I recently m-ed all the way to o. But the thing is I don't feel bad at all. It's not that I have given up, but that I have a new mindset. I didn't m using p or anything. I just did it. I have decided that I have had enough of kicking myself, and blaming my shortcomings (seriously, no pun intended, I don't know how these keep appearing) on my p usage from before and my m-ing.
Here's the thing, I'm a relatively young single guy, if I don't get the horn, that's more cause to be worried than actually m-ing. Understand that
I am NOT saying that p use is normal and that it is okay. No, I still don't use p. And I don't intend to m regularly. I'm saying that it is natural to have urges, and I need to stop daemonizing my urges and come to terms with it.
I wish I can remember the names of the wise members who imparted of this knowledge in their posts, but I'm sorry I cannot. So if you read this and find that I'm restating your teachings, please know that you deserve all the credit and my gratitude.
I want to be a better person. But simply abstaining from pmo just means that I am still the same as before, just not having pmo-ed in x-many days/weeks/months. And when I fall, I would feel like I haven't made any progress while feeling like crap. Instead of playing the blaming game, I am simply trying to move along to a better lifestyle. I no longer waste my time in front of the computer looking for materials for m-ing. I no longer use m as a way to deal/distract myself from my problems. To me, that is an improvement.
And when I feel horny, I let myself know that it's a natural thing, and it's not "oh my gosh, it's that urge to watch p and edge and m etc. etc. etc." No, it's just my body being itself. Understanding this, it becomes easier to cope. In fact, it made me understand a few things. Like my social life, for example, like how I haven't really made an active effort at finding a good relationship, because I've been so caught up with my reboot blaming "the urge" left and right.
Another thing is the big picture; how I've been blaming rather than actually doing anything about myself. I kept thinking that my doing all these other activities are "distractions" but really they should be activities that fulfill parts of my life, and that I put effort into them for a constructive reason forward and not to block out the past.
Maybe some of the things I said here don't really make sense. I don't know if things are really going to be as rosy as I have put it. But I fill I have made an improvement in this reboot, and that I can appreciate the efforts I have put into myself.