What is normal libido?

[rogerfaperer]

I'm just over a month into my latest PMO reboot. I can definately sense my "radar" super tuned to spotting good lookin girls --- like at the gym or in a club for example. But still the conception of girls in my mind feels sort of foreign. Its like i feel normal to look at a cute face or body or whatever, but underlying have a feeling of unfamiliarity/strangeness when it comes to naturally approach-interact-touch-kiss another person---then actually have sex.

Should I be feeling an overwhelming desire to kiss/feel them up, or be fantasizing about doing that? Is that what libido is???

It's like if I see a hot girl in the gym, I'll stare (who doesn't ) and the thought in my mind will be like 'wow that's hot; look at those legs'. But not like 'wow I'm so horny to caress that body/have sex'. Should it be the latter of these?

Right now it?s like yeah fit girls are a visual feast for my eyes but nothing more. I feel a bit detached, if that makes sense. Is that just that I?ve wired for so long not interacting with them and instead with my computer,pixels,porn that my brain wiring for arousal and response is screwed up? Or do we always feel a bit awkward around a hot girl - it is another person after all!

Confused what a normal libido is? Thanks guys!

 

[Bibbity]

I am a woman but I think I can help. 

The urge to have sex or touch a woman should come when it is time for sex.  Usually the urge some guys get is from imagining sexual scenarios with a woman you don't really know which is a form of objectification.  So staring or examining their body parts and what you would do with them.  This isn't necessarily libido.  It's an artificially induced libido if that makes sense because your brain thinks it's about to get sex (similar to arousal from porn).  Libido should feel natural, like a desire to be close to a woman or a desire to talk to them not necessarily fuck them or get extremely aroused by seeing them when you don't know them.  I think the bigger libido part comes in when you are connecting with a woman and are about to have sex, then it should kick into higher gear where you are thinking about having sex with her.  Arousal kicks in and you have the overwhelming desire to have sex with her, touch her etc.

Getting that hyper aroused libido just from seeing a girl at the gym is not really normal and is usually a byproduct of objectification or fantasy which is what the media/porn has kind of taught you to view attractive women.  You might also find that your taste in women might change over time.  The "hot" ones might not necessarily be the ones you actually want to fuck.  They just look nice....or not.  Porn has likely warped your true sexual tastes over time.

It sounds like what you are experiencing is perfectly normal.  You are looking at a hot girl and you know she's hot but that's it.  Sounds normal!

Hopefully some guys chime in

 

[stangles]

I'm not sure. I have the same question.

 

[TheGuy]

I know exactly what you are talking about.  Its the porn.  You turn on porn, and start getting it on.  Then when you see a woman, you kind of don't know where to start.  But its definitely not trying to get aroused over her.  If you are having a perv you know your brain finds something attractive about her.  That's the indication you should try and make friends with her.  The arousal comes when you get close, you swap pheromones, make each other laugh, you kiss, stroke each others' hair and so on.  All of that feels 10000% better than the dopamine dump from porn.

 

[rogerfaperer]

So as far as I understand the 'libido' - rushing-in feeling of a great desire for physical connection/touch/intimacy/penetration - shouldn't really be triggered until actual interaction, whether that's chatting, flirting, whatever - at which point in a normally physiologically functioning guy the chemicals and what have you get the libido/desire for sex cranking. At the stage of just spotting hot girls on the metro or the bar or gym it's normal to not be feeling anything more other than your brain registering 'wow she's hot'.

Does that sound about right?

 

[rogerfaperer]

I see on the YourBrainonPorn list of 'back to normal' that #6 is "You feel like flirting with potential mates, who look a lot more attractive..", a desire to talk to/pursue a partner.

It?s like sure I?d like ? ?desire? ? sex, and would enjoy flirting, but I don?t do anything to go after/initiate it?Should I be feeling like I need to go out (like a sort of biological urge) to meet girls? And when I am then around girls should I be having an underlying desire tugging at me to go down that road? Because I do notice attractiveness very much so but to anything further I'm just kinda like 'meh whatever'.  Is there something wrong with me (testosterone tested as normal)? Or is it just purely psychological that I?ve held myself back/shy/making a big deal/ and physiologically having only hooked up once with a woman am not wired habit-wise to pursue sexual action as a natural option etc..? And anyway are you not supposed to feel that libido cranking until actually interacting/touching/kissing?

Thanks for the help guys in sorting this out!

 

[Viper]

libido is being ready to have sex when the potential is there.
So a scenario would be that you're making out pretty hard
and you're getting turned on that leads to an erection. That's your libido at work.

Problem with PIED is that your libido has been reduced when it
comes to a real women. The real vagina does not turn you on
like it used to.
But even before you get anywhere near that point, you're just
not as motivated. You feel lethargic.

You mentioned a gym or a club, right?
When I was in deep with PIED, I had no motivation to go to
a club like before. Like you pointed out, you recognize that
someone in your sights is attractive but does nothing for you
physiologically.

Just stick to rebooting and you will find it gradually coming back.
Helps when you have an SO for sure-

 

[rogerfaperer]

But @Viper if libido is 'being ready to have sex when the potential is there" then when "you recognize that someone in your sights is attractive" it's normal that it "does nothing for you physiologically" at that point, right, or no?...because there is no potential for sex at that point..... Or are you saying that there should be some sort of physiological response to hot girl in "a gym or a club'?

Physiologica response / arousal would show up only further on in something like the scenario you said "making out pretty hard and leads to an erection".

So you can't really tell if libido is back or not until actually with a girl..?

Thanks!!!!

 

[lilnavadaa]

I have no libido whatsoever girls don't look attractive to me like they did before. Its like my ability see a women's true beauty is gone. I just see there breasts or butt and gives me and urge to watch porn, I hate this so very much. Isthis nnormal when your deep in pmo addiction?