The trick is to keep breathing

[jms42]

Couldn't believe what I came across today. I finally decided to sort through a box of crap that I had sitting in my room for god knows how long. You know, the box(es) everyone has in their house that's full of things you don't know where to put, you haven't touched them for months, maybe years, and you always tell yourself you need but you really don't, and you just keep throwing in the stuff you don't know what to do with.

Went through it today. There were the random gifts or souvenirs. Odd computer parts, cables, chargers etc. At the bottom was my stack of old anime collection I collected during high school. And just hiding amongst them were my old "stash." All of which I've already forgotten I ever had.

This was when broadband internet just started and hard drives were still in the sub-100gb range, so they were all burned on CDs or DVDs. Holy cow. It's not like a gigantic stack, but still a 1 ~ 2 inch high stack of CDs and DVDs of P. That probably doesn't sound like much now, but let me put this in perspective, this was from a time when download speeds of 15~20kb/s was considered amazingly fast. Think of the time I spent collecting just a bunch of pictures and videos and crap like that.

It's not a good memory seeing this stuff, but it definitely hit me deep. I'm glad I was reminded of it, and throwing them out in the garbage gave me a real sense that I was putting this behind me. Don't do it kids. Don't waste such a precious part of your life like I did.

:'(

 

[jms42]

Today just felt like a pretty shitty day. So many things on my mind and unable to make anything of it. Days like these make me want to M more for some reason. Not a real update. Just wanted to vent.

 

[jms42]

Kind of cracking around the seams a little. Made the mistake yesterday of going on 9g**.com and which led me to look at some crap list about hottest female athletes or something. Having been clean for 40+ days, that felt like a 1-2 punch on my concentration and discipline. Feeling like crap right now, for my lack of discipline and also trying to get my concentration back together.

 

[iwillprevail]

Hi there jms, I see that you also have that anime stash from the high school days lol.. It must be difficult to work on the computer and still manage to stay off the sexy sites, so kudos for that . I think it comes down to mental triggers for you, I hope

 

[iwillprevail]

you learn to identify those triggers and discipline your mind further..

 

[jms42]

Haha, thanks iwillprevail. Good old days will those anime. ;D

Yeah, the longer I'm going into this reboot, the more I find I have to really concentrate. A moment of weakness really had me teetering on the edge. I'm glad it didn't escalate this time, but I'll have to be more vigilant in the future so it doesn't happen again.

 

[iwillprevail]

Haha yeah I found myself recording them from cartoon network sometimes XD.                    I hear ya, on my previous try I gave in after 62 days and afterward realizing that one of my triggers was sitting at my desktop chair and not the laptop itself.

 

[KongMing]

Yeah, the longer I'm going into this reboot, the more I find I have to really concentrate. A moment of weakness really had me teetering on the edge. I'm glad it didn't escalate this time, but I'll have to be more vigilant in the future so it doesn't happen again.

Just curious- have you found that urges become harder or easier to handle as time goes by?

 

[jms42]

Hi KongMing, there are good days and bad days. In a way, it does become easier because I am getting used to trying to ignore my urges nagging at me. You also learn a bit about your triggers and how to avoid them.
Don't feel bad if you find yourself still fighting relatively strong urges a while into this. Some days you'll feel awesome, and some days you have to really fight hard.

 

[Dboy]

I would be horny, but there would be no horn.

Bro, amen to that. Sounds just like what I went through in my experience. Cheers & stay strong. Every day spent fighting the good fight feeds your soul. I figure  it's like exercising a muscle. You get stronger with consistent practice.

 

[Dboy]

I would be horny, but there would be no horn.

Bro, amen to that. Sounds just like what I went through in my experience. Cheers & stay strong. Every day spent fighting the good fight feeds your soul. I figure  it's like exercising a muscle. You get stronger with consistent practice.

 

[Dboy]

I would be horny, but there would be no horn.

Bro, amen to that. Sounds just like what I went through in my experience. Cheers & stay strong. I figure it's like exercising a muscle. The more you practice the stronger you get. 

 

[jms42]

Been MIA for quite a while. Just got out of a slump, so there are good news and bad news.

The bad news is that I've relapsed. I didn't actually go on a P site or go on a PMO binge, but I've become quite lax about the content I've been viewing online like swimsuit models, or things like The Ch***, basically inviting trouble. It's similar behaviour to back then with the P and all. Then it all ended when I caught myself edging to the stuff. Not full on "death grip" action, but still edging nonetheless. I've had to wrestle with the guilt and feeling like crap for a day or two.

Now the good news is that the slump didn't last for long, because I started a new job around the same time. It's got a much more rigid schedule than before, so I've been maintaining a good daily routine. I go for a jog after I get home, and then make dinner. I'm lucky that the turn of events didn't put me in limbo for long and I was able to get back on track.

I thought I was a stronger person, but I'm not. Whether or not my initial 90 day goal was realistic, I couldn't say. But at the same time, I was able to hit the 60+ day mark, so for a first try, I'd say it's pretty good. Well, time to dust myself off and get back on track.

 

[noises1990]

Don't feel bad! Considering the fact that you were able to reach 60+ days without PMO, I would say that you're pretty badass! After all that time, a relapse doesn't send you back in the stone age regarding the reboot. It's just a small step back! Keep focusing on your goals man and stay hardcore! Good luck!

 

[Dboy]

Been MIA for quite a while. Just got out of a slump, so there are good news and bad news.

The bad news is that I've relapsed. I didn't actually go on a P site or go on a PMO binge, but I've become quite lax about the content I've been viewing online like swimsuit models, or things like The Ch***, basically inviting trouble. It's similar behaviour to back then with the P and all. Then it all ended when I caught myself edging to the stuff. Not full on "death grip" action, but still edging nonetheless. I've had to wrestle with the guilt and feeling like crap for a day or two.

Now the good news is that the slump didn't last for long, because I started a new job around the same time. It's got a much more rigid schedule than before, so I've been maintaining a good daily routine. I go for a jog after I get home, and then make dinner. I'm lucky that the turn of events didn't put me in limbo for long and I was able to get back on track.

I thought I was a stronger person, but I'm not. Whether or not my initial 90 day goal was realistic, I couldn't say. But at the same time, I was able to hit the 60+ day mark, so for a first try, I'd say it's pretty good. Well, time to dust myself off and get back on track.

Don't get too down, get back up bro. think back to what sparked the relapse. & learn from it. This is one fight that's well worth it. I just relapsed myself. But I gotta get up again.

stay strong bro!

 

[Dreieck]

this happens but i think you?ve learned something and you?re stronger now. keep up!

 

[jms42]

I feel like there are 2 of me these days.

I leave early in the morning for work, and I job right after I return in the evening. I'm exercising everyday, and it's becoming a habit almost. I try cook most days, it keeps me occupied, lets me watch what I eat, too. I try to maintain a healthy routine, at least during the weekdays. I'm trying to get back in the dating game. On the surface, it looks like I'm active and healthy.

But there's another me that's uber frustrated. I haven't had sex in about a year, and I haven't orgasmed ever since I began attempting to reboot (since about March?). When my mind is not preoccupied, I'm thinking about girls, and how badly I need some release. It's like I have this huge pent up frustration that seems to keep telling me that I need to orgasm in order to relieve it. I almost feel the worst when I'm alone by myself. I have remind myself to not not linger in the shower. I try to find little things here and there to do, but my mind feels like a skipping record.

I know it's been said that a certain amount of masturbation is not bad for one's health, but I'm afraid of losing my inhibitions if I do orgasm. Another thing is, I want to build a real, healthy relationship with another person, which is why I just cannot allow myself to let go even for a teeny bit.

 

[jms42]

My work and exercise routine has really helped me, but it does get monotonous after a while. I'm afraid of boredom, and I'm trying to force myself to come to this forum when I find myself bored. It makes me feel like I have to say something, and even if I don't, it makes me think about this reboot and reflect.

 

[jnv]

I can relate a lot to the part explaining there were 2 of you.
I've got the same, one part which is VERY motivated about succeeding and another one which is frustrated because of no sex in over a year now and tries to rationalize about the fact that P is no big deal.

 

[jms42]

Boredom really hurts. I'm sitting here wondering what I wanted to do. It's a really nice day out, and I'm indoors. I'd like to be out, but I just have nowhere that I want to go. Usually about this time when I would visit Rosie Palms, whittling away time cuz I can't think of anything better to do.

Now I'm wondering what I really should be doing. Did some cardio. Did some reading. But now what? Even after all this time, it's still hard to not feel like something is missing.