I'm on my way!

[KW1989KW]

65 days!!!

I am happy to say I have made immense progress! Still nowhere near 100%, but I am feeling better. The emotional roller coaster is in my opinion the hardest part through this process. If you can get over that hurdle you should be free sailing. I often need to remember that this refocus is about me and learning to cope with the daily ups and downs along with quitting something that has played a negative role in our lives.

Something positive to talk about! So, I am an avid fly fisherman. Walking the streams, breathing in the fresh air, catching one of the worlds most beautiful fish and spending that quality time with my dad is something I have always looked forward too. I used to have this sense of calm on a stream. This relaxation unlike any other. A few years back I noticed I wasn't feeling this anymore. I didn't look forward to it as much as I used to. I stopped going all the time and this really bothered me. I have come to the realization that this had everything to do with my porn addiction. I was not enjoying the things I have always enjoyed doing with the same passion and feeling of relax. Well, over the past weekend, I found that relax again!!! I fished a new stream unlike any other with my dad and it was AWESOME! I finally got that feeling back where nothing in the world mattered at that moment other than me walking that stream. I even meditated for 20 minutes taking in all of the sounds and smells that surrounded me. Was truly a life changing experience.

If any of you have lost that sense of passion for something and are wondering if it will ever come back through this process, IT DOES!!!

Keep up the hard work guys and gals,

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

66 days and counting

I am starting to feel as if I am on the right path in my journey. I am waking up with morning wood (Strong wood), having beautiful dreams of woman I know and am attracted to (NOT P), getting random urges again that I haven't had in a long time, starting to see the good in a lot of the simple things and finally feeling this sense of relax and calm. I am also more focused at work and in my daily  discussions with employees. My discussions are more direct and I feel confident in what I say. I make decisions faster and more accurate when in a bind. I am also learning to lead rather than tell. My employees are seeing a different side of me and are responding to it.

The one thing I feel I still need much improvement on is my sense of loneliness and how to overcome it. I need to focus on me for a bit and stop relying on someone else to make me happy. I long for a relationship where I can care for someone and that, that caring is reciprocated. I know that this day will come and I need to be patient. My way of coping with this is talking to people about it. It really helps!

It may be a rainy day here, but rain fills the stream and the steam provides the fish. Happy fishing!

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

Had a random thought and needed to share!

Maybe this sense of loneliness is just a way in which our brain is telling us we are longing for the real thing. That we are no longer resorting to P to satisfy our hunger through fake BS on the computer screen. I think I may have just found that missing puzzle piece that has been laying on the floor right in front of me yelling, "IM HERE.....RIGHT HERE!"

Hopefully this rings true to others.

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

What a day yesterday was...... An emotional train wreck wrapped in thought of multiple different things, but I refocused that frustration into cleaning my whole damn house. And when I say everything, I mean from the back basement corner to the upstairs back corner. Yeah the ones noone will ever see..... I feel better though. The house is organized and for some reason this brings me a sense of ease and comfort.

Starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as the house goes. Moved some furniture back in to the rooms I've redone and I will say this, when I am rebooted and ready, not only will I feel great, I will also have the best Fing bachelor pad around. Only good times to come!

On to the real topic here (My Reboot). I can't emphasis enough how important it is to have friends that listen and are willing to drop everything to come talk. They have a different perspective on how you're feeling and can often flip that frown into a smile. For that I am grateful.

Also, I need to calm these urges to MO. I wake up everyday with a magnificent morning wood wishing to share this timber log with a magnificent woman. I can't help but tease while showering for it puts a smile on my face that my want for the real thing is finally coming back. I will prevail and continue to hold myself back. All I know is that I am seeing improvements.

ImOnMyWay - to finally feeling better!

 

[Dfletch07]

Keep the momentum going forward, remember your parachute levers (run, cold shower, and other mechanisms). When the time comes you will feel ready for the real thing. Doing great, don't get to frustrated by it all.

 

[KW1989KW]

Thanks Dfletch07! I appreciate the motivation.

So I'm having a great day. I read a post on here that talked about the day to day ups and downs. Prior to this reboot a way out of frustration was to watch P. Now, there is no P and there will be no P. I am learning to cope with the constant fluctuation of day to day headaches differently. One of the best things I have done for myself is set up a once a month therapist session to discuss how I am feeling and where I am at in my progress. I often look forward to this because I leave there feeling happy and content with my progress. Sometimes hearing it from someone or someone noticing your getting better helps you push through the rough patches.

Another thing, I am seeing my urologist today to tell them what I have found out since my last visit. The last time I went was when I couldn't perform in bed almost 70 days ago. I look forward to telling them about YBOP.com and how this has changed my life. I want them to know that pills are not the answer and they need to start telling young men/ women to read through the website. I often think how my life could have been different without P.

On to bigger and better things ladies and gents. Hope you are all making great progress.

ImOnMyWay

 

[Dfletch07]

Be mindful when you talk to the urologist and show them evidenced based research vs bragging about your clinical experience. That is their expertise and this is brand new material and issues for the matter. As a medical professional myself, I am bombarded everyday by "Dr. Googles" and a lot of the material is insignificant and applied wrongly.

We know this works, just tell them that things are going well and this is how it happened. Here is some evidence based research (YBOP.com has those) that I utilized and this is the cause and effect. Don't challenge, just leave it there, and check everything else that you are there for.

Glad to see things are well and keep up the grind!

 

[KW1989KW]

Seeing the Dr. yesterday and discussing my issue and how it has gotten better put a smile on her face. She was intrigued to understand my steps in getting better and actually asked how I did it. I was prepared with a printout of the (YBOP.com) website describing the issue of P. She was impressed and said she wanted to print some out for future use. She mentioned that she has had a lot of young men with very similar issues and wanted to help give them the information they needed to get better. That in return put a huge smile on my face knowing others can be cured of this unfortunate mental and physiological issue of P.

Dfletch07 - In no way did I want to go in there bragging about how I made myself better. They were a critical part in getting me to understand that this was not a medical issue. That I was perfectly healthy. It was a stepping stone in the direction of recovery. For that I am thankful.

Today I feel as if things are looking up. I have made immense progress both physical and mental. My Dr's were also very impressed with the progress I have made thus far. Emphasis on the "Thus Far!" This journey has a ways to go and I look forward to it.

Some things I am working on:
1) My confidence in approaching women in an open atmosphere
2) Patience, Patience, Patience. Time heals everything. Learning to trust this process
3) Learning to not overthink everything. I have found this puts me in a bad state of mind. So I will fix this by meditating, thinking of something and then just
    letting it go as if it wasn't there. Finding a way to release that thought is important!!

Have a great weekend all,

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

What day is it..... ah yes 72 today!!! WOOHOO!

Time seems to be just floating on by. Like I've said before, the day count really does nothing for me other than a reminded that I am on the right track to success.

Holy erections this weekend...... Something I've noticed over the last two weeks is the morning wood is lasting longer and longer. I'm often walking around the house fully up while cooking breakfast or just starting the day. I think it's my body telling me I am on the mend. I think I also experienced my first wet dream Saturday??? IDK. I'll just let it be until after the 90 days which will be celebrated while I am on vacation fishing, relaxing and enjoying my time off. This is a goal I set for myself, I need to stay the course until my vacation. A little extra incentive to keep up the good work. Plus, I have some friends where I am going with some really cute lady friends!!!  ;D Maybe my luck will change while away relaxing.

Off to Monday Funday!!!

Best of luck to everyone,

ImOnMyWay - to day 73!

 

[KW1989KW]

No new news today to report. Just making my way through day 73.

Keep up the good work ladies and gents!

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

As I sit here working, something did come to mind to talk about, CONFIDENCE! I know that I am feeling better and things are progressing as I feel they should at this point in my reboot. I also find that thoughts of past GF's and potential GF's get me a bit aroused. Quite the contrary to the old thoughts of P!! Thumbs up in that category. It's when I'm in public around some really pretty women that I start to doubt myself again or become nervous. I almost look for a reaction down South to tell me "You're good, you're good." Maybe it's my mind playing tricks because I have been in this horrible mindset for far too long.

Anyone have any pointers on this matter?

Appreciate the help!

ImOnMyWay

 

[Dfletch07]

Sounds more along the lines of insecurity and doubt, but that can be fixed with exposure, confidence, and time to the situation. I did that with Jane upon returning when we had our encounters that I could not get erect and pleasure her. When I returned back in a few weeks for our next date I was worried as all could be about failing and even stressed about the self-fulfilling prophecy thought that I was causing. Thankfully conversation and attraction distracted me and I was able to relax and just tell myself...you are fine, she desires it, give yourself permission to bed her, and if unable today..IT IS OK! Worry is a B$%^& in this issue and only makes us doubt every move or thought we have instead of going with it.

You are well along in your recovery and more to go, but have seen great signs so far. Trust the plan and most of all utilize the little things seen to encourage the bigger picture of it all.

-D

 

[KW1989KW]

You are correct on all terms! My new focus needs to be my exposure to a newer group of people, thus building my confidence in meeting new woman. I am wrapped up in the same group and the same people which doesn't allow me to branch out and meet others. Potentially a GF with intentions of commitment!! Or someone who is willing to have a bit of fun. Maybe a yoga class will do....nothing wrong with a little relaxation and a 90 to 1 women to men ratio!!!
I appreciate the feedback Dfletch07!

Today I've had no real urges what so ever and no thoughts of any P. Strong morning wood, but nothing throughout the day. I have been very focused at work due to several large bids going out the door. It's a bit of a distraction from the reboot, which is good. I am going to take this as a sign that my mind is becoming more focused on my day to day workload allowing me to get more done efficiently.

As for Sarah, I am learning to move past her. I am realizing we had many differences and that she really had no interest in helping me get through this reboot. It's a shame that I wasn't important enough for her to stick around and see what could have become of the situation. But, I am seeing the bigger picture; be with someone who would do anything to make you a part of their life. It's important!

On to bigger and better things.

ImOnMyWay - To my fishing trip soon!!

 

[Sandler9]

I've been reading and following your story for a while now because I truly recognize myself in your situation. I'm 26 years old and started watching P around the same age you did. My first sexual experiences weren't completely like yours, because I've never had sex where I had no problems at all. But at the beginning of my problem I was able to have penetration and came a few times and really enjoying it with a girl. Because the sex wasn't 100% ok, I kept watching porn and I worsened my problem.

Eventually, just like you, I went to a doctor and urologist who both prescribed me Viagra pills. I managed to have sex with no problems with them pills but the feeling was completely gone. I did not enjoy that at all. I continued masturbating to porn and just about half a year ago I discovered this website. I started a reboot before and lasted 1 month. When I failed I masturbated but didn't watch porn. I kept masturbating for about 1 month without porn until I decided to stop that too about 45 days ago. This means I al now 45 days masturbating-free and about 3 months porn-free.

I like your story because it's similar to mine, and because I love to read the progress you make. That way I kinda know what's coming to me and what to expect. I think I've been in a flatline for quite a long time now so it should end soon, but it doesn't have to end for me because right now I feel no urge to masturbate at all. During my first reboot I remember the morning woods coming back. That's something I didn"t experience much during this reboot (it happened a few times) but I'm kinda hoping they come back soon, even if it means my flatline is over.

I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and I'm sure one day we will be able to have a normal sex life again and just feel beter in general.

 

[KW1989KW]

Sandler9: Thanks for following!! I am really happy my journal can be of some help to you. It means a lot. Keep on trucking with your reboot and don't hesitate to reach out and ask a question. You are on the right path and soon the light at the end of the tunnel will be here. Remember, don't focus too much on your package and it's reactions to things. Focus on how you are bettering yourself through this process. Positive thinking and being honest with yourself goes a long way.

I am noticing that I am paying less and less attention on my men down South throughout the day. I have been extremely focused and hard working at work that is doesn't really cross my mind what they are doing or how they are reacting. I work construction, so there are no ladies around to test how I am doing HAHA. My urges the last couple of days have been off though. Maybe this is a good sign, that I only need them to react when "REQUIRED!"

The loneliness seems to be subsiding a bit too. I am going home and being quite productive. It's amazing what a couple extra hours a day will do for you rather than watching P.

As the days get closer and closer to the almighty 90 day reboot, I try not to focus on it as much. Like I and many others have talked about before, we are not all going to be cured by 90 days. I for one know that through experience, I take a bit longer than most to do anything. But I am persistent and strive for the best. I will relate this to the reboot and be patient.  All I know is I have the day off tomorrow and will be looking forward to a day on the stream with my dad and uncle. A well needed break from the week of stress and work.

Keep up the hard work folks.

ImOnMyWay - To finding myself an awesome lady

 

[KW1989KW]

Day 79!!!!

Learned a few things this weekend:

1) I am learning that urges/ libido come and go as they please. I need to accept this and understand that I am prepping myself to use my men only when needed. Not to focus on the reaction of them to something and more on the actual progress in "all" aspects. This seems to be a reoccurring thought and discussion.... I'm sure a lot of people are going through the same thing.

2) Overthinking causes stress. I am learning through meditation that if a thought comes to mind, it is okay to think about it and then let it go. Basically replacing a bad thought with something else and just "letting it go." Allowing that thought to have no effect on my mental state.

3) I am learning to feel. What do I mean by feel.... Learning to take in several different things when feeling aroused. Sounds, smells, feelings, touch and thought. I had an experience like no other yesterday. As I meditated I went into this floating sense of calm. I allowed myself to fully feel what was going on in my body. Then...BOOM a full on erection. I was taught in a session with my therapist to write a list of qualities I wanted in a woman. Most of them qualities that made the perfect relationship for me then focusing on them in my meditation. Communication, honesty, caring, nurturing, beautiful inside and out....etc. Well when I came out of the meditation I was shaking and I now know what a full body O feels like with no touch or thought of P. I am not ashamed to say I MO'ed after that. I am not condoning this, but wanted to share my experience. I was comfortable with myself, my reboot, my mental state and the fact that no P was involved. I became one with myself and rolled with it. Never felt anything quite like it and I am happy. You see, this whole process is for us to find ourselves and to understand what makes us happy. Learning to want and feel for the real thing. I truly believe in this process and will continue to move forward bettering myself. I look forward to applying this to a relationship.

A song by Gregory Alan Isakov rings true to this - "Time Will Tell!"

I hope this sheds some light on others situations. It's all about being comfortable with ourselves and our refocus.

Best of luck to all,

ImOnMyWay

 

[KW1989KW]

Day 80!

What a great day! Sun is out and only 4 days to go until I am on vacation! It's funny how different of a mood I can be in from week to week or day to day for that matter. I would have to think this is the reboot working. Basically I am realizing the ups and downs throughout the week and finding a way to overcome them without P. I'll keep it at that.

Last night I caught up with a past GF of mine. We chatted for quite some time..... 4 hours or better. She's the kind of person every guy could ever ask for really. Down to earth, funny, caring, smart, pretty. She really has it all. But, for some reason I am still holding back from things. I am almost afraid to open up. Whether it be I have been let down so many times and I don't need that hurt right now or I that am afraid that I am not quite there yet in my reboot or I don't want to hurt the other person because I am not ready. It's a song and dance I feel. I just need to find a way to relax and let the moments happen as they do. To stop putting pressure on myself and my situation.

My goal the next two weeks is to open up, feel, be free, experience and let things happen as they should.

On to the next folks. Keep up the good work and strive for that light at the end of the tunnel.

ImOnMyWay - To fishing SOON!

 

[KW1989KW]

Day 83

Time is just floating on by. Happy to say that today I depart for my vacation into an area that can really speak to ones soul. It's a perfect opportunity for me to focus on what I am striving for in my reboot, for my want of a successful relationship and successful sex!! Although I am a bit nervous as to how I will perform if the occasion did come up. I feel as if I am in and out of libido constantly. Some days I am off the wall aroused and other days I am just okay or nothing at all.

I think this brings up a good point; and that is we cannot amount our success within this reboot to the performance of our "men". We have been brainwashed in thinking that P was reality in which it is not. So it will take some time. My 90 days is coming up next week and no P for about 120 days or better. This is a huge accomplishment. From watching P about 3-4 times a week to nothing is a pretty significant step I feel and I'm proud of that. I just look forward to the day that I am better.

Couple of things I have noticed the last week:

1) I have found ways to refocus bad thoughts into good ones. Some days better than others, but overall a lot better.

2) The constant up and down swing of emotions...I need to just deal with them and move on.

3) Through this reboot I have found I am more direct in my daily decisions. I used to say yes to everything. Now I think about the decision/ task and if it doesn't work for me or the situation I am in or someone else is in, I find a better solution.

4) A repetitive thought, but one with immense importance: Reach out to anyone and everyone you can to discuss this issue. It helps you and potentially the other person you are talking to.

I will be in touch through the weekend and next week. Keep up the good work everyone.

ImOnMyWay - To the promise land of fishing!!!

 

[Dfletch07]

Doing awesome buddy, go enjoy nature. This weekend is beautiful in a lot of areas. I was supposed to be down south in Arkansas for outdoor rock climbing, but it was drenched with rain and has a high of upper 40s today. Stayed back home and enjoyed the warmer weather here.

Appreciate the honest and feedback you have provided in this adventure. I look forward to bridging that 90 day myself. For now I'll smack that half way marker and look at it happily.

 

[KW1989KW]

90 DAYS!!!!!!

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I have been enjoying the streams and the outdoors under some beautiful mountains with limited service as you can imagine while being in the woods. I can't believe it's been 90 days already. I almost forgot honestly. It has been a long journey and I have a lot to still go. I am not 100% where I want to be so I'll keep on trucking.

DFletch07: You are welcome!! And the same to you. It is nice to have a support group like this to get us through this reboot. It means a lot!

Couple things I wanted to focus on on this trip:

-Confidence
-Feeling
-What I want in a relationship

I will say I have done a lot of thinking and a lot of self improving while on this trip. For one my confidence in who I am has improved substantially. I am feeling good, looking good and in better shape. My first night here we went into town for some drinks and the only two girls in the bar (WHO WERE SMOKING HOT) asked for my number!!! Been talking to the one ever since. SCORE!!! Huge confidence boost.

I am still working on my in and out feelings (Libido/ arousal). I feel we have been so brainwashed of P that it is going to take a bit longer for me to come out of this mindset that I should be horny all the time or horny for just P and not the real thing. I am also nervous about the what if factor of having sex with a woman I may bring home. Kind of freaks me out a bit, but I know that I will get better with time. As I spoke to my therapist a week ago, woman don't all want to be taken home and bedded. They want real guys with real emotions and feelings. People in this day in age have been wrapped into thinking this is the new norm to go to a bar and take a woman home. I am learning to realize I am a guy who needs the emotional connection to be good in bed and I am okay with that. That leads me into what I want in a relationship. I am focusing on my wants in a woman both physical and emotional. I am not jumping into a relationship to just be in one because of loneliness. Loneliness fades when you become happy with yourself. Trust me!! The right girl will come and by then I will be refocused and ready for it!!!

Ladies and Gentleman if I can say anything at all it is to not focus on the time of your reboot. We are all not the same people. Some will take less time and some will take more time. Focus on who you are and what you want in life by setting small goals through the weeks. Better yourself in and out. It helps you be the better you. Then the better sex will follow. ))  I can't wait for that to happen for me.

Off to fish a stream for the day!

Best to all of you,

ImOnMyWay - To catching a big one!