We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
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jberg
Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 271
Yesterday, the best I could do was to say that I would avoid p*rn in any form for 24 hrs, and then go back to PMO tomorrow. I ended up binge-watching the last season of "Better Call Saul". Definitely not one of my best days, but it was far from being the worst. As it has been said before, my worst day sober far surpasses my best day acting out with PMO. I was fully prepared to commit to the same thing today--no p*rn today, but definitely go back to it tomorrow. However, when I awoke this morning, the imperious urge has left me, and I'm ready to be a full participant in my life today. Without this forum and the 12-step program, I know how yesterday would have gone, and how I would be feeling today. So I am standing in gratitude right now. Even though I was far from my peak and did almost nothing yesterday, to quote a famous movie line, "Sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand."
Yesterday, the best I could do was to say that I would avoid p*rn in any form for 24 hrs, and then go back to PMO tomorrow. I ended up binge-watching the last season of "Better Call Saul". Definitely not one of my best days, but it was far from being the worst. As it has been said before, my worst day sober far surpasses my best day acting out with PMO. I was fully prepared to commit to the same thing today--no p*rn today, but definitely go back to it tomorrow. However, when I awoke this morning, the imperious urge has left me, and I'm ready to be a full participant in my life today. Without this forum and the 12-step program, I know how yesterday would have gone, and how I would be feeling today. So I am standing in gratitude right now. Even though I was far from my peak and did almost nothing yesterday, to quote a famous movie line, "Sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand."
jberg
Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 300
About a month ago I noticed that for any woman who comes into my field of view, I would glance at her body parts. For the past month, I've been making a conscious effort to not do this, and to keep my focus above the neck. While not 100% successful, I have still found that I have not thought about PMO as much as I have in the past. I think those small hits of lust that I had been taking in throughout the day did add up and take their toll on my thinking. If I am to be free of this obsession, my brain needs to stay vigilant throughout the day, so that my heart stays attached to a higher power to keep it from becoming overwhelmed by my lower nature.
About a month ago I noticed that for any woman who comes into my field of view, I would glance at her body parts. For the past month, I've been making a conscious effort to not do this, and to keep my focus above the neck. While not 100% successful, I have still found that I have not thought about PMO as much as I have in the past. I think those small hits of lust that I had been taking in throughout the day did add up and take their toll on my thinking. If I am to be free of this obsession, my brain needs to stay vigilant throughout the day, so that my heart stays attached to a higher power to keep it from becoming overwhelmed by my lower nature.
jberg
Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 325
I just finished the exercise from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People where I imagine in detail my own funeral and what would I want people to say about me. It helped me to understand that how I treat other people is the only legacy I leave in this material world. Because of decades of training, a small part of my brain is still hard wired to lust (defined as using a natural instinct in an un-natural way--for example, eating when I feel anxious, or using PMO to calm myself when I feel nervous or angry). Now when I see someone who that small part of my brain wants to use as an object of lust, I use the space between stimulus and response to chose a different response. This may be my only interaction with this person. Do I want it to be one controlled by years of scripting that others have handed to me, or do I chose to act in that moment on unchanging principles that I know to be true. Namely, that each person is a soul, fashioned by their Creator, and they deserve to be treated that way (no matter how they are acting). But, perhaps more importantly, my mental and emotional well-being is vitally dependent on me acting in accordance with those principles. So in "that moment" I use my power and freedom to chose a healthy response for my growth and happiness.
I just finished the exercise from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People where I imagine in detail my own funeral and what would I want people to say about me. It helped me to understand that how I treat other people is the only legacy I leave in this material world. Because of decades of training, a small part of my brain is still hard wired to lust (defined as using a natural instinct in an un-natural way--for example, eating when I feel anxious, or using PMO to calm myself when I feel nervous or angry). Now when I see someone who that small part of my brain wants to use as an object of lust, I use the space between stimulus and response to chose a different response. This may be my only interaction with this person. Do I want it to be one controlled by years of scripting that others have handed to me, or do I chose to act in that moment on unchanging principles that I know to be true. Namely, that each person is a soul, fashioned by their Creator, and they deserve to be treated that way (no matter how they are acting). But, perhaps more importantly, my mental and emotional well-being is vitally dependent on me acting in accordance with those principles. So in "that moment" I use my power and freedom to chose a healthy response for my growth and happiness.
jberg
Active Member
4th Reboot, Day 350
During the pandemic I was able to work from home (WFH) two days per week. Those two days were spent either binging on P or obsessing about how I was not going to binge on P (and then usually end up binging anyway). A year ago the WFH ended. Then yesterday, I had an emergency WFH day. A thought of P did not even cross my mind, and I had one of the most productive days ever. I think this points to progress over this obsession.
During the pandemic I was able to work from home (WFH) two days per week. Those two days were spent either binging on P or obsessing about how I was not going to binge on P (and then usually end up binging anyway). A year ago the WFH ended. Then yesterday, I had an emergency WFH day. A thought of P did not even cross my mind, and I had one of the most productive days ever. I think this points to progress over this obsession.
jberg
Active Member
jberg
Active Member
4th Reboot, 1 Year and 7 Days
Today I got the news that I didn't get the promotion that I had been hoping for--and was actually expecting to get! I worked very hard preparing for the interview and in the process I had convinced myself that, of the 8 other candidates, I was the best person for the job. I feel disappointed that I didn't get the job, and the person who got it is a lot younger than I am, so that means there are no more chances for promotion for me.
Several years ago, before getting off porn, when I got passed over for a promotion, I went into an internal rage at my boss and others, I consciously disconnected from my coworkers, and fumed for months, daydreaming revenge scenarios. It took almost a year to fully get past it. Today, it is completely different. Nowadays, I get guidance from a principle-centered core, so that a bump in the road doesn't knock me off course to go careening into the wilderness. Yes, I feel disappointment; however, I am at peace with what happened. I feel as if I have traversed the 5 stages of grief in a single bound to reach acceptance. I was able to congratulate my new boss and to let her know that I will sincerely do my best to make her look good in her new role.
None of this would have been possible without all of you here and in my 12-step program of recovery who have shown me the way. Thank you all! This program really works but it is certainly a marathon, not a sprint--maybe, it's actually an obstacle course marathon!
Today I got the news that I didn't get the promotion that I had been hoping for--and was actually expecting to get! I worked very hard preparing for the interview and in the process I had convinced myself that, of the 8 other candidates, I was the best person for the job. I feel disappointed that I didn't get the job, and the person who got it is a lot younger than I am, so that means there are no more chances for promotion for me.
Several years ago, before getting off porn, when I got passed over for a promotion, I went into an internal rage at my boss and others, I consciously disconnected from my coworkers, and fumed for months, daydreaming revenge scenarios. It took almost a year to fully get past it. Today, it is completely different. Nowadays, I get guidance from a principle-centered core, so that a bump in the road doesn't knock me off course to go careening into the wilderness. Yes, I feel disappointment; however, I am at peace with what happened. I feel as if I have traversed the 5 stages of grief in a single bound to reach acceptance. I was able to congratulate my new boss and to let her know that I will sincerely do my best to make her look good in her new role.
None of this would have been possible without all of you here and in my 12-step program of recovery who have shown me the way. Thank you all! This program really works but it is certainly a marathon, not a sprint--maybe, it's actually an obstacle course marathon!