I'm on my way!

[KW1989KW]

Hello All,

So when I first started all of this I had a girlfriend that had broke up with me. If you have read my story you will understand this from the first post I had written. After not talking to her in almost a year, she reached out to me to see how I was doing in general. I was surprised because this has not happened with any of the girls I've dated in the past. So we talked a bit and then went on with our lives. Then she texted me again this time talking about her dog she had just bought and that I should come see him. She wound up coming to my house with the pup and hanging out for a while. We had a night of good conversation and that's all that happened. She had left and we didn't talk for a couple more days and then I got another text today asking what I had planned this evening "pre-Thanksgiving"? I said nothing and that she should come hang out! She accepted and said that would be fun.

I'll be honest, I'm a bit nervous. Why... I don't know. But I find it awesome that I stuck to me being me and someone came around in noticing that. Will anything happen.... I don't know. I guess I will wait and see.

If I can say anything this far into the reboot, it is to stay true to who you are and not to deviate from your plan to better yourself. People will notice the person you are regardless of the situation.

Well, wish me luck!

Happy Thanksgiving,

ImOnMyWay

 

[selfdisciplinedachiever]

Really enjoyed reading your story man! A similar thing happened with my ex when I had ED, she broke down and started crying and said "i'll never be as hot as a pornstar." that just ate away at me inside and still does to this day. but i'm so glad we both found out what was causing this and are on paths to a better future. thanks so much for sharing dude and i truly wish you the best of luck on your journey! i'll be checking in from time to time! feel free to check out my journal as well, only on week 2 though so still a noob.

 

[KW1989KW]

selfdisciplinedachiever,

I appreciate the kind words sir. It has been an ongoing ordeal and a very difficult one at that. An emotional roller coaster like I have never been on before. Some things on this journey were easy and then there were areas that were beyond difficult. But you need to work through them by bettering you....not changing who you are.....BETTERING YOU!!! Find yourself through this process and teach others about the problem. Are you going to have set backs, yes! I had many such as MO'ing before the 90 days once and coming across a P page while on Instagram. How did I work through it.....I just kept going. I didn't hate on myself for making a mistake. I learned from it and carried on.

I still have not had sex with anyone, but I feel myself almost getting better. Over the weekend I was out with friends and ran into someone I knew a while ago. I all of a sudden had that I want her feeling. That feeling I had been missing for a while. We talked and laughed and danced and went back to my place, but we're too drunk to do anything..... oh well. What did I learn, well I learned that I am becoming more confident. Allowing a situation to happen as it happens and not forcing it.

I'm also in a great mood because it's the holiday season!!! Who isn't!

Talk soon folks,

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

Happy Holidays All,

There is something I have been testing and wanted to share. So, I've been dabbling into MO'ing every now and then again. Not everyday, not everyother day... maybe once every two weeks. Since I do not have a GF yet or a lady friend to have fun with this seems to help my cravings. I tend to get so aroused I cant concentrate at times. So this is my way of dealing with that. And just so everyone knows, there is no P involved!! This has also taught me that my sex drive/ libido is getting better!!! In previous journal entries I mentioned I felt as if my libido was low and that I had no sex drive. Now it comes in waves and I am learning to accept that.

Something I wish I can figure out is how to relax my nerves when a potential sexual encounter may arise. I've been practicing a breathing technique my counselor taught me and I have backup just in case my anxiety builds up to the point of not performing. Not having sex in a while has gotten me a bit nervous.

Here's to learning some new things about myself and hopefully my thoughts help you all too.

Best,

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

So, I mentioned a few posts down about that girl that kind of came back into my life who I had thought was gone. We talk almost everyday and hang out probably once a week or so. We talk about everything. I am still pretty attracted to her and don't want to push the boundaries as of yet. But all I can say is I want her. Something makes me want to show her that I am getting better. I just don't know how to go about it just yet.

I'm thinking of just giving it some time and seeing what happens.

Any words of encouragement out there? Why did she just all of a sudden reach out again....??

My Best,

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

Good Morning,

The past weekend was an enjoyable one with the Holiday! Lots of good food and great family time. Couldn't have asked for a better weekend!

So while relaxing over the weekend I have noticed I am feeling better. My inner feelings seem to be coming back a bit. I found myself very aroused over the past couple of weeks and getting stronger. Something I caught myself doing though was scrolling through Instagram finding pictures of beautiful woman which lead to a couple censored sites which led to a uncensored site. :/ I am not happy with myself about it, but I will say I did not PMO. I looked and then told myself to stop. So I stopped! It was extremely difficult to do. VERY! I am proud of myself for not going any further and putting myself into a depressed "Why did I do that" scenario. So, what did I learn and how am I going to not do it again??

- I learned that P is the devil. It finds a way to pull you back in at anytime in your life. Your mind plays tricks on you telling you it is okay to look. This happens when you least expect it to. Believe me! This seems to have happened to me when I was extremely aroused wanting a woman.

- Something that ran through my head was that I had not seen or felt anything with a woman in a while and wanted that feeling SO BAD. So as soon as I saw beautiful pictures of woman I kept going. (TRIGGERS) I now understand this term.

-How did I stop and not PMO? I built up the strength to STOP. It's within you, you just need to do it if the time comes when you are looking. I told myself that I did all of this work to not go through what I did again. Do I really want to do it all over??? NOOOO. Tell yourself that. Make yourself believe you are strong and willing to not go any further.

-What am I going to do for this not to happen again? I have learned that I am a very active person. I found myself looking when I was bored not doing anything. So, I am going to fill my time being busy again. Re-focusing on my meditation and workouts. Also, If I find myself extremely aroused, I am going to allow myself to M as I see fit. I feel this keeps me away from looking and wanting to look at P or beautiful woman on Instagram. I don't condone this for everyone, but I feel it will work for me. Also something I have noticed....Not MO'ing everyday builds that excitement for the potential next time. It's a bit of a motivator knowing that my plan is working.

I have a huge opportunity with a lady friend coming up and I want to be sure I am capable of success. This is going to encourage me to do better!

Hopefully this helps some of you in your journey. I'll keep you all posted.

Best of luck,

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

Well, New Years was a very relaxing evening. I had some pretty deep conversations with my lady friend and I feel we are becoming closer in a much different way. Rushing into relationships I feel is a reason most don't last. When this girl and I parted ways last March, I remember her saying we weren't really friends leading into the relationship. We didn't know much about each other then and kind of rushed into the relationship. We learned who each other were while dating. I think this ultimately caused our breakup. As stated in past posts she re-contacted me about two months ago. We have talked everyday since then and I feel like I know her better now than before.

So where am I going with this...... I feel like I set myself up for disappointment New Years Eve. I so want the sexual interaction with someone that I tend to get anxiety over it and solely focus on that which is a problem. I will say I was feeling pretty aroused around her. This is a good thing!!!!!! Tells me I am doing something right. So the night went well. Her and I cooked dinner, she helped me clean up, we watched the new years specials on tv, played with our two dogs and laughed about everything. 12 hit and we were both exhausted. As we got up she handed me a card and in it was an apology of how she treated me last year along with saying how much she appreciates our friendship. She hugged me and said I'll text you when I am home which she did. I will say I felt a bit disappointed as she left. I wanted her to stay even if it didn't lead to sex. I just wanted that lay next to me all night with someone feeling. :/

Here's my issue.... I feel myself liking her more and more. She's on my mind all day. When I get a text from her I instantly get that grin. I don't feel we are at a point to date because I don't know if that's something she will want or if shes really even in the same boat as I. I also do not want to ruin our friendship we are building by any means by asking her about it. I feel like that kid in high school again with a crush on someone, but don't know if they like you back. HAHA. Dating is just I feel different now-a-days.

Anyone else going through something like this?

Thanks for any help in advance,

ImOnMyWay

 

[Nofap901]

Man I gained some valuable advice from you on dating. Whenever you rush into a relationship it never really lasts. I think you just gotta be happy alone and be carefree when it comes to dating for it to really take off. Kinda a paradox that not caring at all will lead to a relationship, but I find it to be true. Don't focus solely on 1 girl because there's other opportunities out there for you too bro. Focus on being the best version of yourself so that you'll be irresistible to women in the end. That's the #1 priority for me is self improvement. If it works out with that girl then great, and if not that's great too because it's more time to focus on you. Hope this helps; just my 2 cents. Keep up the great work on NoFap!

 

[KW1989KW]

Nofap901, Thank you for the kind words and support. This is a difficult battle, but one that needs to be won.

Something that I have learned that came to realization this AM while driving to work is that, you cant explain certain feelings. You feel what you feel. People try to point you in the right direction to what they feel is right, but you need to do whats right for you. I know there are a lot of men out there saying to themselves what have I done wrong not to have a special someone in their lives. I was/ am one of them. But there are special woman out there that want you for who you are. Some take longer than others to realize this. But ultimately in the end they want someone special too. Stay true to who you are. Be truthful to yourself and others. Communicate when you feel something. Allow yourself some peace of mind knowing you will get better and you will find someone. Better yourself, love yourself, be yourself and others will notice.

A little fruit for thought this morning.

Best of Luck,

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

Feeling pretty great today! Friday evening I went on a date in the city, walked through the side streets on a really cold evening appreciating the architecture and old homes build within the neighborhood, played guitar and cozied up on the couch with a lady friend by a lit fire. What I can say is that I was fully aroused the entire time!!! We just laid there watched a show and relaxed. We made out and that's as far as it went. I felt like I was in the best place I've been in a while. My arousal was out the door and I really wanted to take it further, but held off to enjoy the feeling for a bit. I am calling this a first win in my book.

I am learning to enjoy this process and take the good with the bad. I am learning to trust what rebooting can do for me and for the first time since last year I feel it is fully working. Something I want to tell everyone here is, if you are nervous about making a move to see what happens, don't be nervous and make the move. Even if it just means laying on a couch making out or cuddling with someone. This is re-wiring at its finest. I am re-training my brain to enjoy the simple things hopefully leading to something bigger.

Here's to the first of many successes.

Best of luck to all,

ImOnMyWay

 

[zander13]

Glad to hear it man. Sounds like one hell of an evening.

Best of luck and thanks for your post, meant a lot.

Zander

 

[KW1989KW]

Good morning all,

Some things I wanted to share:

After starting my meditation routine up again, I am feeling a world of a difference. My stress seems to be a bit more manageable and I feel that the 20 minutes a day to completely disconnect from the world is a huge benefit to my overall health. I also started food prepping again. A little motivation to keep going and to start 2018 in the right direction.

I also started reading some success stories to keep me motivated. I feel I am getting better and I wanted to see where others were in their journey. If you haven't read through the success stories yet and need a good read, look at Blenderheads entry. It is probably one of the best and most informative ones around. It really opened up my eyes to seeing how this reboot will work. He discussed his struggles, how he went about his routine, his experiences with woman, successes and failures (Not really failures just learning experiences), what to do and not do and where he is today. It's inspiring and extremely motivating. I absolutely recommend reading it. It will change your entire perspective on the reboot if you are in any doubt.

After reading Blenderheads story I am going to go completely hard mode. I feel that a lot of things I started working on last year are going great, but what I am going to do is fine tune my routine. I am going to tweak my meditation techniques, change my workout routine, eat a bit better and food prep, stop teasing and stop MO'ing. As I stated in past posts, I began MO'ing every couple of weeks as I started to feel more aroused and in a better position within my reboot. I am going to completely stop this and see how I feel. It has already been 9 days since my last MO so here's to a good start. This journey is all about trial and error. Continuously finding ways to better ourselves. If it means trying things and tweaking them to better suit us then fine.

Best of luck all,

ImOnMyWay 

 

[KW1989KW]

As stated below I started reading Blenderheads success story and the similarity is pretty awesome. I mentioned going hard mode and I am still going strong. No touching of any kind other that showering. Pretty happy with this and will continue to go along this path. He mentioned a refractory period and I feel I am definitely going through this currently. (Kind of like a flatline, but with the knowledge I will bounce back) I need a little time to recycle. I feel if I stick with this hard mode routine, this will eventually fade and all will be okay.

Something that freaked me out a bit and I need to just calm down is that I was getting morning wood with no problem everyday. I can't remember the last time I didn't after stating this reboot until this morning. I woke up and I was a little miffed as to why I didn't have one. But I need to carry on and remember that everyday is not going to be the same. I recently won a contract at my current job that requires me to be on call 24/7. A requirement I need to maintain to keep my guys focused and in line. I feel this may be playing with my sleep cycle thus causing me to be a bit under the weather. I am not getting the sleep I need....... I will blame this for my non-morning wood today. So, I have some adjusting to do to make sure I get the sleep I need to carry on with this reboot. I feel this is extremely important and I know others will say the same.

Current plan of action:

1) Meditating everyday
2) Food prepping every week
3) Change in workout routine
4) HARD MODE HARD MODE HARD MODE - Eventually turning my men into HARD MODE!!!
5) Working on a better sleep cycle

Here's to tomorrow folks,

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

Pretty awesome weekend I will say. I feel like my assumptions have been correct on my "recharge" of the battery. Here I am at the two week mark with no M or MO and I will say all Saturday and Sunday I was off the wall aroused. I am going to keep this streak going and see what else happens. Meditating is also going well and I feel I can get into this floating sensation again while doing it. This is when I know I am on the right path. Also, morning wood seems to be just fine. I am getting erections every morning and my dreams have become more vivid and clear. I can actually remember them the next morning.

Something that is bothering me and I feel myself getting down about it is a girl I am talking to and not knowing the right path to take with her. I think about her all day. We have a really good time together and really enjoy talking. As stated in the past we dated a year ago, split and have now been hanging out once a week and talk almost everyday. I have started to have pretty strong feelings for her and want to push the boundaries a bit to see where she stands. Saturday I was out with family at a beer festival and she texted me making sure I would be okay to drive and said shed come get me if I needed it. I accepted and actually had tickets to a sport event later that night and asked her to go with me. She said yes and we really had a good time together. We always have a good time no matter what we do and I feel this week I need to man up and just put it out there. Maybe she's in the same boat and doesn't know what to do. I will never know unless I go for it. I feel as if I am constantly thinking about it and its putting me in a weird mood. I need to shake this!

Progress points:

1) Meditation is allowing me to think things through. If I get stressed, I meditate and allow myself that time to think about the situation then let it go.
2) My recharge method seems to be working. I am understanding my body and how its reacting to this process.
3) I am more confident in talking to woman. I now need to just push the boundaries and see where things lead.
4) I will continue on this no M/ MO streak

Wish me luck,

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

So my daily lunch routine is to read through a couple success stories for motivation.

I came across one that I feel everyone should read. I'M SERIOUS!!! It's called 6 years clean posted by HMHU. HMHU has put a lot of hard work into translating a book/ story that was written by a gentleman I believe is in China. It goes through some extensive info on rebooting and how we need to change our mindset in order to change physically what we do to ourselves. (Masturbate) There is a section that goes through 10 stages. It basically describes most people?s reboot process. How they start to how they succeed then fail to then failing, understanding and then succeeding 100%. It couldn't have been more spot on and I truly believe this will help some people move forward. I have attached the steps below from the forum. Try figuring out which step you are in and move forward.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The 10 stages of rebooting

Stage 1: This is when we realize that masturbation is affecting our healthy negatively and we have a thought about quitting. However, after reading about the harmlessness theories of masturbation we are not so determined anymore, we think that masturbation in moderation should do us no harm. This is the very initial stage of rebooting which is characterized by ignorance and naivety. The result: failure!

Stage 2: We gain a small understanding of the harmful effects of masturbation, but not a thorough understanding. The result: failure!

Stage 3: We begin to study other peoples? experience of rebooting and we try to break our rebooting record. Although we have managed to set a new record on the number of rebooting days we are still unable to break out of the vicious cycle. The result: failure!

Stage 4: This is the confusion stage, after numerous failures, we start to doubt ourselves. At this stage, we are not putting in enough of a fight, no fight no victory! The result: failure.

Stage 5: Our body gives out signals once again and it?s clear that our health has deteriorated. Once again we make up our minds to quit and rely helplessly on the brute force method without learning about the correct methods. The result: failure.

Stage 6: We begin to see the harmlessness theory for what it is, that it only works to trick the ?children?. This is when we experience a breakthrough in our way of thinking but we still fail to understand why we are unable to quit masturbation. The result: failure.

Stage 7: This is the stage of understanding, gained from reading vast amounts of rebooting articles, we begin to acknowledge spiritual teachings (such as Buddhism) which helps to increase our determination tremendously, we break the 100-day streak. The result: still failure.

Stage 8: The thorough cleansing stage, we are starting to cleanse ourselves both consciously and unconsciously. Once this idea has entered our subconscious we easily break the 200-day barrier. There may come one day when we are browsing the internet and have our guard down or we have been slack in our rebooting studies, we therefore stumble near the finishing line. The result: still failure.

Stage 9: We are almost there now and have become even more careful, our understanding takes on another level. We are no longer affected by dirty thoughts, what we see do not enter our intentions, what other people sees and like we react with caution. We are steady in our heart even amidst rough winds of thoughts. We have discarded the habit of masturbation altogether.

Stage 10: ?Nothing to begin with, how can nothing stir the dust?. We have come to the highest stage where all things returns to simplicity, just as the ?sweeping monk? from Jin Yong?s martial art novels. Great skill is hidden in plain site, this is only achieved by the Master.

Tips: Everyone should be able to find their current stage in rebooting, just like in video games we have our levels, once we have reached that level success will come. If our level of understanding is not there we will have a hard time to quit masturbation, for a master there is no difficulty, while mastery is difficult to achieve for a layman. Hopefully, everyone will continue to study rebooting articles, the day when we find our ?aha? moment is the day when we can walk away from masturbation for good. For the few bright people with keen minds, they are able to skip over stages just as a bright student is able to skip grades and the poor student will need to remain in the same grade.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After reading through the 10 stages, I feel I am at a step 8-9. I've gotten to around the 200 day mark with no MO'ing and then failed. I am now working onto stage 9 where I feel I am becoming more careful with my feelings, my arousal, my mental well being and my physical. I am willing to go the extra mile to fix this. I want to love again with a woman. I want that passion can't live without someone feeling.

If you are feeling down and keep asking yourself, why do I keep failing, go read this post and learn a couple things. It is awesome.
"Without failure one can't merely succeed!"

Hope this helps,

ImOnMyWay

 

[zander13]

Your above post is excellent man. I perused that post one time and remember seeing a massive amount information. Thanks for condensing it for everyone on here, God bless ya.

 

[KW1989KW]

Thanks zander13! I am glad this struck you in a positive way. I know it did with me. One thing about that posting; I agreed with most of the posting in regards to the rebooting/ refocusing of ones self. I am also going to follow a lot of the steps directed. But there are few things I don't see working for me and that's okay. Something I am learning and I believe everyone else is too is that we are all different. We are all going to have different paths to success. That is okay because you are being you. Stick to that and keep moving forward.

I wanted to share a couple things I have recently discovered again through meditation practices and after reading Blenderhead's posts and HMHU's posts on their success. I am working on my third week of complete hard mode and couldn't be happier about it. I feel as if it's another new start, but in a way of perfecting what I have already learned and experienced. Since then as stated in the past, I am meditating every day and reading a success story during lunch everyday. I have found this to be extremely motivating.

What have I discovered and felt thus far:

1) I learned a new breathing technique through TAO meditation. It's a deep breath that extends from the bottom of your body to the top and back again. A continuous cycle of breathing deep which in return does miraculous things for health, stress and anxiety. What's awesome about it is you can continue this breathing technique throughout the day until it becomes almost normal. Take a look at the link attached and see if it helps you.

https://www.consciouslifestylemag.com/taoist-meditation/

2) My DREAMS are so vivid!!! I had lost this for a month or so. As I sat here at my desk I was saying to myself how much I looked forward to bed so I can continue the dream I had last night. I can actually recall most of what I had dreamed about.

3) Morning wood is strong. I do not touch! I just bask in the moment and then wake up to continue my morning. A few post back I was like where did it go??? HAHA

4) I am trying to focus on the "NOW" or the "PRESENT"! I am trying not to overwhelm my thoughts with the what could's or could haves. Instead I am focusing on the simple things that I am experiencing now. The snow falling against the pine trees. The sounds and smells that surround me. My task at hand and not the task for tomorrow morning. I am feeling!!! How does this relate later with a woman or man..... easy..... at that moment you become entrapped with the person you are with! You feel and smell and see that person. You are in that moment with that person and not letting your thoughts wonder to something else.

If anything through this reboot, you need to focus on bettering your overall self. Not just why your men are not working! Often we find that there are a multitude of things causing the problem and not just one. Meditating and reading other posts is allowing me to help all of the other aspects in my life to eventually show progress in my future love life.

In the end it's a win win right!?!

ImOnMyWay 

 

[KW1989KW]

Good morning all,

Going into my third week of hard mode!! Feeling great about it. I will say I had some urges to M, but I stopped thinking about it and carried on. This happens usually in the AM prior to showering and while in the shower. I will say it is very difficult to not touch yourself. I just keep thinking to myself recovery and that eventual moment with a lady. That keeps me motivated. Over the past week I've been having these feelings of success. I have been in a great mood for 90% of the time and really feel I am on a path to something great.

What am I continuing with:

- Meditating and practicing the TAO breathing technique daily.
- Reading success stories and researching this problem. Knowledge is power!
- Talking to others about the problem and in return helping them.
- Food prepping and trying to eat better.
- Reading a bit at home. Strengthens the brain and allows you to be in the
  present moment. I find reading lately allows my mind to settle down and relax.
- I am dating and meeting new people regularly. This builds confidence!!

I hope this helps

Best of Luck,

ImOnMyWay

 

[zander13]

Good shit man. I can feel your optimism by the way you write, and it's refreshing. I'm also a fan of meditation, think it makes a huge difference with this addiction and life itself. You're killing it, and it's nice that you're sticking around on this forum even though, from the sounds of it, you're in a really good place.

 

[KW1989KW]

Thanks zander13. It's awesome to know my posts have helped some others. I know a lot of people on here have helped me!

So last night I got an unexpected "Let's hang out and get drinks!" from the girl I dated when I started this reboot. If you've read my posts, her and I have been talking a lot. So, I drove over to her place hung out a bit, went for drinks, ubered back to her place, hung out some more and just had a really nice unexpected fun night with her. I didn't have expectations and I didn't worry about any possibilities of sex. I just had a great night. I feel I connected with her in a whole different way. We laid on the floor and talked and laughed and played with her dog. I feel we are learning more about each other than we did when we dated. Something tells me that this is working out well. I feel great about it and I feel like my reboot is helping me much differently than just about my men working.

I am calling this a success in my book. I am being "ME" and shes noticing that.

And as I'm writing this, I get a Morning text from her!!!

If you take anything from this, it's to be yourself. Being confident about who you are will reflect onto others and they will notice. Trust me!

ImOnMyWay