RebooterOne
Member
Chaser effect won yesterday evening. Starting again today. Feeling numb but with positive attitude.
Ready to fight with no surrender
- Thread starter RebooterOne
- Start date
RebooterOne
Member
Day went fine. In the morning I was feeling numb but for the rest of the day I was feeling quite normal. I have been doing some chores and it helped me focus on the present.
I have watched "The Shawshank Redemption" yesterday. I see some analogy to my struggle in this film. This addiction is a prison too and I am trying to escape it.
I have watched "The Shawshank Redemption" yesterday. I see some analogy to my struggle in this film. This addiction is a prison too and I am trying to escape it.
RebooterOne
Member
Well, today was surprisingly good. Surprisingly because I had to wake up very early and I've been at work for 10 hours. Despite that I am not tired at all. I'm feeling good. Only few slight urges today.
RebooterOne
Member
I woke up this morning and allowed myself to fantasise a bit about the girl I know. Nothing P-like, vanilla stuff. To my surprise I got hard and it stayed that way for few minutes. It gave me a huge positivity boost for the day. Later today I did the same thing with some touch and it worked again. It is not 100% erection and my penis is quite numb to touch but I am happy that there is some progress 
Also I got scholarship at the university for the first time in my life. I met with my friends. Overall it was a good day. Only an hour ago I started to feel a bit low but I think it is normal not to feel good all the time.
Also I got scholarship at the university for the first time in my life. I met with my friends. Overall it was a good day. Only an hour ago I started to feel a bit low but I think it is normal not to feel good all the time.
RebooterOne
Member
I had a very good day today. I woke up very early but I was not tired at all the whole day. Working was effortless. I had an easy time speaking with people. We have a canteen at work. Usually I don't even bother to socialize with co-workers at breaks but this time I sat next to a girl I've seen for the first time and started talking with her. I point it out not because I have gained confidence to do so. I just genuinely enjoyed talking with her about random stuff. In my late teens I used to do it very often. Talking with random people. I feel like it is coming back and I love it.
RebooterOne
Member
Well, rebooting is surely not linear. Yesterday was great, today I am feeling low and tired for no reason. Urges come and go.
RebooterOne
Member
I'm feeling better than yesterday but urges are harder. Sometimes it feels like I just want to M without P but I know where it always leads so I won't. Another thing is fantasising. Sometimes it is hard to not overdo it especially in the morning right after waking up.
RebooterOne
Member
Relapsed. I MOed without P and then the chaser effect made me PMO. As soon as I O the first time I literally felt the fog covering my mind. I didn't need P for that. Very unpleasant feeling.
It helps to socialize... the best thing to do is get away from your phone. Pay attention to people learn that real physical communication is key. Technology at our finger tips has evolved our brains more than people will admit. Everything we see online or look at... particularly women triggers our receptors of dophamine. So try to spend less time scrolling thru social media or checking on people online. See them in person.
RebooterOne
Member
Actually, I am not spending much time on social media or phone. I think I started flatlining and my mind tricked me to get rid of this empty feeling by MOing which always lead to PMOing in my case.
While MOing without porn it was hard to maintain erection. As soon as I stopped touching I was loosing it. Well, I know that even M alone is a no go for me. Hard mode is the only option in the beginning.
While MOing without porn it was hard to maintain erection. As soon as I stopped touching I was loosing it. Well, I know that even M alone is a no go for me. Hard mode is the only option in the beginning.
RebooterOne
Member
Surely a week-long abstinence gives me a clearer mind. After yesterday's relapse I feel that my mind is behind fog and I'm feeling awkward. Had a terrible morning and fatigue in the first half of the day. It got better in the afternoon.
RebooterOne
Member
It was a good day. There is still fog and some awkwardness though. No urges but... a quite solid morning wood. It seems that one relapse doesn't push me back to the very beginning. I'm getting back on track fast now. Before, the pattern was: week of abstinence and week of binge in turns. Now I don't allow myself to keep relapsing for days.
RebooterOne
Member
I feel low today but simply because I got sick. It ruined my plans for coming days and now I need to stay home for couple of days. At least I have some time to keep up with some things I need to do at home.
RebooterOne
Member
It was a day of constant procrastination. Because of fever I got up around noon. I was laying in bed half-asleep in the morning and guess what? I got an erection! Not sure whether I should call it a morning wood or not. But it was rock hard The rest of the day wasn't very productive. I allowed myself to relax to the point where some simple chores took me hours to do.
Later today I got this depressing thoughts about my back. I have a large scoliosis as I mentioned in the first post. Sometimes it causes a poor body image because it is a thing that cannot be fixed no matter what I do. I don't have such thoughts often but when they occur they trigger me to PMO.
An observation about PIED:
My ability to get erect varies. When I relapse I usually have problems to get an erection for few days without P. After 5 or 7 days of abstinence I am usually very horny and I am able to get hard with gentle touch. But sometimes after few days I find myself in some sort of flatline. I cannot get hard at all without P but I still crave PMO. Conclusion: rebooting is not linear. I have learnt that I cannot expect anything to happen on certain day of abstinence because it varies from attempt to attempt. It is the same with psychological changes. Sometimes I feel like a king after 5 days and sometimes I feel no changes after 10 days. So if someone's wondering when he/she will start to see any improvements: stay away from PMO and wait patiently. Nobody can answer that.
The rest of the day wasn't very productive. I allowed myself to relax to the point where some simple chores took me hours to do. Later today I got this depressing thoughts about my back. I have a large scoliosis as I mentioned in the first post. Sometimes it causes a poor body image because it is a thing that cannot be fixed no matter what I do. I don't have such thoughts often but when they occur they trigger me to PMO.
An observation about PIED:
My ability to get erect varies. When I relapse I usually have problems to get an erection for few days without P. After 5 or 7 days of abstinence I am usually very horny and I am able to get hard with gentle touch. But sometimes after few days I find myself in some sort of flatline. I cannot get hard at all without P but I still crave PMO. Conclusion: rebooting is not linear. I have learnt that I cannot expect anything to happen on certain day of abstinence because it varies from attempt to attempt. It is the same with psychological changes. Sometimes I feel like a king after 5 days and sometimes I feel no changes after 10 days. So if someone's wondering when he/she will start to see any improvements: stay away from PMO and wait patiently. Nobody can answer that.
RebooterOne
Member
I had a little break from posting. I managed to get two week-long streaks during this time but I binge-relapsed today. I'm not feeling bad though but it may be because I haven't started to feel any better so I see no difference.
I won't be posting here everyday. Maybe once a week or when something worth mentioning happens.
Well, I'm starting again.
I won't be posting here everyday. Maybe once a week or when something worth mentioning happens.
Well, I'm starting again.
I feel just like you...
I'm 24 days without pornography / masturbation / orgasms, and the fantasies are really too many, every time, I try to stop them as soon as they appear, but often the mind wanders for some minutes before I realize it.
i don't know if will help you or if it is the right thing to do.. but with me is working.
I made a real mental distinction between the me who look at porn and the me who do not look at porn, as if we were two different people.
And i hate that fat fucker, i will never let him win this fight, every day that loser try to convince me to watch porn,I punish him, i work out, that fatass hates
Working out.. every times he fucking complains and gets angry because it's tiring, too bad for him.
i swear to god one day I will kill him in his sleep.
No wait...
I'm 24 days without pornography / masturbation / orgasms, and the fantasies are really too many, every time, I try to stop them as soon as they appear, but often the mind wanders for some minutes before I realize it.
i don't know if will help you or if it is the right thing to do.. but with me is working.
I made a real mental distinction between the me who look at porn and the me who do not look at porn, as if we were two different people.
And i hate that fat fucker, i will never let him win this fight, every day that loser try to convince me to watch porn,I punish him, i work out, that fatass hates
Working out.. every times he fucking complains and gets angry because it's tiring, too bad for him.
i swear to god one day I will kill him in his sleep.
No wait...
RebooterOne
Member
Thank you for a suggestion but I'd rather not create two different people inside my head. Actually, I sometimes feel that way and I am trying to unify myself.
Well, I feel like my mind is getting clearer. I feel a bit more present at work. Conversations with both men and women are getting smoother. I'm more focused. I stopped counting the days but it's just a few days from last PMO binge. Not even a full week.
Well, I feel like my mind is getting clearer. I feel a bit more present at work. Conversations with both men and women are getting smoother. I'm more focused. I stopped counting the days but it's just a few days from last PMO binge. Not even a full week.
RebooterOne
Member
Well, today wasn't as good as yesterday. I dreamt about relapsing and woke up with very intense fantasies. It wasn't a wet dream but for the rest of the day I felt very tired. I was prepared for that though and I focused on chores that didn't require much focus. It helps a lot staying away from relapsing.
RebooterOne
Member
So, yesterday I relapsed but quickly got back on track without binge use. It was a pretty good day anyway.
Today I felt good too. I had a good time talking with co-workers, men and women (hot ones too ).
This is my last post before holidays. Merry Christmas everyone and have a PMOless New Year!
Today I felt good too. I had a good time talking with co-workers, men and women (hot ones too
).This is my last post before holidays. Merry Christmas everyone and have a PMOless New Year!