desperate for a new life

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italianwanker

Member
Hello I am an Italian guy from monza aged 34  8)

today is my third day without porn.  ;)

it is not my first attempt during the last 18 month. my current record without porn is something like 2-3 weeks.

I want to stop watching porn forever. I realized that porn ruined my sexual life: the last time I had sex with a real
partner is a few years ago  :'(

At the moment I feel quite well (maybe because it's not my first attempt)... maybe I little bit weak and not so focused...
guess it is going to worsen during next week.

I hope my journal will help me in being disciplined  ::)

See you tomorrow.

I will write a short post almost every at least until day 100 which my first goal.

 
M

motojunky

Member
Welcome and be encouraged. We are all here to work through this together. Get educated on all of this as much as you can. Check out the videos and read. Also http://yourbrainonporn.com/ has a lot of good stuff. What plans are you making to change?
 
V

virtueorvice

Guest
Welcome aboard dude!

I've been 45 days into recovery with two days of PMO'ing! I could manage 32 days hard mode.

If you want to gain a scientific perspective into your problems and understand the neurochemicals aspects of your problem along with benefits of "rebooting" here's a good start: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/doing-what-you-evolved-to-do

What has helped me and is giving me hope and assurance is my determination to reduce P to something unimportant and experience a natural way of life. Neurochemical dependency has ruined many lives and is still ruining. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, porn, food or sex, it weakens us to the point of becoming a passive, walking dead who is living in a fantasy and dreamland.

Another point is to remember that any setback may actually make you stronger. When you embark upon this journey, you are already ahead of many people around you, so don't give in easily and don't let others put you down.

Here you may find support and you may support others. But don't count too much on others. You are alone most of the time, even if you have partners or friends.

I blocked all access to porn on my laptop. You can also use K9 web protection for that.

Good luck!
 
I

italianwanker

Member
Hey guys,

thank you very much for encuraging me in killing the demon inside my head  ;D
today is day4 so the first 3 days without POM are gone  ;)

yestarday I felt very weak during my training (I do kickboxing 8)) and I didn't want
to train at all but I managed to force myself.... felt horrible, very weak and without focus...
don't know if this has something to do with my reboot.
btw today I'm going to train again, let's see what happens.

My libido has started decreasing (didn't happen during the first 2 days) and I feel my
wiener and my balls somehow... smaller  :'( I would say they shrink!

Did it happen to you?
 
I

italianwanker

Member
good. that site is a bible for me!

Do you still fap? I mean without porn.

I do, I think the problem It's porn not masturbation itself....

And BTW in this moment I feel like I have a dead little reptile inside my pants  ::)
 
V

virtueorvice

Guest
I don't fap! The only reason I fap is because I am addicted to Porn.

Flatline is not a bad thing in the end. It removes your attention from sex and directs it toward other issues in your life.

What motivates me to fight this bullshit, is the amount of energy and self-confidence I lose with each PMO session.

The good news is that "rebooting" and "rewiring" is a PROVED benefit. Hang on there for as long as possible. Even in your setbacks, don't lose the grip and fight back again. Attack your weaknesses with whatever means you have and you will succeed.
 
I

italianwanker

Member
''...don't lose your grip...'' sounds a little bit ambiguous... if you know what I mean  ;D

Another good thing about rebooting is that I spend less time browsering... which is another
problem itself.

In the future I would like to spend less than one hour per day watching browsering bullshit.

btw I jerked off several times during the first 2 days, but without porn, just with my fantasies (about real people).

 
I

italianwanker

Member
day 5

Now I'm completely in the flatline. My little gecko downthere is completely lifeless.

Strange thing: during the first two days I didn't experience the flat line. my dick worked
as normal and fapped several time as usual.

Yesterday I understood the meaning of ''hard mode'' and I think I am gonna avoid fapping
for at least a couple a weeks also because it is quite easy since my dick is dead without porn  :-\

In a certain way I don't dislike the fact that I don't have any urges.
 
I

italianwanker

Member
today day 6  :D

no cravings at all (maybe a little bit yesterday evening but nothing serious). my penis is almost
dead  :-[ but I am not worried since I knew that this would have happened.

I find a little bit more difficult to sleep but I know that this is also related to the fucking legal hour
that hit me every fucking year.

What elese could I say?  I am happy about this forum.  I am enjoying this morning. It's the first thing
that I do when I seat in my desk at work  ;) and reading other people's stories make me feel less lonely  :)

 
M

motojunky

Member
Good to see you are still on mission. Don't worry about what your body is going through all that comes and goes. Take some time to read up on symptoms and also make a plan for what your reboot will look like. Keep coming back
 
I

italianwanker

Member
motojunky said:
Good to see you are still on mission. Don't worry about what your body is going through all that comes and goes. Take some time to read up on symptoms and also make a plan for what your reboot will look like. Keep coming back
Click to expand...

thank man I appreciated your encouragement  :)
 
I

italianwanker

Member
day 9

I am actually very happy because I did not relapse; I was a little bit scaried because the last attempt
I relapsed during the weekend.

Let me say that without pmoing I drastically reduced the time spent online (more or less half an hour this weekend  :)),
which is a very important thing.

I am tired of wasting time online, I want to use the net just when I need to (eg. reboot nation forum  :D)!
 
I

italianwanker

Member
In a few hours I will hit the double digit figure! That's a very important achievement for me  8)

I decided that my first goal is day 26 because my previous record is something close to 20 days
(rounded up to 25 just to be more causious  ;) ).

I think I am gonna have a little celebration that day.
 
M

motojunky

Member
italianwanker,

Good job on the progress ... keep fighting ... keep moving. What are you doing with your extra time now?
 
I

italianwanker

Member
Hi man.  :)

well I am passionate about sport but this part of my life wasn't affected by porn.  ;)

what I noticed is that I read much more than usual and I like to walk outside, just to think
a little bit about my life and how to improve it.

well the first step is to avoid porn, second will be to use the internet just when I need to,
not because I have nothing to do (I have deleted my fb account 5 years ago because of this).  :-[
I know that most peole waste huge time watching stupid videos on youtube.

although I have already reduced my time online I want to wait two-three more weeks for the
full implementation of step 2.  ;)

btw thanks a lot for your words I like this forum.
 
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