Committing to Reboot

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gazz

Active Member
5 days of this new challenge in the bag :)

Interesting today - this morning I noticed urges were strong. I was tired and achy, images seemed to want to flash through my mind and my body was responding with dopamine buzzes. shit - this wasn't good. I was ready to spend the day at home but knew that was a recipe for disaster and I got out of there.

Outside there was a rainstorm.

But it worked - and there's a world out there I've neglected while being in my PMO world for 20 years. being home alone is appealing because usually it meant endless dopamine surges. now it means getting a bit bored, frustrated and lonely. thought it's always appealing as i'm lazy, and it's easier than going out.

Anyway, my quest for sobriety got me outside and rained on today.

Didn't have time for exercise today, want to get on that tomorrow. never want to leave it too long without a workout.
 
G

gazz

Active Member
Hey guys. I think I've done 90days! I've stopped counting, taking each challenge, day , week as it comes. I've come this far before and relapsed, so I'm staying super focused.

Someone asked - is it easy now? Do the urges still come? The answer is - yes. BUT they're easier to deal with. ( but not exactly EASY) Of course P- memories will pop into your head, of course women on beaches on sunny days will trigger you...

As you take this journey, which includes the relapses, you'll learn more and more. Good hacks, good habits, what works for you...

Despite all your hard work, it takes one moment of your own brain saying 'screw it' and you're back in chains. I've learned to be conscious and focused on sobriety all the time. ( this isn't the same as trying not to think about P all day - it's knowing you have to be at your best every day, to exercise, think about your values, create the life you want...)

I had a big urge just yesterday, and I had all my reaction-tools ready. Stillness, awareness, a little physical activity, journalling my thoughts... And common sense won out - I won't feel 'release' afterwards, I'll only want more. There's no 'one last time' , there's only going back to being in chains.

We can get lax after some time in sobriety, I read some reboot stuff every morning to remind myself of the importance of this (which our brains like to conveniently forget)

Stay strong people !!
 
G

gazz

Active Member
Just had a 2 week vacation and enjoyed sobriety the whole time. Feels amazing. I can look back on past vacations and recall failed efforts - a nice way to mark progress.

But coming home was a real challenge. Back to work and stress and the cold rain. I went from feeling very smug to feeling very challenged. really wanted to just take a curious look at something erotic to numb the stress.

just watched this good Mark Queppet vid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2_hF-6X-mc
about how we condition ourselves to see everything sexually. It's so true, and I still have trouble seeing this from any perspective that isn't sexual. so glad i'm growing and my views and values are shifting. what a great journey.
 
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