Stiffy is ready to EVOLVE.

[Stiffy]

Still trucking along. It hasn?t been 24 hours since my last post but posting here helps me.

Still feeling somewhat down. But determined to get out of this dark hole and again to positivity and enthusiasm. It wasn?t long ago that I had that and I believe I?ve identified the causation of my relapse. Working on that will bring me back to harmony.

 

[Quitforeverthenwin]

Keep going man! In my opinion, try committing yourself 100% to quitting this shit forever once and for all. You can do it!

 

[Stiffy]

3 days.

Let?s all give porn both our middle fingers today.

 

[Stiffy]

4 days.

Giving up isn?t an option. I?ll fight this to the grave if I must.

 

[Fappy]

keep going and keep kicking porn in the balls anytime it tries to make you relapse!
porn, to put it lightly, is a cunt. and what do you do with cunts? you get rid of them and banish them from your life!
youre life will become so much better without this cunt in it. kill it, for good.

 

[Stiffy]

Thanks Fappy.

Day 5

I am having cravings this morning.

How am I going to combat this?
Productivity and self-care.
I need to implement positive and nurturing habits for myself in the absence of my destructive habits that allow me to escape reality. Again, as I like to say - creating a reality worth staying in.

Going to cook a delicious breakfast, read positive thought provoking material, pray, meditate, and work.

I meant to go to the gym this morning however that did not happen. Will get in some @ home exercise instead.

Be better than you were yesterday and you will be on the right path constantly.

I will not give in.

 

[Stiffy]

Day 6

Annoying day but still feeling good about no PMO. Been waking up earlier & being much more productive. Just gray scaled my phone in an effort to reduce dopamine release from phone use itself.

 

[Stiffy]

1 week!

I still haven?t gotten to feeling amazing like I did at the end of August. I feel much better than I did a week ago though. That is for sure

I?m pretty happy for a week but I want to make it a month for my next milestone.

I also grayscaled my phone so it is only black and white now. This was to fight phone addiction in general and so far it?s actually making a difference. Turning it off is also  an extra step to go through if I really wanted to enjoy PMO.

 

[Stiffy]

Starting today I will focus on what I want/desire out of life and not what I don?t want. I will not live in fear I will live in an attitude of abundance and positivity and a clear idea of what I truly desire out of this existence. The important things. I will create my ideal life.

 

[Stiffy]

8 days. Feeling more positive and creative rather than negative & destructive.

 

[Stiffy]

9 days without PMO.

Have a good weekend folks.

 

[Stiffy]

10 days. Double digits.

Not gonna lie. I?m craving right now. But I do not want to throw away my efforts.

 

[kopp]

What's your usual strategy to dodge the cravings? Do you have one?

Keep going man

 

[Stiffy]

@kopp

Nothing terribly specific. I try to get more reflective as to why I am doing this. Observe the thoughts and let them go. A meditative approach I guess you would say. Accept but do not act on them.

Day 11

 

[Fappy]

Sounds good. Its great that you can see all the things in your life that are improving due to not thrashing your willy to porn. The color is gradually but surely coming back to your life!

 

[Stiffy]

Twelve days.

Had a craving a bit ago. Decided to come here & add another day to my streak instead. No matter what comes up in my life - good or bad - I do not want to deal with it by PMO?ing. It will not solve anything and I?ve put in too much time and effort to give up.

 

[Stiffy]

Strong craving just now. Immediately said a prayer and requested help. I was using my laptop and just had thoughts (no external trigger) about missing out on new content. I pushed my laptop off my lap and was about to whip out my phone and indulge. I did not enter any URL?s or get as far to open anything that might have pushed me over the edge.

I know that the life absent of PMO I am pursuing is something greater than and more fulfilling than the PMO habit that I made a conscious decision to get rid of. It?s silly that I would even consider it. Alas, I am an addict. I?m happy that I have the needed clarity and determination to avoid it at least for tonight. As they say in the AA program... one day at a time.

I?m not missing out on new content tonight. I?m missing out on complete self-loathing, negativity, and warping my mind to look at sex in a completely twisted and wrong way. I can live with missing out on those things.

 

[Stiffy]

13 days.

I?m enjoying interacting with everyone else?s journal. It?s nice to talk with others struggling and it motivates me more to do well. The conversations reinforce my efforts to quit and my ideas as to why I made that decision.

I?m grateful today for all of you and this community. Whoever it was that created this website, thank you. What a great thing you have done.

Oh and I changed the title of my journal as well. Let?s evolve.

 

[achilles heel]

Thank you very much for your kind words on my journal! 

I read through your story and can see a very clear image of what you want in life, this must help you a lot! Working from home with a computer and a cell phone without a normal time schedule is dangerous though, do you use any restrictions on your computer and phone? It is possible to get around them, of course, but they are a good help against typing in porn URLs and as I read you have been tempted to do so. You might block certain pages from your browser or block internet use at a certain time, that's what I am doing. This page is the only one I have unlimited access to at any time and I don't even get tempted any more to access to porn from my computer at all. I re-educated my brain by using these obstacles and can highly recommed it. The blocking apps for android phones are shit though and didn't help me, have to admit that.

Reading your journal was incredibly helpful due to the following aspect:

I?m grateful for: Communication and the ability to share ideas and see things from other viewpoints. Had that not been possible I obviously wouldn?t be here right now.

I implemented rituals to replace my bad habits that include reading, exercising, eating healthy and writing down what I am grateful for - latelty I noticed how I struggled the most with being grateful and how I focussed on my family and material things and tried not to repeat myself. I didn't consider my abilites or what I actually am and to be grateful for that. Thinking about it this might be a key to change, I should be grateful for what I am and not only about what I have.

Keep up the good work, you've made it very far yet and are on the right track!

 

[Stiffy]

I agree a non-regular schedule can be dangerous. I?ve been working to make it better and had good success with that. I?ve stopped playing PC games that require a large time commitment, like Conan exiles. Survival games with a lot to manage and keep up with. Now I limit my PC gaming to maybe a few hours at night and I feel much better about it. I?ve been going to sleep at more regular hours and waking up earlier with less naps. Though I think I will probably take a short nap after I post this.  ;D

I think gratitude is over looked by many and can seriously change our attitude. In rehab and periods of time after rehab I have kept a gratitude journal and it certainly shifted my perspective to one thag was more positive. I would usually list ten new things I could think of per day. It was fun to think of unique things that I otherwise would normally over look. I should start doing that again. I?ve been considering picking up my personal journal again so maybe I could incorporate that in the future.