You could have done it long ago

[shake19]

Hi all!

You know what... It is ridiculous.

I moved through hundreds of advices, I discovered hundreds of purposes of my relapses and made hundreds of decisions to change, to avoid, to prevent falling down. Hundreds of hours spent on thinking and trying to solve the HUGE problem that PMO stands for me.

And what?

Falling down again, and again, and again...

It is over 2 years now since I started fighting the addiction. It is horrible that I still fall down (and lately it happens even every few days). I am at the peak of being disgusted with myself.

It seems I tried all the possible ways to get out of the addiction.

So now, I ask you only to wish me luck.
I do not want any more advices, I know enough of them.
Just tell me that I will do it, that I will finally get rid of the addiction AND I WILL DO IT.

I want to reach the sky and I MUST DO IT.

 

[LTE]

Hi all!

You know what... It is ridiculous.

I moved through hundreds of advices, I discovered hundreds of purposes of my relapses and made hundreds of decisions to change, to avoid, to prevent falling down. Hundreds of hours spent on thinking and trying to solve the HUGE problem that PMO stands for me.

And what?

Falling down again, and again, and again...

It is over 2 years now since I started fighting the addiction. It is horrible that I still fall down (and lately it happens even every few days). I am at the peak of being disgusted with myself.

It seems I tried all the possible ways to get out of the addiction.

So now, I ask you only to wish me luck.
I do not want any more advices, I know enough of them.
Just tell me that I will do it, that I will finally get rid of the addiction AND I WILL DO IT.

I want to reach the sky and I MUST DO IT.

I'm going to ask you one question: Do you prefer being a slave to PMO over being free of PMO? This is a good question to ask yourself at the moment of temptation, ask it before you take that first step down the road that leads to PMO. All of the temptations are still out there. They are out there for you, out there for me. Eventually, you have to make a conscious choice not against PMO.

 

[shake19]

Hi there!

I haven't been here for a while, it is over a year now. As you may guess, the struggle continues - it is about 3 years since I realized I got a problem - the addiction to porn.

For last year (as I was absent here) I was fighting all the way to not come back to addiction as much as I can. Sometimes it was about a month with absolutely no P or M, sometimes only a day that I could withstand the cravings.

So here I am now, still addicted, still weak and still concious about the problem. Especially last weeks, I failed to stay clean every few days. Usually the same purposes as always - boredom, hangover, stress.

I decided to dig into my diary and make a new post to point out some important moment in this battle. I am truly determined and dedicated to get rid of cravings and addiction now. I hope that my existence on this forum will give me new power and motivation to show that it is possible as you all make it and as I made it before.

I set up short goal for 5 days now to not shock me with long milestone, but if I make it, I will set up the goal bigger.

Giving a shot of how I feel nowadays with addiction:
- I do not feel so strong urges as years before (in the past my body was actually shaking when I was fighting not to watch porn).
- I do not imagine and fantasize about porn anymore.
- I do come back to porn anytime my sick mind tell me "to chill" like this.
- I do feel bad afterward but not so bad as years ago.

I think all the above shows that progress has been made and that all effort has made positive effects. However it also gives an important lesson - never underestimate the addiction - it is always somewhere in the mind. And even if the mind deals with it better than before, the problem still exists. As a guy wanting to be a true man it is necessary to keep strong and never again let the addiction take control over me.

I wish you all the best and thank you for your time reading my diary.

Cheers!

 

[achilles heel]

I wish you all the best on your restart!

Reading through your journal reminds me so much of my own story and it encourages me to make a decision I would suggest for you too: Cut out drugs and alcohol completely, at least until feeling strong enough to not relapse again on hangover. At one point you mentioned to eliminate alcohol and drugs for 24 days, did it work for you? I'm not sure if I will manage to avoid alcohol 100%, but I will try. For what I understand is that every hangover includes a dopamine low and thus makes us much more vulnerable to relapse. Not to forget that alcohol weakens self-control and awareness.