chat-addict
Member
Hello Everybody.
I am 40 - and I am part of the usual timeline: Magazines, VHS, slowspeed internet, highspeed-internet. All normal, I guess.
But in one point I am very far from normal: I met my wife, when we were 16 and 17 years old. We've been together for 23 years. That means that I have never had a sexual relationsship with anybody else. We have two children (10 and 12) and my wife is everything a man could want: Pretty, sweet, kind, tolerant, patient, helpful, and intelligent. Our marriage is close to perfect and we have sex about twice a week. (I might want sex more often than that - but I definetely know that I should not complain)
I've done PMO since I was 11 or 12 years old (don't remember!) and it has never caused me problems like ED, DE or anything else. But I do wish that I could last longer during intercouse. I don't really regard myself as addicted to PMO - but maybe I am!
But... I am totally addicted to webcam-chat with random strangers (females) that I can MO with. I don't pay online-girls - It would be a turnoff knowing that they only do it for the money. I chase real girls on free sites - and they are very hard to find. This means that I spend hours and hours just seeking before I find one. I've tried to quit this habit for more than a year, but is is SO hard, and I relapse time after time - feeling awful about it. The longest I've been "clean" is 2 months.... I don't really consider it "cheating" on my wife - but maybe it is... Maybe part of me is just missing that I've never been with anybody else. I don't really know. I would never cheat on my wife IRL and I would never leave her - I know, I couldn't live without her for more than a few days
I want to quit this habit in order to:
- get rid of social anxiety
- gain more self-confidence
- use all the hours I spend on my bad habit on something more constructive
- preserve my sexual energy
- get rid of unnatural sexual-desire and just enjoy my perfect wife
Triggers that I feel I've almost overcome
- If my wife goes to bed early, leaving me up alone
- If I wake up early in the morning before the rest of the house wakes (I live en Europe, so this would be a good time to be online because it would be evening in the USA)
- If something goes wrong or doesn't work out the way I wanted etc. (could we work-related or anything...)
But the main remaning triggers, that causes me to relapse time after time:
- I am a musician - which means that I often work at night. This gives me a lot of daytime-hours alone in our home while my wife is at work and our kids are at school. I try to get out of the house as much as possible to avoid the trigger, but it is not always possible...
- it is also a big trigger that I tell myself: "This is not artificial - I am actually interacting with a real person".
- I watch P once in a while but I do not consider myself addicted to P. But I do realize that P is a trigger to relapse to the chat-insanity, so I want to avoid it during reboot.
- the chaser effect after real sex is a major trigger.
- the fact that somebody in here told that they relapsed after 120+ days (I've always thought that if I could just go 90 days I would be "cured"
I just relapsed today after I did aobut 20 days straight... damn... just before (and while) i relapsed, I felt that there was nothing wrong in doing so - and spent three hours....
So... I am on day zero!
I don't know how common my kind of addiction is - I can't find much about it on the internet. But I've read a lot on ybop and I think the points stated there still applies to me.
Today is Monday. Monday is the "big trigger day" because I teach at home in the morning and then have 5-6 hours alone in the house before my children come home.
Tuesday - Friday I am usually out of the house and in the weekends I am with my family... So I know that I will be alright until next Monday
My wife doesn't know about all this. She probably assumes that I do PMO once in a while - and since I want sex more often than her, I don't really think that she regards it as a problem. But I doubt that she would be happy about me MO with random strangers in a chat-session....
Any respons and advices would be more than welcome.
Kind regards....
I am 40 - and I am part of the usual timeline: Magazines, VHS, slowspeed internet, highspeed-internet. All normal, I guess.
But in one point I am very far from normal: I met my wife, when we were 16 and 17 years old. We've been together for 23 years. That means that I have never had a sexual relationsship with anybody else. We have two children (10 and 12) and my wife is everything a man could want: Pretty, sweet, kind, tolerant, patient, helpful, and intelligent. Our marriage is close to perfect and we have sex about twice a week. (I might want sex more often than that - but I definetely know that I should not complain)
I've done PMO since I was 11 or 12 years old (don't remember!) and it has never caused me problems like ED, DE or anything else. But I do wish that I could last longer during intercouse. I don't really regard myself as addicted to PMO - but maybe I am!
But... I am totally addicted to webcam-chat with random strangers (females) that I can MO with. I don't pay online-girls - It would be a turnoff knowing that they only do it for the money. I chase real girls on free sites - and they are very hard to find. This means that I spend hours and hours just seeking before I find one. I've tried to quit this habit for more than a year, but is is SO hard, and I relapse time after time - feeling awful about it. The longest I've been "clean" is 2 months.... I don't really consider it "cheating" on my wife - but maybe it is... Maybe part of me is just missing that I've never been with anybody else. I don't really know. I would never cheat on my wife IRL and I would never leave her - I know, I couldn't live without her for more than a few days
I want to quit this habit in order to:
- get rid of social anxiety
- gain more self-confidence
- use all the hours I spend on my bad habit on something more constructive
- preserve my sexual energy
- get rid of unnatural sexual-desire and just enjoy my perfect wife
Triggers that I feel I've almost overcome
- If my wife goes to bed early, leaving me up alone
- If I wake up early in the morning before the rest of the house wakes (I live en Europe, so this would be a good time to be online because it would be evening in the USA)
- If something goes wrong or doesn't work out the way I wanted etc. (could we work-related or anything...)
But the main remaning triggers, that causes me to relapse time after time:
- I am a musician - which means that I often work at night. This gives me a lot of daytime-hours alone in our home while my wife is at work and our kids are at school. I try to get out of the house as much as possible to avoid the trigger, but it is not always possible...
- it is also a big trigger that I tell myself: "This is not artificial - I am actually interacting with a real person".
- I watch P once in a while but I do not consider myself addicted to P. But I do realize that P is a trigger to relapse to the chat-insanity, so I want to avoid it during reboot.
- the chaser effect after real sex is a major trigger.
- the fact that somebody in here told that they relapsed after 120+ days (I've always thought that if I could just go 90 days I would be "cured"
I just relapsed today after I did aobut 20 days straight... damn... just before (and while) i relapsed, I felt that there was nothing wrong in doing so - and spent three hours....
So... I am on day zero!
I don't know how common my kind of addiction is - I can't find much about it on the internet. But I've read a lot on ybop and I think the points stated there still applies to me.
Today is Monday. Monday is the "big trigger day" because I teach at home in the morning and then have 5-6 hours alone in the house before my children come home.
Tuesday - Friday I am usually out of the house and in the weekends I am with my family... So I know that I will be alright until next Monday
My wife doesn't know about all this. She probably assumes that I do PMO once in a while - and since I want sex more often than her, I don't really think that she regards it as a problem. But I doubt that she would be happy about me MO with random strangers in a chat-session....
Any respons and advices would be more than welcome.
Kind regards....