Rich's 90 Days

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TurningTheCorner

Member
Keep at it Rich, I'm rooting for you.

You've inspired me to get out of bed and make a list of chores that will keep me busy for a few hours.

I think being active to start my day will get me going on the right foot.
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Thanks Turning,

Checking in on day  2.

Keep up the good work everyone,

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Checking in on day 4. 

Doing chores, busy.  We are on vacation (or in our case, staycation) for a week.  So we are relaxing and getting stuff done.

Will check in before  bed tonight.

R8ch

 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Checking in on dau 5

In the middle of a hike.  I really need to watch out for how much I check this forum.  I think i might be getting addicted to it.  :0

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
I forgot to mention that I did have a PIED like experience  last week when my wife and I had sex.  Very little connection.  My wife and I don't usually have  a problem with chemistry, and we have it in every other part of our relationship.  The sex was just bad and it was all my fault.  It took me about three minutes of jacking myself off to get hard.  Then sex lasted for around five minutes.  So about average.  I really don't  know if this is pied or not.  I don't know enough about it.  I do know I used to get hard instantly from seeing and touching my wife and I look forward to that coming  back.  I did say that our lovemaking is not as intense as it used to be and she agreed, but said that that is just what happens over time.  She also.said I need to be more romantic if I want that back. 

So now I am all caught  up.  I am.going  to continue  to do a soft reboot.  I don't  think a hard reboot is all it is  cracked out to be.  My wife only likes to have sex about once a week because of her tiredness and anemia.  Right now I can't complain because of my difficulty  getting hard for sex.  I am just focused on rebooting and abstaining from porn and masturbation.  I do not masturbate.  I ejaculate during our sex sessions .  That is it.

Having said all.that, I have noticed a difference building from the reboot.  I already feel more confident in general, things get to me less, I habe much more energy and focus.  It is only five days at this point, so.I know that these things pale in comparison to what will happen later. 

Thanks for taking the time to.follow me in my journey.
I appreciate it.

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Checking in day 6.

I had a close call where  I Googled a model I saw on a Netflix show and saw revealing photos , but I immediately hit the brakes, stopping myself  from moving on to Reddit or porn,  and masturbating.  I stopped myself from falling into a slip.  Still Reddit free, still masturbation free, still porn free.  I know those images may stay for a while.  Nothing I can do.about that.  But still clean of PMO.  Time to increase  the focus.

6 days clean. 

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Just want to check in for today, and brag a bit.  My sobriety numbers

Sober of alcohol: 152 Days (sobriety date: April 29, 2018)
Sober of PMO: 7 Days (Sobriety date: September 22, 2018)
Sober of sugar products: 0 Days (Sobriety date:September 29, 2018). I am going to start facing my sugar addiction tomorrow.

Have a great day folks.  And fight those demons!!!

Rich
 
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TurningTheCorner

Member
HumbleRich said:
Just want to check in for today, and brag a bit.  My sobriety numbers

Sober of alcohol: 152 Days (sobriety date: April 29, 2018)
Sober of PMO: 7 Days (Sobriety date: September 22, 2018)
Sober of sugar products: 0 Days (Sobriety date:September 29, 2018). I am going to start facing my sugar addiction tomorrow.

Have a great day folks.  And fight those demons!!!

Rich
Click to expand...

Keep those streaks going!

Kicking sugar is a bear, but it's worth it. I started trying to give sugar up in 2007, but it didn't stick till 2009.

Gary Taubes wrote a book called The Case Against Sugar. It has tons of good info. It really drives home all the reasons to give up sugar for good.
 
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PE30

Well-Known Member
Hey, good going. I was a bit worried about you on day six when you were tempted with a Google search, but you've pulled yourself away. Just take it one day at a time, you've got this.
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Thanks PE30,

Checking in.  I have quite a bit to talk about but am going to bed, so I will expand later.  I feel pretty good.  No brain fog, my confidence increase has plateaued a bit.  I expect it will continue  to  go up as I begin working out again tomorrow.  Still need to workat  cutting the sugar out.  It should get easier as we aren't on vacation anymore starting tomorrow , so I will be back to a normal schedule.  we had a good vacation/staycation.  We went to a wedding yesterday, which was fun.  Before  I talk about that, though I want to mention that I am noticing that I have  no desire for sex at the moment.  That is a little weird.  But it is probably just the flatline.  I don't know.  On the other hand, a coworker who I was crushing on for a long time, you had thankfully left for another country, went to the wedding yesterday.  For some reason I don't understand I just could not stop looking at her.  I will talk more about it later when I have  more time.  It was checking out and quick glances , not the zombie like leering that goes with PMO.  She  probably didn't notice.  I haven't  been able to stop thinking about her  since, even a day later.  I have actually had some sexual thoughts about her, I am rather ashamed to say.  I am a married man and I do not see myself ever cheating, but for  some reason this other woman  makes me think of things.  Anyway.  More on that later.  I am clean of PMO.  Checking off day 9. Ready for day 10.

See you guys tomorrow.
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Checking in on day 10.  Nothing to report.  Good night!

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Checking in day 11.  No time for porn.  No time for  procrastination.  Good night, folks.

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Good morning, fellas!

Feeling okay.  But, if I am.honest I am getting a little fed up with only being okay.  For the first time in a long time (including when I was fapping and PMOing) I seriously questioned both whether I will pass my teaching exams and whether I actually have what it takes to be a teacher.  When do the superpowers of confidence come in?  I have seen an initial boost of confidence (day 1 through 5), but now on day 13 I have definitely plateaued, with no decrease in either procrastination or insecurity.  When will these symptoms, that I know are at least partially  related to half a life time of porn use, cease and desist?  With six months until we move back to America and take the exams, preparing for new careers and a newnlife back home, I really cannot afford no forward progress on the confidence front.

Rich
 
A

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
HumbleRich said:
Good morning, fellas!

Feeling okay.  But, if I am.honest I am getting a little fed up with only being okay.  For the first time in a long time (including when I was fapping and PMOing) I seriously questioned both whether I will pass my teaching exams and whether I actually have what it takes to be a teacher.  When do the superpowers of confidence come in?  I have seen an initial boost of confidence (day 1 through 5), but now on day 13 I have definitely plateaued, with no decrease in either procrastination or insecurity.  When will these symptoms, that I know are at least partially  related to half a life time of porn use, cease and desist?  With six months until we move back to America and take the exams, preparing for new careers and a newnlife back home, I really cannot afford no forward progress on the confidence front.

Rich
Click to expand...

You answered that question yourself by pointing out half a lifetime of porn use. There are no superpowers, it is hard work by abstaining from porn and constantly challenging yourself. Now you still feel "okay", but your brain will play all kinds of tricks on you to get back its dopamine fix, prepare for entering unexplainable depression and severe withdrawals. Don't let high expectations bring you down if you face hard times!

You set up a good plan on nutrition, exercising and studying. Quitting porn is neccessary to stick to those better habits and the more you advance in terms of your personal goals, you will feel more confident. It's a process and can't be done in a few days or weeks, just stick to your goals and plans and you will like the person you look at in the mirror more and more. This will boost your confidence, just avoiding porn and wait for something to happen won't.

All the best for you!  :)
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Thanks,  Achilles Heel.

Unfortunately, I just PMOed in the middle  of day 13.  I guess that that is 6 more days than my last streak, which is something.  But, of course it wasn't worth it.  And if my wife and I habe sex this weekend this will infkuence that.  Great!  I am so disappointed in myself.  I just couldn't handle the tension any more.  My anxiety was just getting to high.  This was a different kind kf anxiety, though.  I am glad to say that social anxiety was almkst nonexistent.  This was more the anxiety of something else.  Not sure.  I had a break this period  and just couldn't hold it.

There are a couple things I should mention.  I watched some Lady Gagga music videos yesterdyay that I didn't think would effect me, but did.  I am not going to lie.  A lot of her videos are basically porn light.  I have all lf the respect in the world for her as a singer and artist, but why do ber videos need to show off so much?  It all started when I watched the pg music video for her new movie and then I watched some more of her videis.  From now on I will only listen to her music or ppay lyric videis of hers on Youtube. 

Besides that.  Just way too much passivity.  Not enough active activity, like reading, exercising, etc.  Too much passive activity, like watching Youtube.

I will be back later tonight to write down my plan for tomorrow.

Thanms for the support!

And remember fellas.  It ain't worth it.  Stay strong.

Rich
 
M

malando

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
HumbleRich said:
I watched some Lady Gagga music videos yesterdyay that I didn't think would effect me, but did.  I am not going to lie.  A lot of her videos are basically porn light.  I have all lf the respect in the world for her as a singer and artist, but why do ber videos need to show off so much? 
Click to expand...
I think the reason she shows off so much is because her producers have told her that the more sexual content there is in her videos, the longer people watch them. It's designed to hook into this tendency people have of being hooked by sexually charged visual images. It's sad because it's so mainstream now, and everybody is going it, so we're training our kids to get on the train to Pornsville from a young age. Inevitably, a good proportion of them end up exactly there - and eventually, here...
 
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achilles heel

Well-Known Member
YouTube is full of triggers, I blocked it for myself because I couldn't handle it. Maybe you should consider the hard way in the beginning too, cut down social media, deactivate pictures at your browser or other restrictions that help you avoiding triggers. It might not be neccessary forever, but during the first time it will help a lot. Also just ignore anxiety and whatever feeling may come up during the first days, this is part of quitting, it won't be easy but you are stronger!
 
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