame it on porn and used it almost daily until march this year
(i dont know if this is important, but i only didnt use extrem fetishes, sticked to "normal" b/g)
(i used the "death grip" and did some pretty long porn sessions (3-4hrs) from time to time)
- worrying about the development i started searching the web, found this site, started a reboot
- reached 45 days without PMO second try, relapsed 4 times during 1 week (to porn gifs)
- during the reboot my erections were getting better, around 40 days in i pretty sure had a like 95% erection
- sensations were also coming back really, really slowly

now my "problem":
- i met a wonderful girl, who is my girlfriend now and since 2 weeks we do petting with O
- this is incredible to say but i think it slows down my reboot immensely
- i get erections from kissing, i stay hard at ~80%, but when she starts blowing/jerking me i dont feel very much
(we dont have sex at the moment, since she wants to wait, what is fine with me)
- to climax i really have to concentrate on the feeling, even sometimes cramp my legs

summary:
- overall i think i am doing good rebooting, after an incredible hard start
(daily strong cravings, moodiness, porn flashbacks)
i have reached a point where i have very little urges to watch porn (and they fade away quickly)
- my brain is probably not 100% rebooted since i am not getting 100% erect when with my gf (okay, time will heal it with further porn abstinence)
- but does petting/sex slow my reboot down? i mean since i am getting my almost daily dopamine fix?
- and more and most important: when will my sensations come back? i am really worried about that
- i almost not touched myself during the last 2 month and i dont have the feeling anything is getting better
- the tip of my penis doenst get hard and rarely feels sensations (it was very, very sensitive ~a year ago)

- now i really dont know how to continue and i hope you guys could give me advice
- should i stop being intimate with my gf for a while?
- i dont really want to, but do i still improve when we continue like now? (O every 2 days to blow/handjobs)

- i am so sad at the moment, i have the feeling i killed this shitty addiction and now my penis is letting me down

 

[jacob2010]

it depends on the person. If you feel you are not ready than it's okay to wait. You are rewiring your brain to think differently. I read an article that said is about emotions and touch not imagery or about looks. One person gave me a tip (well someone on youtube) you can masturbate but only if you focus on the feeling. They said it's okay to touch yourself and only focus on touch and you probably won't get erected at first, it'll take time. You should pick a position that you would normal have "hanky panky" in and just focus on touch. It can train your mind to only focus on feeling. Stay away from fantasies, fantasies/fetishes were created from the porn itself... However, every person is different and some take longer to heal and some are faster. It will take time... If you watch these videos that are given on this site, they will help a lot and make you feel at ease. The more you worry about getting "aroused" the more anxiety will develop and you will not focus on the touch with your partner.. Some individuals believe that you should give yourself time to heal and not do anything after a certain amount of time or until it comes naturally. However, some will argue that it's okay to pleasure your partner even if you can not keep yourself aroused or get aroused at all, because you are rewiring your brain to only focus on real humans and touch.

 

[Bibbity]

I think the handjobs and blowjobs might be slowing you down.  It's very similar to masturbation when you have not fully rebooted.  Are you doing anything for her or is this all about you all the time?  The reason I ask is because rewiring has to involve a partner and sexuality with a partner.  It's all much better than PMO but when things are all about you and there are handjobs and blowjobs it might affect your reboot.  With my husband we had to stop handjobs altogether because it was too similar to M and it wasn't helping him gain his sensitivity back.  At a point he also abstained from O altogether for himself and just gave me pleasure for 8 weeks, which helped with his erection immensely.  It really helped him to be focused on me during sex rather than being focused on his own penis and pleasure.  I think this is a VERY important part of rewiring.

 

[fugu]

Hey man! It sounds like you are well on your way to recovery. Even after it feels like you have mastered control of yourself and beat your addiction, it's possible to have porn induced ED still around. I wouldn't worry too much about it - it can take time and patience to fully recovery. I'd bet that you will see very slow, incremental improvements for the next 3-4 months or so.

One thing you can try to really catalyze and speed up your reboot is rewiring without orgasm with your girlfriend. It's definitely a challenge to do (because resisting the urge to orgasm with a significant other is TOUGH, lol), but I've found that the long instances I've had of this have been REALLY beneficial and have allowed me to take large steps in the right direction in regards to erectile dysfunction. Give it a whirl if you can!

 

[Guy Called Gerald]

At First, Thank you all for your participation

Are you doing anything for her or is this all about you all the time?

During foreplay I feel the desire to go further first.
So usually (like everytime until today) she "goes first" and then it's my turn.

Some individuals believe that you should give yourself time to heal and not do anything after a certain amount of time or until it comes naturally. However, some will argue that it's okay to pleasure your partner even if you can not keep yourself aroused or get aroused at all, because you are rewiring your brain to only focus on real humans and touch.

One thing you can try to really catalyze and speed up your reboot is rewiring without orgasm with your girlfriend. It's definitely a challenge to do (because resisting the urge to orgasm with a significant other is TOUGH, lol), but I've found that the long instances I've had of this have been REALLY beneficial and have allowed me to take large steps in the right direction in regards to erectile dysfunction. Give it a whirl if you can!

Alright, so I am going to try to keep going without orgasm. This is going to be tough.
Everytime I kiss or cuddle my girl or get cuddled I get this weird 80% erections.
And I get urges to please her (which i will) and get pleased by her (which i wont).
I guess she will be fine with that. She'll wonder but when I explain, she'll understand, i know.

I feel something with this girl i never felt before. Hard to describe.
It just sucks that i don't feel that much when she handles me
This has to get better, I want this to get better.
Okay my "counter" started yesterday Let's go 14 days first and see. Next stop: 30.06.

I want to write something about the progress every 4-5 days.
So see you soon and thank you all

 

[Guy Called Gerald]

Okay, its been 10 days and that has happened so far:
- had O with my GF a few hrs after the post I wrote above (hurray, managed 4 hrs straight )
- the next time i tried to be intimate with her without orgasming, with success, but failed then because
- the day after i MO (without P) because i was always thinking about her
- I am on a streak of 5 days without GFO and MO at the moment (having strong urges to be with her or to masturbate)
- I also started to use a moisturizer for my noodle (yeah, i said noodle ) but without better sensations until now

So to sum everything up: This all sucks. I mean I am kind of torturing myself not to orgasm when being with my GF
but as a result I get so horny that I am suffering strongest urges to O.
I am not seeing my GF until Wednesday. I am going to have a 10 days streak without PMO then.
I wonder if I will feel any kind of improvement with my poor sensations. Hopefully.

It is impossible for me not to get horny when being with her, then I pleasure her
and if she doesn't return the favour I am lying there with a boner for 15 minutes or more
(and then being horny afterwards all the time).
But when I O my sensations don't really improve. This is kind of a vicious cycle.

I would like to hear some thoughts and advices on this topic.
I am still pretty undecided what to do to resensitize my penis  :-\

 

[Bibbity]

Yes it definitely sucks but for long term happiness it's essential.  Everything you are describing is exactly what we went through too!  My husband rewired to me big time because he was so horny over me and our time together.  He also would lie there with an erection for 15 minutes until he made himself focus on something else  ;D. It really is about short term "pain" for long term gain.

 

[Mart71]

Your low sensitivity can come from both desensitization of your brain from porn use and death grip masturbation. Death grip masturbation can cause your skin to harden and maybe even impair the actual nerves. I am not a doctor, it is just what I assume can happen.

This can probably heal with time, but it often takes a long time to see progress. And the progress is not linear. The important thing is to stop with anything that is close to your deathgrip masturbation. So yeah reduce masturbation, use lube if you can't resist. Handjobs: same thing.

I have a different opinion about bj's, since they are very well lubricated and by their nature not a rough stimulation. I couldn't feel them at all in the beginning, but after about six months (yes, 6) I could get hard and stay hard from them. The sensation is often still not so intense that I risk cumming, but training to be able to feel and enjoy not so intense sensations is important imo. Sort of like the thing with masturbating to touch only -  it is about getting turned on without the strong arousal by porn or the strong sensations of a death grip.

The most important thing is to really stay away from porn. The rest more less solves itself with enough time, especially if you have someone you can rewire with.

 

[Guy Called Gerald]

Hello everybody, I want to update this thread now

- relapsed on GFO (gf orgasm) on 28th of June
- on a streak of no GFO since then (9days until today)
- during these 9days lots a heavy petting including very slow HJs and BJs (but O only for her)
- still using the moisturizer daily

And it all helps. I guess it is the combination of all but I am actually seeing progress here.
The quality of my erections are getting better and my sensations are getting better too.
3 days ago (it is sad to say because this is meant to be normal) I felt the tongue of my GF.
I was so happy. And Excited. And it was so enjoyable.

And I am getting more and more wired to my GF. The difference is hard to describe.
It is like I am more sensible for her. I am more excited when we re being intimate.
My heart rate ascends and one time I could literally feel the heart beat in my penis
(hoping this is normal and nothing pathological )

So yeah, this is all going pretty well until now. I am happy with the past days. I hope I can keep this up.

 

[stangles]

What do you mean you moisturise your penis? Does this really increase sensation just from doing that? Because if this is actually suppose to work I might try it.