Rich's 90 Days

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Dj Rascasse

Member
Yes achilles heel, you are so right, cutting social media is so important not to give the brain food for (porn) thoughts. Unfortunately for us, it seems that monk(ish) life in the first weeks is helping success of rebooting. At least in my case, it is working (day 25). Great streak you had Rich, keep up with the great motivation you have.
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
So I slipped again today and tonight...just to make sure that it really was the wrong thing to do.  *roll eyes*  I am so over this addiction.

Symptoms I noticed as I was walking around down town doing chores post relapse.

*completely uncomfortable in my own skin.  Walking around feeling just gross and like everyone is looking at me (they weren't)
*feeling like everyone around me is in on the secret.  That they are judging me
*This weird age related body dysmorphia thing.  I have no idea how to describe it.  But when I look in the mirror after I relapse, my face doesn't look like my face.  It looks old.  But I feel like a fifteen year old.  It is this weird thing where I feel that I am an awkward teenager again, but in reality I'm 32.  (NO, this doesn't happen when I am rebooting and abstaining from PMOing.)
*Yeah, just the feeling that I am immature and don't feel my age (in a bad way)
*social anxiety.  It is back again.  I went to buy movie tickets for tomorrow night and felt really awkward around some other Americans who were there.  I felt like they were in on it.  I felt awkward, and again very inappropriate for my age.
*Irritable. 
*Slight brain fog (not as bad as I have had it before)

I realize now, for the millionth time that PMO is unnatural and bad for me.  I want it gone.  I want to be over it and never see it again.

On to tomorrow!

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Day 6.  And I definitely feel it.  Social energy is way up.  All types of energy are way  up.  I feel the caffeine I consumed going down, but I do feel that energy.  And oh my God I am.horny.  tbe energy is stro g, but there is wwkalways meditation, or catching a quicknnap.  Remembering that this js what I want.  Not yaving sex with my wife at the moment, so tbere is nowj9ere for tbe energy to go.  That is okay, thouugh.  Learning how to manage the energy.  I am not going to  slip  this ti
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Wow, day 11.  That arrived fast.  It has been quite a blur as the days pass by.  I will write more later.  But, I'm going strong.

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Finished day 13.  Calling it a night.  Good night, folks.

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Hey guys,

I am checking in to take note of a few things.  First of all, two weeks of NoFap!  It feels amazing!!!  Half a month!  I have had a few ups and downs, but confidence is starting to become more and more permanent.  It is starting to become the status quo.  Which is awesome.  More and more examples of self control.

If you are early in your reboot, please, please don?t read on.

?????-


I was in the open office at work yesterday at lunch and a coworker came in across from me.  She is an attractive woman.  Not that it means anything at this stage of my reboot.  She stretched her arms up in front of me while we were having a conversation, which opened her clothed chest to me.

No temptation whatsoever.  My eyes were in contact with her own the whole time.

I am like, well a normal person now.  No impulsive need to leer or take advantage of situations to ogle women, which I would feel compelled to if I were not rebooting. 

I am sure she appreciated it.  I am also sure it was not intentional on her part.  But it felt great to not dehumanize a woman.

Anyway

This morning I did a no-no.  I opened up Quora when I woke up.  There was an answer/article with swimsuit pictures.  I then googled the model and looked at fairly erotic pictures.

I know that I shouldn?t have done that.

But I did not masturbate!!!

And still have not masturbated.  So I am going to give myself a pass on this one.

I also did not feel any dopamine rush.  Which is really weird.  Looking at swimsuit pictures of this girl was like looking at a board of wood.

I guess that is a sign my body/mind are changing.

I did rub myself to an erection just now to see if I could.  And I did succeed at that.  I did not rub to orgasm.

I have been having erections through the night.  My body seems to be adjusting just fine.
Now to continue my day.

Hope everyone is well.

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Checking in on the morning of day 17.  I just meditated.  I think today will be a good day.

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Checking in on day 22.  Feeling extremely triggered.  Annoyed and frustrated by a bunch of things at the moment.  Just keeping busy, keeping focused.

Will check  in later.

Rich
 
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HumbleRich

Guest
Thanks, Iamaquitter.

Checking in at the end of a long day at 27 Days clean.  I can hardly believe I am saying that.  Three more days till the big 3 0!  I missed meditating today, so I will have to make sure to d a few more sessions tomorrow.  Feeling good.  I have built up some momentum.  Let?s see it through. 

Good night,

Rich
 
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