Adicktive_Mentality
Member
Thanks wild west! I apprecciate the support!
heroin/porn addict with pied
- Thread starter Adicktive_Mentality
- Start date
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
Day 11 update. (Counter says 12 but I'm going by calender days) no morning wood this morning though I woke up out of a dream. Sex drive is vastly decreased from the last few days and I may be in a flatline. Does flatline affect morning wood? Tried to text the girl from my story that I went limp on and no response. Go figure XD. Not worried about it though, because I want to find someone I actually want to be with and as beautiful as she is, she is just not that person to me. Hit the gym again today and saw some friends of mine there before going to work today. Just got off and had a a pretty good day so far.
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
Day 12, on my lunch break. Had to get up earlier than normal for work today and had a super intense feeling morning wood. Made me happy, but I wish I could just summon morning boner whenever, I'm pretty sure my thing basically only works in the morning XD. At least it's starting to work at all. I used to never get morning wood at all ever. Progress not perfection!
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
Day 13! Just got off of work. Had pretty bad insomnia last night, couldn't sleep at all really.Hillary Clinton is at my college today so may go see that.
Went to the Clinton rally after work. Not sure how excited I am for her but it was cool she came and it gave me something different to do and experience. Went to the gym afterwords and hit shoulders, am really sorry now. I feel a little spark of libido in spite of being tired from not sleeping well last night. My mind wandered a bit and went to an ex girlfriend and I got a solid 80%er. Then I told myself no more and hit the gym right after.
I know these little victories are just that. But I'm so far from cured. I want what Gabe talks about where his mw sticks around for breakfast and is ready to go when needed. I don't wanna trick myself into thinking I can fap again. I know I cant.
Went to the Clinton rally after work. Not sure how excited I am for her but it was cool she came and it gave me something different to do and experience. Went to the gym afterwords and hit shoulders, am really sorry now. I feel a little spark of libido in spite of being tired from not sleeping well last night. My mind wandered a bit and went to an ex girlfriend and I got a solid 80%er. Then I told myself no more and hit the gym right after.
I know these little victories are just that. But I'm so far from cured. I want what Gabe talks about where his mw sticks around for breakfast and is ready to go when needed. I don't wanna trick myself into thinking I can fap again. I know I cant.
muhammadtaha2016
Active Member
Adicktive_Mentality said:
Keep going buddy.
This fight is difficult.
But there is no option to surrender.
Surrender is death.
I am also going through insomnia. Terrible.
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
Thanks muhammatada2016! Ya it definately is difficult. I know that it's worth it. I'm sure both of us will make it!
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
I have now hit two weeks! I'm already on my second page I can see this journal getting long XD. Woke up with mw this morning. Have been getting decently consistant mw, however it goes away after maybe 20 or 30 seconds. Been feeling really exhausted lately and have already drank one cup of coffee and had 4 espresso shots but still feeling really tired XD. Just an hour and a half left till I'm off of work though. So that's good. Just feeling all around pretty crappy. Brain fog bad today. Anxiety a bit, was worse last night, but today my mind just seems to be refusing to wake up. Was feeling depression come over me last night and couldn't for the life of me get up and do anything productive after going to work and hitting the gym. I have a paid membership to a website called teamtreehouse and it teaches you how to build websites and apps and stuff. And I haven't been motivated enough to get myself to use it very often. My computer desk is maybe 5 ft from my bed and I couldn't pull myself up to go use it lol. I feel like sleeping all day today too. But I need to get something done. I have a therapist appt. Later today, need to hit the gym, and I need to keep up studying and learning and not blow that off.
muhammadtaha2016
Active Member
That is cool.
Staying away from computer is really helpful in reboot.
enjoy the sleep and rest.
Staying away from computer is really helpful in reboot.
enjoy the sleep and rest.
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
It is now day 15, so I'm 25% of the way to 90 days (which is not my goal but more of a checkpoint ). Woke up with a stiffy this morning. Hadn't been sleeping well/ feeling really tired so I took a sleeping pills last night and got a solid 9 hour sleep in. Feel more refreshed today but not 100%.
Update, I'm honestly so horny right now I've been (not seriously) thinking about buying a hooker. I won't actually do it, but jeez that's one skuzzy mindset I've got going. Just kind of need to tell on myself right now because that's kind of scary. I literally was thinking a hooker won't judge me and I could just get a b.j. if I can't get it up. I'm disgusted with myself right now. I need some fresh air.
Update, I'm honestly so horny right now I've been (not seriously) thinking about buying a hooker. I won't actually do it, but jeez that's one skuzzy mindset I've got going. Just kind of need to tell on myself right now because that's kind of scary. I literally was thinking a hooker won't judge me and I could just get a b.j. if I can't get it up. I'm disgusted with myself right now. I need some fresh air.
J
j0int92
Guest
Not that I have read a lot of journals, but I am SO happy I stumbled upon this chef d'oeuvre, because it has to be the best one I've read yet. Not only your background with heroin but also the way you write and express yourself, especially the first posts man, fucking amazing. Literally comfortable to read and even made me laugh couple of times. Deffo gonna stick around for this one!=)
So much respect for kicking heroin addiction and even starting an education and everything after. Seriously, so much fucking respect. I really, really look up to you. Totally wrecking the stigma around drug addicts, especially heroin addicts, and proving people that change is possible. So insightful to have your perspective on kicking both heroin and porn/MO...
TL;DR: you fuckign rock dude, you inspired me so much and literally just motivated me even more to keep going!!!
Have you checked out one of the posts on here talking about how to love your withdrawals, btw? Basically think of them as indications of your recovery, it just means you're on your way to get better, love them!
Peace <3
So much respect for kicking heroin addiction and even starting an education and everything after. Seriously, so much fucking respect. I really, really look up to you. Totally wrecking the stigma around drug addicts, especially heroin addicts, and proving people that change is possible. So insightful to have your perspective on kicking both heroin and porn/MO...
TL;DR: you fuckign rock dude, you inspired me so much and literally just motivated me even more to keep going!!!
Have you checked out one of the posts on here talking about how to love your withdrawals, btw? Basically think of them as indications of your recovery, it just means you're on your way to get better, love them!
Peace <3
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
J0int92 thanks man! I'm glad that my story is helping someone and thanks for the compliments on my writing style! Gabe definately inspired me to throw a bit of humor in there seeing as I was freaking out when I stumbled across his videos, and the way he'd make fun of himself not being able to get hard really made me relax and not take myself quite as seriously. Also Ill check out some of the threads on looking at the withdrawls in a more optimistic manner as you mentioned. Mindset is everything sometimes!!
muhammadtaha2016
Active Member
Strong mindset.
Strong results.
Strong results.
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
Day 16 now. Got alot of rest last night and only had to work 4.5 hours this morning. I feel much more refreshed and energized that I did yesterday. Had no MW today. I will be heading to the beach with my family who are traveling down from San jose this afternoon, so even more time to relax and get in a better mindset! I live in central california so the beach is much colder and less awesome than people usually picture California. Haha. But it's still really nice to be right on the coast.
gabemoore7
Member
Glad to hear you're in a better mindset man. Good work on passing your 2 week mark! I'm on day 10 right now and the last couple days ive had like no energy or motivation and have just wanted to pmo sooo bad. Thank God I've been able to keep my mind on the goal and I'm still going strong. I feel a lot better today also. We can do this brotha! Have a good time at the beach with your family today!
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
@wildwest, thanks man! Congrats on getting 10 days in! We're both gona succeed and get our lives and our dongs back! Haha.
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
Day 17 got no MW today. Went to work was pretty tired but felt good later on. I fixed my broken washing machine and felt alot more motivated since not using pmo to take the initiative to fix things. Fantasized a little today which was dangerous, but got good hard results!
J
j0int92
Guest
You fucking gooo boiiii <3 I really, really hope I'll start feeling more motivated about things, especially studying, when I reach a higher number of days of abstinence...!! It's pretty much why I'm nofapping: I used to have some PIED, but after couple of months of no porn (kept MO'ing though, even with hypersexual thoughts) I quickly got back on the horse. However, after I knew my dick was working again I had the brilliant idea of going back on porn, but moderately hahaha, not knowing the detrimental effects it had on my brain. Thought if my dick is fine, why the fuck not. Nope. So I only found out recently about the effect it has on the reward system and it makes perfect sense for my chronic procrastination, although, admittedly, it can and is caused by many other factors such as bad habits. Really hope this will make a difference!
Keep going strong, brother in arms, we'll do this no prob! Not once are we seeing our trackers reset. Deal? ;D
Keep going strong, brother in arms, we'll do this no prob! Not once are we seeing our trackers reset. Deal? ;D
G
gentleman86
Guest
Amazing story! Felt instantly an increase in motivation 
I mean (don't get me wrong) if you can recover from heroin, I will easy overcome weed and with a bigger effort porn too.
Please continue to post your current status, it will help andmotivate more people than you may think.
The future of the past is right now! 8)
I mean (don't get me wrong) if you can recover from heroin, I will easy overcome weed and with a bigger effort porn too.
Please continue to post your current status, it will help andmotivate more people than you may think.
The future of the past is right now! 8)
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
Thanks gentleman & j0int92!
@Joint I definately wanna shoot for no relapses thats the goal!
The best success is achieved by unrelenting commitment! We can both do it man!
@ gentleman, I'm glad my story is helping motivate you, knowing that helps keep me motivated as well so thank you!
I know you can do it man, weed or porn whatever vices you wanna give up, you can do it!!!
So im on day 18 today and felt much more focused all day long at work. I had no MW, but woke up at an earlier time than usual and i don't think I was in rem sleep. I haven't hit the gym in a couple of days and i think I may go soon.I am pretty tired now, but it's an accomplished tired. The kind you get after working all day where you can be proud of the way you spent your day.
It's funny how we use the same word to describe the way that we feel after just Oing to porn that we do to describe how we feel after a hard day. Tired. Because it's not the same feeling at all. The kind of tired that comes after PMO just feels like you just drained all of your energy and motivation, and shot it into a crusty sock and are now going to pass out in a self-loathing heap, only to wake up to start your day off the same way you ended it, with your trusty fifi by your side!
This tired feels like I will be a slightly better person tomarrow because I fought hard enough to feel this way today. It's a good feeling.
@Joint I definately wanna shoot for no relapses thats the goal!
The best success is achieved by unrelenting commitment! We can both do it man!
@ gentleman, I'm glad my story is helping motivate you, knowing that helps keep me motivated as well so thank you!
I know you can do it man, weed or porn whatever vices you wanna give up, you can do it!!!
So im on day 18 today and felt much more focused all day long at work. I had no MW, but woke up at an earlier time than usual and i don't think I was in rem sleep. I haven't hit the gym in a couple of days and i think I may go soon.I am pretty tired now, but it's an accomplished tired. The kind you get after working all day where you can be proud of the way you spent your day.
It's funny how we use the same word to describe the way that we feel after just Oing to porn that we do to describe how we feel after a hard day. Tired. Because it's not the same feeling at all. The kind of tired that comes after PMO just feels like you just drained all of your energy and motivation, and shot it into a crusty sock and are now going to pass out in a self-loathing heap, only to wake up to start your day off the same way you ended it, with your trusty fifi by your side!
This tired feels like I will be a slightly better person tomarrow because I fought hard enough to feel this way today. It's a good feeling.
Adicktive_Mentality
Member
Day 20! Feeling pretty good. Woke up at around 5 this morning and had a very nice stiffy going! At work on my lunch break. I called the girl I couldn't get it up with yesterday and we talked on the phone for about an hour.We may hang out soon but she was sick right now and I could tell in her voice, so she wasn't just saying that because she didnt wanna see mr limp lol.
My little buddy has been much more responsive lately to just thinking about real girls when my thoughts do drift that way (trying to avoid that thinking though). I still dont feel confident that it will really work though, the real thing is still something i havent tried. I have been wondering about karezza (sp?) or orgasmless sex (on purpouse!!) because I would like to continue going without O for at least the first 90 but it would be nice to try and rewire to a female. The good thing about my situation is that I DO have real life sexual experiences so porn isn't my ONLY exposure, however I have never had successful sex with a condom and with this girl it's a must (not on birth control). I'm thinking maybe I should just continue avoiding sex for a while, but I'm not totally sure.
My pride wants me to try and prove that I can do it, but I know it will come if I stay faithful, but she is my main and easiest outlet and I don't wanna lose her as a FWB. But I will if I have to. I know there's more than just her out there, I'll have to try out my new "superpowers" and see if I can get one. XD OR I could do what I really should and remain abstinant until I meet my wife.....that sounds really hard XD. Maybe I'll have a change of heart.
My little buddy has been much more responsive lately to just thinking about real girls when my thoughts do drift that way (trying to avoid that thinking though). I still dont feel confident that it will really work though, the real thing is still something i havent tried. I have been wondering about karezza (sp?) or orgasmless sex (on purpouse!!) because I would like to continue going without O for at least the first 90 but it would be nice to try and rewire to a female. The good thing about my situation is that I DO have real life sexual experiences so porn isn't my ONLY exposure, however I have never had successful sex with a condom and with this girl it's a must (not on birth control). I'm thinking maybe I should just continue avoiding sex for a while, but I'm not totally sure.
My pride wants me to try and prove that I can do it, but I know it will come if I stay faithful, but she is my main and easiest outlet and I don't wanna lose her as a FWB. But I will if I have to. I know there's more than just her out there, I'll have to try out my new "superpowers" and see if I can get one. XD OR I could do what I really should and remain abstinant until I meet my wife.....that sounds really hard XD. Maybe I'll have a change of heart.