The Renewing of my Mind

[notgivinup]

Hey Chip,

I just read most of your posts....I'm glad you are here. It sounds like you are making great strides in your journey away from pmo.

I'm looking forward to reading more from you.

Thanks for your open and honest work here at RN. It helps us all.

NGU

 

[Chip]

I originally posted this elsewhere, but the dude was UN-receptive to it, so I brought it back here to "MY" journal in the hopes it might benefit someone.  That and I can always use a refresher. 
For years I'd go 18-20 days and then crash and most times binge for 4 days, cycle repeats.  Since then I've done 2 things that have made all the difference.

1)  I religiously follow the plan laid out by William, TO THE LETTER!
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0
http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?3549-Action!-or-not!!!-Have-you-actually-Prepared-for-it

2)  I'm probably a 30+ year veteran of what I call, "the porn wars".  I've known I needed to get out for years and made several half hearted attempts with limited success.  Then I found RN and that got me moving in the right direction.  You see porn never actually hurt me like it has most.  I never had PIED, ED, DE or any other physical symptoms that I'm aware of.  I did however develop a spending problem, not just on porn, but I give PMO all the credit.  I realized that if I was gonna be successful I needed some skin in the game, something to make turning back to PMO really hurt me.  I have a journal that I've spent 30+ years compiling, full of data, designs and ideas that I plan to use for starting my business next year.  Without this journal my business will be severely handicapped for a long time to come.  So what I did is I gave this journal to my wife and she is instructed to ask me every day if I have looked at any porn or p-subs.  If I do, even once, she is to destroy my journal while I watch...  I work from home and I have a little office, we hung my journal on the outside of the door so I see it everyday before I enter to work.

Needless to say I now am fully motivated and the problem has my complete attention.  When I first conceived this plan I was fearful, but now having implemented it, I feel empowered.  This doesn't mean temptation hasn't reared its ugly head a time or two, but I'm quick to put those thoughts away decisively.  Its amazing what the right motivation can do when aimed squarely at this problem.  You see after years of PMO 2 things have happened.  First our PFC's(Pre-Frontal Cortex) has been over-riden so many times it lacks the strength to resist the slightest temptation to look at porn and get off.  The PFC is the part of the brain where inhibition is, we simply need to get the PFC back in shape, but it takes time.  The second is the Dopamine Blast we get from PMO, our brains are now use to elevated dopamine levels and are completely addicted to it.  So we gotta go cold turkey and put up some fences to keep us in check while we recover from our stupor.  Check out William's thread, I'll include a link to both.  Starting today you coud be on your way to never PMO'ing again, but its all up to you.

I use 2 filter/blockers, because I'm serious this time.  Pluckeye, I think is especially good for the single guy, but both are great.

K9 - http://www1.k9webprotection.com/
Pluckeye - http://www.pluckeye.net/

 

[Brokenbutredeemed]

Chip,
You mentioned that your background is riddled with sex to include porn.  I submit to you sir, that your problem (like mine) is more complex than internet porn.  You may need to consider that you are a sex addict of which internet porn is merely one (maybe even the only) outlet.

My wife was my first and is my only sexual partner.  My struggle has been one strictly of porn or PMO as we refer to it here on RN.  I appreciate your thoughts and insights, but I think you may have misread some things or confused me with someone else's post.  My reset plan is NOT just 90 days long, my counters are merely reminders for me on where I am, if I'd had room I'd have included a third counter that was 365.  I've never had PIED, ED, DE or any other physical issues as a result of PMO.  My wife can tell when I fell in the past, but I've always come clean.  The die is cast and my course is set, onward to victory.

Chip:

I have benefited from reading your journal and learning about your struggles.  You have a Christ-centered life and you are on the right path, brother.

Like you, my wife has been my one and only sexual partner which probably has helped me in my rebooting process.  Consider yourself blessed that you have not suffered from PIED, ED, or DE.  They really complicate one's life and recovery process.

God has great things in store for you and for your wife.  Keep up the good fight, soldier.

 

[Chip]

I have benefited from reading your journal and learning about your struggles.  You have a Christ-centered life and you are on the right path, brother.

Like you, my wife has been my one and only sexual partner which probably has helped me in my rebooting process.  Consider yourself blessed that you have not suffered from PIED, ED, or DE.  They really complicate one's life and recovery process.

God has great things in store for you and for your wife.  Keep up the good fight, soldier.

Thankyou Broken,

I appreciate you coming by and checking on me.  I'm also glad my struggle may have encouraged someone else to get free.  Thank you for your kind, affirming words, they mean a lot, especially coming from another Christian.

 

[Porn2Bmild]

I'd like to add my two cents' worth.

Chip, I want to thank you for welcoming every new person on here, not just those who subscribe to your own beliefs.  To me, your actions actually exemplify the 'Christ' in 'Christian.'  While I myself do not subscribe to the same belief system, I feel that in your reaching out to everyone equally, you emulate what Jesus Christ did in the bible, i.e., tending to and caring for outsiders and not just speaking to those who are already in the fold.

We have all come here to this forum for the same reason.  The paths we have walked heretofore may be completely different from each other, but apparently, they have led us here now, to the same place at the same point in time.  There is a saying, "You reap what you sow."  Let us all sow a little more love, kindness, and compassion instead of hate, apathy, and selfishness.  Thank you to everyone who has demonstrated the former.

 

[Brokenbutredeemed]

Chip:

Don't look back, but forward as you are doing.

You are in a battle and one side wants you to lose.  There is a heavenly host cheering you on towards victory towards the finish line.

Run the good race my friend.

You are being renewed day- by- day.  Each new day is a day of new beginnings and of healing.  Yield to His Spirit and not to the lusts of the flesh.  Extinguish the fiery darts being shot at you by the enemy with the Word of God.

You are a  pilgrim on a pilgrimage journeying to a better place.  Do not look back, but only forward.

 

[Branch]

Chip,

You're making great progress.  That's great to see.  You've changed, my brother, and for the better.  Keep it going.

Branch

 

[Chip]

I'd like to thank everyone who visits here, its always encouraging to know you've helped in some small way, someone else. 

Try this on for encouragement...

From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

 

[Gracie]

I know that for my husband and I, discussing what our marriage vows said and what they actually meant, were part of our discussion in the beginning. Specifically:

Forsaking all others,  to love, honor and respect, become one, cleave one to the other

In fact, one night when he was at a low point, I recited my wedding vows to him so he would know I was staying as painful as it was.

He also said he now understood President Carter when he said, "I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times."
  My husband said he never really got it until all of this happened.  Carter also said God knows this and will forgive me.  For my two cents, I think he should also ask forgiveness from his wife.  Because we are along for the ride and it is a bumpy one and the truth is important.

So for me, scripture and this walk go hand in hand.  The marriage till death do us part, helped me stay as well.  And I am glad I did.

 

[Chip]

I know that for my husband and I, discussing what our marriage vows said and what they actually meant, were part of our discussion in the beginning. Specifically:

Forsaking all others,  to love, honor and respect, become one, cleave one to the other

In fact, one night when he was at a low point, I recited my wedding vows to him so he would know I was staying as painful as it was.

He also said he now understood President Carter when he said, "I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times."
  My husband said he never really got it until all of this happened.  Carter also said God knows this and will forgive me.  For my two cents, I think he should also ask forgiveness from his wife.  Because we are along for the ride and it is a bumpy one and the truth is important.

So for me, scripture and this walk go hand in hand.  The marriage till death do us part, helped me stay as well.  And I am glad I did.

You are an amazing woman.  Your husband is truly blessed.

 

[Chip]

June 6, 2016

Thought I'd share some milestones I've passed on my journey and list the ones I'm looking forward to as well.

Milestones on the path to Renewing My Mind:

0 - 13 days, This was a tricky time for me, the habitual use of porn was a daily routine and now it'd gone missing.  What to do?  The first few days, after coming off a binge, always seemed so easy, but its because my brain was still SWIMMING in Dopamine and made me believe I didn't need things like filters, I felt strong.  This time was critical I think to have filters and blockers and to have NO devices.  I made up my mind, the habit must be broken and COLD TURKEY is the only successful way, cutting down just prolongs the pain indefinitely.

14 - 21 days, From my experience, once I reach this zone I'm far enough from my last fall that I forget the pain of lapsing/relapsing and only remember the pleasure and revert to old habits for comfort.  Its kinda like swinging from vine to vine and your in mid air between them for a moment.  In that moment I'm adrift, I havent reached the next level, but I'm feeling empty and restless from the absince of the Dopamine and PMO behavior.  I've learned this is just your brain crying out for a, Dopamine Blast(Not a Sports Drink).  Cycle repeats unless measures taken to interrupt it.  Understand, you don't have to MO to cause an elevation in your brains dopamine levels, just looking at porn or p-subs is enough.  P-subs can be scantily clad women in car mags, FB pix, lingerie ads, checking out women and on and on.  If you get a charge from it, you got a Dopamine Blast.  So cut it all out, the music, the tv, the dvds and the web porn.  its all gotta go or you will NEVER escape!

22-41 days, This is the area I'm in now,  I have some random brain fog, this past weekend and a few random thoughts popped up today, but I dealt with them quickly and moved on.  I'm in an area I haven't been in, in probably 8 years, that's the last time I went 40 days PMO free during an online study course called, "Setting Captives Free".  During that course I lapsed 2 times and had to restart before going PMO free all the way through.  In all honesty I think it was a good course and it helped a lot of guys, but sadly my lack of motivation to "stay sober" and its shorter time frame than whats probably needed to Reboot, led to my eventually fully relapsing shortly after completing it.  I also at that time was NOT in favor of filters and dumped mine after graduation.  I know myself better now and so I'm utilizing a Filter(K9) and a Blocker(Pluckeye) in tandem.  In my heart of hearts I want this to be my last time around, life is too short to spend it sitting at a PC with my pants around my ankles.(Too Honest?)

6-8 weeks, the DeltaFosB begins to leave the brain.  DeltaFosB is the foundation for building habits, both bad and good. 
It makes the neural pathways more conductive, so it essentially makes PMO, "The Path of least Resistance".

90 Days+(Your Mileage may vary), the DeltaFosB has cleared your system in the areas you have restricted and new healthier habits can now be built to replace the old.

 

[Chip]

June 7, 2016

Today my wife and I begin our Stay-cation, its a good time for us.  Tomorrow I will be 30 days Free & Sober from a 37 or so year addiction to porn.  I have a host of friends here on RN that all contributed to this success and I thank you all.  As a Christ Follower, I believe each and every one of you were put in my path by God to encourage and uplift me.  I hope I can do the same for you.  The Bible teaches that He works in mysterious ways and He does.  I don't know why its taken me so long to reach this point, to finally have the resolve to seriously dedicate myself to honestly getting free, but if what I'm going thru can help just one other person find freedom, I'll be happy.  Porn is a killer and a thief, he takes your time, your money, your health and your relationships.  If you are currently playing with porn and think you can control it, think again because "IT" is controlling you. 

Our Father God, the creator of all things, wants to bless you with so much more, so much more.  Do Not Waste Another Day, The Bible promises that, "He" Is faithful and Just to forgive us, if we only confess what we've done, ask for His forgiveness and help, and Repent.  Repenting is simply turning away from the path of porn and lust and taking steps in the opposite direction in a meaningful way.  Whenever I've had a fall or felt excessively tempted I like to read 1 John 1:9 and earnestly pray that he give me a clear mind.  You'll be amazed how quickly this can work for you. 

Early on you'll most likely experience some setbacks, I have.  This battle is waged in the mind and its a spiritual battle, but also a neuro-chemical one as well.  Your brain has become addicted to "Dopamine" and Satan will provide plenty of temptation to push you to give in to the urge for a Dopamine hit.  As you progress and experience setbacks you'll find pics you forgot you saved and movie files you forgot about and you'll be tempted and you may give in, we all have at some point.  When and if this happens to you, Do Not Become discouraged, especially when first starting out.  We didn't wake up yesterday in porn, most of us have been with it for years, even decades, so getting out may not be a smooth quick exit.  However, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step", they say, so get walking.  But it takes a serious dedication on our parts and I like to ask this question of myself, as a reminder.

What is the Measure of Your Resolve to Quit Porn?

Part of the journey to freedom involves learning and education, so if you don't understand my question, look it up, You've got Google.  Also, and I post this a lot, check out William's thread in the "Porn addiction" section, its full of wisdom and education that you need.  This thread was pivotal in getting me to this point.  The Link is below.

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

 

[TK-421]

June 6, 2016

Thought I'd share some milestones I've passed on my journey and list the ones I'm looking forward to as well.

Milestones on the path to Renewing My Mind:

0 - 13 days, This was a tricky time for me, the habitual use of porn was a daily routine and now it'd gone missing.  What to do?  The first few days, after coming off a binge, always seemed so easy, but its because my brain was still SWIMMING in Dopamine and made me believe I didn't need things like filters, I felt strong.  This time was critical I think to have filters and blockers and to have NO devices.  I made up my mind, the habit must be broken and COLD TURKEY is the only successful way, cutting down just prolongs the pain indefinitely.

14 - 21 days, From my experience, once I reach this zone I'm far enough from my last fall that I forget the pain of lapsing/relapsing and only remember the pleasure and revert to old habits for comfort.  Its kinda like swinging from vine to vine and your in mid air between them for a moment.  In that moment I'm adrift, I havent reached the next level, but I'm feeling empty and restless from the absince of the Dopamine and PMO behavior.  I've learned this is just your brain crying out for a, Dopamine Blast(Not a Sports Drink).  Cycle repeats unless measures taken to interrupt it.  Understand, you don't have to MO to cause an elevation in your brains dopamine levels, just looking at porn or p-subs(porn substitutes) is enough.  P-subs can be scantily clad women in car mags, FB pix, lingerie ads, checking out women and on and on.  If you get a charge from it, you got a Dopamine Blast.  So cut it all out, the music, the tv, the dvds and the web porn.  its all gotta go or you will NEVER escape!

22-42 days, This is the area I'm in now and why my first counter stops out at 45 days.  I had some random brain fog this past weekend and a few random thoughts pop up today, but I dealt with them quickly and moved on.  I'm in an area I havent been in, in probably 8 years, that's the last time I went 40 days PMO free during an online study course called, "Setting Captives Free".  During that course I lapsed 2 times and had to restart before going PMO free all the way through.  In all honesty I think it was a good course and it helped a lot of guys, but sadly my lack of motivation to "stay sober" and its shorter time frame than whats probably needed to Reboot, led to my eventually fully relapsing shortly after completing it.  I also at that time was NOT in favor of filters and dumped mine after graduation.  I know myself better now and so I'm utilizing a Filter(K9) and a Blocker(Pluckeye) in tandem.  In my heart of hearts I want this to be my last time around, life is too short to spend it sitting at a PC with my pants around my ankles.(Too Honest?)

6-8 weeks, the DeltaFosB begins to leave the brain.  DeltaFosB is the foundation for building habits, both bad and good. 
It makes the neural pathways more conductive, so it essentially makes PMO, "The Path of least Resistance".

90 Days+(Your Mileage may vary), the DeltaFosB has cleared your system in the areas you have restricted and new healthier habits can now be built to replace the old.

This is spot on and mirrors my experience pretty much to the letter. Keep on going Chip!

 

[Boo]

Looking good Chip. Lots of instruction and encouragement in these last few posts. You're going to make it Bro, I know.

 

[Branch]

30 days after 37 years is a real accomplishment.  Keep it going!

 

[Chip]

Thank you all, its a great time in my life.  I can feel the pull to indulge weakening and my own strength increasing with every passing day.  I'm no fool, this is rare air for me so continuing to be vigilant is paramount to success.  June, 9 1995 I married my lovely bride and tomorrow we celebrate 21 years together. 

Peace to my RN brothers,

Chip

 

[Boo]

Thank you all, its a great time in my life.  I can feel the pull to indulge weakening and my own strength increasing with every passing day.  I'm no fool, this is rare air for me so continuing to be vigilant is paramount to success.  June, 9 1995 I married my lovely bride and tomorrow we celebrate 21 years together. 

Peace to my RN brothers,

Chip

Happy Anniversary Bro! Congrats on 30 days. Let's make NOMO June a reality as well.

"A MAN Quitting Porn " Yes, that's what you are.

 

[fyg]

Congratulations on 30 days, Chip! Nice one, Bro Woo Hoo!

 

[Chip]

I can't fit anymore counters in my signature box  or I would track June too, but I'm NOMO since May 9th. 

 

[Chip]

Hey I just got this in my inbox and thought I'd share it with my RN Brethren.

"Utah declared pornography a public health crisis"

http://le.utah.gov/~2016/bills/static/SCR009.html

It has been just over one month now, and all over the Internet, people have been sharing their thoughts about it.

The resolution is ?non-binding,? which means that it doesn?t ban porn or lead to any new policies. The resolution calls for education, prevention, further research, and policy changes to ?address the pornographic epidemic that is harming the citizens of Utah and the nation.?

For many people in the NoFap community and at similar organizations, this was long-awaited validation for an affliction that many thousands of people have been struggling with and overcoming. However, across the Internet, many commenters bashed Utah lawmakers and activists for supposedly imposing their moral or religious beliefs onto the legislative process, discounting the idea that porn addiction could be anything but a religious concoction.

NoFap is proud to be a secular platform that is available to everybody, regardless of faith or lack thereof. While NoFap is inclusive of our religious Fapstronauts, we prefer to approach the issue of porn addiction from a secular, science-based perspective. That way, everybody can relate to and understand our positions. Porn addiction is a human problem, not just a religious one.

Some of my thoughts on this resolution are detailed in my Washington Post ?OpEd? article, ?We need to talk about porn.?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/in-theory/wp/2016/05/26/the-conversation-were-not-having-about-porn/