CrowMagnum
Active Member
Hey Faptain, thanks for your last post on my journal-- it helped a lot. Hope to see you back on yours soon!
Much love,
Crow
Much love,
Crow
Journal: Homer Simpson: Portrait of an Ass Grabber
- Thread starter Faptain America
- Start date
Faptain America
Member
Thanks everyone for the love!
Peace: I'm around, I just got so busy posting on everyone else's journals that I forgot to update my own. I was on earlier this week I think.
Crow: I'm glad my posts are helping you out. I had an interesting childhood myself. My parents did the best they could with the tools they had but they didn't have very many. I had it better than you but my childhood still took it's toll.
Alright, onto the update...
Post Nine - NEIN NEIN NEIN
So today is day 17; The day I relapsed last time. There's been urges, but they're nowhere near as profound as last time. My resolve is higher, and my willpower stronger. I don't know how long it will last, but as Coastal said, don't worry about it. I'm not updating my habit tracker every day; I pop on every once in a while and update it. It feels better this way because instead of a daily struggle it's like, "oh man! four days have passed?? Hell yeah!"
Haven't changed much process-wise. I run into pics of hot girls regularly and don't feel significant urges. I can stop, appreciate, and move on. I haven't been busy much these last two weeks and am still doing okay. All of this feels like really good improvement.
I want to make it the rest of the month without any relapses. There's still almost two weeks left though. It would be great it I could go this whole month with only a single relapse on June 1st.
I keep thinking about meditating but never end up doing it. I'd like to change that. I need to do some more research on it and see what will work for me.
So that's about it. I don't have much to say this time around. Next time i'll think of something more to say
Cheers,
-The Faptain
Peace: I'm around, I just got so busy posting on everyone else's journals that I forgot to update my own. I was on earlier this week I think.
Crow: I'm glad my posts are helping you out. I had an interesting childhood myself. My parents did the best they could with the tools they had but they didn't have very many. I had it better than you but my childhood still took it's toll.
Alright, onto the update...
Post Nine - NEIN NEIN NEIN
So today is day 17; The day I relapsed last time. There's been urges, but they're nowhere near as profound as last time. My resolve is higher, and my willpower stronger. I don't know how long it will last, but as Coastal said, don't worry about it. I'm not updating my habit tracker every day; I pop on every once in a while and update it. It feels better this way because instead of a daily struggle it's like, "oh man! four days have passed?? Hell yeah!"
Haven't changed much process-wise. I run into pics of hot girls regularly and don't feel significant urges. I can stop, appreciate, and move on. I haven't been busy much these last two weeks and am still doing okay. All of this feels like really good improvement.
I want to make it the rest of the month without any relapses. There's still almost two weeks left though. It would be great it I could go this whole month with only a single relapse on June 1st.
I keep thinking about meditating but never end up doing it. I'd like to change that. I need to do some more research on it and see what will work for me.
So that's about it. I don't have much to say this time around. Next time i'll think of something more to say
Cheers,
-The Faptain
CrowMagnum
Active Member
Hey Faptain, good to see some steady improvement on your end! Keep up the good work-- the more difficult it gets the more rewarding it is to abstain-- and remember, progress not perfection. Just do your best. Going the rest of the month is a good goal. You can do it! Stay determined and focused. I'll be rooting for ya. Meditation definitely helps in dealing with urges and maintaining balance and composure in the face of discomfort. I suggest reading on and jumping into meditation as soon as possible. Some well known and relate-able authors for western readers on meditation (and Buddhism in general) are Thich Nhat Hanh and Pemo Chodron. You may find them worth looking into!
Much Love,
Crow
Much Love,
Crow
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey Faptain!
Nice to hear from you again! Just out of curiosity, are you in school these days? If so - kudos! It's not easy to be working at something really hard (like school), and also be combatting an addiction.
I tried a couple of years ago to make a more serious go of it with a career in music, and I found I faced a ton of internal resistance: especially from porn- it really kicked my ass!!
That's one of the reasons I'm afraid to try again at pursuing music: I'm doing well with my recovery right now, and I just want to consolidate my gains with my reboot, and not jeopardize my progress :0
We'll see what happens: I really do love playing music, so maybe this time I'll approach it in a more relaxed way. Cuz I think that's what messes me up the most: feeling stressed about getting a certain outcome (success), and not being relaxed about the process itself.
-Peace
Nice to hear from you again! Just out of curiosity, are you in school these days? If so - kudos! It's not easy to be working at something really hard (like school), and also be combatting an addiction.
I tried a couple of years ago to make a more serious go of it with a career in music, and I found I faced a ton of internal resistance: especially from porn- it really kicked my ass!!
That's one of the reasons I'm afraid to try again at pursuing music: I'm doing well with my recovery right now, and I just want to consolidate my gains with my reboot, and not jeopardize my progress :0
We'll see what happens: I really do love playing music, so maybe this time I'll approach it in a more relaxed way. Cuz I think that's what messes me up the most: feeling stressed about getting a certain outcome (success), and not being relaxed about the process itself.
-Peace
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Faptain America said:So that's about it. I don't have much to say this time around. Next time i'll think of something more to say
Nothing much to say either but: Keep up the good work! To my experience you will face the hardest time at 20-30 days, after that it will get a bit easier. If you finally make it a month, this might be a huge step.
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey Faptain!
I'm checkin' in wth all my 'No-PMO" regulars.......and you're one of 'em!
Hope you're doing well with the reboot, and just in life in general.
Hows life? What's new?
All the best!!
-Peace
I'm checkin' in wth all my 'No-PMO" regulars.......and you're one of 'em!
Hope you're doing well with the reboot, and just in life in general.
Hows life? What's new?
All the best!!
-Peace
Faptain America
Member
Hey everyone,
Sort of had a hiatus on the webpage. Lot's going on right now. Trying to check in with everybody this week so nobody thinks i'm dead
Catch everyone later!
-The Faptain
Sort of had a hiatus on the webpage. Lot's going on right now. Trying to check in with everybody this week so nobody thinks i'm dead
Catch everyone later!
-The Faptain
Faptain America
Member
I guess i'll just update. I was going to wait until another day but whatevs.
Post Ten- Mid No-Fap Crisis
Hey everyone! The Faptain is back. I can't believe it's been three weeks since I posted. I kept forgetting to and then got a case of "do it tomorrow's".
Well i'm back to zero again. These last few weeks have been a hurricane of stress and unknowns that just plain tapped my willpower to continue. In a weird way it almost felt like I needed a break from the struggle. I'm sure y'all know what i'm talking about there. That's not WHY I stopped or anything, I just didn't have it in me to continue.
I interviewed for and am starting a new job next week that will dramatically change my current schedule. It also involves a fairly lengthy commute which means a move is in order in the near future. On the plus side i'll finally be working in the field I went to school for, but it's a huge change and it's freaking me out a little bit.
As of right now i'm not going to set any goals. This next month will be very heavy on my shoulders so i'm gonna do what I can and nothing more.
That's pretty much it. I'm gonna get started on you guys next.
Cheers,
-The Faptain
Post Ten- Mid No-Fap Crisis
Hey everyone! The Faptain is back. I can't believe it's been three weeks since I posted. I kept forgetting to and then got a case of "do it tomorrow's".
Well i'm back to zero again. These last few weeks have been a hurricane of stress and unknowns that just plain tapped my willpower to continue. In a weird way it almost felt like I needed a break from the struggle. I'm sure y'all know what i'm talking about there. That's not WHY I stopped or anything, I just didn't have it in me to continue.
I interviewed for and am starting a new job next week that will dramatically change my current schedule. It also involves a fairly lengthy commute which means a move is in order in the near future. On the plus side i'll finally be working in the field I went to school for, but it's a huge change and it's freaking me out a little bit.
As of right now i'm not going to set any goals. This next month will be very heavy on my shoulders so i'm gonna do what I can and nothing more.
That's pretty much it. I'm gonna get started on you guys next.
Cheers,
-The Faptain
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Hey, Faptain!
Hope you're not having too much trouble and doing well despite of the stress!?
Achilles
Faptain America said:
Hope you're not having too much trouble and doing well despite of the stress!?
Achilles
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey Faptain!
I hope that you're excited and not TOO freaked out about changing jobs into your field of study. Best of luck in this new chapter of your life!!
Are you commuting by car, or public transit? I find that commuting on public transit can be a good oppurtunity to write in a journal, or write poetry/raps, or compose music, or listen to music, or talk/text to a friend on the phone. Just some things that can help build new/positive/different pathways in your brain.
Keep up the struggle! Keep posting
Your friend,
-Peace
I hope that you're excited and not TOO freaked out about changing jobs into your field of study. Best of luck in this new chapter of your life!!
Are you commuting by car, or public transit? I find that commuting on public transit can be a good oppurtunity to write in a journal, or write poetry/raps, or compose music, or listen to music, or talk/text to a friend on the phone. Just some things that can help build new/positive/different pathways in your brain.
Keep up the struggle! Keep posting
Your friend,
-Peace
Faptain America
Member
Hey everyone,
I'm back! It's been a long 2 months, let me tell you! I'm looking forward to posting a big update in the near future. Sorry for slacking. You guys were on my mind alot though. I guess I just wasn't ready to jump back in yet. I hope everyone is doing well and talk soon!
-The Faptain
I'm back! It's been a long 2 months, let me tell you! I'm looking forward to posting a big update in the near future. Sorry for slacking. You guys were on my mind alot though. I guess I just wasn't ready to jump back in yet. I hope everyone is doing well and talk soon!
-The Faptain
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Faptain!! Where you at boooyyyyyyeeeee? Lol
Hope you're doing stellar man!!
All the best!
-Peace
Hope you're doing stellar man!!
All the best!
-Peace
Faptain America
Member
Ello ello ello!
How's it going everyone?
The Faptain here ready to write a post. I'm not sure where to begin so i'll just start. I started a new job a few months ago which required a pretty sizable commute. It's been crazy and I've been working twice as much as I was before. I set a goal of PMO only once a week which I kept to for the first month. I figured if i'm off the wagon I should try to train myself to a... lesser level? of porn. My biggest problem in the past was escalation so I tried to get back to how I was before. This actually worked pretty well but I guess I caught the bug and started PMOing more often in month two. Eventually I got right back to where I was before. This carried me through month 2.
When I got to the last day of month two I went too far and really didn't like it. I got back on the wagon and i've been there ever since. I am one month sober today.
I don't judge myself for the last few months. My wife works second shift and I work first shift. It hasn't been easy balancing work life with sex life, but it is what it is.
This last month I have found that I am much more heterosexual than I was before. I've always been roughly 70-30 but prior to this month I was more 50-50 or 60-40. I guess I was just searching for more pixelated heroin. Time will tell.
I find I fantasize more often in my head now which I find very fulfilling. My biggest concern right now is with porn-subs; most notably bikini pics and the like. Looking at them can trigger other thoughts and actions so it's something I need to keep an eye on and recognize when I need to redirect myself. You know, the usual.
My goals for the future are to let things happen to myself and just ride the wave. I don't want to stress about staying PMO free. I haven't given it much thought over the last month and I accomplished more than I did when I was recording days and keeping a journal all the time. Being so busy at work has helped immensely because i'm often too tired to want to look at porn anyways!!
I want to be able to recognize when i'm getting... thirsty... and be able to allow the feeling to pass on without feeling like a slave to it. Often times its just my brain trying to take advantage of an opportunity rather than any actual need.
So that's it for now. I'm gonna start working through everyone's journals and get re-acquainted.
Cheers,
-The Faptain
How's it going everyone?
The Faptain here ready to write a post. I'm not sure where to begin so i'll just start. I started a new job a few months ago which required a pretty sizable commute. It's been crazy and I've been working twice as much as I was before. I set a goal of PMO only once a week which I kept to for the first month. I figured if i'm off the wagon I should try to train myself to a... lesser level? of porn. My biggest problem in the past was escalation so I tried to get back to how I was before. This actually worked pretty well but I guess I caught the bug and started PMOing more often in month two. Eventually I got right back to where I was before. This carried me through month 2.
When I got to the last day of month two I went too far and really didn't like it. I got back on the wagon and i've been there ever since. I am one month sober today.
I don't judge myself for the last few months. My wife works second shift and I work first shift. It hasn't been easy balancing work life with sex life, but it is what it is.
This last month I have found that I am much more heterosexual than I was before. I've always been roughly 70-30 but prior to this month I was more 50-50 or 60-40. I guess I was just searching for more pixelated heroin. Time will tell.
I find I fantasize more often in my head now which I find very fulfilling. My biggest concern right now is with porn-subs; most notably bikini pics and the like. Looking at them can trigger other thoughts and actions so it's something I need to keep an eye on and recognize when I need to redirect myself. You know, the usual.
My goals for the future are to let things happen to myself and just ride the wave. I don't want to stress about staying PMO free. I haven't given it much thought over the last month and I accomplished more than I did when I was recording days and keeping a journal all the time. Being so busy at work has helped immensely because i'm often too tired to want to look at porn anyways!!
I want to be able to recognize when i'm getting... thirsty... and be able to allow the feeling to pass on without feeling like a slave to it. Often times its just my brain trying to take advantage of an opportunity rather than any actual need.
So that's it for now. I'm gonna start working through everyone's journals and get re-acquainted.
Cheers,
-The Faptain
achilles heel
Well-Known Member
Welcome back and thanks for your words on my journal!
Being busy helps a lot, indeed. I'm glad you didn't give in when things became worse again, it's important to get up again and again despite reoccurring relapses and set-backs. We'll overcome this addiction, no matter how long it might take!
Being busy helps a lot, indeed. I'm glad you didn't give in when things became worse again, it's important to get up again and again despite reoccurring relapses and set-backs. We'll overcome this addiction, no matter how long it might take!
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Cheers to that Achilles!
Hey Faptain!
We will overcome this addiction. It is difficult, but it can be done, and it WILL be done.
BTW, I DIDN'T relapse the other night!!!!! (that was what my last post was about). I was so so so so close, but I didn't do it!! I'm really happy about that. I feel that, over time, our pre-frontal cortex gets stronger and stronger and therefore, over time, it is more and more able to tell the limbic system "no" when those urges come calling.
We just gotta keep strengthening our PFC's ability to say "no"
Much luck!!
-Peace
Hey Faptain!
We will overcome this addiction. It is difficult, but it can be done, and it WILL be done.
BTW, I DIDN'T relapse the other night!!!!! (that was what my last post was about). I was so so so so close, but I didn't do it!! I'm really happy about that. I feel that, over time, our pre-frontal cortex gets stronger and stronger and therefore, over time, it is more and more able to tell the limbic system "no" when those urges come calling.
We just gotta keep strengthening our PFC's ability to say "no"
Much luck!!
-Peace
Faptain America
Member
Hey folks!
It's been a long time since i've been on. Almost a year actually. I'm still banging around fighting the good fight. Things are going good! I'm back on the wagon and am feeling very successful of late. I'm staying away from porn and just using my brain for fantasies. In many ways I don't even miss it anymore. Sometimes it was fun looking when bored but it just doesn't have the same allure it used to. After a while it just feels all the same. Nothing even really changes and I can tell it's just a job for them. Maybe when i'm further along i'll have a harder go of it but lately I feel like i'm cruising.
I started thinking today about this addiction in general and thought I should update my thoughts.
Often times with addiction/habits the first stage of getting rid of it is overlooked. The first stage is always discovery. I'm not talking about discovering you have an issue; that part usually becomes obvious otherwise you wouldn't be trying to get rid of it! I'm talking about the part where you research what kind of a problem you have, why you have it, how much of a problem it is, and what you can do to get rid of it.
For us discovery is all about finding out how much you PMO, when you do it, why you do it, and how you can stop or slow down. As for any habit it's good to spend some time in the beginning learning about these things because with that data in mind it will be easier and more meaningful moving forward.
If you're just getting started, keep a journal for a few weeks to see any familiar patterns. Spend some time without judging yourself or changing any routines. Some folks have a hard time with this because they want to feel like they are stopping RIGHT NOW, but this isn't a sprint, it's a marathon.
I'm not much of a fan of quitting this habit cold turkey and i'll tell you why:
There is nothing quite like an orgasm.
You can replace masturbation with a good workout, a cold shower, quality time with friends or family, but at the end of the day there's nothing to replace an orgasm. Smokers can stick a toothpick in their mouth; nail biters can chew gum; dieters can replace one food for another. Nothing can fully replace an orgasm. Sure, you can find a sexual partner and use that to get off of porn but i've found that having sex just makes me want to orgasm more.
Since there is nothing to truly replace PMO, I feel it is important to wean yourself off of this addiction. Once you have determined how much you PMO, start by cutting that number down a little bit at a time. If you PMO four times a day, make it three (or two if you can handle it). Stick with that for a while, then cut off a little more. Keep doing that and give your body and brain time to adjust. Cold turkey has a very low success rate because it shocks your system and makes big changes to your normal daily routine.
This has always worked better for me than cold turkey, on many habits. With nail biting I stopped biting on one hand first. It took about 2 months, but it worked. After that I stopped both hands really easily. Same for dieting. I lost a bunch of weight by making small changes like eating sliced turkey instead of ham for my sandwiches and having frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. I still ate alot of what I wanted throughout the week but by making small changes I stayed under my calorie goal and never really felt like I was dieting. I lost 17 pounds in 6 months. Yeah, it didn't exactly melt off of me, but that's the trick! Marathon. We always want results NOW NOW NOW, but I plan on living for a long time and i'm in no rush to do anything but have a good time. Small changes, easier adjustment, less failure, more victory.
It's these small changes which show us we have power over something we didn't think we had power over. Routine Routine Routine. We get stuck in routines whether good, bad, or neutral, but when we change the routines, even a little, we find power over them we didn't think we had.
Plus when you wean, you make room for more victories and failures are less noticable which i'm a big fan of
These are all my opinions, and I know there's lots of folks on here who had to quit cold turkey due to their own circumstances so don't just take my word for it, but I highly recommend my method.
Anyways, i'm gonna go catch up on some other journals and see where that takes me. Thanks for reading!
Cheers,
-The Faptain
It's been a long time since i've been on. Almost a year actually. I'm still banging around fighting the good fight. Things are going good! I'm back on the wagon and am feeling very successful of late. I'm staying away from porn and just using my brain for fantasies. In many ways I don't even miss it anymore. Sometimes it was fun looking when bored but it just doesn't have the same allure it used to. After a while it just feels all the same. Nothing even really changes and I can tell it's just a job for them. Maybe when i'm further along i'll have a harder go of it but lately I feel like i'm cruising.
I started thinking today about this addiction in general and thought I should update my thoughts.
Often times with addiction/habits the first stage of getting rid of it is overlooked. The first stage is always discovery. I'm not talking about discovering you have an issue; that part usually becomes obvious otherwise you wouldn't be trying to get rid of it! I'm talking about the part where you research what kind of a problem you have, why you have it, how much of a problem it is, and what you can do to get rid of it.
For us discovery is all about finding out how much you PMO, when you do it, why you do it, and how you can stop or slow down. As for any habit it's good to spend some time in the beginning learning about these things because with that data in mind it will be easier and more meaningful moving forward.
If you're just getting started, keep a journal for a few weeks to see any familiar patterns. Spend some time without judging yourself or changing any routines. Some folks have a hard time with this because they want to feel like they are stopping RIGHT NOW, but this isn't a sprint, it's a marathon.
I'm not much of a fan of quitting this habit cold turkey and i'll tell you why:
There is nothing quite like an orgasm.
You can replace masturbation with a good workout, a cold shower, quality time with friends or family, but at the end of the day there's nothing to replace an orgasm. Smokers can stick a toothpick in their mouth; nail biters can chew gum; dieters can replace one food for another. Nothing can fully replace an orgasm. Sure, you can find a sexual partner and use that to get off of porn but i've found that having sex just makes me want to orgasm more.
Since there is nothing to truly replace PMO, I feel it is important to wean yourself off of this addiction. Once you have determined how much you PMO, start by cutting that number down a little bit at a time. If you PMO four times a day, make it three (or two if you can handle it). Stick with that for a while, then cut off a little more. Keep doing that and give your body and brain time to adjust. Cold turkey has a very low success rate because it shocks your system and makes big changes to your normal daily routine.
This has always worked better for me than cold turkey, on many habits. With nail biting I stopped biting on one hand first. It took about 2 months, but it worked. After that I stopped both hands really easily. Same for dieting. I lost a bunch of weight by making small changes like eating sliced turkey instead of ham for my sandwiches and having frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. I still ate alot of what I wanted throughout the week but by making small changes I stayed under my calorie goal and never really felt like I was dieting. I lost 17 pounds in 6 months. Yeah, it didn't exactly melt off of me, but that's the trick! Marathon. We always want results NOW NOW NOW, but I plan on living for a long time and i'm in no rush to do anything but have a good time. Small changes, easier adjustment, less failure, more victory.
It's these small changes which show us we have power over something we didn't think we had power over. Routine Routine Routine. We get stuck in routines whether good, bad, or neutral, but when we change the routines, even a little, we find power over them we didn't think we had.
Plus when you wean, you make room for more victories and failures are less noticable which i'm a big fan of
These are all my opinions, and I know there's lots of folks on here who had to quit cold turkey due to their own circumstances so don't just take my word for it, but I highly recommend my method.
Anyways, i'm gonna go catch up on some other journals and see where that takes me. Thanks for reading!
Cheers,
-The Faptain
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Hey Faptain!
Really good post! I agree with everything you wrote Excellent advice.
Keep up the good work!
-Peace
Really good post! I agree with everything you wrote
Excellent advice.Keep up the good work!
-Peace
PeaceOfMind062012
Active Member
Yo Yo Yo! Hope you're doing well! Thinking of you!
-Peace
-Peace