I'm on my way!

K

KW1989KW

Active Member
I sometimes use this as a place to vent which often leads me into a thought about the reboot. So I apologize upfront if I ramble on. HAHA.

So, I went on what I can consider a date with my friend yesterday. I picked her up and went for dinner (She paid!! :)) then to a hockey game and had a pretty awesome time. We joked around and laughed and there was a little flirtatiousness going on. She even had makeup on which was the first I've seen since knowing her!!!

Then we found out an ex of hers was at the game...... talk about awkward for me...... So she mentioned what happened and how he was such an asshole and made no connection with her for her to feel closure after dating and asked my opinion..... Now here I am feeling a bit down, but I came out and just said; "Listen, I'm a bit bias in this situation because I really care about you. You have a guy sitting next to you that understands you, that appreciates you, that listens to you and really likes being around you. You have a huge heart and I see that in you by the way you interact with your best friends, kids and the pups. My opinion...by the sounds of this other guy, hes worthless and wanted nothing more from you than a summer of fun. The fact he never spoke to you again in the last 6 months tells you something!" I also told her that I found it funny that here we are a year later reconnecting and we are closer now than we were then. Does that not tell you something. She said she really cares about me too, but she thought it was just too soon or isn't ready to date yet. I respect that. I went home a bit bummed I will say. This morning I shrugged it off and at 7AM got a text from her.... So I think what I said rang in her ear a bit. She did say this AM we have a lot of summer adventures to go on so I'll take it.

Now I'll relate this to the reboot. If I didn't work as hard as I have this past year to be more confident in myself, I never would have spoken up and told her how I felt. I would have cowered down and left the conversation as it was. I took the bull by the horns and was a man about it. Now lets see what the months ahead bring.

Here's to being more confident!!!

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
Monday Funday! I am feeling really good today. I've talked to my friend more than the usual this weekend. I think what I said to her sparked something. I feel good that I finally broke out of my shell and said something. We'll see where this takes me.

As for everything else: (Pretty consistent I will say)

-Morning W was almost too much to handle going into Saturday AM. I was awake a majority of the night. Was like a Pogo stick that never lost its
spring....HAHA.

-I have found that when watching tv, if a sexual scene comes up I look away.

-On Instagram if a picture of a pretty woman comes up it doesn't excite me like it once did. 

-I have noticed I really want to be around the girl I'm talking to. I really enjoy doing things with her. I feel this is helping me tremendously with my
reboot/ refocus. It's allowing me to interact and feel for a real woman and not something fake on a screen.

-I'm working really hard not to MO! It's a bit difficult waking up with a MW and not doing anything. Actually it's extremely hard not to do anything. HAHA
Will I Am discusses the dopamine high in his journal and in the P addiction section. Since P no longer exists in my life/ future my brain is trying to find a
way to get a different dopamine high. In this case it's MO'ing. I am going to resist it and move forward. As he stated many times, P was a way for us to
get a dopamine high. Because I am not pushing the P button to get the high, my brain is trying to get me to MO to get the dopamine high. It all makes
sense when you break it down and really understand it. We need to WANT that dopamine high to be with a real woman! That is our goal here. To feel for
your partner. I'll leave it at that.

That's all I have for now.

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
OKAY, I did some reading at lunch today and found a forum of a guy that was in a similar situation as me. Has gone a tremendous amount of time without any P. Did the reboot as everyone else, but had introduced MO again. Found he was still not recovering until he went completed hard mode. I posted the link below. I hope that's okay. Take a look!!!! This story is really inspiring.

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/threads/11-weeks-and-success-my-quest-for-overcoming-pied.6061/

It is incredible the difference in this guy from day one to day 76. And he was successful on day 76 with his GF. Congrats to him on his reboot.

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
No problem sleepking69. The more success stories I read the more I know I will be fine.

To be really honest, P is not on my mind like it once was and was actually really easy to stop. It's the MO'ing and edging as they call it (Dopamine rush) that is the most difficult to stop. After reading this guys story and seeing what he went through even after quitting P for a year, has really made me realize I am in the same pattern as he was just without the GF.

So, I'm going for it again. I am going for 90 days without any M or Edging or MO'ing. It's already been a couple weeks since my last MO, but I edged twice in the shower last week... :/ I am going to start my count as of yesterday and reading that inspiring journal. I am really proud to say it's over 400 days without any P, but one accidental slip that never resulted in any M or MO. And nothing more than 30 seconds before shutting it out immediately and moving on. This was my goal originally, to STOP P. I did that! Now it's to go completely hard mode. I can do it! I will do it!

If this guy did it, I'm going to do it.

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
Some recap of week 1 of the 90 day hard mode:

Week 1:

- Have not touched myself once other than to use the restroom. (No edging)
- MW is frequent. Every morning since I started. Not 100% though. More like 70%.
- No urge to M or MO at all.
- I have found I just want to be around a woman. Frequent thoughts of being with my lady friend and past thoughts of being with her.
- Libido is there. Physical libido... not so much. I'm not with someone yet so this is going to be down. HAHA
- I was a Dr.'s last week and a really pretty nurse stuck my attention. I sparked up a conversation with her. My confidence over this whole reboot has
  helped with this. I'm not afraid of making conversation. It's fun. :D

Other than that, nothing else to really comment on.

Good luck all,

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
Rough evening yesterday and this morning. (Sorry for the rant here)

I've thought a lot about this problem and how it messed up a lot of things in my life. I have to say I got a bit upset yesterday thinking of the people I've pushed away because I thought I didn't have interest in them anymore. In reality, it was my addiction to the dopamine rush from watching P. I always said in the past that I would never hurt the person I loved the most. I always said I would never cheat. When I now look back on my relationships one in particular, I was the one that did wrong. I cheated them. I betrayed them and they didn't even know it. It hurts, stings and has bruised me from the inside out. I feel this pain that I lost a person I truly loved and still kind of love. I've battled this emotion for a long time and have finally come to the realization that "I" tore us apart. I need to find a way to forgive myself and allow myself to try and move on. This emotion seems to hit me once a month. It usually stems from a dream I have of this past partner. I wake up and try to forget the dream, but find it often puts me in an odd mood for the day.

I've often thought about reaching out to her and telling her my story and how I messed up. I want to tell her that it was my fault. Because deep down I know she probably felt like she did something wrong, but the reality is I did the wrong. It's extremely difficult and painful to realize this.

This is what pushes me to never go back to P. I lost years of love with someone I truly, truly loved. I LOST that love because I had a problem. It makes me sick to think about, but glad I now know what the problem was and how to move forward. I'm going on a year and a half of no P. I couldn't be more thrilled to say that.

One other thing, I have always been a go-getter. P never stopped me from doing my best in anything. Some say P made them lazy and made them not appreciate life as much. That's okay. Everyone is different. I was different. I was always doing something, helping others, outside, fishing, doing my best in school, doing my best at my precious jobs, running a small business, with friends, socialized all the time, was in okay shape most of my life, had hobbies and goals. When I set out to do something I conquered it and at my very best. Often called the over achiever. Where I failed and where P destroyed me was in my relationships. I was not doing my best in those. Now...... I will conquer that. I will find someone and I know after everything I've went through and learned, this relationship will be something special.

Here's to all in moving past this addiction and moving on.

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
Week 2:

Feeling pretty good today. Have not done a thing in two weeks. No M, No MO, No teasing....NOTHING. And it's been 4 weeks since my last O to touch.

Some things I've noticed:

- Since it's been 4 weeks since any O, I was in a bit of a flat line a couple weeks ago. I feel myself out of it now though.
- I can honestly say I don't have an urge to M or tease at all. I'm going all the way.
- I have no thought to watch P what-so-ever.
- Sensitivity is definitely up. Drying off this AM after a shower I noticed the slightest touch made me aroused a bit.
- My mental libido/ sex drive is definitely up. A feeling of arousal just being around a woman is up.
- I noticed I like going to this one store on the weekends now too. I get excited being around people and interacting with people there. I also find
  myself striking up conversations with random people. It's fun.
- Not M'ing, MO'ing or teasing definitely brings my spirits up. It's such a hard thing to explain, but for men I feel not doing so brings out a sort of
  masculinity. It's really odd. But any time I try not to MO I get this way.
- My confidence is way up. I'm not shy anymore asking a woman to go do something. (This is the entire reboot talking and not just this hard mode
  phase.)
- I have a date set up tomorrow with a really cute girl that I am excited about.
- I noticed my morning woods have been subtle. But I'm fine and it doesn't bother me.

Some may be wondering why I am doing the hard mode again since I have been rebooting for a while now. During my first reboot/ rewire I teased a bit and I don't think I allowed my brain to completely rewire. Now, after reading several stories of guys who rebooted and then tried the 90 days again and were successful, I am going for it. I now know the steps and have done the research to really understand and believe in the process. I am already feeling the benefits.

Good Luck All,

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
I am finally feeling some normalcy in all of this. Last year throughout my reboot, I felt like I needed some reaction down south for me to see if I was making progress or not. Now, I am not worrying about my libido or my sex drive or my erections. They seem to come about when I need them too. For example my date the other day. I was pretty excited to go out with this girl this time around. I even felt that excitement I did as a teen. I remember talking to her throughout dinner and feeling my libido spike when we would connect in certain ways or talk about certain things. There was even a moment where I started to become excited down south while just sitting there. All in all this no M, MO thing seems to work. I'm feeling really good about myself and it seems to be showing.

One thing I have noticed is that my dreams seem to be a bit sexual lately. All of girls I know or have gone out with are the ones in my dreams. I don't think anything of it when I wake up. I just move on with my day.

Coming up on week three of no touching of any sort. Time flies.

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
3 weeks down hard mode.

Feeling great! Ups and downs of life, but relatively great! What have I noticed in 3 weeks:

- Libido is definitely up in my mind. I feel good. A certain masculinity has come over me. A feeling of, "I can do this!"
- Confidence is through the roof. I feel great around women. I am having awesome conversation and meeting new people.
- I have no urge to M or MO. It's odd. Before I was freaking out about not having this urge to do so. Now I just go about my day with no thought of it.
- I have found that me interacting and having great conversation with a woman is when my sexual attraction to them appears. I don't go walking around
  seeing woman and instantly pop a B. I notice their beauty and I keep going with what I'm doing. I feel this is the difference between mental libido and
  physical libido. I'll smile and they smile back. Makes you feel good.
- I used to think I needed to have a reaction down below for my progress to really show. This is not the case at all.
- MW has been strong the past couple mornings. Happens about 4/7 times per week.
- I have a date with a girl next week so I am excited about that.

All in all I am feeling the best I have in a while. That's all I have for now.

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
4 weeks down hard mode.

I saw some huge results this past weekend. I went away with some friends and really enjoyed myself. While relaxing a bit I noticed my attraction to real woman was pretty intense. I remember walking around and just feeling great and extremely confident. I didn't walk around with a hard on. Just a feeling of a higher libido. I even got some smiles and looks my way. My friend who is a girl that I've known for some time even made some flirty jokes towards me. These flirty jokes made me a bit aroused I will say. HAHA

What have I noticed:

- MW has been decently strong with intense arousal throughout the morning.
- Confidence seems to be at a much higher level than before.
- I've had one instance where I wanted to touch myself because I was so aroused.
  But I let it pass and it did. Other than that my focus to not M or MO is extremely
  strong.
- I DO NOT TEASE. I found out this was edging the first time around.
- I have no thought to look at P. I don't even look through Instagram anymore. I
  veer away from it knowing it was a trigger before.
- I'm talking to this girl (Date tomorrow) who's made me feel something I haven't
  in a while. I'm pretty excited to see her.  :)
- I thought I was really attracted to women before..... I have a whole new
  attraction to them going on right now and I love it.
- I am feeling balanced. This is hard to explain to someone just starting out in this
  journey. But I feel this is probably what others are feeling after some time. I
  finally feel fully confident in everything that's going on with my body. I am not
  doubting myself anymore. A sense of ease and lifted weight.

Hard mode seems to be the new answer. Don't M/ MO.... it's helping me a lot and the urges to want to M or MO are not as strong this time around now that I understand the process and my feelings.

Best to all,

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
Week 5 Hard Mode:

Finding it very easy to resist any urges to M or MO. I really isn't affecting me at all. I'm amazed this time around how in control I am. It feels great.

I went on a date last Wednesday as mentioned..... It was amazing. Conversation was great, there was definite chemistry between us and I felt it. As the night went on I had this urge to kiss her at the restaurant, but refrained. It wasn't until I walked her home that she went in for a hug and instead I went in for a kiss. Not just an ordinary quick kiss either. We kind of made out right there in the street. I will say it felt great. She made a cute giggle and a comment too afterward hoping she didn't get too much lipstick on my lips. HAHA. I have never kissed a girl like this on a first date, but man did I feel amazing. My confidence skyrocketed. I did not get an erection from just kissing her and on my way home I definitely thought about it, but reading other success stories I know I will be fine. We spoke on the phone the next few days and we brought up kissing and instantly my heart jumped and I got an erection. I'll say this is a success. Date #2 is on Wednesday. I'm pretty excited about it too.

What have I noticed:

- MW was on and off throughout the week.
- My libido seemed to have went down and then skyrocketed again between Thursday and Sunday.
- My mental libido is definitely up today and I am feeling an excitement for my next date.
- My confidence is definitely better, but still anxious about my men working. Makes me a bit nervous I will say. I'll let it take its course.
- I have no thought to watch P what so ever. I had a discussion with my friends yesterday about it and they were impressed.
- My want to be with this girl excites me. I may have had a couple dreams about her and woke up with an intense MW.
- I read a story about kegels for men. I am trying this out and seeing where it leads me. I will let you know how it goes.
- Overall I am feeling happy. I have been M and MO free for 5 weeks and seeing results. Hard mode is the way to go my friends.

Hope everyone else is seeing progress.

Best to all,

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
Update!!!!

Date #2 was a major success. My date and I opened up on a lot of things and felt genuinely comfortable around each other. I went into the date not as nervous as the last, but still nervous. (Normal feeling really) The idea of a possibility of sex is always on my mind and I am learning to let that anxiety go away. I'm trying to let things roll as they should. I remember thinking to myself while with her a couple times, why I wasn't getting a reaction below. (One of those thinking with your men and not your heart.... moments. Don't follow that thought. Believe me!!) But then we left dinner and made out in the elevator and I swear I did everything I could to hide what was occurring down below..... HAHAHA.  ;D We walked through a park and rode a Ferris-wheel overlooking a spectacular view. Our attraction to one another couldn't be held back, so the ride turned into a more intimate scene. Needless to say we snuck out the back exit trying to get the lipstick off our faces while laughing histarically. We didn't end the date there either. We continued to an arcade and became kids again. Playing pool, arcade games and skeet-ball. The attraction is definitely there between the both of us because we literally couldn't walk past each other without a kiss or a suddle hand swipe on the back. The date ended with a walk through the same park we traveled through and a midnight kiss to top it off. As she walked to her car she asked to see me again and I gladly smiled and sad absolutely!

I have not been on a date quite like this in many years. Nor have any of my previous other dates ever been this kissy touchy. HAHA. I feel great today. I feel like something is coming over me and I am beyond excited for whats to come. My confidence has been at an all time high and I couldn't be more proud of where I am right now.

If I can say anything it's to go all in. What do you have to loose. Without risk there is no reward!

I'm happy and this is saying a lot. Going Hard Mode is really working.

My best to all,

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
Week 6 and part of week 7:

This time last year I was finishing up my 90 day reboot thinking I was going to be fixed completely. Little did I know that it was going to take immense concentration and persistence to get to where I am today. So here I am again on my vacation fishing through mountain valleys and spending time with family. The stress free vacation may be helping here, but I feel fantastic. Things just seem to be working out for me. My relationship with the new girl I am seeing has been one for the books. It feels like the start of something great. I have this want for her like I remember having for girls back as a teen. We have great conversation and constantly flirt. I often get excited just thinking about her. I'll be honest, without building this confidence over the past year, I don't think I would be as into this relationship. Actually I know I wouldn't be. This to me is great progress alone. I am being me and letting things flow naturally.

So how am I feeling:

- My libido/ arousal seems be pretty manageable. I am most aroused in the AM and late evening going to bed.
- Sometimes I often wonder why I don't get aroused at certain things and then out of nowhere my arousal skyrockets. Usually happens when I get a text
  from my lady. So if I can say anything it's to not overthink. Allow things to happen as they should.
- MW's have been out of this world.
- I've had some pretty intense sexual dreams. (I can't really control this, but they are with my new lady friend and I don't see a problem with this.)
- I had intense urges to M this AM. And I was able to resist. I'll be honest it is nice to feel that way again naturally.
- When kissing my girl I feel myself want her. This is rebooting naturally with a real woman.
- My confidence in who I am is at an all time high. I've been on my own the last couple of days on vacation and I have never walked into a bar and just
  sat there by myself until this past week. I used to be very self conscious and would talk myself out of going. I actually spoke to several different people
  and made some new contacts for next year. I'm proud of myself.
- Throughout this journey I have been the least stressed I have ever been. That's saying a lot since before starting this reboot, my doctor was pretty
  worried about me and a possible stress heart attack. I've learned to manage my emotions and feelings through meditation and self awareness.
- Working out and learning to love yourself and your body is also an important step in this journey. At least it is for me. I wouldn't have a successful
  reboot without bettering something else in my life. So that was my game plan from the beginning. It seems to be working.

Hope this helps,

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
Thanks for the kind words Mr_Mental_Discipline!!

So I think I had my first wet dream I've ever experienced last night. After what I was feeling through the week and the intense dreams I was having, I was wondering if something like this would happen..... I will say I am a bit down about it, but what could I have done to prevent this?!? I can definitely feel a bit of brain fog, but I am going to let this pass and keep trucking forward. Best part is I have no recollection of P in my dreams. It doesn't even cross my mind through the day like once before now a year and a half ago. So this is a positive.

Returning home from vacation may also be playing on my mood today haha.

I have set up a date tomorrow with my lady and am looking forward to it. :)

And on I go,

ImOnMyWay
 
K

KW1989KW

Active Member
SOOOO......Regardless of the wet dream and me feeling down about it happening, my date was a successful one. A very successful one!! I have not felt this way about a woman in a long time. As far as my buddy down below goes, he was at full attention the whole time while making out and laying on the couch with my lady friend. Even walking down the street hand in hand my buddy couldn't contain himself. HAHA. We even had a discussion about moving forward. I told her I am looking for a relationship and want to grow what we have started. I also told her that I don't want to rush into having sex just yet. She responded with, "It is so refreshing and encouraging to know there is a man out there that values morals and believes in building a relationship before sex." She said I make her really happy.  :) I honestly couldn't have felt any better than I did laying there next to her all night.

Shes coming to meet my pup on Friday and I couldn't be more excited.

Keep it up all this hard mode no P thing is working.

ImOnMyWay
 
2

21zo

Member
I relate to a lot of the same things as you. I?m am about 130?days of no porn but still master bate. I really feel like I have to go hard mode to start seeing significant results as just cutting out the porn I feel is not enough. I always get about a 14 day streak going but it?s just for some reason every time
I am hungover I just can?t seem to resist no matter how hard I fight
 
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