Starting Now Limp to Rock

[Jack Can]

Day 45

Hell yeah, guys Halfway!

I'm pretty drunk right now so take this with a grain of salt lol, or not haha. I may say some shit that resonates with you.

I just want to tell all of my fellow rebooters that it isn't actually that hard. Sure, the withdrawals suck, but you can get through it. For all of you that have had PIED and have never been able to get it up with a girl, it will come back. The erections will come back and you will be able to fuck hard. I fucking hate that PIED exists, it is a cruel bitch that fucks over all of you guys and so many more...

Don't listen to anyone that will try to tell you that you are weird. I have a couple of asshole roommates right now who don't fuck anything but will give me shit when I fuck a fat chick, fuck them. You are the king, and this is your castle, do whatever feels good to you at the moment. Trust me, you will have a much better time. If we all just stepped away from societies ideals we would be so much happier. If you can be controlled by what your fucking friends tell you is bad, then you're a bitch.

Right now I am at home ranting on this shit because I got left behind by my roommates. Guys... Find better friends, I am mainly talking to myself right now, but to whomever else is listening please just fucking listen. Find better friends. They can be through a job, a club, a group, or whatever the fuck. Just meet new fucking people. If you have friends who judge you badly for doing fun shit, drop 'em. There isn't time in life to waste spending it trying to make assholes happy.

Focus on your reboots men. 3 or so months isn't long at all in the grand scheme of things. I personally waste so much time in my life it is unbelievable. Just try real hard. Don't fucking relapse you fools, it is not good for you. Definitely don't watch pornography if you do, it is really weird. Never touch yourself to other people having sex again, just get it yourself. It is not THAT hard, just fucking hop on tinder if it is too difficult, then just bang the first chick you match with. Swipe right on everybody and just do it lol.

Don't just use tinder exclusively though. If you ever meet a girl in real life that is interesting to you, ask her out on a date. It is not hard, just say "hey! You seem cool, want to get tacos with me later?" It doesn't have to be tacos lol, but you get the point. Just try it out, see what happens. Most guys are afraid of girls, but hey! They are just like you haha. You just have to say fuck it, and go for it.

Always be suspicious when you are in a house full of dudes, this sounds like a place that is not beneficial to you. I mean, a house of dudes may be cool, but there better be a reason there are no girls there... Poker night, sure. That's all I can really think of right now. Don't be in a house of only guys for the most part ever again. Even pregaming, why are you pregaming with dudes? chicks pregame too, why don't you do it with them?

Physiologically, I am doing not as good as I would have wanted. 8 days ago I couldn't get an erection with a chick. Maybe that's because I wasn't hanging around girls a lot, maybe it's because I haven't been rebooting long enough. For the second half of my reboot I will try to hang with girls more. My goal is 3 good "girl" friends by the end of my reboot, I will be able to talk and hangout with them whenever is practical for us, but it will be enjoyable haha.

 

[summercicada90]

Hell yeah man!

I'm on day twenty-something of no MO but actually over a month with no P. I agree, it isn't actually that hard, if you really are willing to put the hyperstimulus that is porn behind you forever. Seeing Gabe's story and the 6-month hell he went through before he saw improvements, but then seeing what he was like after 3 years with no PMO, makes it feel easy to do when you already know what might be ahead of you. And when you think about the mindset that made it possible to just drop porn and never relapse from day 1.
I assume you mean that after rebooting we'll be able to "fuck gently in a state of hardness," yes?

I wrote about it in my journal (I think,) but I also recently ditched a friend I had who was doing nothing but drag me down. Sure, he was getting me out there and out of my shell in the comfort of a wingman's company, but he was lying about himself and me to all the chicks, giving me shit about my own choice in women just like your friends, telling me how to sell myself to the girls in a misrepresenting way... Fuck that shit. I do what I want, the way I want it, and I sure as hell don't need a scumbag wingman to help me do it anymore. But yeah. Go meet new people! Guys and girls both!

I'm in a weird iffy relationship with Tinder since I started my reboot. You're looking at pictures of women on your screen, and the point of swiping is to find one to get with... It could conceivably trigger you to fantasize, or to get aroused and start making dopamine for no other reason than the medium is your phone's glowing screen. It takes quite a weakened P pathway in your reward circuit to be able to trust yourself with Tinder or other dating apps, imho. But if you're early enough on in your reboot that Tinder can trigger you in the first place, chances are you're probably not even ready to start rewiring yet. (I don't know this for sure, but I'm speculating.)

But yeah, making female friends definitely sounds like a good move. Get on it, brother!

 

[jbrighton]

Day 45

Hell yeah, guys Halfway!

I'm pretty drunk right now so take this with a grain of salt lol, or not haha. I may say some shit that resonates with you.

I just want to tell all of my fellow rebooters that it isn't actually that hard. Sure, the withdrawals suck, but you can get through it. For all of you that have had PIED and have never been able to get it up with a girl, it will come back. The erections will come back and you will be able to fuck hard. I fucking hate that PIED exists, it is a cruel bitch that fucks over all of you guys and so many more...

Don't listen to anyone that will try to tell you that you are weird. I have a couple of asshole roommates right now who don't fuck anything but will give me shit when I fuck a fat chick, fuck them. You are the king, and this is your castle, do whatever feels good to you at the moment. Trust me, you will have a much better time. If we all just stepped away from societies ideals we would be so much happier. If you can be controlled by what your fucking friends tell you is bad, then you're a bitch.

Right now I am at home ranting on this shit because I got left behind by my roommates. Guys... Find better friends, I am mainly talking to myself right now, but to whomever else is listening please just fucking listen. Find better friends. They can be through a job, a club, a group, or whatever the fuck. Just meet new fucking people. If you have friends who judge you badly for doing fun shit, drop 'em. There isn't time in life to waste spending it trying to make assholes happy.

Focus on your reboots men. 3 or so months isn't long at all in the grand scheme of things. I personally waste so much time in my life it is unbelievable. Just try real hard. Don't fucking relapse you fools, it is not good for you. Definitely don't watch pornography if you do, it is really weird. Never touch yourself to other people having sex again, just get it yourself. It is not THAT hard, just fucking hop on tinder if it is too difficult, then just bang the first chick you match with. Swipe right on everybody and just do it lol.

Don't just use tinder exclusively though. If you ever meet a girl in real life that is interesting to you, ask her out on a date. It is not hard, just say "hey! You seem cool, want to get tacos with me later?" It doesn't have to be tacos lol, but you get the point. Just try it out, see what happens. Most guys are afraid of girls, but hey! They are just like you haha. You just have to say fuck it, and go for it.

Always be suspicious when you are in a house full of dudes, this sounds like a place that is not beneficial to you. I mean, a house of dudes may be cool, but there better be a reason there are no girls there... Poker night, sure. That's all I can really think of right now. Don't be in a house of only guys for the most part ever again. Even pregaming, why are you pregaming with dudes? chicks pregame too, why don't you do it with them?

Physiologically, I am doing not as good as I would have wanted. 8 days ago I couldn't get an erection with a chick. Maybe that's because I wasn't hanging around girls a lot, maybe it's because I haven't been rebooting long enough. For the second half of my reboot I will try to hang with girls more. My goal is 3 good "girl" friends by the end of my reboot, I will be able to talk and hangout with them whenever is practical for us, but it will be enjoyable haha.

Just want to say, I've read through your journal and your attitude is inspiring. I'm on day 8 and I've ben adopting your mentality more and more. It's actually getting a bit easier now. The urges are gone but the withdrawals are still there as well as the flatline, but I have zero doubts that I won't relapse. I'm done with PMO. I don't need it and neither do you!

 

[Jack Can]

Day 50

Wow... My last journal entry was pretty bad. Last time I blog drunk.

It's been around 2 weeks since my last MW, am I in the flatline or is this caused by my lack of healthy diet and sleep? I seem to be relatively healthy in spite of those 2 things (I don't get sick very often). I am still attracted to girls but I am just not as lustful as before, I seem kind of sullen towards it all. Update: so I'm still not getting MW but I am getting NW (napwood) every once in awhile after napping. What's going on there?

Anyways, I got a date for Sunday. We are going to get pie which sounds like a lot of fun (I love pie). I met her off Tinder, so odds are she is going to want to bang which makes me feel a little uncomfortable because it has only been like a week since my last failed attempt. I'm thinking I'll just try to latch onto this one and start dating her, if it all works out on date #1 that is. I feel like a long term girl will do me better than these little flings I keep having. It will make it so the "Girls I've had PIED with" list won't be as long. Plus! winter is coming so I'm going to need a cuddle partner, which sounds pretty fun.

Herbal supplements are something I'm fairly interested in but also a little scared of. I mean, I don't want to need anything to have sex and I think if I started taking it then I will always need it. I always think about dependency now. If I start this will I need it later? Because I may not always want to. But I also think, because I've had no positive experiences with sex, having just one of them will make it so I will associate it with a good time and then I'll get erect no problem.

I had a pretty vivid dream of me being robbed last night. It was late at night and I was entering a parking garage, all of a sudden I had this feeling that someone was waiting for me right around the corner of the entrance to the garage. So I sprint into the garage hoping to reach my car and peel out of there, when all of a sudden, after I reached the 2nd floor of the parking garage, another guy started running after me. Only this guy was armed, he had a giant battleaxe. Who knew how he was able to keep up with me, but then I woke up. Pretty crazy I'd say!

I'm only 21 years old and I'm going to have to Noah B.E. Church (shave) my head because I'm thinning pretty bad right now lol. It kind of sucks but I guess it was going to happen eventually. My dad lost his hair pretty early on and my older brother says he's got it pretty bad and he's only 2 years older than me. I'll definitely have to start wearing a hat whenever I'm outside because I am super pale.

I'm starting to take a little longer to write these journals. Before I'd just write how I was doing everyday, but now I'm starting to chunk it in like 5 day periods where I write everyday but only post every 5 days. I think this makes my journal easier to read and also longer. I like to read that format more, so that's how I'm going to start writing.

So to sum up my questions... I'm not getting morning wood, but erections after a nap are happening, what's the deal? And, will herbal supplements become a crutch I will become dependent on, or give me the encouragement to never need them again?

 

[Jack Can]

Day 53

I am about to do day 1 of this 30 days of yoga program I found on youtube to limber me up for the day, I am pretty excited haha.  I've never been good at sticking to things though, so we'll see how this goes. It's only like 30 minutes a day and it will be fun! Edit:I just did it and I feel incredible!!! My body feels loose, all my tightness is gone, my neck (which is usually sore in mornings) feels great, and it gave me a boost in energy that helped me work on everything else I had to do this morning!! New part of my routine!!  Please try it out if you want! It's just 30 minutes a day here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBu-pQG6sTY

On top of that, I think it's time I start to limit how much I use the computer (except for when I do my homework or study or read RebootNation). It's just like porn, it doesn't give back, it only takes. I'll give myself 30 minutes a day to goof off on the computer, but after that, I made a list of activities I could do: Read, Gym, Run,Make a meal, Homework, Study, RebootNation, Call your mom or brother, Play pool, Shuffle cards, Watch a movie.

This feels wrong to say, but if I did one of those activities more whenever I got bored I think I'd like myself more. Sometimes I just really don't like myself and the complacency that I always resort to.

 

[Jack Can]

Day 54

So the yoga routine kicks ass that I posted yesterday, seriously guys, check it out, the link is in my last post. I have felt limber and loose all day (usually I have a crick in my neck that is pretty uncomfortable), plus I am probably getting more flexible, so a win-win.

And then a super win for me: I was getting ready to go to bed but then I realized I hadn't gone to the gym so I went down there. I only did bench press and some dumbbell rows but I was so glad that I did that. Now I'm going to read for 30 minutes before I go to bed  . I seriously think I owe all of my get-er-done-ness today to that yoga routine in the morning though 

 

[Jack Can]

Day 55

I just got a new job, I am a pizza guy working in a bar. It is pretty interesting, and also pretty fucking easy lol. Tonight I made like 4 pizzas throughout the whole night which took maybe 30 minutes, and I was there for 6 hours haha. There was a super cute bartender I was working next to and I talked to her for a bit. I didn't get any sexual thoughts at all when I was talking to her though, I just thought she was beautiful and cool. Edit: just realized I left the oven on before I left. That may have been my last shift working at the pizza place

Anyways... Tomorrow I am going to do my yoga routine, lift weights, and study (3 goals to keep it nice and achievable haha).

 

[Jack Can]

Day 56

I was talking to a buddy of mine who worked at this shitty burger joint with me and he dropped some wisdom on me haha. This guy is currently in AA, he got a DUI, so he's had some struggles with addiction himself. I told him about my goal of 90 days and he said "why don't you guys stop doing it forever, I mean, if it's not good for you". I don't know if they talk about addiction in such a matter at AA but he made it seem like no big deal. Maybe because it is.

Not trying to belittle anybodies experience there. I kind of view the whole nopmo thing like dieting, everybody knows what they need to do, but it is just hard. People slip up from time to time, and they feel really bad about it. That can cause the dieter to binge like crazy on bad food. You just need to grab the reigns and really look at what you value and make sure that if you do slip up you have things you can do to feel like you are still in control.

I finished all of my goals for today! Great success!

 

[Jack Can]

Day 58

This journal will be filled with triggers 

Last night me and the roommates went out to the bars. I split off from them pretty early in the night and started talking to different people. I started to get a little flow going on and I got a couple of numbers from cute girls. I do this thing now where I take a picture with the girl and then send it to them as the first message so they know I'm not a crazy stranger haha, it seems to be working half decently. I'm texting with a couple of different girls now  .

Then I saw this girl I had class with last year so I went up to her and started talking. Long story short I went back to my apartment with her and then had my first orgasm with a girl. I did go soft a couple of times, but I was able to get a rock hard erection for like 6 minutes. I was able to penetrate her and it was really fucking cool.

I don't seem to have much of the chaser effect today so that's a win.

 

[summercicada90]

Dude, hell yeah!!! Congratulations! This is already a success story in the making! Sounds like you finished in some other way than penetration?

 

[Jack Can]

Day 60

Wow 2 months.. It actually wasn't all that difficult now that I look back on it. I mean, sure, I had to be fairly conscientious the first couple of weeks but besides that I just had to learn my triggers and stay away from them. As I've gone later in my reboot even my triggers are starting to weaken. I saw part of a sex scene in the Ozark series and I just got up and left. Sex to me seems like a super personal act and I don't like how it is glamorized in mainstream media, just like a cheap thrill that the tv editors threw in there to get ratings, not really caring about the art of the show.

Damn. If I would've heard myself say that 60 days ago I would've thought I was a fucking idiot lol. Seriously though, I feel like there are definitely changes in how I view other people now that my brain is not constantly running rampant with sexual thoughts.

 

[Jack Can]

Day 66

666 the number of the beast is such a kick ass song and I'm only 600 days away from it... Such a beast lol. I've figured out the way to make working out something I can do at least 3 times a week consistently: Take a full body workout and then just take out the legs. Working out legs makes working out terrible so I'm just going to pull those fuckers out of the program. I suppose when I start to get a bigger upper body I'll add in squats and dead lifts so I don't look stupid, but until then... Forget about it!

I am talking to this new girl I met off tinder on snapchat and she is sending me some very suggestive pictures. Not like naked or anything, but in some sexy ass pj's. I got rock hard and, though I didn't have the urge to MO, it definitely felt wrong. After you've rebooted and rewired do you still get erections when you see artificial stimulation like a hot picture?

 

[vince75]

Good job man! I agree with sex on TV. I wouldn't feel SO bad about the picture she sent you, although it's an image, it comes from someone real you are actually interacting with and attracted to, so it might just be building up your attraction for her, but that's my opinion. Maybe try to limit this (tell her if you're uncomfortable?) and see her in real life?

 

[Jack Can]

Day 70

Unrelated thought: I will never be able to PMO again guilt free. If I ever PMO it will be a bad experience for me because I will be thinking of all the problems that it caused me. IDK just something I've been thinking of. It actually makes me feel really bad for the guys who relapse like 3 days into their reboots consistently. They must always feel bad for themselves and be in a very sad mood.

In the past I've said that rebooting is not that hard, that it is really no big deal and you just need to know your triggers. I think I realize now why that is. I've gotten into a rythm. Once you get into a good rythm, anything is possible. This holds true for every situation in my life.

Getting on a gym program is easy once you really get into it. Studying for 4 hours a day is easy once you've done it for like a month. Learning an instrument is easy, you just need to set aside the time to practice every day. Structuring your day around these activities, for me at least, is the only way to be successful in the long-term. I can't overcome barriers everytime I want to go do something, I am too weak. It HAS to be easy, and structuring your life makes doing things easier.

I'm hanging out with a girl from tinder tonight, so we'll see how that goes. I think I'll just do the classic watch netflix on my bed date that I always do. Hopefully my roommates are out of the apartment, I hate having girls over when they are here.

Edit: Just hung out with the girl, kissed her a bit but no sex. I noticed a little stiffness while kissing her but nothing rock hard. IDK I guess I'll see if she wants to talk later. She seemed cool, I'd just really like to have sex with her. Kind of horndogish I know but what can I say,..

 

[vince75]

Agree 100% about the rythm thing, preach!

 

[Jack Can]

Day 71

(I'm drunk right now)

I was walking up to the urinal to take a piss, and this other guy was also walking up to take a piss at the exact same time. We got up to the urinal and awkwardly stood in the silent bathroom standing in front of the urinal, dicks in hand, and we just stood there. For about a minute, neither of us were pissing, just standing there. He must've gotten too uncomfortable, and before pissing he left the urinal and went to the sink to wash his hands. I'm glad I didn't leave the urinal first because I would've felt like a total bitch. The second he left I started pissing, but I'm glad I wasn't the bitch.

That reminded me of trying to have sex with someone while you have ED, it's super uncomfortable, but you can't just give in when you feel uncomfortable. Stick with it, don't let other people control how you feel. Just do you, guys. Never give in first.

I went on my date about an hour ago and it didn't work out. I mean, I didn't bang her. But that wasn't due to me trying, I was kissing her a little bit on the couch. When I got her into her bedroom though (I asked for the grand tour of the household), she wasn't up for it. Oh well, you win some you don't win some (I hate to say lose in this situation, it might become a win later, plus i kissed her! so it's all good).

 

[Jones]

I was walking up to the urinal to take a piss, and this other guy was also walking up to take a piss at the exact same time. We got up to the urinal and awkwardly stood in the silent bathroom standing in front of the urinal, dicks in hand, and we just stood there. For about a minute, neither of us were pissing, just standing there. He must've gotten too uncomfortable, and before pissing he left the urinal and went to the sink to wash his hands. I'm glad I didn't leave the urinal first because I would've felt like a total bitch. The second he left I started pissing, but I'm glad I wasn't the bitch.

Lol ;D this  happened to me a few times before. It's really uncomfortable and nerve racking.it's like you can feel the piss right in the urethra but it's just not coming out.

I'm glad I didn't leave the urinal first because I would've felt like a total bitch. The second he left I started pissing, but I'm glad I wasn't the bitch.

Lol you're funny my guy.

 

[Jack Can]

Day 75

Last night I had an urge to PMO. I was lying in bed and was just remembering how great PMOing was. It is easy, quick, and it feels great. but, it doesn't help me in any way. It doesn't help me towards my goals. The best version of myself doesn't PMO when he gets bored and he definitely doesn't have PIED.

I decided to write all of my homework that's been piling up down into my planner and just do it all on Monday. I had about 12 hours worth of stuff to get done in my classes. I got maybe a quarter of it done so far and I still feel like I need to climb Mt. Everest here... On the bright side, I went to the gym and hit a new PR! With two 30 lb. dumbbells I did 3X10 overhead presses and then with two 20 lb. dumbbells I did 3X10 curls! I'll up it by 5 lbs. next workout so that is very exciting!

I'm talking to a few girls right now, but that is just causing me to become complacent. I don't like having too many options, it makes me feel like I don't want any of them

 

[Jack Can]

Day 80

I am so excited right now! I have a date with a super cool girl on Friday. I don't know if sex will come up (probably not, as I met her at a church group), but I am just excited to meet a girl I am actually "interested in" for once. She's cool, smart, pretty, and I just hope I don't mess this up... When I offered to hangout with her she was even offering up ideas of things to do so I know she is interested too, which is a good thing, I think.

EDIT: Just had a date with her and I had a really good time. We did a bunch of stuff, ate, and then just hung out in my room listening to different songs that she and I enjoyed. She has a super dope taste in music and I liked pretty much all the songs she picked. Turns out she has never had a boyfriend or even kissed a guy before, which is wild because she is super cute. I pretty much had to spell it out for her that I liked her (idk if I put too much pressure on her by asking about these things). At the end of the date, I just gave her a hug and said something along the lines of "I had a really good time tonight". I guess I'll try to kiss her next time we hangout, I'll make it special haha...

After I hung out with the girl I missed my first day at the gym in a month. I'm only lifting on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday so I can lift on Saturday with no repercussions towards my program. It is kind of annoying to lift on a Saturday instead of Friday, but oh well. Can't do much about it now.

I love getting into the zone. When I'm doing homework sometimes I just zone in and can really focus hard, this makes time go by so much quicker and the work gets done effortlessly. I love just cranking it out and getting shit done.

Had some more quasi sex last night, it was with a girl I met at the bars, not the church girl I mentioned earlier. I couldn't get hard enough to penetrate but I did end up O'ing from a BJ... It kinda sucks but I guess since it will heal eventually it's no big deal. But did any of you guys see improvements one week followed by being worse the next week, because I swore the sex was better 2 weeks ago. I may have just been nervous because I did it at her house instead of mine, or it could have even been because I was drinking.

lol I'm spreading this journal out across a couple of days and I find it really funny seeing the range of emotions I have.

 

[Jack Can]

Day 82

Goals Since last post

hangout with the church girl again and hopefully kiss her:

I'm going to ask the church girl if she wants to go to this cool spot on campus to watch the stars tonight. Hopefully she'll say yes, so I'm going prepare by picking up some snacks from King Soopers (cashews and a chocolate bar). Anyways, stargazing is great so I'm sure I'll have a lot of fun, hopefully she'll like it too . I'm gonna try to kiss her tonight. Lol looking back on what I wrote, this is definitely plan A. Nothing went wrong in that scenario, which it usually does. Positive thinking though!

Edit:I kissed her! I was her first kiss lol. It was pretty uncomfortable, her mouth didn't match up with mine in like shape or speed, it was pretty chaotic and kinda fun actually. We're gonna try again later

lift on Monday:

I tried benching two 45 lb dumbbells for 3 sets of 10 again, but only made it to 2 sets of 10 and then 8 reps on the last set... Same as last week , but I got the 3 sets of 10 with a 45 lb. dumbell for rows.

Go to tutoring multiple times this week:

I'm struggling in some of my classes so I'm going to start seeing the tutor in the mornings from now on.

Edit: Oops, didn't go to tutoring today... I knew I was supposed to, and I even walked down there! But I didn't bring my textbook lol. Oh well, they say getting there is half the battle, and I definitely got there, so I'll mark this one as a win haha.

Call Mom & Brother:

My family is very important to me so I try to call them daily. I called them! they seem like they're doing well!

Talk with Brother about banging Bar girl:

I feel kind of guilty about banging the girl I met at the bar whilst I am talking to and am interested in the church girl. I don't really like the bar girl very much so it's not a good situation I'm in. I really don't like disappointing people and I've never broken it off with anyone before, it sounds terrible. But I like the church girl a lot more and even my brother says I should probably just focus on the church girl and he is a lot more socially savvy than me, so I'll listen to him.

I really like this format of journaling! you write down all of your goals at the beginning of the week, and then day by day you write on how you've been working on each section. It makes me realize that I am moving in a positive direction