Scared, Gay, and moving to NYC

1

14McCaCl

Member
Hi. I have been addicted for as long as I can remember. If I had to put a time on it I would say Freshman year of high school. It got REALLY bad sophomore year and has been snowballing ever since. I usually look at it every day for hours at a time. I am gay and have known that a long time. It has been hard going to a small christian school in the south especially when you are both gay and addicted to porn and no one knows either. All my life I have had to hide myself from everyone. Luckily, I am moving to NYC in the fall to go to college and I could not be happier to go to a place that is so accepting of the LGBTQ community. However, I am extremely worried about what I might get into up there. As of right now, I do not trust myself as far as i can throw myself when it comes to holding back sexually. Both me and my parents are afraid I will get some dude's mouth pregnant. I really want to be as clean from porn as possible so that I can have my judgement back and not have my limbic brain running my life. I have not been clean for longer than two weeks since....heck I couldn't even tell you. I am seriously SERIOUSLY addicted and I don't really know where to start.
 
F

fnatk

Active Member
Hey man, I hopped into this part of the forum after seeing your post. If you are a teen then this is the right forum for you, gay or straight :) As for getting help and knowing where to start, its really all here! The first page of RebootNation has a lot of links, videos etc. You're not alone in this struggle, people are here with many of the same problems you have! I'll give you a few links to help you on your way :)

Try reading this thread:

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=67.0

And then go to this page:

http://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-advice-observations

And for more you can basically read almost anything on:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/

You can handle this dude :)
 
N

Needs Coffee

Member
I don't really know where to start.
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This is as good a place to start as any! Setup a counter if you're ready and post to your journal here every day (in which case, you'll be better than me).

It has been hard going to a small christian school in the south especially when you are both gay and addicted to porn and no one knows either.
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Indeed, that would be a heavy burden to be bear.

fnatk provided the helpful links that will give you a lot to read. Something you'll probably notice is that nearly all the discussions are about straight guys, not about gays. And from what you've stated in your introductory post, there are several other ways that you will differ from most of the cases I've read. I'll try to make a list, let me know what you think...

  • You started viewing porn while you were young. There are many cases that talk about that and typically describe a difficult and often slow recovery. But these cases seem to involve guys that are in their twenties or older. Since you are still in your teens, hopefully this addiction isn't as deeply rooted... maybe?
  • You didn't mention any relationships, so I'm assuming that your concern is with PMO, and breaking this addiction. And I'm assuming that you haven't had any relationships yet where ED is causing a crash and burn. This might be an advantage if you haven't had any bad experiences already that might haunt you in your future. (Maybe I'm projecting too much from my bad experiences with relationships here  :( )
  • When you go to college in NYC, check out their counseling resources and take advantage of them. I just graduated with my BS in Engineering in my late 40s and greatly benefited from the free professional counseling that was available to students. I had a very fundamentalist religious/cult upbringing, so I had a lot of crap (besides sexuality or porn) that they helped clear up.
 
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