Hi. So let's jump right in to this mess. I was introduced to porn when I was in seventh grade I think? The real addiction started my sophomore year of high school. I am gay and I have had those thoughts since about 8th-9th grade. I spent years denying it and praying that God would take it away from me. About second semester of junior year I accepted it and the end of senior year and this summer has been the first time in at least 7 years that I have felt comfortable in my own skin so I consider that a victory.
I went to the same small, private, conservative christian school in TN my entire life. Being gay and christian and addicted to porn while at this school was the most emotionally and physically exhausting thing to go through in my life. About 5 of my friends knew I was gay along with my parents but only my parents knew about my porn problem.
I am moving to NYC this fall to go to college. I am both ecstatic and terrified. I am ecstatic because I can finally be openly gay and not worry about what people think. I can live in a place where I can get married which I desperately want to do. I am terrified because in my current state, I do not trust myself. I consider myself a gay Christian and I have always been taught and have always believed that sex is something that should be for marriage. Not only do I think it is moral, but the hopelessly romantic side of me likes the idea of saving something so meaningful for one person whom you love deeply. However, if I do not get control of myself and my addiction before I go up there, I am afraid that I will be having sex right and left and I really really really REALLY don't want that.
This summer, I am finally going to kick it. I have been hardcore addicted for 3 years and I am sick of it. Of course, I have said those exact words before with no success. However, after watching hours of videos from yourbrainonporn.com and learning that I have physically altered my brain, I became scared. To think that this thing that I thought had no negative physical ramifications was actually changing the connections of my body's command center scared me into action. As of this writing, I have not PMO'd in 4 days. I will continue to keep a log here for my own benefit but I really hope that someone else out there can find help in this as well.
I went to the same small, private, conservative christian school in TN my entire life. Being gay and christian and addicted to porn while at this school was the most emotionally and physically exhausting thing to go through in my life. About 5 of my friends knew I was gay along with my parents but only my parents knew about my porn problem.
I am moving to NYC this fall to go to college. I am both ecstatic and terrified. I am ecstatic because I can finally be openly gay and not worry about what people think. I can live in a place where I can get married which I desperately want to do. I am terrified because in my current state, I do not trust myself. I consider myself a gay Christian and I have always been taught and have always believed that sex is something that should be for marriage. Not only do I think it is moral, but the hopelessly romantic side of me likes the idea of saving something so meaningful for one person whom you love deeply. However, if I do not get control of myself and my addiction before I go up there, I am afraid that I will be having sex right and left and I really really really REALLY don't want that.
This summer, I am finally going to kick it. I have been hardcore addicted for 3 years and I am sick of it. Of course, I have said those exact words before with no success. However, after watching hours of videos from yourbrainonporn.com and learning that I have physically altered my brain, I became scared. To think that this thing that I thought had no negative physical ramifications was actually changing the connections of my body's command center scared me into action. As of this writing, I have not PMO'd in 4 days. I will continue to keep a log here for my own benefit but I really hope that someone else out there can find help in this as well.