Starting Reboot.

[Vardan]

Looking forward to weekend...
Today will go to fitness studio I really miss it
Since I am working didn't have much time to take care of myself
Had a long day yesterday but good one.
I start to enjoy life much more and value the people who surround me
Yes Virus it's important to find balance and not to be burned out at the end of the week
Right now its rather busy and difficult
Will try to find inner peace in the midst of busy routine

I have got one more job offer yesterday which is much more exciting
Let's see how the things will develop

Virus I think a lot lately that this is a big mistake to look for relationship with the intentions I have right now
I need to work on that as well...

 

[Virus01]

Agreed Vardan. A relationship might be just what you need, but maybe not right now and definitely not forced. You're on the right path, keep making progress!

 

[Mikel]

Hey Vardan and well done on your progress, it's good to hear you're going in the right direction.

Regarding relationships whilst rebooting can be a mixed bag of views, feelings and opinions. I've dated whilst trying to stop porn and the last two occasions I was with someone, they were good experiences. Just not enough to make it a long term thing. However, I also feel it's probably better to stay away from dating/relationships in the early stages of recovery to 'get it together' for want of a better term. For example, it may be too much for you to handle however, on the flip side, you could have a good experience.

In other words, it's entirely your call.

Plus, if you have pied, you'll have to explain that when the time comes and I don't know how comfortable you are with sharing that with people. I did and I was ok sharing it, still annoyed me though as sometimes I could have sex and other times I couldn't.

 

[Vardan]

doing overall ok, finally could relax after busy working days
feeling well, emotionally I am more stable.

not had many urges, still some strange dreams, sometimes erotic as well.
but overall sleeping good and feeling healthy, despite of the dark and rainy Berlin-weather.

trying to plan day as carefully as possible.
today played piano, went to the gym and will be visiting some friends in the evening,
life seems good again I feel hopeful 

 

[Mikel]

Love hearing/seeing posts where everything's ok, clear to see you're moving on in the right direction. Night time's an odd place for us isn't it, trying to break an old habit of mine at present and slowly getting there but it's almost like, bedtime, lets think about sex. No! Not now.

 

[Vardan]

working, home, cooking, sport, sleeping
the week has started
try to find excitement in above mentioned activities
yesterday came across to very useful site
http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_016.php
some of the topics were so great and encouraging
especialy this part:

Understanding the functional role of your addiction is important in removing the power, mystery and fear from that addiction ? to begin seeing it in terms of practicality, rather than as some kind of supernatural fate or disease that you are doomed to suffer.


this directly spoke to my situation: yes throughout the reboot I realize more that my understanding of PMO or why I cant get rid of it is surrounded almost with the mystic power of it and fear
fear that I can not do that
which is simply not true
and many people who did overcome it are a good witness for it

I also read that for some people MO is ok through reboot
knowing myself and considering my previous experiences with it I have decided that I wont practice MO throughout my reboot
now time for sport

 

[David Albert]

Hey man, I'm glad you've found Recovery Nation. It's simply great and it's helped me on my journey to being 5 days away from completing my 90 day hard mode. It is a very powerful tool and the lessons within it are comprehensive so I suggest you take it slow. Don't rush, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Take it one lesson at a time and make sure you understand everything intellectually but also the practical side of the tools being presented there. I've given myself about 4 months to finish all the lessons, I currently stand at lesson number 52 after 2 and a half months.

I've read your story and it's quite similar to mine. We're both 30, single and addicted to this stuff for many years. I can relate to a lot of things you have and are experiencing. I also do not want to MO because I know I can't control it and it will eventually lead me back to P.

If I can help you in any way, let me know man. I wish you strength, resilience and a good mindset throughout this process. Remember, just because you are doing this, you are already a winner. Take care ! 

 

[Virus01]

Awesome stuff! It sounds great hearing your revelations and self discovery. So much more in life to be gained without P. I think it's a good call on the no MO. When the time is right, you'll know. For now, find joy in each day and rediscover yourself. Great work!

 

[Vardan]

David, thanks so much,
btw I havr found about recovery nation through one of your posts, thanks for that 
I think I will go through entire program, and will start from the 1 lesson...
yes, we have a lot similarities, and controlling MO when you are single is so hard,
for me I know it is impossible, so first reboot period(90 days) I will do my best not to MO.

today I have my regular day with working, and did some cleaning at home as well.
life seems good again, had several urges but could switch my mind into more useful staff.

 

[Virus01]

Checking in as promised, hahaha! Hope,you have a good and productive weekend!

 

[Vardan]

haha I am fine thanks 

 

[Vardan]

ok today is 30th day of my reboot.

what happened during these days is just crazy
found new job (well 2 jobs), was working very hard, with a good concentration, energy, desire.
the quality of my contacts (as well quantity) changed a lot as well...

as I decided from the begining of reboot-this time it will not be only about not watching porn or MO,
I don t want only "not to watch porn", I want to be a different man, with better personal qualities,
PMO was a huge obstaclefor that...and I don t need it
I can see the way I have changed and its just great
I dont  have any illusions, I know it was hard and its gonne stay hard throughout the way
but I am happy for my small victory and looking forward for the big ones  ;D

 

[Virus01]

Congrats on reaching 30! The feeling is so much ahead of you is fantastic. Hold on to that feeling for the tough times, no doubt you're becoming better each day.

 

[Mikel]

Well done on hitting the big 30 Vardan. It's DEFINITELY a milestone in recovery and long may it continue.

You're right in saying stopping your porn use is not enough, it's about making changes in your life to be a better person. Right behind that.

 

[Vardan]

thanks Mikel and Virus

did not write during the week in the journal, since my new job is SO extremely busy and stressful,
don t have time for anything else,
however, keeping yourself busy seems to be a good thing for rebooting.

had a good week, with some triggers, but not very serious.
I think I need to be careful with "small" staff- things that does not seem so dangerous, might be the trap
trying to be calm and concetrated on work, despite of all stress that surrounds it
generally I feel healthier, also emotionally - much more stable
Monday is going to be busy and stressful as well, its even more important to use weekend time for relaxing good
reading some nice books, will go to gym, evening will try to spend outside home.

 

[Vardan]

today was very difficult,
had to stay at home to prepare some staff for university
that was a bad idea, it made my lazy and urge to PMO was very high

tomorrow is going to be a hard day at office, this anticipation is also making me stressed
somehow had a feeling of loneliness, hoplessness, did not want to work,
normally in this situations I would use PMO for relaxing and feeling myself worthy again
but no: instead I will go to sleep earlier, will read and take a shower
tomorrow is a new day and God`s mercy will be new for me as well!

 

[TiramiSu]

Going to bed earlier is a good decision. Try it with daily workouts...I cycled 20 km today so I feel well...

 

[Mikel]

Hey Vardan. Glad you got through your day ok. Mine was a bit similar, didn't really have anything planned so it made me a bit lazy which is quite a dangerous place. No days off in recovery!

Glad you're doing ok.

 

[Virus01]

I'm with you Vardan, these are tough times but we are tougher. Keep your mind clear and your goals in mind. You've come this far, no reason to slip. You are stronger than your urges and know how to smartly handle yourself.

 

[Mikel]

I'm with you Vardan, these are tough times but we are tougher. Keep your mind clear and your goals in mind. You've come this far, no reason to slip. You are stronger than your urges and know how to smartly handle yourself.

Wise words man. Love it.....