Don?t be disappointed. You still have a week. Think of how hard that is to look at porn and begin to M, realize what you are doing and shut that shit down. It?s not easy. 98% of the time when that has happened to me in the past I was unsuccessful and ended up going through with it anyway later. Which makes me feel even worse having such resistance and then giving in. You didn?t in this instance. That?s awesome.
Obviously avoid putting yourself in that situation in the future but you turned it around immediately and you should he happy for doing that. That?s called progress.
Obviously avoid putting yourself in that situation in the future but you turned it around immediately and you should he happy for doing that. That?s called progress.
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
mousemat1 said:
That's what I keep telling myself. The disappoint is nagging at me but you are right.
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
Stiffy said:Don?t be disappointed. You still have a week. Think of how hard that is to look at porn and begin to M, realize what you are doing and shut that shit down. It?s not easy. 98% of the time when that has happened to me in the past I was unsuccessful and ended up going through with it anyway later. Which makes me feel even worse having such resistance and then giving in. You didn?t in this instance. That?s awesome.
Obviously avoid putting yourself in that situation in the future but you turned it around immediately and you should he happy for doing that. That?s called progress.
You're right. I shouldn't beat myself up because I did stop the situation were many many times before I failed and went all the way. I'm still a bit frustrated that it happened, but I can't beat myself up about regaining and maintaining the self control.
Fappy
Respected Member
Its awsome that you could stop yourself before you had a jerk, thats testament to the progress youre making in your reboot. But it sounds like youre getting into some dangerous territory here. There was something that forced an urge on you to look at P. Do you remember exactly what it was?
Again, your willpower won in the end and thats a great sign!
Again, your willpower won in the end and thats a great sign!
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
Reformed Fapper said:
It was libido. It happened in the morning and I had a sex dream the night before. I hadn't MO'd the entire week so the urge was very strong. The strongest it has been since I started so the deck was stacked against me.
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TheGreenWizard
Guest
Journal Entry:
Yesterday was rough but I managed to get through it. It got to the point by the afternoon where libido was affecting my focus and I just got sick of feeling my junk clenched up into my body cavity. I think that was a major factor as to why I had my moment of weakness and fell to the urge to look at P that same morning. So to help out I tried a 100% utilitarian MO. No mental fantasy or artificial stimulation was involved. I didn't even have a mental image. It was just an in-the-moment, clear my head type deal. Took like 10 seconds and I went about my business. I consider that sort of thing acceptable, healthy, and within my goals for rebooting. Libido is a good thing as it pushes us to reach our goals if we can harness it via sublimation (easier said than done). But too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, and being pent up can interfere with the focus on those goals, especially if you aren't having sex regularly or at all. That's the issue I had yesterday. Plus it had been a week since I MO'd so I was within my goal of abstaining between sessions.
I'm actually feeling pretty happy about it because the last time I was able to MO without any P present or mental fantasy was when I first hit puberty and initially tried MO. This was long before porn was even a problem. So there is some progress towards a healthier mindset already, which I think is great. But I don't consider myself out of the woods or cured since it has only been a week. But there are some other positive things I noticed. The chaser effect didn't really affect me this time save for one small moment where that voice said "hey let's look at P." But it was very weak and very easy to overrule. Likewise, since it has fallen back to more of an occasion type deal, I don't feel drained like I did when I PMO'd regularly and/or multiple times a day. It felt less like I was burning myself out and more like I was leveling my head.
I think my next goal is to see if I can last 2 days longer than I did this time around. So that will be 9 days before I consider it okay to MO again. I'd like to keep challenging myself to push it back further and further while focusing on sublimation more and more. But I'm not going to beat myself up if I MO like I did yesterday or to a memory of a real experience before that. I will maintain the keeping a week between instances as a general rule though to keep my body functioning as it should be chemically. Plus, I really enjoy using that energy as a source of motivation. It feels like I'm firing on all cylinders and I just get much more done.
Days PMO free: 8
Yesterday was rough but I managed to get through it. It got to the point by the afternoon where libido was affecting my focus and I just got sick of feeling my junk clenched up into my body cavity. I think that was a major factor as to why I had my moment of weakness and fell to the urge to look at P that same morning. So to help out I tried a 100% utilitarian MO. No mental fantasy or artificial stimulation was involved. I didn't even have a mental image. It was just an in-the-moment, clear my head type deal. Took like 10 seconds and I went about my business. I consider that sort of thing acceptable, healthy, and within my goals for rebooting. Libido is a good thing as it pushes us to reach our goals if we can harness it via sublimation (easier said than done). But too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, and being pent up can interfere with the focus on those goals, especially if you aren't having sex regularly or at all. That's the issue I had yesterday. Plus it had been a week since I MO'd so I was within my goal of abstaining between sessions.
I'm actually feeling pretty happy about it because the last time I was able to MO without any P present or mental fantasy was when I first hit puberty and initially tried MO. This was long before porn was even a problem. So there is some progress towards a healthier mindset already, which I think is great. But I don't consider myself out of the woods or cured since it has only been a week. But there are some other positive things I noticed. The chaser effect didn't really affect me this time save for one small moment where that voice said "hey let's look at P." But it was very weak and very easy to overrule. Likewise, since it has fallen back to more of an occasion type deal, I don't feel drained like I did when I PMO'd regularly and/or multiple times a day. It felt less like I was burning myself out and more like I was leveling my head.
I think my next goal is to see if I can last 2 days longer than I did this time around. So that will be 9 days before I consider it okay to MO again. I'd like to keep challenging myself to push it back further and further while focusing on sublimation more and more. But I'm not going to beat myself up if I MO like I did yesterday or to a memory of a real experience before that. I will maintain the keeping a week between instances as a general rule though to keep my body functioning as it should be chemically. Plus, I really enjoy using that energy as a source of motivation. It feels like I'm firing on all cylinders and I just get much more done.
Days PMO free: 8
If you are okay with MO periodically then I say do this how you want! Clearly you have a desire to change for the better so if you can remain objective about it you should be fine. Obviously be aware that addiction is cunning and will trick you into going back to your habit any way that it can. It really is a beast and like a demon living inside you with one goal: sabotage. As long as you remember that, you should be fine. If it starts to interfere with your efforts of eliminating porn I am confident you will recognize that and be able to adjust your approach as you see fit. The important thing here is that you remain versatile and motivated to work towards what you want.
Keep it up.
Keep it up.
Fappy
Respected Member
Congrats on your good streak! It is important not to push yourself too hard with your reboot though.
If just no PMO is your goal then there's nothing wrong with a good hearty wank occasionally! It can even help you to rewire, but again that's just if you want to cut out PMO only. As long as it's within the parameters of your own reboot, you'll feel comfortable
If just no PMO is your goal then there's nothing wrong with a good hearty wank occasionally! It can even help you to rewire, but again that's just if you want to cut out PMO only. As long as it's within the parameters of your own reboot, you'll feel comfortable
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
Stiffy said:
I am okay with indulging the occasion MO as long is conforms to what I view as healthy. Porn is the enemy and I can't lose sight of that. That means I can't let my mind lump MO without artificial stimulation or MO to real memories in with the same behavior as PMO. A facet of this addiction is the mind associating porn consumption as the norm with MO. If it wasn't an addiction like it is for me and many other people here, I'd say no harm no foul with occasionally looking at porn. But it runs a much more deeper and destructive for myself. The trick is disassociating normal MO away from porn. When I first did just MO, I felt like I fucked up on my progress, but I can't think like that. That's just as dangerous as keeping the addiction around. Part of the rewire and reteaching yourself what is healthy and what isn't.
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TheGreenWizard
Guest
Reformed Fapper said:
I agree. Going into this I specifically want to eliminate PMO and rewire my brain to focus on natural things (i.e. MO without artificial stimulation, healthy sex with a partner, etc.). I know a lot of guys go into it with the hard 90 because they want to or because they feel it's a necessity given their situation. While that's perfectly fine, that's not really my personal goal. I'm doing an easy 90. No PMO at all and avoiding P and triggers at all costs, and strictly moderating my MO for 90 days. I feel like I'm at a critical transition phase so I need to be cautious about the risk of my PMO addiction just switching to a general MO addiction because of the dopamine hunger. Sounds a little silly to be worried about but like Stiffy said:
Stiffy said:
So I'd rather be very careful for this first 90 days. Plus I understand the benefits of using that sexual drive to further your goals and aspirations.
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
Journal Entry:
Yesterday went fairly well. I'm still feeling level headed from the last MO. However, the chaser effect was present. It wasn't that big of a deal to manage, but I did want to PMO for a round 2 and I'm sure the dopamine rush from MO was a major contributing factor. I ran into another pornographic image by accident because of an image search. This time around the search had nothing to do with sex or anything so it was purely an accident. I wasn't really triggered by it and I moved on. I do need to get better about tightening up the bolts on my trigger avoidance. I think limiting my time on social media will do that as that is were I seem to see my triggers almost exclusively, I've noticed (Women on instagram really want that kind of attention it seems.) But once again, I navigate away and refocus my mind on something else and all is well again. I think now that the first week has passed, despite some difficulties and some small failures, things are starting to taper off. Either that or I'm heading for a flatline. But I doubt that given how I feel around real women who I'm attracted to. But we will see.
I've upped my gym time to twice daily cardio 5 days a week and full body weight lifting Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. That might be helping my self-control too. Not only am I mentally focused on fitness as a priority instead of P, I'm burning myself out once the evening rolls around (which was when the height of my PMO consumption took place.) I'm getting myself on a sleep schedule too. My peak PMO hours were overnight 9pm-5am before I started my reboot. Can't really do that if I'm burnt out and sleeping (eat it, addiction!)
Days PMO free: 9
MO free goal: 1/9 days
Yesterday went fairly well. I'm still feeling level headed from the last MO. However, the chaser effect was present. It wasn't that big of a deal to manage, but I did want to PMO for a round 2 and I'm sure the dopamine rush from MO was a major contributing factor. I ran into another pornographic image by accident because of an image search. This time around the search had nothing to do with sex or anything so it was purely an accident. I wasn't really triggered by it and I moved on. I do need to get better about tightening up the bolts on my trigger avoidance. I think limiting my time on social media will do that as that is were I seem to see my triggers almost exclusively, I've noticed (Women on instagram really want that kind of attention it seems.) But once again, I navigate away and refocus my mind on something else and all is well again. I think now that the first week has passed, despite some difficulties and some small failures, things are starting to taper off. Either that or I'm heading for a flatline. But I doubt that given how I feel around real women who I'm attracted to. But we will see.
I've upped my gym time to twice daily cardio 5 days a week and full body weight lifting Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. That might be helping my self-control too. Not only am I mentally focused on fitness as a priority instead of P, I'm burning myself out once the evening rolls around (which was when the height of my PMO consumption took place.) I'm getting myself on a sleep schedule too. My peak PMO hours were overnight 9pm-5am before I started my reboot. Can't really do that if I'm burnt out and sleeping (eat it, addiction!)
Days PMO free: 9
MO free goal: 1/9 days
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
Journal Entry:
Yesterday was a little bit more difficult than Wednesday but I got through it without any major issues. I do need to work on is anxiety control regarding this issue however. I didn't have anxiety problems yesterday, but I'm reflecting on my 1 week milestone. I had looked at P and messed with myself that day in a moment of weakness, but I feel like I overreacted. I felt like just seeing P ruined my PMO goal or something. I can't let it affect me like that because that can make things more complex and difficult for myself on this journey. I mean obviously, I should avoid P and my triggers as priority one. But just because I see it in a moment of weakness or on accident does not mean all is lost. I think I am going to defer to the wisdom of the people that commented on that journal entry. I stopped it and got away from the situation before I lost to the addiction and I should be proud of myself for doing that when every other time I've failed. I also did not break my goal of no PMO. I just gotta make sure that that does not become a rationalization for allowing myself to be in that position in the future. I can't find myself feeding the excuse that looking at P without MO or PM without O doesn't count. That's just the cunning of the addiction. That's setting myself up for failure and it defeats the purpose of why I'm even doing this in the first place.
I'm not sure if it is the chaser effect still bothering me or what, but I can feel the urge to MO coming back. I am still going to stick with my challenge to abstain for at least 9 days, but I question why it affects me. While I suppose it might be normal, given my situation I am suspicious if it is just addiction trying to manifest itself in another way. Perhaps I am just overthinking it. While I am learning a lot about myself and this addiction in this first 90 days, new questions I haven't considered regarding the depth of this addiction and the affect it has on me are popping up too. But maybe that is normal to the rewire process. Maybe my mind is waking up to these things were it was once subdued when the addiction had its hold over me.
Days PMO free: 10
MO goal: 2/9 days
Yesterday was a little bit more difficult than Wednesday but I got through it without any major issues. I do need to work on is anxiety control regarding this issue however. I didn't have anxiety problems yesterday, but I'm reflecting on my 1 week milestone. I had looked at P and messed with myself that day in a moment of weakness, but I feel like I overreacted. I felt like just seeing P ruined my PMO goal or something. I can't let it affect me like that because that can make things more complex and difficult for myself on this journey. I mean obviously, I should avoid P and my triggers as priority one. But just because I see it in a moment of weakness or on accident does not mean all is lost. I think I am going to defer to the wisdom of the people that commented on that journal entry. I stopped it and got away from the situation before I lost to the addiction and I should be proud of myself for doing that when every other time I've failed. I also did not break my goal of no PMO. I just gotta make sure that that does not become a rationalization for allowing myself to be in that position in the future. I can't find myself feeding the excuse that looking at P without MO or PM without O doesn't count. That's just the cunning of the addiction. That's setting myself up for failure and it defeats the purpose of why I'm even doing this in the first place.
I'm not sure if it is the chaser effect still bothering me or what, but I can feel the urge to MO coming back. I am still going to stick with my challenge to abstain for at least 9 days, but I question why it affects me. While I suppose it might be normal, given my situation I am suspicious if it is just addiction trying to manifest itself in another way. Perhaps I am just overthinking it. While I am learning a lot about myself and this addiction in this first 90 days, new questions I haven't considered regarding the depth of this addiction and the affect it has on me are popping up too. But maybe that is normal to the rewire process. Maybe my mind is waking up to these things were it was once subdued when the addiction had its hold over me.
Days PMO free: 10
MO goal: 2/9 days
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
Journal Entry:
Yesterday was a rough day. I don't know what was going on my I was really triggered all day. So much as that it was difficult to focus on anything. To calm my nerves and mitigate the urge to look at P I did a quick MO within my guidelines for that sort of thing. So I'm going to restart my 9 day goal but I don't think I'm going to keep track of it on here this time around. But I controlled myself and did not break my PMO goal and that's what matters the most. I don't really have much else to say so I guess I'll end this entry.
Days PMO free: 11
Yesterday was a rough day. I don't know what was going on my I was really triggered all day. So much as that it was difficult to focus on anything. To calm my nerves and mitigate the urge to look at P I did a quick MO within my guidelines for that sort of thing. So I'm going to restart my 9 day goal but I don't think I'm going to keep track of it on here this time around. But I controlled myself and did not break my PMO goal and that's what matters the most. I don't really have much else to say so I guess I'll end this entry.
Days PMO free: 11
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
Journal Entry:
Well I failed my streak today. I'm pretty bummed that I let myself fail. I even thought time and time again that I shouldn't be messing around but I kept going. But I guess it is what it is and it happens to the best of us. I don't see the point in beating myself up about it. But I shouldn't have let myself be in that position. I stayed up during my peak risk hours, wanted sex but don't have a means for that to happen, got bored, and played around a little too much. In the end I lost this round. But I'm not giving up. I am going to do better because I know that I can. I learned a lot about myself and the addiction this time around. I even see this failure as a learning experience. I do give credit to to myself for lasting this long. It's been the longest I've gone. So that proves to me that I have to potential to beat this addiction and go longer. I'm going to challenge myself to do that.
Days PMO free: 0
Well I failed my streak today. I'm pretty bummed that I let myself fail. I even thought time and time again that I shouldn't be messing around but I kept going. But I guess it is what it is and it happens to the best of us. I don't see the point in beating myself up about it. But I shouldn't have let myself be in that position. I stayed up during my peak risk hours, wanted sex but don't have a means for that to happen, got bored, and played around a little too much. In the end I lost this round. But I'm not giving up. I am going to do better because I know that I can. I learned a lot about myself and the addiction this time around. I even see this failure as a learning experience. I do give credit to to myself for lasting this long. It's been the longest I've gone. So that proves to me that I have to potential to beat this addiction and go longer. I'm going to challenge myself to do that.
Days PMO free: 0
mousemat1
Well-Known Member
I would image almost every recovered porn addict has relapsed many times. It has taken me over 3 years to achieve my current streak of 264 days.
Everyone is different, but it helped me to really feel how bad I felt when I relapsed. I then recalled those feelings when I was tempted to relapse again. It's probably been my most successful method of walking away from the computer to give myself time to cool down.
Just start again with renewed confidence that you'll beat your previous streak! Good luck!
Everyone is different, but it helped me to really feel how bad I felt when I relapsed. I then recalled those feelings when I was tempted to relapse again. It's probably been my most successful method of walking away from the computer to give myself time to cool down.
Just start again with renewed confidence that you'll beat your previous streak! Good luck!
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
mousemat1 said:I would image almost every recovered porn addict has relapsed many times. It has taken me over 3 years to achieve my current streak of 264 days.
Everyone is different, but it helped me to really feel how bad I felt when I relapsed. I then recalled those feelings when I was tempted to relapse again. It's probably been my most successful method of walking away from the computer to give myself time to cool down.
Just start again with renewed confidence that you'll beat your previous streak! Good luck!
Yeah. I tempted it when I shouldn't have. I looked at it, which led to messing around, which let to failing. To be honest it wasn't even that great of a time. I was more upset that I just did say no and broke my streak than I really was even looking at the stuff. It wasn't so much that I lost but that I could have been more productive and slept or did something better with my time. I felt like it was a waste of effort and energy. But that could also be the level-headed dopamine high talking. But I think starting again is going to be good for me because I learned about my triggers and methods to keep it out of my life as best I can. Going into a round 2 a little wiser.
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
Journal entry:
I'm going to let my failure on my goal stay behind me and refocus my efforts going forward on this reset as a clean slate. I am still at 0 on my PMO and MO goals because I had failed around 3am yesterday. So technically there wasn't a full day without PMO. So I'll keep the counter at zero for today as this will be my new day 1. I don't think there is any new angles or perspectives I can go about this or any tweaks on my methods that I need to employ. I had failed because I stayed up during what was always my peak risk hours 12-4am. Up until that point I had been sleeping during that time, both by design to beat the addiction and because I have a new workout program and I need the sleep to recover properly. But I do think when I'm in a moment of weakness and I'm on the internet, I'm going to jump on here to reaffirm my goals. That helped me in the past.
Going forward, even on the rest days I give myself on the weekend, I need to maintain my same sleep schedule. It's logical to do anyway because of this issue and I still need the same amount of sleep even when I'm not training. So here's to a reset and a clean slate. I do think I'm wiser and more confident going into this round. It's not like the first time around where I didn't know what my triggers were, where they are the most common, when I'm more prone to risking indulgence in the addiction, and had never gone more than 2 days without PMO unless their was a physical problem. So the new 90 days starts now.
Days PMO free: 0/90
I'm going to let my failure on my goal stay behind me and refocus my efforts going forward on this reset as a clean slate. I am still at 0 on my PMO and MO goals because I had failed around 3am yesterday. So technically there wasn't a full day without PMO. So I'll keep the counter at zero for today as this will be my new day 1. I don't think there is any new angles or perspectives I can go about this or any tweaks on my methods that I need to employ. I had failed because I stayed up during what was always my peak risk hours 12-4am. Up until that point I had been sleeping during that time, both by design to beat the addiction and because I have a new workout program and I need the sleep to recover properly. But I do think when I'm in a moment of weakness and I'm on the internet, I'm going to jump on here to reaffirm my goals. That helped me in the past.
Going forward, even on the rest days I give myself on the weekend, I need to maintain my same sleep schedule. It's logical to do anyway because of this issue and I still need the same amount of sleep even when I'm not training. So here's to a reset and a clean slate. I do think I'm wiser and more confident going into this round. It's not like the first time around where I didn't know what my triggers were, where they are the most common, when I'm more prone to risking indulgence in the addiction, and had never gone more than 2 days without PMO unless their was a physical problem. So the new 90 days starts now.
Days PMO free: 0/90
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
Journal Entry:
Today was an okay day. I avoided all P and triggers. Didn't really have a difficult time getting through it but it was day one. Things only start getting annoying on day 3-4. But I'm hoping since I've had a behavior change in how much I MO and my exposer to P and places where my triggers are the most accessible that day 3 and 4 this time around will be much more manageable than when I just started. I'm a little more battle hardened on this go around so I'm hoping that pays off. I don't really have to else to say regarding that so I'll keep this entry short.
Days PMO free: 1/90
Today was an okay day. I avoided all P and triggers. Didn't really have a difficult time getting through it but it was day one. Things only start getting annoying on day 3-4. But I'm hoping since I've had a behavior change in how much I MO and my exposer to P and places where my triggers are the most accessible that day 3 and 4 this time around will be much more manageable than when I just started. I'm a little more battle hardened on this go around so I'm hoping that pays off. I don't really have to else to say regarding that so I'll keep this entry short.
Days PMO free: 1/90
T
TheGreenWizard
Guest
Journal Entry:
Yesterday sucked. Depression hit me and I was in a very destructive, "fuck everything" mood. Not sure why but something just really got to me and screwed up my positive self-talk and outlook. And of course, I failed. Not like I had much of a streak to fail but, it happened and failure is failure. It didn't even help. It honestly just added fuel to the fire because not only was I in a negative headspace, I also felt like I was owned by my addiction too. But PMO isn't what disappointed me the most. It was that I let myself get bothered to that degree where all bets were off. I can't let that happen and then use PMO as a coping mechanism in the future. That's another reason I feel has contributed to my addiction. When I was having troubles that were really eating at me inside, I would use PMO to cope or take the edge off. So now there is a deeper dimension to it. Not only does PMO eat up too much time in my life, it's also attached itself to practices in dealing with negative emotions. I can't let that happen anymore, especially going forward. I can't break my streak every time I get pissy. Going to have to find better coping techniques. Anyway, starting over again.
Yesterday sucked. Depression hit me and I was in a very destructive, "fuck everything" mood. Not sure why but something just really got to me and screwed up my positive self-talk and outlook. And of course, I failed. Not like I had much of a streak to fail but, it happened and failure is failure. It didn't even help. It honestly just added fuel to the fire because not only was I in a negative headspace, I also felt like I was owned by my addiction too. But PMO isn't what disappointed me the most. It was that I let myself get bothered to that degree where all bets were off. I can't let that happen and then use PMO as a coping mechanism in the future. That's another reason I feel has contributed to my addiction. When I was having troubles that were really eating at me inside, I would use PMO to cope or take the edge off. So now there is a deeper dimension to it. Not only does PMO eat up too much time in my life, it's also attached itself to practices in dealing with negative emotions. I can't let that happen anymore, especially going forward. I can't break my streak every time I get pissy. Going to have to find better coping techniques. Anyway, starting over again.