My future is awesome!

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
So all these years my action speaks my intention:
Porn, computer games, avoidence, denial.
They are all behaviors reflective of:
Avoiding/avoidence reality
Ignoring/ignorance reality
Unchanging/unwilling to change

Fearing failure, i end up failing.

There is only one outcome possible.
Resolve to change, and accept that change is necessary.

To grow, i must first want to grow, and be able to grow.

 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Habit and selfish/self centeredness

Porn is just another habit.
At this tine you do this. At another time you do that.
So breaking the porn habit is easy. At the usual time, do something else until you form a new habit.

Why is porn addictive? Because it is insatiable
Why is it insatiable? Because it is based on self centeredness
Why is porn self centeredness? Because it only aims to benefit the self.

Think about it.
When we make love to someone else, we hope they have a good experience too. But with porn and masterbation, its all about fulfilling MY needs.
Locking myself away in my room is MY needs
Surfing for hours for porn is FOR ME ONLY
over time we develop a self centered complex.

Why do we develop an overly perfection, self deprecating, low self esteem complex?
Because the assured way of porn and the lack of proper social exchange leads us to be uncertain how to behave properly in public, and how to set realistic standards.

Why do we get negative and depressed.
Because porn is perpetual seeking of pleasure that is unsustainable. There is no joy that is common in human interaction.

So how to break this vicious cycle?

1. Form new habits that generate real and sustainable joy, like execise or healthy reading.

2. Form am aim to help others

3. Set new goals and standards for myself to reach for.

Love and sex is for the other person to feel good.
We are naturally happier when we make others happy too.

 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Time away and discomfort is the best way to reflect the drivers.

I reach for old ways because I'm bored.

That means i don't have important things to do
That means i dont have something i want to spend time improving on
That means I'm not taking care of myself.
That means I'm not planning and preparing for my future
That means I'm not thinking about the important stuff

Guess I'm not that free after all.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Wanting to pmo means wanting to feel good
Wanting to feel good means currently not feeling good
Not feeling good is usually from not succeeding or not taking care of myself

How to feel good?
Take care of myself
Take care of others
Planning and getting things done
Working out a goal

Good. Lets get to it :)
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Why pmo?

I am bored (activity)
I am seeking attention (social)
I am seeking achievement (esteem)

Bored? Go learn something
Social? Go help and make someone happy
Esteem? Go complete something

To feel good about myself:
Take care and love myself properly
Recognize and reward my achievements properly
Be kind to myself
Dont let myself down
Focus on doing, not lamenting
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
5 main topics

imagination as the root of delusion
distraction as the root of unhappiness
self love, generated from within
independence through self pride & respect
courage/confidence for an interesting/creative life

Something happened last week that made me reflect.
I found myself dull and scared most of the time
i wondered why and googled for how to regain my confidence
and i realized that my masturbating ways have kept me on as safe and certain path

> my life was dull because i did not stretch myself
> my life was dull because i lack self love and was critical of myself excessively, overly focused on my flaws and putting on too much weight to be perfect

so begin a new path and direction to regain my self love, confidence

The first reflection came regarding distractions
Distractions are anything that takes your mind away from thinking, learning or developing anything relating to real life
> porn, social media, 9gag, meme, random discussion boards, computer games
the issue with distractions is that it serves to numb
numbing means avoiding, means not taking action


confidence comes from trying something uncertain
and then when succeeding, I gains sense of success, accomplishment and trust in my abilities to do what i want to.
this allows me to let go of attachments
this allows me to become more independent.

masterbation and distraction are external dependence for myself to feel good

they compound the problem by adding "living in imagination" and delusion
2 things happen:
1. desire builds for something that can never happen or are unrealistic in real life
2. unhappiness builds because focus shifts to not having, instead of having

my story:
i loved a girl a lot
but i am unable to move to be with her, nor am i able to support her
unable to let go, i go into depression because my focus now is on what i do not have (her), instead of what i do have (health, time, welbeing, other meaning in life)
my focus is on my delusions and imaginatons

porn creates that same delusion
it makes me think i live in some awesome fantasy world where every hot woman wants to fuck me.
that every date starts in the bedroom
That is evidently not true

when dream life is unable to match with real life, the mind does not say but knows the gap
and the gap is magnified by continued lack of success of such dream
this leads to depression, then to lack of confidence, and finally to self loathing and hate

porn addiction is not simply one of substance abuse
the price is the distortion of the sense of reality and the ultimately the sense of self

so enough of the negative talk, what steps now to take towards recovery?

1. ignite the spark towards self confidence
that begins with taking a firm step towards self love, pride and respect

self love means i will
give love to myself
generate love for myself from within
be kind and gentle and forgiving
hold my self equal and as important as any other

self pride comes form holding on to self principles.
by reaffirming my self beliefs, and stop comparing and competing with others
i stand by my principles which i believe is healthy and beneficial to myself and others
i hold my own standards and refuse to be judged by others

in doing so, i become independent and self respecting
and with this, i can gradually let go of dependencies, and become more independent

porn, distraction, and external appeals are all dependencies as it makes my happiness determined by outside rather than inside. so i need to stop that.


 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
1. Limiting factor

When I am weakest, ask myself:
1. what is hurting?
2. will it kill me?
3. if not, move on/ get over it


2. Knowing the BIG Why

There are moments that get me down.
These are only moments
Moments are not what I live for.
I live for the BIG why.

What is my WHY
What am I working towards.
Get over the moment, and stay focused on the WHY


3. Always look forward, never back

having something to look forward = gain = generates happiness
always looking back = not having things to look forward to = lack = sadness/depression

4.  have plenty to do / on my plate

this avoids down/empty time
this avoids returning to old bad habits
this ensures i have a constant flow of sense of success


5. once committed, never give up

giving up/stopping short = robs me of completion = robs me of the experience of success
it is the success experience that keeps me going
quitting is not failure. it is simply not success
not success = no experience of sucess
no experience of success = no experience of joy/confidence
I can only stop AFTER I have experience success/completion


6, Depression is focusing on lack

it is the focus of what i dont have
it generates the sensation of lack
it is an empty feeling, insufficient, gap
there are infinite things i dont have and only very few that i do have
focusing on what i dont have is stupid

focus on what i do have
it generates a sense of abundance
it is an overflowing feeling, sufficiency, excess
i am complete, and i can give and help others

I have health
I have self
I have people i love around me
I have people who want to be with me
I have people who care about me
I have things I care about
I have activities that need me
I have things i want to achieve
I have life
I have this day to live
I have abundence

7. understand the true nature of addiction

it is not addiction to substance
it is dependence on substance for a sense of self/fulfillment
Therefore, to exit addiction is to exit dependence
to exit dependence is to create internal independence


internal independence is created by
1. completion of self established tasks
2. creating confidence and capacity in self
3. generating love and kindness for self
4. taking healthy care of self
5. making effort, living meaningfully, having a BIG WHY

Focus on my BIG WHY
live meaningfully
keep busy
make hard and dedicated effort
dont slack, look forward to each day, keep myself busy, keep learning, keep trying, keep developing, keep improving, keep recognizing achievements, be grateful, laugh, be happy.

 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
https://forum.schizophrenia.com/t/psychosis-and-masturbation/3288

An awesome reply within this chain.
I reprint the best reply here :


22 . . . both mind and body were enfeebled through the habit of self-abuse. (Testimonies for the Church, Volume 5, p. 91)

The effect of zinc deficiency has particularly profound effects on the male, because extraordinary amounts of zinc are found in the testicles and the prostate gland. . . . The amount of zinc in semen is such that one ejaculation may get rid of all the zinc that can be absorbed from the intestines in one day. . . . In humans, among the most consistent effects of zinc deficiency are changes in mood and behavior. There is depression, extreme irritability, apathy and even in some circumstances, behavior which looks like schizophrenia. . . . It is even possible, given the importance of zinc for the brain, that 19th-century moralists were correct when they said that repeated masturbation could make one mad! Similarly, the high livers were also correct when they said that a diet rich in oysters was necessary to compensate for excessive sexual indulgence. [Oysters supply a high level of zinc]. (David Horrobin, M.D., Ph.D. [Oxford University], Zinc (St. Albans, Vt.: Vitabooks, Inc., 1981), p. 8).

We hate to say it but in a zinc-deficient adolescent, sexual excitement and excessive masturbation might precipitate insanity. (Carl Pfeiffer, Ph.D., M.D. [Harvard University], Zinc and other Micro-Nutrients, (New Canaan, CT: Keats Publishing, Inc., 1978), p. 45).

drlwilson.com/ARTICLES/MASTURBATION .htm

truthorfables.net/zinc_brain 1 .htm

truthorfables.net/zinc_diseases .htm

Achieving an orgasm is one of the most pleasurable feelings we experience in our lifetime. For that reason, many men either pursue frequent sexual encounters or masturbate often in lieu of sexual activity. However, an orgasm is a very intense, physiological process that, if done in excess, can lead to sexual exhaustion.

Physiological Changes

Sexual exhaustion is a byproduct of excessive masturbation and ejaculation. Exhaustion will cause your concentration to fade. Your memory will follow suit, and even your libido will start to dissipate. Your once voracious desire for sex will be nonexistent, while your once rock-hard erections will remain flaccid or weak during sex.

The problem for most sexually exhausted individuals is simple: masturbation and sex have ruined their basic human desires. The solution is more complex. Refraining from masturbating will help, but the body?s chemistry has been altered, damaging the nerves and resulting in an imbalance of hormones.

Frequent masturbation and ejaculation stimulate the acetylcholine/parasympathetic nervous functions excessively, resulting in the over-production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters such as acetylcholine, dopamine, and serotonin. As a result, the body?s ability to modulate the hypothalamus and adrenal functions has been diminished. In this state, the body releases excessive fight-or-flight hormones, overworking the adrenal glands and overheating the body causing it to sweat abnormally from the heightened stress.

Hormonal Changes

People who suffer from sexual exhaustion experience a dearth in hormones and neuro-growth factors. A dearth in hormones can cause the following:

Acetylcholine Depletion

Excessive DHT

Dopamine Depletion

HGH Depletion

Excessive Stress Hormones

Low Testosterone

Excessive Prostaglandin E2

Thyroid hormone imbalance

Weak parasympathetic nerves

Poor liver function and immunity

In order to combat the unbalanced hormones and neuro-growth factors, males can take all-natural supplements to properly balance and cleanse the body. For example Herbal Remedy contains adaptogenic herbs, such as Alisma Plantago, Ginkgo Biloba, and Siberian Ginseng, which balance the impairments produced by chronic stress without interfering with the valuable short-term stress responses.

The benefits of adaptogenic herbs include:

Exerting system-wide protective and restorative effects

Lowering the presence of cortisol, a stress hormone that can ruin a man?s erection

Increasing the efficiency of oxygen utilization

Modulating stress responses and enhancing immunity

Combating aging cognitive functions

High Cortisol Level

The liver is tasked with detoxifying and producing biochemicals necessary for the body. When too many biochemicals are produced, such as in the case of too much sex, the liver impedes the production of key chemicals that transmit nerve impulses that ensure healthy blood flow. Likewise, the adrenal glands and testes stop producing chemicals necessary for testicular function, such as DHEA and testosterone.

Excessive ejaculation depletes the body of essential hormones, nutrients, while increasing metabolite byproducts and stress hormones, such as cortisol. Short-term bursts of cortisol are necessary to help the body recover from the effects of stress and to boost sugar levels for immediate energy levels. However, when an individual produces too much cortisol, the body begins to pull calcium from the bones, reduces the response to pain, alters moods, and lowers immunity.

If over-masturbation or over-ejaculation persists, the stress hormone will remain high and continue to have insidious repercussions on the body. You need to take herbal remdy to recover from sexual exhaustion & dysfunction. The body needs a respite from the cycle of abuse as well as a proactive regiment of supplements to full recovery.

Long distance runners understand the damage muscles endure during an arduous run. The body expends much of its energy feeding the lungs and leg muscles to propel the runner forward. When the runner stops, the body continues to expend energy, but instead of using energy to power the muscles, the body uses energy to heal itself. Now think of your libido as a muscle. Over use the muscle and it will tear. Once torn, the muscle will need time to recover and heal itself.

Growth Potential Stunted?

Sexual exhaustion caused by over masturbation or ejaculation over produces Cortisol, a stress hormone that controls blood pressure, glucose in the blood, and inflammatory immune system responses. When overproduced, the hormone ruins your hormonal system. Prolonged Cortisol elevations and hormone imbalances result in the suppression of the immune system, elevation of blood sugar, loss of bone calcium, poor cognitive functioning, and lack of ejaculation control.

Alleviate the Following Problems:

Adrenal fatigue and persistent tiredness

Performance anxiety and nervous attacks

Receding hair line and hair loss

Lower back pain, headache, and unexplainable discomforts

Unable to hold ejaculation or erection longer than 20 minutes

Sleep disturbance and insomnia

Buzzing ear and blurred vision

Watery semen

Excessive masturbation or intercourse does more than just relieve stress. Excessive indulgence can increase immune responses, leaving a person more prone to expereince pain, sickness, and diseases. Severe Cortisol damage can cause symptoms similar to chronic steroid therapy, including: increased irritation, low sex drive, and difficulty concentrating or remembering.

Maybe helpful for: Men?s Over Masturbation Causes: SSRI DHEA depletion DHT HGH depletion dopamine depletion serotonin depletion Symptoms: low sperm count chronic fatigue buzzing ear eye floaters headache lower back pain sleep disorder thinning hair.

[SSRIs, known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, increase serotonin levels to help fight against depression, anxiety, and personality disorders. While most men and women who consume SSRIs live happy, productive lives, the drugs tend to cause some unwanted side effects that include premature ejaculation and male impotence.

SSRIs can shut down the brain or weaken the parasympathetic link to the testicles, prostate, and ?????. SSRIs also can overload the liver?s P450 detoxification system that result in less NO synthase and guanylate cyclase, which can lead to impotence and premature ejaculation. Men looking to combat depression or anxiety without the unwanted side effects should try all-natural solutions to help them improve their minds.]

Back pain or discomfort

O.M. reduces the production of oxytocin, DHEA, testosterone and DHT. The depletion of these neurochemicals triggers a release of the inflammatory hormone prostaglandin E2, which is one source for lower-back pain.

Eye floaters and fuzzy vision

Blurry vision or dark spots that cloud your eye sight are caused by a deficiency of cGMP, nitric oxide and acetylcholine in the visual sensory nerves. These deficiencies are intensified by excessive masturbation.

Chronic Fatigue

Cortisol, a steroid hormone meant to increase blood sugar and metabolism, experiences an increase in production after masturbation. Proliferation of the hormone causes an invariable feeling of exhaustion.

Groin discomfort and Testicular pain

O.M. exhausts the pituitary-adrenal-testicular axis, which lowers oxytocin, DHEA, testosterone and DHT production. Once these neurochemicals experience a reduction, the inflammatory hormone prostaglandin E2 creates pain near the groin and testicles.

Premature ejaculation

O.M. depletes HGH, testosterone, dopamine and serotonin, neurochemicals that strengthen both the endocrine system and parasympathetic nerves inside your body. Without these neurochemicals, the parasympathetic nerves that control an erection become weak, resulting in premature ejaculation.

Prostatitis

Known as prostate inflammation, Prostatitis enlarges the prostate and impedes urinary flow and erectile capacity. Masturbation elevates DHT in the body. When too much DHT is present, the neurochemical inflames the prostate.

Insomnia

Melatonin is a neurochemical that induces sleep. Men who masturbate in excess see a depletion in melatonin that leads to insomnia.

Stress and mood swings

Cortisol elevates blood sugar to help manage stress. Except O.M. increases the production of cortisol to such high levels that it causes more stress. Meanwhile, low testosterone levels caused by O.M. results in mood swings.

Thinning hair

O.M. leads to excessive testosterone-DHT conversion. In response to the imbalance, the body produces cortisol, which induces high levels of prolactin and reduces DHEA, HGH and testosterone production. The sudden shift in neurochemicals causes hair loss.

Says a 19th century moralist:

Sins and crimes, and the violation of nature?s laws, were shown me as the causes of this accumulation of human woe and suffering. I saw such degradation and vile practices, such defiance of God, and I heard such words of blasphemy, that my soul sickened. From what was shown me, a large share of the youth now living are worthless. Corrupt habits are wasting their energies, and bringing upon them loathsome and complicated diseases. Unsuspecting parents will try the skill of one physician after another, who prescribes drugs, when they generally know the real cause of the failing health, but for fear of offending and losing their fees, they keep silent, when as faithful physicians they should expose the real cause. Their drugs only add a second great burden for abused nature to struggle against, which often breaks down in her efforts and the victim dies. And the friends look upon the death as a mysterious dispensation of providence, when the most mysterious part of the matter is, that nature bore up as long as she did against her violated laws. Health, reason, and life, were sacrificed to depraved lusts.

"I have been shown that children who practice self-indulgence previous to puberty, or the period of merging into manhood and womanhood, must pay the penalty of nature?s violated laws at that critical period.

?Many sink into an early grave, while others have sufficient force of constitution to pass this ordeal. If the practice is continued from the ages of fifteen and upward, nature will protest against the abuse she has suffered, and continues to suffer, and will make them pay the penalty for the transgression of her laws, especially from the ages of thirty to forty-five, by numerous pains in the system, and various diseases, such as affection of the liver and lungs, neuralgia, rheumatism, affection of the spine, diseased kidneys, and cancerous humors. Some of nature?s fine machinery gives way, leaving a heavier task for the remaining to perform, which disorders nature?s fine arrangement, and there is often a sudden breaking down of the constitution, and death is the result.? An Appeal to Mothers (1864) pgs. 17-18.

What isn?t in the day.
Is no more in the night.
For the shadowy figures shall pass away.
In the coming of the daylight.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Reboot is a long and steady process towards Recognition & Replacement

Why do I PMO ?
It was an unknowing learned effort to love myself

When I recognized that I was trying to love myself better, i began to identify and apply replacements to PMO.

What are the replacements?
> Identify things and activities that bring me happiness and joy, not pleasure.

There is a difference:

Pleasure is immediate, purchased, discrete, intense experience with little effort.
Eg. eating a purchased ice cream
It is brief with no long term benefits and experienced only by myself

Joy is a long term sustained emotional feel good, usually through personal effort
eg. cooking for family, tending to garden,
It is enduring with many people enjoying the benefits

Happiness is a good feeling, usually generated from achievement or gratitude.
eg. completing task, learning something new, doing things together with people.
It is a hightened form of joy

===

So i come to realize :
i PMO because i have a low self esteem
i PMO because i did not know or apply better forms of self love and care

instead of looking at stopping PMO, I redirected my attention to do things that :
1. improve me
2. beneficial to others
3. give me pride and esteem

Over time, my eyes cleared :
1. instead of the narrow focus of lust induced self centeredness, i started to see my accomplishments and happiness
2. i started to experience gratitude and become happier with what i have
3. i am motivated to be generous and kind towards others and myself.
4. i feel more love and kindess towards others and myself
5. i feel happier more and most of the time.
6. i began to take better care of myself.
7. i have more options now to fall back on when i am not feeling good
8. i start to do more longer terms things to better take care of my future self
9. i take time to plan and set aside self care and happiness time
10. i conscientiously make a choice not to come into contact with PMO material because i know contact is a slippery slope

Replacement and Recognition is good for me
Pride is good for overcoming low self esteem
Green book was the movie that made me recognize the importance of self pride
Studying and gaining knowledge and insight made me happy and feel achievement
morning gratitude recognition makes me feel happy and blessed with everything i have

PMO is bad because it emphasize what i dont have. not wonder i had low self esteem !
imagine everyday dreaming of desire but ignoring what i already have. So much suffering !!!

so no more of that nonsense
with eyes clearer now i can see where i need to focus on to give me more happiness and achievement for today me and future me and my loved ones.

So much more joy !!!

Perhaps this is what Lyon03 is feeling now.
I hope so too, because I am so much more happier now :)
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Recognize that PMO is dependency
. Dependence on external to make one feel good.
. Dependence on external to have self esteem.
. Dependence on external to have self attention.
. Dependence on external to have activity.

Moving away from external dependence is
. Moving into internal dependence
. Moving into alternative activities

Self direct love and attention
Self care
Self growth
Self heal

That is all.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
There is a price for everything and there is a way to measure.

It is a cost benefit analysis.

What i want vs what i get and what i stand to lose.

1. PMO has a very powerful cascading effect
It is habit forming
It creates and intensifies cravings and dependencies
It draws attention towards desires and away from reality
Soon all we care about is meeting needs and ignoring haves.

Its like but more intense than ice cream
Nice at first, then it becomes a daily dessert and next thing you know you're 10kg overweight

2. It carries a huge price but doesnt give you anything
Everything about it is false
From the girls to the relationship to the promised high.
All false.
Do you feel joy after cum? No
Do you feel connected after cum? No
Do you feel happy and complete several days after? No
All mind tricks we play on ourselves.

3. It comes at a big price
Ignoring work
Ignoring loved ones
Ignoring relationship process and development
Ignoring self improvement and success factors


Dont be fooled.
It is all false




 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Avengers End Game
Game of thrones, seasson 8 episode 3
Facebook purging of "friends" who no longer feature in my life

There is a common theme, only in end is there a beginning.

But porn and porn addiction is like an everlasting night and nightmare.
It doesn't end, so there is little hope for a new beginning.

It must end, to let life start again.
The past is over. There is nothing to gain if i dont move on.

 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Hello friends new and old, I hope all of you have been well.
Much has changed since I last posted here almost 2 years ago, and many new things have been learnt.

Before everything, my thoughts go to the people of Ukraine. May they be strong and courageous in their time of danger.
Life is delicate and fleeting. My hope is that they survive to live a long and good life.

Firstly, the girl i loved is now a mother to her child.
I have not spoken to her in many years. And I am very happy for her.
There is no blessing greater than to be the parent of a child, and with this I wish her every blessing in the world.

The path away from PMO is not abstinence (even though that action is correct )
The path away from PMO is replacement.

What to replace ?
Ask yourself first why PMO?
Was it really lust?
No... It was for love. More specifically self love.
But it was wrong form.
Because the act of PMO creates dependency.
and dependency is the mother of addiction, and therefore perpetual suffering.

Instead, the proper path towards self love (and cessation of addiction, i.e. PMO ), is interest.
Self interest directed at things the self is interested in.

Yes, it is true, we are interested in PMO.
But there are good interests and poor interests, for which PMO is poor.
How to know which is good or bad?

That which makes us better and happier in the long run is good.
That which improves us is good
That which makes us love ourselves and be proud of ourselves in the long run is good.
That which makes those around us appreciate us more in the long run is good.

We turn to PMO because in its time, we have lost the skill and knowledge to be interested in things other than PMO
The path away from any addiction is only possible through replacement.
Abstinence without any replacement is impossible
Freedom cannot exist in a vacuum
in a vacuum, one will always return to previous favorites and comforts.
thus, one has to replace one addiction with "another".
Blogging here is one such replacement.
It is therefore up to ourselves to find this replacement, preoccupy ourselves with this or other replacements, feel good about these replacements, and eventually depend on these new replacements to feel loved and joyful.

It can be a child
It can be a pet
It can be a hobby
It can be as simple as listening to music
It can be painting or reading.
Regardless, it is something done to replace whatever time we are currently spending on PMO, replace whatever emotional / psychological / physical needs we are depending on PMO to fulfil.

2.
PMO is tooooo easy
the golden truth is that nothing obtained too easily is ever rewarding
even fast food is more effortful than PMO, because we still need to make the effort to travel to the shop to get the food before we can enjoy it.
PMO? lock the door, turn on the phone and drop the pants. ZERO effort.
honestly, anything that requires some effort rewards more
we just need to get used to this idea.
delayed gratification.
its really really better.

3.
I know i have some problems
i know my problems persist because i did not make the effort to solve them
i know i did not solve them because i perpetually make excuses and blame others for it
i know i am the only one to blame for my problems
so i need to get myself to solve my problems.

i thought relationships, sex and PMO were the key
i thought it meant acceptance and love and care and recognition
i thought the power to be loved resides in someone else loving me
how utterly wrong
the only way to ever feel loved is self love
anyone who loves someone more then themselves is making the most flawed mistake of putting themselves at greatest risk

the only person who can truly love me is only me
the only person who can truly care for me is only me
the only person who can truly understand me is only me
the only person who can truly be with me is only me

therefore i must resolve now to love mainly me
and only give my surplus love to those around me
not to some unmet false idols
not to some wild fantasies or beliefs i harbor for God knows whatever reasons

i resolve not to allow my feelings and decisions to be dictated by others
including Porn artists, creators, enablers, facilitators, and anyone remotely related to that industry.
They are one and all evil and self serving through the destruction of others.

I resolve to focus all of my energies towards making myself the best possible person i can ever be

there will only be loving and kind words for myself
there will only be respectful and highest opinion words for myself
there will only be loving care for myself
there will only be good treatment for myself
there will only be dignity and self respect for myself

I love me

please join me and you love you too.
 
Last edited:

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Whatever comforts pmo provides, what other comforts provide better?

Whatever care PMO provides, what other self care provides better?

Whatever looking forward to that PMO provides, what else can I look forward that is better?

Whatever entertainment PMO provides, what else entertains better?

Whatever time spent on PMO consumes, what else is time better spent on?

I don't much care for other women or men now because they are mostly self serving trouble.
So even pretty people and pretty things are meaningless to me now. The only people who really matters to me now are those who 1. We know each other personally
2. pay REAL and SINCERE attention to me (nothing virtual) AND
3. genuinely cares for my wellbeing.

Its about time I care more about myself.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
For my brothers, I came up with the following:
PROGRESS:
Positivity
Replace
Occupy
Goals
Redirect
Exercise
Self improvement
Self love and respect

POSITIVITY
This is the MOST IMPORTANT!
Many of us have this habit because we have some defect somewhere
Usually esteem defect; dependency defect; fantasy defect; denial defect; blame defect; etc
Otherwise we should be living normal healthy happy lives free of this discomfort.
Returning to the norm begins with POSITIVITY

Never talk bad about yourself
Never focus on the negatives, sufferings or difficulties
Only focus on your achievements, the successes
View yourself in the very best light.
With practice, we will become more confident and assured of ourselves.
Change and improvement then gets easier and easier

REPLACE
ALL addictions are never cured in a vacuum
ALL addictions are removed via replacement, either for something better, or something worse
the issue with any addiction isnt the material being abused ( food drugs internet etc )
it is the root they serve to address (boredom lonely depress )
removing a form of addiction does not remove the root
therefore the only way to address any addiction is
1. know the root
2. replace the current addiction activity with another

OCCUPY
too often negative habits are taken up due to aimlessness or too much free time
OCCUPY yourself with GOALS, INTERESTS & IMPROVEMENT

GOALS
Goals keep you focused and time managed
interests are generally enjoyable
improvement is to ensure that you'll always be proud of what you do, which then contributes to POSITIVITY & PROGRESS

REDIRECT
Similar to replace but in a different context
redirect serves to put you focus on something else:
meditation
prayer
blogging
charity work
Use these means to redirect your attention and gain POSITIVITY & PROGRESS through each activity

EXERCISE
Fitness is more that losing weight
it is program and scheduling
it is activity
it is achievement
it is esteem
it is body looking and feeling better
it is expanding to thinking about diet, rest, fluids, clothing
it is expanding social circles
it is going outdoors and appreciating nature
Ultimately gaining POSITIVITY & PROGRESS

SELF IMPROVEMENT
to seek ease and comfort is to seek weakening
seek improvement instead, be it in career, health, relationships, self care, etc
only in improvement will there be gains in POSITIVITY & PROGRESS

SELF LOVE & RESPECT.
Place yourself as #1 priority
gift to yourself POSITIVITY & PROGRESS
depend on no one but yourself
be proud of who you are
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
There is a book by Scott Peck, titled The road less travelled, which i thought was very good.
It conceptualize that the womb is like Eden, safe and comfortable and all things provided.
But the path once outside of Eden (the womb) is the desert full of danger, roughness and hostility.

I find that our yearning for female body is like a yearning to return to the womb, to return to Eden.
It represents a refusal to face the nature of the world, which is oftentimes harsh, cruel and self serving.
This, I feel, is the crux of our (my) problem : the refusal to face reality, and remain in fantasy.

That we can objectify woman represents a lack of association with the person
That we can hyper focus on certain parts and acts represents a lack of consideration for the relationship and only a attitude towards a goal (self satisfaction )
This leads only to a damaged relationship with others and self.
We are constantly feeding our desires while ignoring our relationships, out responsibilities and our development.

Embracing the desert is to embrace a difficult and challenging life.
But this life embraced correctly continues to reward over and over in reality

Embracing a constant desire to return to Eden ignores reality and thus puts us in a dreary limbo existence that cannot reward, and hence only continued existential suffering
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Further on my thoughts about imbalance and compensation.
Here are some of the most important skills needed to live well :
1. career & education (improvement)
2. health & fitness
3. relationship & self
4. money & finance
5. knowledge & wisdom

These skills and abilities can only improve with practice and effort.
By that nature, it is rare that a person can be great in all of them, though not impossible.

So what happens when the abilities of some of these skills are inadequate ?
We either work on improving them, or end up ignoring or compensating through other means to create a false impression of ability, to our obvious detriment.
Efforts to improvement recognizes reality, and we would be better for it
Fantasy or compensation ignores reality, and we would be worse off for it, because reality not only does not forgive, it punishes those who do not recognize it.

if we do not improve ourselves and get better at our work, our career will suffer
if we do not eat, rest or exercise properly, our health and fitness will suffer
if we do not take care of others or ourselves well, our relationships with others or ourselves will suffer
if we not not manage our wealth properly, our finances will suffer

we are not perfect, but that doesnt mean we can be ignorant of reality.
continued practices of fantasy / fake compensation instead of facing truth and challenges will worsen our abilities to face reality and overcome challenges
it is all about practice.

PMO is a fantasy
PMO is a fake compensation
it denies us of the opportiunity to face our relationship challenges with others and oursleves, and robs us of the opportinity to set the balance proper.
It is a lie we tell ourselves, about ourselves, to comfort ourselves, at the cost of ourselves, and only lead to a degredation of ourselves.
It is like vegans working in a meat factory
when we contine to lie to ourselves, the one who suffers the most is our self.

the only way to improve our relationship with others and ourselves is to practice it.
too afraid to hurt our own feelings? then we may never learn to be strong and stand up for ourselves
too soft to discipline ourselves? then we may never know the richness of success and achievement
unable to delay until the time is appropriate? then we will always only have the poorest quality of things to enjoy

time to man up and mature
otherwise we will always be just a child, dependent on others and never truly self directed and happy.
 
Last edited:

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
with some time and distance from PMO, world views start to change:
persistant extremely negative self talk and world view exists post PMO, and diminish very slowly
positivity starts to set in around 2 weeks time
1. less negative and better long term outlook
2. start to recognize and appreciate people around me better, especially my wife
3. start to focus more of alternative and more appropriate forms of happiness
a. from effort and struggle, such as in work
4. able to view relationships more clearly
5. becoming less imbalanced. Previously was very defensive and agressive without clear reason or need
6. gradually seeing attractive women in different light:
a. able to see them like forms of beauty and then move away. similar to an attractive sports car or amazing architecture.
b. gradual disassociation between beauty and the need to PMO

Most important is regaining a sense of joy from the correct source :
a. effort and hard work
b. from self and not external dependency.

The error happened at young when exposed to incorrect sources of joy and opinion
a. that joy can come from gaming or PMO or comfort or luxury or gifts
b. that hard work and effort are activities to be avoided / shuned / not cool

These wrong values effectively robbed me of the opportunity to
a. gain real sense of joy from achievement
b. gain real sense of self dependency for all things i need
c. gain sense of clarity and reality of what i really need, and what i really need to do to get what i really need

Once it begins to clear that :
a. nothing beats the sense of joy from self accomplishment through effort, hard work, discipline
b. blocks of ignorace begins to clear, and awareness of hinderences become apparant after some time from PMO
c. true joy is inner created, not externally taken
that one can recognize the falsehood of P and move aware from it.

We turn to PMO because
a. its easy, too damn easy to obtain
b. we are avoident of hardship and struggle
c. we were blind to the nature of reality

Reality is fair to those who make the effort
sure there are some bad luck, but that too is reality... nothing is certain.
but the real certainty is that for those who try, and try very hard, and see things clearly, their chances of success and achievement are much higher than those who only dream and want things easy.

Please read THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED by Scott Peck
It really is an eye opener for me.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
LEARNED AVOIDANCE

PMO is fundamentally learned helplessness.
I call it learned avoidance.

Through PMO, we seek comfort from discomfort.
We avoid the difficult
We embrace the easy.

Yet a huge price we pay.
Why do we behave like this?

Perhaps we've had childhood trauma.
Perhaps we're conflict adverse due to overly strict parents.
Perhaps we're unfortunate to discover PMO too young before we've developed sufficient self awareness and resilience.

Regardless, we're in this rut because we find it difficult to face difficulty.

Knowing this, maybe we can be determined to let go of this learned helplessness and be a help and strength to ourselves.
 
Last edited:

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
STOP POVERTY MINDSET & BEHAVIOR


I came across a youtube i thought may describe some of the challenges i now have
15 "growing up poor" habits
I sorted / renamed some for better grouping. And bold those i thought were more more meaningful to me

MATERIAL
1. Prioritizing others. focus on them more than self
2. IMPULSIVE & RISKY BEHAVIOR/ NOT WELL THOUGHT OUT. nothing to lose. countng on 1 great win. no risk-benefit analysis. no all or nothing strategy
3. hoarding (for a possible need tomorrow).
4. IMMEDIACY / NO LONG TERM PLANNING. spending money fast. no savings mentality. poor money management
6. PUNISH SELF UNNECESSARILY. guilty about freebies. need to impress; shame

CHOICES
5. unnecessary purchases. (poverty mentality)
7. avoid auto payments (fear obssessed)
8. SETTLING FOR JOBS THEY DONT LIKE. (desperation mentality).
9. ENDLESS PURSUIT OF MONEY (desperation mentality).
11. panicking over economy. (fear obssessed)

ACTION / FOCUS
10. PROCRASTINATE. (desperation mentality)
12. NOT PLANNING THE DAY AHEAD. not respecting time or value. purpose & order
13. NOT TAKING CARE OF PERSONAL HEALTH. (PHYSICAL/MENTAL/EMOTIONAL)
14. NOT SELF DEVELOPING ( RELATIONSHIP /CONFLICT MGT/KNOWLEDGE & WISDOM)
15. last minute man.

Some definitions
1. poverty mentality
behaviors / fears that attempt to compensate or is not corrected from a childhood with significant lackings
eg hoarding; spend money quickly; risk adverse; conflict adverse; image conscious; poor money management

2. low self worth
beliefs that follow a childhood with abuse or lack of proper care and attention, resulting not knowing how to self care properly, and leading to making choices and deciions are based on wrong motivations
eg. procrastination, poor time management, poor self development.

Now that we are more familiar with this background, perhaps we can have a better understanding of why we do the things we do.

The path to freedom
1. The need for better self care and respect
2. The need to respect our time more. Use it for personal development instead of gratification
3. The need to embrace conflict and challenges. We have little opportunity to develop self awareness, autonomy and restraint in the past. Now is the time to let go of the past and own our own care and self parenting with more love and respect
4. have more long term planning, and less risky fantasies.

Do not be envious of others who might have a better childhood. The past is no longer imporant, What is important is what we do about the now, and what we plan for the tomorrow.

Take Action Now
 
Last edited:
Top