Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.

[William]

The hard 90 is training wheels.  In addition to rewiring our brains not to crave porn every day, the hard 90 serves the purpose of convincing ourselves we can live without that porn induced dopamine rush. As in, live without it, forever. Gabe does not love the concept of "the hard 90" because for some, it takes longer.  It took Gabe 9 months before he felt recovered.  Sometimes it takes more.  Now that you have done the hard 90, you know you can.  So, question, why go back?  Once you get those chains off, why go back?  The purpose of the reboot, for someone with PIED, which you have, is not to kick the addiction so you can MO, it is to kick the addiction so you can have reality, as in actual sex with something other than your hand.  You are doing well, and that 90 days, that is fantastic, but I think you need to get out into the world.  Time to get outside yourself and start living.  I don't think you felt "pain".  I think you gave yourself a dopamine rush, which, after 90 days, you are no longer used to.  It is no longer your "normal".  Don't go back.  Don't ever let it become your normal again.

 

[jayboy]

Hello William,
Thank you for the message when I first joined the forum. I Hope the same success can be claimed by me. A week into Hard mode now and I feel good. In control of the thoughts mostly, and have distracted myself successfully when I feel my mind wandering. Thankful for finding this forum...
Keep strong folks...
James

 

[William]

Hi J!  Thanks for the kind words.  A week into Hard Mode is outstanding.  There will be bumps along the way, and more than just bumps.  I had to wake up many mornings when I went Hard Mode and tell myself, "This feels like I am dying, but if I have to feel it every day to get clean, if I  have to die to get clean, then I will feel it every single day for the rest of my life, or it will kill me."  It won't kill you, but along the way it will talk to you, your addiction, it will tell you you don't, really, need to stop, that you cannot stop, that you will die unless you go back to using.  Do not believe it.  Those horrible feelings do, eventually, lessen and pass.  Promise.  But don't believe anything the addiction tells you.  The addiction lies.

Keep going.  Porn is not an option.

Much love.

Will I AM.

 

[William]

Keep going.  Porn is not an option.  Found an interesting link.  Thought it might be helpful. 

http://bigthink.com/going-mental/your-brain-on-drugs-dopamine-and-addiction

Knowledge is power.  Study your enemy so that you may defeat it.  Once you understand what is going on in your brain, it becomes so much easier to overcome the problem.  And the problem can, definitely, be overcome. Time to take off your chains. 

 

[William]

Can porn be used in a "healthy" way, or does it always lead to addiction?

This is a great question. Actually, it is two questions, both of which are great.

First the question about "healthy" PMO use. Let's take a quick history tour of "PMO". The term PMO, porn, masturbation, orgasm, has only been in use for, maybe 6 years. That is because High Speed Internet Porn, the only kind of "porn" that has been proven addictive, has only existed for, about, 15 years, and it took about 9 years for people to understand and accept it could be addictive. So, when you talk about "healthy PMO", since the concept of PMO itself is quite new, the concept of healthy PMO is even newer. Healthy PMO is not a concept that exists in our history, as in never before about 6 years ago. It developed in response to the question a lot of people started asking about 6 years ago, which went something like this: "This is fun, sitting in front of my computer a few times a day, watching porn, rubbing one off, orgasming, every day, for years, BUT is this healthy, and when I try to quit, why can't I quit?"

So, understand, the question about healthy PMO, has only existed for about 6 years, because, only for about 6 years, has PMO been generally accepted as a concept or term, and only for about 6 years have we understood PMO could be an addictive habit.

Also, let's understand what PMO actually is. PMO is using artificial sexual stimulation to produce a profound, prolonged, dopamine high that is higher than we can get via reality, aka, sex. In that sense, when we PMO we are abusing our brain's sexual reward center to spike the neurotransmitter, dopamine, and when it comes to dopamine, we likey. Can this be done in a healthy way? My opinion, no. It is unhealthy to abuse your brain; nothing good comes from it, and bad things can, and often do, come from it. To quote Gary Wilson of yourbrainonporn, why would any porn loving guy give it up? Answer: only because some negative consequences have come from it, meaning for most, sexual dysfunction, or negative social interaction issues with the people we are close to.

This leads to question 2: does PMO inevitably lead to addiction? Answer: No, but it is more likely to if the abuser does not fully understand addiction is possible, meaning there are about a billion (that is right, billion, with a "b") porn consumers in the world who have been abusing porn to get a dopamine high, for 15 or so years, who, initially, and to a great extent, currently, are not armed with the knowledge that this seemingly harmless distraction can lead to an addiction. So, PMO once, we like, no addiction. PMO daily for years; quitting seems like an impossibility, and then the addiction has its hooks in us.

This, by the way, is about as complicated as working out to achieve a look. Work out every days for years, and you get buff and cut. Same with PMO. Different result, but you get the idea. Use it often enough, over a prolonged period, and you have, for the most part unconsciously, trained your brain to prefer porn over reality to reach that dopamine high we love so much. The key to kicking the addiction is to consciously understand what you have been doing, and the mechanism which you have been using to do it, and consciously quit doing that so as to retrain your brain to prefer reality, again. Quitting porn addiction, which is actually porn induced dopamine addiction, is a chore. It is an exercise we have to do, every day, for many days, many say the hard 90. For an addict, quitting porn requires the individual to redefine themselves for the hard 90 as a person quitting porn, and, probably, in that time frame, requires quitting porn to become the most important thing in their lives. In the hard 90, when they get up in the morning, they have to be a person quitting porn, during the day, a person quitting porn, at night when going to bed, a person quitting porn, when they wake up at night with the sweats and shakes, they have to be a person quitting porn. It takes an addict years of training their brains, unconsciously, to become addicted. To consciously uncouple from porn takes, most say, at least the hard 90.

If anyone has taken time to read this, chin up. This is William. My chains are off and are never going back on again. If you are actively addicted, I used to be where you are, in the darkness and despair. I am broadcasting to you. You can be free, you can take off those chains. Many have. It is possible. You have to think the impossible thought: I am quitting porn, forever, and I will never be its slave again. Just know it can be done.

Much love.

Will I AM.

 

[jayboy]

Top Man William.
Looking hard to do right. Still done right this long. Really proud if myself.
Good luck Moosh..
James

 

[kelso]

I've only just started my journey. 8 days now. In terms of psychological trauma, it was pretty bad. My relationship is in the balance and so much else seems on the line. I'm finding this site a little overwhelming. I've told my therapist - have been recovering from depression - and my partner, but am looking for advice on who else I should tell. Like a close friend. Someone who won't judge but who I can talk to and account to. I guess I'm also just posting this to see if someone answers. I'm not used to forums, though I've found the info on here illuminating beyond belief. I had no idea the damage being done. Of course, you know it can't be good - you can't just continually hit that spot and not expect it to have consequences. I guess knowledge is power. Anyway, I'm here reading, taking hope from what I've read of others. But is anyone listening?

 

[William]

Hi, thanks for the very kind words.

Kelso, I was not used to forums when I first started posting, either.  They are kinda weird, a public posting of very personal information with total strangers, who, are, mostly, anonymous.  But I have learned that quitting porn is an exercise, something that has to be done everyday, especially during the reboot,  Many people are listening to you.  Not everyone comments on what you write, but many see it, and many see themselves in what you write.  Though we are all unique, the experience of getting addicted to porn, and then quitting the addiction, is, actually, very similar for all of us.  We, unconsciously, train our brains to use porn--to use it--to get something we like quite a lot--a dopamine rush.  In the beginning, when we are doing it, we do not know we are doing it, and we do not even have the language to describe what we are doing; we just know it feels great.  You hit it when you said "knowledge is power".  You are right.  One of the first steps in beating the addiction, after the first step, which is owning the addiction, is understanding what we have all been doing.  Again, we have been pushing the porn button to get a dopamine rush.  It works like this:  Push the porn button=hypersexual thoughts, hypersexual thoughts=dopamine rush, dopamine rush=momentary euphoria.  There is nothing mysterious about this, this is evolved human sexual psychology. 

So we now know the what and the why. 

As for who you should tell, that is up to you, a personal choice.  I, personally, am not a big fan of broadcasting the issue to the world around me for a very simple reason.  I got hooked alone, and in private, and I had to kick it, alone, and in private.  It helps to have a reason to quit, but I am not sure telling others makes quitting easier.  It might, for you, but, for me, like becoming addicted, quitting the addiction was something I did alone.  It was personal that way. 

So, people are listening.  Broadcast.  How do we help ourselves?  For porn addicts this is especially true, do to the isolated, solitary, nature of the addiction:  We help ourselves by helping others.  Get out into the world, reconnect with it. It is cold, painful, and often messy out there.  Out there you will find something that we do not like:  it is unpredictable, and out of our control.  Unlike the distraction of porn.  You have to reconnect with reality, again.  So, step out your front door, and go find someone you can help.  This problem, your problem, will seem a bit smaller when you are helping someone else solve their problem, whatever that problem is.  This is part of the process of quitting.  Trust me, this will help.

Much love.

W.

 

[gohanrage]

Okay I got your Message. The Problem I have with it is all your acronyms. I have no idea what most of them mean. I expect O to mean Orgasm.

Hmm it seems PMO is just the first letters of PORN, Masturbation and Orgasm. I guess MO is Masturbation and Orgasm and O is just Orgasm?  are there any more Acronyms I need to know

Thank You
@William #William on other forums if you type @username the user gets a notification

 

[William]

Hello, and thanks again for all the kind and positive words. If you read in this forum enough, you will see lots of inquiries about HOCD. But, while many are concerned that their sexual tastes or preferences are reflected in the porn they watch, the reality of the brain science is that, for many, after years of watching porn, they have desensitized to vanilla porn, and can only get their dopamine fix from pretty hardcore stuff, never before seen stuff, and some jump the tracks to view porn that has a completely different orientation from who they think they are in real life. This is because they have so abused porn to get a dopamine reaction for so many years, they have desensitized to the vanilla porn most start on.

I am ripping Gary Wilson off by quoting him on this topic, in a publication of earlier today. Here goes.

Gary was asked:

"Heterosexual men can certainly escalate to more extreme forms of straight porn--but how can they jump from the heterosexual trajectory to the homosexual one? For a straight man, sure, seeing gay porn is certainly shocking (I remember when I would see and image of it I would run for the hills!)--but how does it become arousing?"

Gary answered:

It's important to remember that only since 2006 have porn users have been able to click onto a video of a new genre while masturbating. So escalation (or boredom with current genre) might lead someone to orgasm wile viewing porn that he originally found repellent. It's established that anxiety can increase sexual arousal in males (probably via dopamine, norepinephrine, and cortisol). Perhaps lagging libidos needs an extra jolt via a new anxiety-inducing genre. Clicking to an anxiety-inducing genre (gay, straight, transsexual, BDSM, rape, etc.) might increase arousal, lead to orgasm reinforcing the arousing nature of the new genre. Many described this scenario...which means it is occurring. Escalation to genres that don't match one's original sexual tastes is quite common.

A few recent studies support this:

This was the first study to ask porn users directly about escalation: "Online sexual activities: An exploratory study of problematic and non-problematic usage patterns in a sample of men" (2016). The study reports escalation, as 49% of the men reported viewing porn that was not previously interesting to them or that they once considered disgusting. http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563215302612 An excerpt:

Forty-nine percent mentioned at least sometimes searching for sexual content or being involved in OSAs that were not previously interesting to them or that they considered disgusting.

This Belgian study also found problematic Internet porn use was associated with reduced erectile function and reduced overall sexual satisfaction. Yet problematic porn users experienced greater cravings (OSA's = online sexual activity, which was porn for 99% of subjects). Interestingly, 20.3% of participants said that one motive for their porn use was "to maintain arousal with my partner."

Then we have this study that casts serious doubt on that assumption that porn tastes are stable Sexually Explicit Media Use by Sexual Identity: A Comparative Analysis of Gay, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men in the United States (2016). Excerpt from this new study:

The findings also indicated that many men viewed sexually explicit material (SEM) content inconsistent with their stated sexual identity. It was not uncommon for heterosexual-identified men to report viewing SEM containing male same-sex behavior (20.7%) and for gay-identified men to report viewing heterosexual behavior in SEM (55.0%). It was also not uncommon for gay men to report that they viewed vaginal sex with 13.9%) and without a condom (22.7%) during the past 6 months.

Viewing porn that is out of alignment with one's sexual tastes may not bother a lot of porn users (a nofap survey found that over 50% of members "tastes had become increasingly deviant", but only half of those were bothered by this). However, an individual with OCD might end up developing SOCD when they watch gay or straight porn. We are in a new era.

Two of our articles about escalation:
- Are Sexual Tastes Immutable? https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/are-sexual-tastes-immutable
- Can You Trust Your Johnson? https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/can-you-trust-your-johnson

Check out the YBOP page with studies that have reported habituation and escalation - https://yourbrainonporn.com/studies-find-escalation-porn-users
? Last Edit: Today at 02:02:40 PM by Gary Wilson ?

So, when you ask: Why do I watch the type of porn I watch?, remember, the ONLY reason anyone watches porn at all is for the dopamine rush it gives them. Once we become desensitized to any category of porn we have been using to get the dopamine high, regardless of the category, we move on to a different category, something with more shock value, always more hardcore, and, once we desensitize to that, we move on to the next category. This can eventually lead to watching porn outside our sexual orientation, because we have become desensitized to nearly every category of porn consistent with that sexual orientation.

 

[William]

So, I was watching Girl Boss last night.  It's a comedy on Netflix.  The main character has a vintage clothes store, online, she calls Nasty Gal.  Nothing pornographic.  There is a great scene in Episode 10 that is soooo true, about internet forums, complete with references to newbies and trolls.  A lot of the newbs won't remember it, but, over on Nofap (not here) there is a reason we can only have one conversation with one person at one time:  A couple of years ago a troll was popping in sending everyone nude pics of beautiful women, so the site limited our ability to mass communicate, in order to lessen trollage.  I found it more funny than a trigger, having already rebooted, but the point I am making is: it is not only OK to laugh at our situation, becoming addicted to porn, it is probably helpful to laugh at it; sort of like laughing when we rip off the bandage.  It make dealing with the pain of it a bit more bearable.  So, for a bit of comic relief....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVGaok_aTXg

 

[Gracie]

One thing to remember about who to tell or should I tell is if you have a partner, they typically have no one but you to talk to and they are going through a lot.  So privacy is an important thing to talk about with a partner.  As a partner I chose a person I was close to, that we would not see frequently that would not tell me to leave. 

 

[Dico888]

My eyes are hurting from all the reading ( i think 2 hours non stop ), so I'm taking a break. But thanks William and other posters for your stories, they sure help and I'm seeing myself in some of the stories. I even catch myself saying "yehh exactly"  etc. sometimes when reading something I can relate to.

Only in day 1, but highly motivated and I have a strong will (with other addictions I quitted), so I hope I can put that will to use here!

P.S. One question. I have always been sensitive for addictions (gambling, cocaine, alcohol, smoking etc), and was wondering if any other people here have that too? As porn is simply another possible addiction to get hooked to.

 

[William]

"P.S. One question. I have always been sensitive for addictions (gambling, cocaine, alcohol, smoking etc), and was wondering if any other people here have that too? As porn is simply another possible addiction to get hooked to."

Good question.  And thanks Gracie and Dico, for the kind words and insight. 

Due to my addiction, I have thought about addiction WAY too much. But, actually, thinking about the addiction is a helpful tool in fighting this, and any other addiction. To be most successful in combating any addiction we have to totally demystify it, de-romanticize it, and take time to understand how we have abused our brain to get it to the point that it is addicted.  We have to study the science behind the addiction, even if our understanding is merely rudimentary. 

So, the beginning and ending of any addiction is the brain.  All addictions have some external stimulation that lead to a brain reaction.  Porn is our external stimulation. Porn=hypersexual thoughts, hypersexual thoughts = prolonged, powerful dopamine rush; prolonged, powerful dopamine rush, multiple times a day, for years= addiction.  Not every type of "porn" leads to the addiction; in fact, only one type does:  High Speed Internet Porn.  This is because it can, due to being infinite, be searched forever, with the searcher (addict) being constantly able to never seeing the same image/video twice.  Searching for novelty is a part of the addiction.  It boosts the dopamine rush.   

To the best of my knowledge, only humans become addicted.  I will say that other primates, especially the higher ones, show a propensity for addiction, in a controlled environment.  But, that is the thing:  A controlled environment.  You see, of all the species on the planet, only we, humans, have shown an ability to control our environment, meaning the environment is reacting to us, and we are not (always, anyway) reacting to it. 

When it comes to porn addiction, which is actually porn induced dopamine addiction, I tend to think of it in terms of an evolutionary drive, or instinct, want, or desire, that, while it served its purpose well back when we were reacting to our environment, is subject to abuse, now that we have learned to control our environment. 

A quick word on "served its purpose well" v. "subject to abuse":  I am talking about the human sex drive, which still serves its purpose well, in that it, still, is causing people to have babies, and the species to thrive, if thrive means the population is growing.  But, back while we were still reacting to our environment, porn addiction was not an option.  You might say, William, obviously, there was no High Speed Internet Porn, and you would be right, but that is not my point.  My point is, the monkey men and women who were our ancestors would have been eaten by lions, and tigers, and bears, if they had become addicted, to just about anything.  In the world where we had to outwit our prey to eat, or outwit the predators that liked human snacks, the mental distraction of any addiction was a dead end, as in, literally, being less than completely fine tuned to reality meant death.

For us, though, watching porn, over and over and over, leads to physical and social negatives, not death, but negatives. As Gary Wilson says (paraphrasing), if porn did not cause problems in our lives, we would not quit it.  But, it does.  The physical problems are anorgasmia, or inability to have an orgasm during sex, and, often, the ability to have an orgasm only with porn.  Also, everyone's (not) favorite, porn induced erectile dysfunction.  The social problem is interaction difficulties with other humans, quite often our significant others. 

So, yes, porn is a lot like other addictions.  Like all other addictions, we invented it.  It is not found, naturally, in nature, in the form that is addictive. Also, due to controlling or environment, we can use it, without it being a threat to our lives.  Due to having manipulated our environment, riding a dopamine high, and the distraction that comes with it, does not mean we will not have food, or be food. 

Tomorrow I will be discussing how your olive salad can be greatly altered by the type of olives you choose to use, and the taboo (still lingering) about mixing certain olive types....

That's a joke 

Hope this helps.

William.

 

[William]

Question: Am I addicted to Gay Porn?

Answer: No. No one has ever been addicted to porn; "porn addiction" does not exist, and no one has ever been addicted to any genre of porn. We are all dopamine addicts, porn (whatever category you have migrated to) is just the button we push to get that euphoric dopamine rush.

The human brain is an interesting thing, and this addiction is 100% a brain issue. It is 100% above the belt, and 0% below the belt. There is a lot of misperception about the addiction, but understanding what is going on was very helpful for me in overcoming it.

So, let's clear up a few fallacies.

No one was ever addicted to "porn". We call it porn addiction, mostly, I suppose, because before we knew what it actually was, before the brain science developed, and evolved, it looked exactly like what we would think "porn addiction" would look like. But it is not that. It is porn induced dopamine addiction. And, if you wanted to be hyper literate, dopamine is released in response, not to porn, but to sexual thoughts. Porn is just the best method we have invented, so far, to create hypersexual thoughts which lead to a prolonged, profound, dopamine high, which feels euphoric.

So, porn (whatever genre you have migrated to)=hypersexual thoughts, hypersexual thoughts=dopamine rush, dopamine rush=momentary feeling of euphoria. That process over time becomes addictive.

Dopamine happens in the brain. It is a motivational and reward neurotransmitter that functions to encourage reproduction of the species. It works by making us "like" sexual thoughts. Notice, the focus is on sexual thoughts, not just sex, though, let's face it, most of are thinking about sex when we are having it. Sexual thoughts, often, lead to the real deal, and thus nature found a pretty efficient way of getting people to do what is necessary to promote the species: making babies.

We have always "liked" sexual thoughts. That feeling of "liking" them is a dopamine rush. So, when I say we like sexual thoughts, to be more literal and precise, we like the dopamine rush we get when we think about sex.  Porn just leads to a thought, it is the thought that gives us a dopamine rush, and has forever, way before we invented porn or High Speed Internet Porn.

Porn has been around since we could express ourselves. You can find versions of it in cave dwellings. We like the imagery, because the imagery leads to a sexual thought, and the sexual thought leads to a dopamine high, which feels, momentarily, like euphoria. But, up until only a few years ago, we were not addicted to those dopamine producing images. Porn, our father's porn, was fascinating to us, the species, but not addictive.

Then, in the late 90's, morphing into the 2005-2011 period, we invented the addiction, when we invented High Speed Internet Porn. HSIP is addictive. It is addictive because, unlike the P before it, it is infinite, meaning we can click and click, and search, for new images (meaning have new sexual thoughts), that we never experienced before, and we can search forever, and never have to have the same image/thought again. It is infinite, new, sexual imagery, leading to infinite, new, sexual thoughts, leading to a infinite, non stop dopamine binge, unless we quit it. Use it long enough, and the thought of quitting becomes, for an addict, what I call "the impossible thought", the thought that we, actually, can quit, as in quit using porn, forever. (hint: we can).

Most of us, even those of us who are gay, start out at vanilla, straight, porn. Let's face it, even gay males usually start out with vanilla, straight, porn. We start viewing porn that, for each of us, at a very early age, often even pre-puberty, we think we can see our own sexuality in, and at that age, we don't have a sexuality, so it is a mental fantasy of something we think we would like to engage in, in the future.

This is where the concepts of brain plasticity, desensitization, and sensitization come in. HSIP is addictive because it is infinite, meaning it gives us the possibility of an endless, constant, profound, prolonged dopamine high. We are all "sensitive" to vanilla, straight, porn when we start out, by which I mean, it works to give us a dopamine high. But, one of the peculiarities of the human brain is, no matter how great it feels the first time, (meaning no matter how great the dopamine rush feels the first time), using the same porn becomes somewhat boring by the 10th or 100th time. When I say it becomes boring, I mean, our brain has desensitized to it, meaning, over time that porn image that gave you a dopamine high, the first time you watched porn, eventually fails to give you the same high, over time, via desensitization. From there, to get the dopamine rush you have become accustomed (addicted) to, you have to go out and find new porn, and eventually that "new" porn will be outside the genre you start with.

At that point, in order to get the high as we first experienced it, we have to move on to something different. "Something different", if you stay addicted long enough, and use P to get a dopamine high, long enough, means a different category or genre of porn. We do not go from vanilla, straight, porn to gay porn over night. We go from vanilla, straight, porn to less-vanilla, straight, porn, then from less-vanilla, straight, porn, to straight porn, and from straight porn, to hardcore straight porn, and, if we are using long enough we migrate through the genres as our brain's dopamine response numbs (desensitizes) to the latest genre of porn we use as a button we push to get our high.

Eventually, a lot of guys end up watching gay porn, because the straight categories they moved through, and discarded, as a means to get a dopamine high, fail to produce it. What we know about escalation through porn genres is that the human brain (for whatever reason), prefers the "next" genre not only be different and new, but with some element of shock, and/or aggression, and/or submission. The pornographers figured this out a long time ago, and, so, now create genres, some of which never existed until quite recently, that bend and blur orientation, and even the sex of the performers, because they know, for long time porn addicts, those genres are often the ones that many can, and only can, use to get their dopamine fix. Some people escalate to porn that is animated, meaning it does not even involve representations of human sexuality that is, in reality, even possible.

So, if you are straight, but use gay porn to get your dopamine high, that is how you got there. It is key to understand that no one, ever, in the history of the world, has been addicted to "porn", or any category of porn, including "gay porn". We are addicted to a porn induced dopamine high. We just use porn, including our latest preferred genre of porn, to get to that dopamine high.

So, you are using porn, regardless of genre, to get hypersexual thoughts, which leads to a profound, prolonged, dopamine high. Welcome to the party, pal. How are you going to stop it?

We stop it, quit the addiction, much like we became addicted, over time, and not instantaneously. Quitting porn, like dying (apropos) is a process, not an event. It takes time, but, mostly it takes a commitment to be willing to feel like you are dying, if that is what must be done to quit it. You need to prepare for it, study the process of what you have been doing to your brain, know it is going to hurt, put obstacles between you the drug (porn), plan on reintegrating into society, plan on having other things to do, other places to be, on being around people, on not watching porn. You have to do the hard 90. It may take you longer, but, probably not less. If done right, you will make it past the withdrawals, which are hell. Will you never miss it again? Unfortunately, due to DeltaFosB, a brain mechanism that makes forgetting a dopamine rush impossible to forget, you will remember, forever, that you can use porn to get that high, BUT, eventually using P is not something you think about much, and when you do, it is not compulsive. You will own you then, Porn will not own you, and it will feel good to own yourself.

So, get busy owning yourself.

Much Love

Billy the Kid, William, WilliamOneAndDone, W.O.A.D.

 

[Caskey]

Hello, thank you for this. I have a little problem with rebooting and seeking solutions like this to my addiction. It is the first thing I do when I come on the internet and it somehow triggers my craving. It has become a vicious circle, almost as though I am using it to get myself in the mood for porn. What do I do? I just watch porn videos between this post.

 

[William]

OK.  Four years clean. Important concepts, for newbies.

This post is for newbies only.  I am speaking to the person who is new here, and has no idea why they cannot stop watching porn and PMOing.  They feel it is out of their control, they just cannot stop.

So, by 2011, we, humanity, had made this addiction possible, for the first time in history, with the widespread use of High Speed Internet, and, by extension, High Speed Internet Porn.  Before that, porn was not addictive.  In fact, if you are a newbie, it will help to understand that porn is not addictive at all.  We have, inarticulately, formed the phrase "porn addiction", when what we really are describing is porn induced dopamine addiction, or, more correctly, High Speed Internet Porn induced Dopamine Addiction. 

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in your brain.  Everyone on the planet has it, and it works, in a largely identical way, for everyone on the planet, for the exact same reasons.  Dopamine is a reward and motivational neurotransmitter that, probably, is the root of all addictions.  Think of it the reason we want or love something. Some people use drugs to force a dopamine reaction/high/thrill, some people use sex, some alcohol.  We use porn, because porn leads to sexual thoughts, and not just sexual thoughts, but hypersexual thoughts, and that leads to a prolonged, profound dopamine high, that is more profound and prolonged than even actual sex can produce.  So, it goes like this:  Search for and watch porn=hypersexual thoughts=dopamine rush. 

So, why dopamine?  Dopamine is nature's evolved way of encouraging at least two things, eating and sex.  We get a dopamine reward from both.  Know when you are hungry and you eat, that feeling of satisfaction and satiation?  Dopamine.  Same when you are horny and have sex.  Dopamine rush.  But, and this is important, you don't have to have sex to get the rush:  Just thinking about sex produces it.  There are two things natural evolution has produced in all of us; the desire to eat, and the desire to have sex.  Turns out we are designed to eat and fuck.  However, when we invented High Speed Internet Porn, we inadvertently short circuited our sexual reward dynamic in our brain, meaning we can now use HSIP like sex, only, unlike sex, using HSIP is infinite.  I don't care how great a lover you think you are, you can never have, in real life, as many partners, as you can, in your imagination, with HSIP, and that allows for the prolonged, profound dopamine high we feel, and initially, love, when viewing porn.  HSIP is why the addiction is possible.  It is all fun and games until you put an eye out, meaning most of, in the beginning use porn to amuse and distract ourselves because we like the feeling it gives us:  we all love a dopamine rush; nature designed us that way. But, if you are here, reading this, you have discovered the down side, and that happens when the addiction has formed, and you feel you cannot stop, and stopping feels like dying.  The addiction may, and probably already has, caused social problems, identity problems, guilt issues, and physical symptoms like porn induced erectile dysfunction, or anorgasmia (inability to reach orgasm during sex, and ability to reach orgasm only with porn), with you.  If it has not, it will.

So, don't take my word on it.  Gary Wilson, of yourbrainonporn,  is the best source of information.  Gabe Deem, of Reboot Nation, says "read everything." You should spend a few hours reading yourbrainonporn.  Get Educated.  Here is the link:

https://yourbrainonporn.com/

Also, the most important video presentation I have experienced is the Gary Wilson TedX Talk, The Great Porn Experiment.  It simply explains the brain mechanics that allows for watching porn to create a dopamine addiction.  Here it is:

https://yourbrainonporn.com/garys-tedx-talk-great-porn-experiment

I know a porn addict's attention span is short, but, better than just trying to white knuckle it past this problem (which is probably going to be a failure), take time to study the problem.  It helps, this is experience talking.

Now that you have an understanding about how you have been using porn, and why, the question is: how do I stop?  First, study withdrawals, because if you are addicted, when you quit the addiction, you will feel withdrawals, and they are horrible. You probably cannot overcome the addiction without feeling withdrawals; I know of no one who has, and most of the porn addicts that have quit this problem, in the last four years, have exchanged views with me on this. One of the things that totally scares the fuck out of us, when we quit in ignorance, is feeling the withdrawals for the first time, and not understanding what they are.  You need to take time to understand what they are, what they look like, what they feel like.

Again, yourbrainonporn is a great resource.  A page dedicated to what withdrawals feel like is found here (and I am quoted!):

https://yourbrainonporn.com/what-does-withdrawal-from-porn-look-like

So, I suggest you spend as much time as you can over the next 3-7 days just studying; not trying to quit, just studying.  If you are continuing to use PMO in that time frame, OK, but focus on the feeling of it, the feeling of physical euphoria, and make sure you are telling yourself, every time, that is just you, using porn, to ride a dopamine high; nothing more, nothing less.  You have figured out porn is a button you can push to ride that high.  Make yourself self-aware about what you are doing.  It helps.  You have to study you, and your brain.  Evil laugh, inserted here. 

Prior to quitting, prepare for what it will be like when you quit.  It will be hell, and you will be tested, everyday, when the addiction tries to talk you into using again.  During the reboot, the quitting stage, you have to resist using.  But you, also, must plan on the withdrawals.  So, porn blockers were helpful to me, and they will be to you as well.  They have not invented a porn blocker one dedicated to getting to porn cannot get around, but if one is dedicated to quitting, porn blockers are very helpful, and at least slow you down, and give you time to think:  No, I am quitting, I am not using.  You will have to have that thought about 1,000 times a day, in the beginning, when quitting.  In addition to porn blockers, plan now to exist in spaces where you do not have access to your computer, or, if you have access, you would not watch porn when there.  So, keep your office door, and bedroom door, open, with the screen facing the door.  Plan on not being alone at work or at home.  Plan on visits to the mall, or to workout places, or walks in the park. I found running helpful.  If you have a smart phone, and it is your portal, put it away for the hard 90, and get a dumb phone.  Point is, do not quit, and then try and figure it out, figure out now how you are putting obstacles between watching porn, and the time you are spending, during the reboot.  Don't go in cold and ignorant, the addiction will kick your ass. 

Rebooting will not kill you, but it will at times be the worst feeling you have ever felt, and it made worse by knowing a little relapse can make it go away.  The most successful rebooters move toward the pain, learn to want it, to seek it, and not avoid it.  I felt like dying, when I quit, but I told myself, every day, over and over, if I have to die to overcome the addiction, I am going to die.  You have to want it that bad, and be committed to it that much.  That pain, eventually, goes away, completely.  Just know, out in your future, you are not addicted, and the withdrawals will leave you.  That is the future you are aiming for.

I have absolute confidence you will succeed, as I, and many others have.

Thanks for Gabe Deem, the captain here. 

William.  Broadcasting. 

 

[Fapplemage]

Hello,
please allow me to make a post in this thread. You may not remember me, I posted here a few years ago and you gave me very valuable advice. I advanced to make it to a 500+ streak and got rid of it for good, or so I thought. During this time I underwent therapy and faced some of my issues, which allowed me to be more stable overall. So in early 2016 there were some very bad circumstances in my life and so I ended up MOing again - this also had to do with me believing that abstaining from masturbation is part of some kind of bad solution to a few deeper conflicts that the therapy uncovered, and that I needed to masturbate again in order to liberate myself. I didn't like it at all - but something made me keep doing it. In the beginning, it would only be without porn, and occasionally. At some point I tried to quit again, but only made it to about 30 days - a wet dream that just wouldn't happen made it unbearable, and I relieved the tension. From that point onward, it took me about one year to get to where I am now - and today, I am PMOing again, although not as often as back then. Still, it has gotten to a point where I don't want to do it anymore. But I am still in a very bad situation and there is a lot of tension.

I am writing this because I want to find out whether I still actually want to fully quit. A few weeks ago I was still only MOing occasionally, a few times a week, or even less. I would use porn only very infrequently, and found that I didn't like it. In the past couple of weeks, this has unfortunately changed.

I am struggling to find out whether I can just return to a 'healthy masturbation routine' as one of the blog posts put it that I read back in 2015. It said that a lot of rebooters would resume with a normal, occasional, pornless masturbation routine once they were done rebooting. I believe that I can still return to that, and that it is not too late to kick out the porn again. Because during those 500+ days, something changed in me. I can't fully 'bond' with porn anymore. It always remains something that I perceive as being highly 'foreign', whereas a few years back I would still indulge in it without hesitation and 'make it a part of myself'.

Thing is, I feel as if returning to a reasonable pornless masturbation routine is not 'good enough'. The years of reading the nofap subreddit with the heavy proposals of a completely masturbation free life make me feel as if I have failed if I would not fully quit again. On the other hand, even if I ended up PMOing more frequently lately, as mentioned above, something has changed for good. I can't go back to how it was before my long streak. Wouldn't this be a success? Isn't this 'good enough'?

Or have I fallen too deep at this point and would need another full reboot? Thing is, I don't know if I have it in me to go through this again, under the current circumstances.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks.

 

[William]

Hi Fapp.  Thanks for the post. One of the reasons I never go back is that, though I could, I never want to have to reboot again.  It hurts.  I am aware, as I think you are, that everything is a choice.  We choose to do a thing, we choose not to.  Quitting P made me very aware of that, more than just P, but in life, overall. If you have been choosing, recently, to use P to ride a dopamine high, and you are uncomfortable with that, then make the choice not to.  I don't think of choosing to use P, to ride a dopamine high, in terms of good or bad.  I recognize that, unconsciously, many make the choice to use P for that reason, the dopamine rush it gives, without the slightest knowledge that is why they choose to use it, and that after years, when they want to quit, they feel they cannot choose not to.  But, intellectually, everyone who quits P has to wrap their head around the fact that no one is putting a gun to their head and forcing them to use it.  At the end of the day, everyone who quits has to have that moment when they choose not to, even if choosing not to is going to cause pain.  For an addict, quitting, pain is part of the process.  I think you need to totally eliminate P from your life, now.  I don't think you need to do a reboot, like the hard 90, but be smart and recognize, when you use P, you are using it to create a dopamine rush via artificial sexual stimulation.  Understanding that makes it a lot less sexy.  Also, understand, we are wired to "like" a dopamine rush, and that is never going away.  That is not good or bad, it is just the way it is.  That means, forever, we will always be aware we can use P, to obtain that dopamine rush, which we interpret as feeling good, and that also means, from time to time, we will remember we can, meaning, conversely, we never forget we can.  Google DeltaFosB.  Here is a good, layman's article on it that you might find helpful.

https://counselorssoapbox.com/2015/02/11/why-people-become-addicted-deltafosb/

In conclusion, lighten up on yourself.  We are born human.  Humanity is flawed, and imperfect, though those flaws and imperfections do not have to rise to the level of evil, even if they do rise to the level of seriously annoying. 

So, back to basics.  How do we help ourselves?  We help ourselves by helping others.  So, today, Fapp, do not PMO, do not use P, and, instead, find another human being, and help them.  Mow your neighbor's grass.  Help your land lady get her groceries in.  Volunteer to do something.  Give blood.  Engage with humanity.  Engage with reality.  Help yourself.

Will. 

 

[Maximus76]

Pure gold!