jms42
Member
Hello everyone, I'm 28, and I believe my first contact with P was probably around 10 y/o. I'm surprised and ashamed when I thought about this. This is my first time rebooting, but it's way more than just PIED that I want to conquer, this is a real addiction that has consumed me just like any other hardcore drug would have, and I want to get my life back.
I actually started my reboot before I even knew YBOP or RN existed. I was feeling rather empty and became introspective, which seems to be a phase people would come across at this age. And I asked myself, just what am I doing? I PMO regularly, sometimes even everyday for a week or so. It was ridiculous, nevermind the regular bombardment of P, just the time spent on it from a practical stand point is just unimaginable! Thinking back to when I was having sex too, my performance was just downright embarrassing. I would be horny, but there would be no horn. As the saying goes, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I always attributed it to the anxiety, but who am I kidding?
So right then and there, I sat my ass down, reflected on what I've done and told myself: I have an addiction.
And I have to kick it. I decided, no P, no M, no O. It's been 15 days at the time of this writing, and dammit, I will go at this come hell or high water until I can look into the eyes of my reflection in the mirror and not have to feel like I owe him an apology.
I was so surprised when I came across YBOP, because it was like reading about everything that was wrong with me up till now. The excuses of performance anxiety. The escape and self-medication from the P and the Ms. Just everything.
So here's a quick break down of what has happened since I started:
- The first couple of days weren't bad at all actually
- Some urges at the end of first week and start of 2nd week
- By now, I don't really have any urge for P, but actually O, more than anything else. Urge ranking: O >> M >>> P
- The urge for O leads to the need for M, which sometimes brings P into the picture
- I'm always trying to find something to do when I feel an urge.
- Productivity has risen: I noticed some improvement on my guitar playing. I'm more willing to leave the house to do sports: I play volleyball and golf, and run on occasions. I'm putting in regular time into some personal projects and it's slowly making progress.
The greatest thing that I noticed is happening is I am now more open to other experiences. Just like a drug, all the PMO was making me "content." It's like I was just trying to get everything out of the way so that I can get that momentary relief. But now I'm suppressing that urge, and that has forced me to want to do other things, and that's when I realised I've put off so many things. Even something as minute as playing video games, I have games that I've always wanted to get to, but never did that I'm playing now. WTF?
On a side note, a gold star for the person who knows what the title of my journal is referencing.
And weirdly, very relevant to a trick that I learned online when i started this reboot.
When I feel an urge, I try to calm myself. Then I take a long deep breath, then hold it for a little while, about 5~10 seconds, then slowly exhale. Repeating a couple times.
After that, I will look for something to do. Or just tell myself to stop screwing around and get back to working on whatever it is I'm doing.
I actually started my reboot before I even knew YBOP or RN existed. I was feeling rather empty and became introspective, which seems to be a phase people would come across at this age. And I asked myself, just what am I doing? I PMO regularly, sometimes even everyday for a week or so. It was ridiculous, nevermind the regular bombardment of P, just the time spent on it from a practical stand point is just unimaginable! Thinking back to when I was having sex too, my performance was just downright embarrassing. I would be horny, but there would be no horn. As the saying goes, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I always attributed it to the anxiety, but who am I kidding?
So right then and there, I sat my ass down, reflected on what I've done and told myself: I have an addiction.
And I have to kick it. I decided, no P, no M, no O. It's been 15 days at the time of this writing, and dammit, I will go at this come hell or high water until I can look into the eyes of my reflection in the mirror and not have to feel like I owe him an apology.
I was so surprised when I came across YBOP, because it was like reading about everything that was wrong with me up till now. The excuses of performance anxiety. The escape and self-medication from the P and the Ms. Just everything.
So here's a quick break down of what has happened since I started:
- The first couple of days weren't bad at all actually
- Some urges at the end of first week and start of 2nd week
- By now, I don't really have any urge for P, but actually O, more than anything else. Urge ranking: O >> M >>> P
- The urge for O leads to the need for M, which sometimes brings P into the picture
- I'm always trying to find something to do when I feel an urge.
- Productivity has risen: I noticed some improvement on my guitar playing. I'm more willing to leave the house to do sports: I play volleyball and golf, and run on occasions. I'm putting in regular time into some personal projects and it's slowly making progress.
The greatest thing that I noticed is happening is I am now more open to other experiences. Just like a drug, all the PMO was making me "content." It's like I was just trying to get everything out of the way so that I can get that momentary relief. But now I'm suppressing that urge, and that has forced me to want to do other things, and that's when I realised I've put off so many things. Even something as minute as playing video games, I have games that I've always wanted to get to, but never did that I'm playing now. WTF?
On a side note, a gold star for the person who knows what the title of my journal is referencing.
And weirdly, very relevant to a trick that I learned online when i started this reboot.When I feel an urge, I try to calm myself. Then I take a long deep breath, then hold it for a little while, about 5~10 seconds, then slowly exhale. Repeating a couple times.
After that, I will look for something to do. Or just tell myself to stop screwing around and get back to working on whatever it is I'm doing.
