rise and shine
- Thread starter ddmmyyyy
- Start date
ddmmyyyy
Member
Thanks ubfey! You're absolutely right. Binging would be the worst mistake now. The next few days might get difficult, but I'm determined to fight the urges.
DAY 01
Felt a bit better than yesterday already. Not as energetic and efficient as I'd like, but getting back on track. Also feeling traces of anxiousness when I think about work related tasks coming up. But for now I have it under control. Meditation helps!
DAY 01
Felt a bit better than yesterday already. Not as energetic and efficient as I'd like, but getting back on track. Also feeling traces of anxiousness when I think about work related tasks coming up. But for now I have it under control. Meditation helps!
ddmmyyyy
Member
Day 03 - Day 04
Didn't write yesterday, because I was loaded with work. Partly because I felt bad the week before and procrastinated. Theoretically I had 4.5 hours to sleep last night before I had to get up for work again. But I was so restless and stressed that I couldn't sleep at all. So right now I've been without sleep for more than 36 hours. But I'm fine. Gonna have a good night now. See you tomorrow...
Didn't write yesterday, because I was loaded with work. Partly because I felt bad the week before and procrastinated. Theoretically I had 4.5 hours to sleep last night before I had to get up for work again. But I was so restless and stressed that I couldn't sleep at all. So right now I've been without sleep for more than 36 hours. But I'm fine. Gonna have a good night now. See you tomorrow...
I don't know if you have read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle but it explains this phenomena beautifully. We are only ever in the present. There is a difference between the "now" which we experience and "clock time". "Clock time" can go backwards or forwards or even in a spiral or meander (meandros in Greek), but we ourselves are always in the "now". Thank you.
ddmmyyyy
Member
So, I'm back after almost half a year of absence from the board. At least absence as in "active posting". I still came here on a more or less regular basis to catch up on the progress of yours. Thanks to everyone who is posting - it's always inspiring!
First I want to say, that I did not dismiss the idea of abstaining from porn and frequent masturbation and I never questioned its benefits. I think, that's important, because, whenever someone vanishes from the board, people might assume, that he has given up on fighting and/or lost his faith in the usefulness of the reboot. And I find that rather discouraging and sad. In the meantime, I never exceeded my longest streak of 55 days. But I also never went back to compulsive porn use. I had my relapses about every 2 weeks and some times of more frequent MOing. But all in all, it was 5 good months.
The 55 days of no porn and the reduced porn/MO period afterwords already led to huge benefits in my life. As I wrote in my first post, I always had a hard time to connect with women emotionally and falling in love. This was really getting to me after 4 years of not feeling much for any girl I've met or been with for some short time. The good news is, I finally fell in love again a few months ago. And I strongly believe, that giving up compulsive porn use played a huge role. Before, I was much more focused on having sex with a girl. And as soon as i fapped to porn, even this drive to interact with women faded away for some time. With porn and fapping I just couldn't keep enough interest to pursue a possible relationship long enough. Even now, after madly falling in love, I noticed my interest in her dropping for about a day after my very rare occasions of PMO in the last months. As long as I stayed "sober" I never questioned that I want to be with her.
Apart from that, I can already say that porn is no part of my personality anymore. For almost two decades not a single day passed without thinking about porn or at least pornrelated sex-scenarios. For example, when I went hiking with my friends, I enjoyed it a lot for a few hours. But then, the thoughts of porn came creeping back into my head and I was looking forward to be back home again to check out some new scenes on my favorite pornsites. I could NEVER enjoy any activity for more than maybe 3 hours without craving porn again. I just realized a few weeks ago, when I went hiking. That I did not think about porn anymore and found it extremely strange that I used to be that way.
So, in 2018 I came to a point where I feel that I have control over my life again, for the first time in ages. But I feel, there's still so much more room to improve. Despite not falling back into binging on porn for several days, PMO always feel like a step back and like wasted time and energy.
I am on day 4 right now and I am planning to make this my best streak ever, finally cracking the 90 days
First I want to say, that I did not dismiss the idea of abstaining from porn and frequent masturbation and I never questioned its benefits. I think, that's important, because, whenever someone vanishes from the board, people might assume, that he has given up on fighting and/or lost his faith in the usefulness of the reboot. And I find that rather discouraging and sad. In the meantime, I never exceeded my longest streak of 55 days. But I also never went back to compulsive porn use. I had my relapses about every 2 weeks and some times of more frequent MOing. But all in all, it was 5 good months.
The 55 days of no porn and the reduced porn/MO period afterwords already led to huge benefits in my life. As I wrote in my first post, I always had a hard time to connect with women emotionally and falling in love. This was really getting to me after 4 years of not feeling much for any girl I've met or been with for some short time. The good news is, I finally fell in love again a few months ago. And I strongly believe, that giving up compulsive porn use played a huge role. Before, I was much more focused on having sex with a girl. And as soon as i fapped to porn, even this drive to interact with women faded away for some time. With porn and fapping I just couldn't keep enough interest to pursue a possible relationship long enough. Even now, after madly falling in love, I noticed my interest in her dropping for about a day after my very rare occasions of PMO in the last months. As long as I stayed "sober" I never questioned that I want to be with her.
Apart from that, I can already say that porn is no part of my personality anymore. For almost two decades not a single day passed without thinking about porn or at least pornrelated sex-scenarios. For example, when I went hiking with my friends, I enjoyed it a lot for a few hours. But then, the thoughts of porn came creeping back into my head and I was looking forward to be back home again to check out some new scenes on my favorite pornsites. I could NEVER enjoy any activity for more than maybe 3 hours without craving porn again. I just realized a few weeks ago, when I went hiking. That I did not think about porn anymore and found it extremely strange that I used to be that way.
So, in 2018 I came to a point where I feel that I have control over my life again, for the first time in ages. But I feel, there's still so much more room to improve. Despite not falling back into binging on porn for several days, PMO always feel like a step back and like wasted time and energy.
I am on day 4 right now and I am planning to make this my best streak ever, finally cracking the 90 days
ddmmyyyy
Member
DAY 00
That streak came to an end pretty fast
Didn't expect that, since I felt kind of in control, compared to the years before. With MOing once or twice a week and only casual PMO relapses (no binging) about twice a month it felt like I had left my compulsive days behind. Thought I'm ready for the next step and checking in to the board again would be enough to start a new reboot.
Coudn't have been further from the truth. I had huge cravings yesterday and after a few hours I gave in to MO. Determined to keep it at that, I tried to refocus. And shortly before going to bed I finally succumbed to PMO. Made me feel really shitty today as I fell back into the old habit of procrastination, feeling bad, getting stressed, feeling worse, acting out, feeling like shit... and so on. Having a demanding work day tomorrow, so my timing is perfect
Maybe, I felt so good the past months because I was just high on falling in love again. As far as I know your dopamine levels are considerably higher than usual when falling in love. Might have covered my ups and downs, so that the casual MO/PMOing didnt affect me so bad. I don't know. Right now it feels, like I'm back to square one. I'll have to manage to get over the next few workdays somehow... and then I need to sit down and put more effort into my reboot again. Recollecting how I made it to 55 days last time, what my key triggers are and working out a strategy to deal with them. Internalize it step by step. This half-hearted approach will get me nowhere.
And I need to remember how bad it feels right now.
That streak came to an end pretty fast
Didn't expect that, since I felt kind of in control, compared to the years before. With MOing once or twice a week and only casual PMO relapses (no binging) about twice a month it felt like I had left my compulsive days behind. Thought I'm ready for the next step and checking in to the board again would be enough to start a new reboot.
Coudn't have been further from the truth. I had huge cravings yesterday and after a few hours I gave in to MO. Determined to keep it at that, I tried to refocus. And shortly before going to bed I finally succumbed to PMO. Made me feel really shitty today as I fell back into the old habit of procrastination, feeling bad, getting stressed, feeling worse, acting out, feeling like shit... and so on. Having a demanding work day tomorrow, so my timing is perfect
Maybe, I felt so good the past months because I was just high on falling in love again. As far as I know your dopamine levels are considerably higher than usual when falling in love. Might have covered my ups and downs, so that the casual MO/PMOing didnt affect me so bad. I don't know. Right now it feels, like I'm back to square one. I'll have to manage to get over the next few workdays somehow... and then I need to sit down and put more effort into my reboot again. Recollecting how I made it to 55 days last time, what my key triggers are and working out a strategy to deal with them. Internalize it step by step. This half-hearted approach will get me nowhere.
And I need to remember how bad it feels right now.
ddmmyyyy
Member
DAY 01
Made it through this day somehow. Not much time to think about PMO or MO. Hope I get some good sleep tonight. Another busy day will await me tomorrow. But if its successful again it will give me some confidence and energy. None the less I need to remember to work on my "reboot-strategy" on Thursday.
Good luck and good night everyone!
Made it through this day somehow. Not much time to think about PMO or MO. Hope I get some good sleep tonight. Another busy day will await me tomorrow. But if its successful again it will give me some confidence and energy. None the less I need to remember to work on my "reboot-strategy" on Thursday.
Good luck and good night everyone!
ddmmyyyy
Member
DAY 02
Got over the second challenging workday of this project as well. All good. Had some beers afterwords. Gonna have home-office for the rest of the week. So I need to be careful to not fall back into procrastination, being lazy, fantasizing...
But I'm feeling way better than two days ago after the binge-relapse.
Got over the second challenging workday of this project as well. All good. Had some beers afterwords. Gonna have home-office for the rest of the week. So I need to be careful to not fall back into procrastination, being lazy, fantasizing...
But I'm feeling way better than two days ago after the binge-relapse.
ddmmyyyy
Member
DAY 03
Home office today was tough. Working on a project I don't really like and making slow progress. Got strong cravings today for a dopamine fix about once per hour. The daily journal updates help tremendous. I think without them, I would have given in today. But I really didn't want to report another relapse.
Home office today was tough. Working on a project I don't really like and making slow progress. Got strong cravings today for a dopamine fix about once per hour. The daily journal updates help tremendous. I think without them, I would have given in today. But I really didn't want to report another relapse.
Thanks for posting this mate, it's really good to read.
You and I are in very similar situations I think. I had a 48 day streak back in May -July this year which came to and end in July. I fell off the wagon spectacularly again and started binging. Honestly, I fell back into old habbits spending 5-6 hours per day looking at porn.
Now I am back and on DAY FIVE of this current reboot.
The support of this forum has been key whenever I have rebooted. And I can only wish you all the best with the fight. I have days working from home alone during the day and this is my trigger. Like you I am working on fighting this.
Please stay strong and lets work on beating this together. We will be on day 50 again before you know it.
You and I are in very similar situations I think. I had a 48 day streak back in May -July this year which came to and end in July. I fell off the wagon spectacularly again and started binging. Honestly, I fell back into old habbits spending 5-6 hours per day looking at porn.
Now I am back and on DAY FIVE of this current reboot.
The support of this forum has been key whenever I have rebooted. And I can only wish you all the best with the fight. I have days working from home alone during the day and this is my trigger. Like you I am working on fighting this.
Please stay strong and lets work on beating this together. We will be on day 50 again before you know it.
Hopin4Better
Member
When I get an urge to PMO I will come here and read my journal or other peoples journals. It gives tremendous value to the progress you have made and encourages you not to throw it away.
ddmmyyyy
Member
Thanks for your support Andy!
We definitely have a similar situation. Took some time since the last streak, but it feels like this is going to be a serious attempt again! And with the support of the board, I'm sure we can make it to 50 again - and beyond!
From what I read, there are A LOT of guys on here, who have to work from home partly or permanently. And I think its not surprising, that we struggle most under this circumstances. Working at home and being stressed / anxious about a project is still my main trigger. My financial situation has already improved throughout the past 2 years, due to my (half) reboot and my reduced porn-consumption in general. But as soon as I have more money I will definitely rent a work place in a shared office.
And thanks H4B!
You've got an impressive streak already! Keep up the daily check-ins, always good to have someone as determined as you on here!
We definitely have a similar situation. Took some time since the last streak, but it feels like this is going to be a serious attempt again! And with the support of the board, I'm sure we can make it to 50 again - and beyond!
From what I read, there are A LOT of guys on here, who have to work from home partly or permanently. And I think its not surprising, that we struggle most under this circumstances. Working at home and being stressed / anxious about a project is still my main trigger. My financial situation has already improved throughout the past 2 years, due to my (half) reboot and my reduced porn-consumption in general. But as soon as I have more money I will definitely rent a work place in a shared office.
And thanks H4B!
You've got an impressive streak already! Keep up the daily check-ins, always good to have someone as determined as you on here!
Thanks buddy, it's nice to have support and company on this journey together. I echo the comments of H4B that when I get the cravings which are strong this morning I am going to come on here. I think being honest with you - what scares me is how my previous reboot went wrong so quickly. That a kind of casual "Oh well it's been a while, once wont hurt" thought process led to 3 months of binging.
ddmmyyyy
Member
True, I've had a lot of slips as well when a craving hit me and I didn't even try to resist. But a serious reboot takes dedication, time and energy. So you can't make every attempt your next best one I think.
DAY 05
Was another good one. Not super productive but that's ok. Weekends are for relaxing after all. Had an evening out with friends and some partying. A bit hungover today, but not too bad. I know already, that I need to be cautious on hangover-days, but I feel fine for now. I don't have any cravings and I just want to extend my streak and stay clean, but I know, the urge can hit any time...
A nice sunday to everyone and stay strong!
DAY 05
Was another good one. Not super productive but that's ok. Weekends are for relaxing after all. Had an evening out with friends and some partying. A bit hungover today, but not too bad. I know already, that I need to be cautious on hangover-days, but I feel fine for now. I don't have any cravings and I just want to extend my streak and stay clean, but I know, the urge can hit any time...
A nice sunday to everyone and stay strong!
ddmmyyyy
Member
DAY 06
Despite my initial mood, yesterday was not that great. Hour by hour I got less motivated and positive. But I kept telling myself it will pass soon and kept going - mostly procrastinating, but porn or PMO was never an option. Monday morning and finally having to work again on the project I don't like doesn't make things better. But I'll try hard to make some progress and avoid procrastination for the next 5-6 hours to get back to a positive outlook.
Despite my initial mood, yesterday was not that great. Hour by hour I got less motivated and positive. But I kept telling myself it will pass soon and kept going - mostly procrastinating, but porn or PMO was never an option. Monday morning and finally having to work again on the project I don't like doesn't make things better. But I'll try hard to make some progress and avoid procrastination for the next 5-6 hours to get back to a positive outlook.
ddmmyyyy
Member
DAY 07
was OK. I procrastinated some more, but also made progress in the afternoon. Motivation is not too high, but it could be worse. Cravings - mainly for MO, hardly for porn - come and go, but they are manageable for now. I was quite tired today, what makes things harder usually. Hoping for a good sleep tonight and more energy tomorrow. But all in all I'm fine and positive about the next days!
was OK. I procrastinated some more, but also made progress in the afternoon. Motivation is not too high, but it could be worse. Cravings - mainly for MO, hardly for porn - come and go, but they are manageable for now. I was quite tired today, what makes things harder usually. Hoping for a good sleep tonight and more energy tomorrow. But all in all I'm fine and positive about the next days!
ddmmyyyy
Member
DAY 08
Any other day without PMO is a good day, so I'm happy to get to day 9 tomorrow without falling
Although today was quite shitty. Just a lot of small annoying things happened. And something bigger that I have to deal with that will be very unpleasant. But that's life. I will deal with these things just like anybody has to and get over it without dulling my frustration with porn.
Good night and good luck.
Any other day without PMO is a good day, so I'm happy to get to day 9 tomorrow without falling
Although today was quite shitty. Just a lot of small annoying things happened. And something bigger that I have to deal with that will be very unpleasant. But that's life. I will deal with these things just like anybody has to and get over it without dulling my frustration with porn.
Good night and good luck.