You could have done it long ago

[shake19]

@somethingelse, thank you and I wish the same for you!

Day 32nd - clean, but DAMN it's hard!

I think I just survived the toughest wave of urges ever since I started this reboot. I was looking for more and more exposing images, but still being in the field of at most bikinis. I was getting very close to the nudity which was appearing somewhere around my searching in Google Graphics, gossipy websites, instagrams etc. My mind was going crazy, my body started to shake. Damn, that's creepy! There was a fight in my mind which led me to switching between graphics and rebootnation like every 10 seconds. It lasted around 0,5 an hour.

But I survived it, took a few deep breaths, talked a bit to myself and stopped the process which could lead me to the relapse.
I am sitting proud now, stronger, listening to loud music and having some kind of "victory time" - no urges anymore.

I admit that my brain is still addicted and still has a sneaky way to lead me to some [even little] arousing images.
I can clearly determine my trigger - it was sitting alone in front of the computer, being too lazy to start writing my Masters thesis and at most: I permitted myself to take a peek at some girls in the Internet.
The good side of being over a month in no PMO is that I fought back the urges much faster than ever before and I do not have any "hangover" after such body-shaking. Before my reboot, even when I fought back the urges they were still somewhere in my mind for days and now they just dissapear! Damn, it's lovely!

Wish all the best to all y'all!

 

[LTE]

You'll always be addicted.  It's how you deal with it that counts. It sounds like you are building the skills required to keep yourself I'm control. That's great news.

 

[xc43]

A month? That's great! You are on the right path my friend.

 

[shake19]

LTE, I am very glad to have you here. Again your simple words became kind of my motto.

"You'll always be addicted.  It's how you deal with it that counts." ~LTE.

My example shows that it is definitely true. After 37 days, I still get very excited whenever I see anything even sligthly arousing or sometimes my mind force me to fantasise, so I can admit that I am an addict and probably I'll always be. BUT after 37 days I deal with all the cravings much better and easier than I did ever before. I am able to say NO whenever I start to fantasise and my penis start to react and I say NO in just a few seconds, maybe minutes. In the past it lasted even hours and the "hangover" after fighting with cravings also lasted very long, so I was becoming depressed. Now, after saying NO I do not have any hangover.

xc43, thank you for encouraging words. I wish you are on the same path as me (or else you'll have to pay 100$ for the Project ).

Day 37th - clean

I feel very well, I've just started to feel a real control over myself. As I wrote above, I still have some urges to M / watch P, but now I am able to cut them off very quickly and without a big effort (or maybe without such a big effort as I had a month ago).
My mind - being clean of PMO - is much more stable, I do not have such a mood swings as I had before.
And of course - being proud of my reboot strike - I am much more confident than before and it is not only my feeling but it is also the opinion of other people who I met.

I wish you all the best! On my own experience I guarantee that it is one of the most worthy things we can do with our lifes.

 

[dwenjang1218]

Awesome man!
37 days streak sounds so far-fetched for me, but I can't wait for the day I pass one month.
(I'll get there at the end of April Challenge)
Let's both come out as winners at the end of April!

 

[shake19]

VforVictory, thank you for your words. You will definitely come to this point and for sure further! Unfortunately I lost this month's challenge as I M'd, but I wish you to become a winner, don't make my mistake.

Day 39th - it's hard, but I am still in the game

It's kind of weird that 2 days ago I wrote about self-control and today I M'd even though of course I didn't want to. At least I was able to stop myself before getting to O or to watching P (I just watched some soft arousing pics). I am kind of ashamed of what I did but on the other hand I am happy that fortunately I stopped myself before getting to 'the point'. As there was no P nor O I don't reset my counter - let it be an exception. I am very glad of being member of this forum because it is the only place where I can tell about the problem which is very helpful.
I am confident to stay clean as from now and hope I didn't broke my reboot period too much.

I wish you all the best! Don't let your brain force you to do something you don't want to.

 

[LTE]

VforVictory, thank you for your words. You will definitely come to this point and for sure further! Unfortunately I lost this month's challenge as I M'd, but I wish you to become a winner, don't make my mistake.

Day 39th - it's hard, but I am still in the game

It's kind of weird that 2 days ago I wrote about self-control and today I M'd even though of course I didn't want to. At least I was able to stop myself before getting to O or to watching P (I just watched some soft arousing pics). I am kind of ashamed of what I did but on the other hand I am happy that fortunately I stopped myself before getting to 'the point'. As there was no P nor O I don't reset my counter - let it be an exception. I am very glad of being member of this forum because it is the only place where I can tell about the problem which is very helpful.
I am confident to stay clean as from now and hope I didn't broke my reboot period too much.

I wish you all the best! Don't let your brain force you to do something you don't want to.

It definitely sounds like progress.

 

[kaybee]

Don't let your brain force you to do something you don't want to.

I like that, that's totally what it feels like sometimes.  Congratulations on stopping yourself from reaching for P. Again, I think that your will power is really inspiring. Keep it up! Cheering for you, christian soldier!

 

[shake19]

Back again, day 58th no PMO.

Hi there,

I haven't been on this forum for a while (about 3 weeks now). Since that time I had many days free of any urges, but still there were some when my urges where taking' control over me. I cought myself watching P (kind of soft one) for a few times and also cought myself on M for a few times. Especially for a last few days I watched P and M everyday for some time (tried not too long). It's a pity that after such a long strike without P and M I came back again to those 2. At least I haven't PMO'd for last 57 days. However I am glad that the forum didn't disappear and that I came across my jorunal which suddenly made me stronger. I won't watch P nor M anymore from now. I clench my fists and will move further into my path of rebalancing my mind.

To describe my mentality last days: I feel broken by watching P / M, it makes me sad, lazy and uncertain about my manhood. For the days when I am free of P / M and for almost 2 months with no PMO I feel very well, confident about myself and the future. Nevertheless I feel a big change in thinking about and talking with girls, I see that they feel it too.

P or M is the most stupid thing I can do ever, because I am so conscious about harm it cause and I am so sure that living without it is much more valuable. So how the hell I let myself into P/M? It so weird I cannot understand it.

Big up to all y'all!

 

[LTE]

It's good to hear from you, Shake. During the first 14 months or so, recovery forums were my "hobby" and it really helped. I'd advise the same, visit often, post to the journals of others and keep yourself pumped up.

 

[shake19]

Hi there!

It is 177 days since I last PMO'd.

Actually it is 177 days without O, because I had some days when I watched P and / or M.


At the first 2 months, I was fighting a lot and at this time I had the longest period completely without any of P, M, O.
The bad thing was that I was fighting so hard that when I relapsed it was destructing my mind and my self-confidence.
I blamed myself a lot.

The next 2 months I let myself to chill about P and / or M and I relapsed averagely once a week.
Giving my mind a rest from fighting was comfortable for me, because whenever I relapsed I didn't have such a remorse as earlier.
Of course I was still trying to stay clean for as long as possible.

The last 2 months I found P and M much less attractive as I did ever before.
Therefore I had no big problems to stay clean for weeks.
Nevertheless I let myself into P and / or M for some times.


Relapses that occured were the effects of:
1/ hangover (my willpower was weakened)
2/ boredom (especially while sitting at home - P and / or M is the easiest way to get yourself busy)
3/ high stress (I went to P and / or M to relax myself and change from everyday chores)


And here I am now.

I came here today after such a long time without looking at the forum because I watche P and M'd today.
I feel bad about it, I have remorse and I feel the need to share my feelings in here.
After I wrote all the things above I am kind of relieved.


I don't need to promise myself anything now - I feel that my life is the one without any of P, M, O.
I just have to stay vigilant to not let myself to any of these anymore.


The positive side of life after 177 days without PMO:
- I have much smaller desire for any of P, M, O than ever before
- My mind is clean from images of P that were appearing months earlier
- I am much more self-confident than ever before
- I look at girls in 'healthy' way, not with such a sick desire as months earlier
- I feel that I passed a big milestone in my life and I am very proud of it


I wish to thank all of you, your journeys were my compass in the time of fierce battle.
Your example of determination gave me willpower to stay strong.


All the battle is definitely worth it!

 

[shake19]

Hi to all!

I am back. The addiction never leaves me. And it just took control over me. The f**k! Again.

I think the addiction will stay in my mind forever. The clue is to deal with it right.

What happened through these 234 days?
[list type=decimal]
[*]I started 234 days ago with a clear goal: no P/M/O at all.
[*]After some time I silently changed my mind to loosen the restrictions.
So when I wached P or did M I didn't reset my counter - I felt it is not so bad as I do not O.
[*]For last 2 weeks I PMO'd 2 times and I see that I was wrong before - any element of this shitty chain makes a relapse.
What is relapse?
- It is letting your penis take control over the brain.
[*]Time to get back on the right track:
No arousing by images / videos at all!
Even f**king celebrities on the news.
[/list]
This is the only right way to deal with the addiction.
Because the addiction won't leave you for the rest of your life.
Accept it as it is.

I reset my counter as I was wrong for all these 234 days.
As some say, I start a HARD MODE - the only way to deal with it right.

I will reset the counter whenever I intentionally watch anything arousing, even celebrities at news or whenever I M.

Big goals require big sacrifices.

 

[LTE]

Hi to all!

I am back. The addiction never leaves me. And it just took control over me. The f**k! Again.

I think the addiction will stay in my mind forever. The clue is to deal with it right.

What happened through these 234 days?
[list type=decimal]
[*]I started 234 days ago with a clear goal: no P/M/O at all.
[*]After some time I silently changed my mind to loosen the restrictions.
So when I wached P or did M I didn't reset my counter - I felt it is not so bad as I do not O.
[*]For last 2 weeks I PMO'd 2 times and I see that I was wrong before - any element of this shitty chain makes a relapse.
What is relapse?
- It is letting your penis take control over the brain.
[*]Time to get back on the right track:
No arousing by images / videos at all!
Even f**king celebrities on the news.
[/list]
This is the only right way to deal with the addiction.
Because the addiction won't leave you for the rest of your life.
Accept it as it is.

I reset my counter as I was wrong for all these 234 days.
As some say, I start a HARD MODE - the only way to deal with it right.

I will reset the counter whenever I intentionally watch anything arousing, even celebrities at news or whenever I M.

Big goals require big sacrifices.

I can't strss this enough, posting daily makes a huge difference in breaking the habit. As I hone in on two years I'm finding that recovery seems like the new normal, but as little as three months ago I needed daily visits to keep me going.

 

[shake19]

Hi LTE, my buddy.

You've been with me since the first days on this forum and I am very grateful for this.
Yeah, I forgot a little bit about posting and visting this forum for a last few months but still I remembered all the advices that you and the others gave me.

Despite the relapses, after such a long struggle with the addiction I feel somehow free now, especially in contrary to what I had in my mind about 2 yrs ago.

I came back here to point out that I am really into leaving the addiction entirely and that I am still conscious about the problem.
All the advices are welcome and I am here also to help the others.

Maybe I am not a frequent member of this forum no more, but I am the example of the value of this forum.
The value of this forum lies not only in all these words in here, but the value is in the change that it makes in our lifes.

I wish all the best to all of you! Stay strong.

 

[LTE]

Just don't give up and recognize the strength you possess. If I can overcome this problem, so can you.

 

[kaybee]

I just read back over your journal,  and it's so great to see all of the progess that you've made. Sure you've relapsed, but that doesn't make you the same guy you were 250 days ago, or however long it has been now. And you're right, the value of this forum is in the changes it makes to lives.  I'm glad to see that you're still set on changing yours for the better.

 

[shake19]

Thank you Kaybee for kind words. It's very nice to see that after such a long absence I am still warmly welcomed. Thank you for granting me with the words that the single relapse doesn't make me the same guy as 250 days ago - I believe that and this makes me stronger.

So I am on the right way for last days, I had some craving today to watch some pics and I even took a glimpse on some non-nude model, but it lasted only about 30 secs and I reminded myself that it's not worth it. So I closed the page.

Things are going great since I stopped watching anything arousing and fantasizing. My self-confidence is back quickly and I am not afraid of many things that I was afraid before (when I was in the time of P/M/O).

Have a great life being free from all this crap!

 

[shake19]

I am weak. After 9 days I relapsed.

I got drunk yesterday night and at the same time the girl I was trying to date for a long time told me she has a boyfriend.
Today, with a strong hangover and sadness in my mind I run away from stress to PMO.

I admit that I am weak.

So this thought makes me stronger and I stand up again.
This time I will try harder.

Cheers!

 

[LTE]

Back on the wagon, my friend. You CAN do it!

 

[shake19]

I haven't come here for a while as I had no time and thought that I am strong enough to keep my eye on reboot just by myself.
And I relapsed twice in this period - both was on a strong hangover.

And actually all the relapses that I had for a few last months were in connection with strong hangover.

Therefore, hangover seems to be my last moment in life when I permit myself into te addiction - there's an easy explanation - my mind is in the weakest state while being on hangover.

Therefore, I have to choose:
1/ Avoid hangover, so don't be drunk or stoned too much.
2/ In case of hangover I have to be sharper than before so I can withstand the cravings.

I choose the first one, as getting too drunk or stoned doesn't bring anything good in life - so I'll just eliminate it for my next goal (24 days) and will see if I really could stay clean.

Wish me luck.

All the best to all y'all!