I understand your point but how reasonable is it to expect someone to disclose this at the beginning of a relationship!? Not easy, not practical, and you'd run like hell. You'd all run away. And that's all you'd end up knowing, associating, and remember about him... not all the other good things you've come to know. It's is ideal but not practical to expect someone to disclose stuff like this. Taking it as far as lying when confronted is different. But again, expecting outright disclosure.... no one is going to do that, not at the start of your relationship especially. This is not directed only at you Aquarius... my response is directed at all this thread and all the comments I have been reading.
To be honest it is disappointing to have read this thread and many of the posts from woman on this site. Many of yous sound like you're crucifying your husbands for PMO!?! And you all sound like your holding serious grudges. I understand your frustration; being uspet, venting a bit... but it's very extreme. These posts go on for pages about how violated you feel. The degree to which you have taken your husbands PMO problem so personal is not proportionate to the problem. If he went out and had an affair behind your or if he was doing drugs or gambling all your savings I could see....but really it's not even close to that. I chalk it up to different walks of life and different experiences.... what is a major problem to you may be a paper cut to someone else. Not to minimize your feelings but keep in mind there are worse things out there. Keep in mind there are real life factors and reasons that people often seek things like this... and it's not cause they are some horny lieing cheating pervert. And it's probs not cuase they don't love you either.
My point is everyone has a vice (some worse than others)... still everyone needs a way to unwind and maybe even escape there reality at times. Everyone needs a way to relieve stress and everyone wants to fill their desires and fantasies. Yeah there are more healthy ways to relieve stress but it's not always practical or easy to compare. A lot of them require more energy, time, effort, mental energy, maybe even a lot of $. Good habits are harder to do, bad habits are the easy quick fix ones. It's no wonder a lot of us fall victims to them. You may not be a victim of a bad habit right now in your life but one day... it is very possible.
Yes would be ideal your partner was perfect and did not have these tendencies. It would be ideal if he asked you to fill these fantasizes/fetishes but you may be more turned off than you are now if he asked you. Let's face it... you are angry but you question yourslef a bit too finding out like this. Maybe that's necessary to some degree, no offense. I bet you have a bit more of the desire to fill those gaps now... wondering "why didn't he aks me to begin with?" Why did he have to do this instead of come to me?!? You care more. I am reading many of your threads here. A lot of you feel angry frustrated and upset but you care.
The other scenario is he came to you and said i have always had these fetishes/fantasies etc. hoping you would fill them. Let me tell you from my experience... a lot to woman are not into these things. That would likely turn you off even more than you are turned off now. You don't want to admit that but it's likely true. You claim woman have there own fantasies/fetishes and all this.... maybe you do, but it's not the stuff you found on your husbands internet. I can assure you we are talking about different levels here. I don't want to generalize but it is true that male fetishes are going to likely be a bit more "hardcore" than a females. 90% of woman are into plain vanilla sex with a little something on top. There is nothing wrong with that but coming from a guy with these natural innate fetishes/fantasizes vanilla is extremely boring. The way I see it is some of these fetishes, bdsm, and many other kinks is actually more sophisticated form of sex/play. It is more mental, more psychologically, more interesting. For those who have this as part of them (and not just as a result of escalated porn use) it can not be compared to regular sex. Ideally it would be mixed with sex, but regular sex alone cannnot replace it.
A lot of woman don't take the time to understand a mans fetish. It's simply turns them off... they don't wanna know, they don't want to take on the role, they simply look down upon it. And maybe it's also not practical to take on the role... housewife by day, dominatrix by night!?! Yeah maybe If you dedicate real time, interest, and can do it well. There are real hurdles to this stuff. I am using the bdsm/femdom stuff only as an example cuase that is my thing, but it would apply to any sexual fantasy.
Y'all make me scared to ever disclose this problem to my partner for fear she would react like this and hold a grudge.
Last thing I can say here is no one goes into a relationship disclosing all there fetishes and then deciding if the woman is compatible based on how she reacts to their darker dirtier side. How practical is it to expect that? Just like no one goes into a relationship disclosing all there weaknesses, bad habits, worst experiences in life. Lol. Let's be in reality. Your partner likely had all the good intentions about you, your sex life, wanted to be honest, and all that happened was reality.... Real life, real desires, fantasies, stress, etc. It caught up with him. It was always there underneath waiting to come to surface. Life happens and when you are weakest it takes hold. You have things like this you are burying too and maybe one bad day the wound opens and there you are on the wrong track. Your wouldn't want your husband to turn on you and say I didn't know about xyz... you didn't tell me. How were you to know. My point is this is not premeditated stuff. Don't take it so personal. It could be a lot worse. I ended up a legitimate slave to several woman. Really... a 24/7 slave/servant to several different woman. Obligations, repsonsibilities, expectations, work, chorses, cleaning; chauffefing, deadlines, demands that must be met. No joke. You can remind me many times over slavery is not legal here and from where I stand and what I have been through it wouldn't make a difference. I have been molded and trained both mentally and physically to look at it a certain way. It is next level addiction and real Pavlov's dog stuff. Quite literally trained and beaten into me. It is almost impossible to walk away. Not much choice in the matter anymore. I am just as badly mentally enslaved. Trust me this is a much worse problem than just PMiO. My point is it can always be worse. Maybe that puts it more into perspective.
