To get back out of this, I need to focus on the practical and not fall into the usual trap of self-depreciation and despairing of recovery. That's what makes one slip become many. I have some thoughts on what I should be doing and where things are going wrong.
Last month I quit cigarettes after smoking (with a couple of breaks) for almost 20 years, though this might actually be contributing to my relapses, quitting an addiction like that is childs play in comparison to quitting PMO.
If I am to move forward, I need to stop dwelling on this sort of stuff though. At the end of the day, it's as simple as there's a habit I need to quit, i'm at point A and I need to get to point B. The past is the past.
Identifying this is all well and good, and I need to guage where my head is at, but there needs to be some practical change. I am currently writing this using my laptop at the breakfast table, I will make sure not to have the laptop in bed today or tonight. Other than that, I am going to write myself out a checklist of activities for the day. I feel if I can have a clean, productive day today and get a bit of momentum back, I can at the very least put myself in a better position for tomorrow. If any urges come about, I will identify them in my head, practice the deep breathing and work through it until they are gone.
Some quick points I wished to focus on...
So glad to hear you say this, to get away from self-deprecation. I know it sucks to lapse, but the sooner you can non-judgmentally see it, the better. You've simply habituated yourself to certain behaviors (with it's hijacked reward system) that doesn't serve your purposes in life. Look at it as an adventure on how you can
hack into this, and change it.
Congrats on quitting smoking! I agree that this (P/MO) is a different animal, but the same principles apply-
habit change. If you can hack into that former habit, then you can very well hack into this one, and change it. Just when it comes to food or sex, because they are legitimate needs, to become addicted (or habituated) to bad behaviors regarding these, they become more 'personal' habits. But the principles are the same, only consistency is needed (hence the need for streaks), and learning how to
dismiss urges.
Exactly, it's a matter of going from point A to point B. When struggling, even in lieu of a lapse, see it as a compassionate outside observer. We have to be on our own side, if we're not in our own corner, who else can be? Sure, sometimes we're our own worse enemy, but we also have to be our best friend. Simply learn your patterns, and how you can- not force change- but hack into this, and change it from that standpoint of habits.
I saw your list above, and commend you for identifying what changes you can affect immediately to minimize the circumstances that would lead to mindlessly performing our rituals and habits. It's like, if you want to walk to the other side of the room (point A to point B), why would you spill water on the bare floor first? This is what's helped me in my latest recovery efforts is to change my habits around social media, iPhones, and being online in general.
You got this, Orbiter, and I'm excited to see the progress you're making!
