H
HumbleRich
Guest
I slipped today. Tomorrow will be day 1. Headed to bed. Gonna be up.early meditating tomorrow morning. Good night.
Rich
Rich
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HumbleRich
Guest
Thanks, Bob.
Checking in on the morning of 3/90. Doing alright. I got up to do my meditation at 5:30 on Monday and had a great day. But yesterday and today I was more disorganized. I only got to do 15 minutes, rather than 30 minutes yesterday and I didn?t get to meditate upon waking up this morning. Maybe I will find a few spare minutes to meditate this morning. This stuff is important as how I start the day always matters to how well Imdi with my habits. 30 to 40 minutes of meditation in the morning keeps me present the whole day, keeps me away from alcohol and PMO, it keeps me from over eating. I am more likely to exercise. Basically, everything is better when I meditate. What has been the problem? I have been going to bed too late. I always plan to go to bed at 10:30, but then I distract myself. Tonight I really will go to bed at 10:30.
Anyway. Clean and sober, 3/90.
Rich
Checking in on the morning of 3/90. Doing alright. I got up to do my meditation at 5:30 on Monday and had a great day. But yesterday and today I was more disorganized. I only got to do 15 minutes, rather than 30 minutes yesterday and I didn?t get to meditate upon waking up this morning. Maybe I will find a few spare minutes to meditate this morning. This stuff is important as how I start the day always matters to how well Imdi with my habits. 30 to 40 minutes of meditation in the morning keeps me present the whole day, keeps me away from alcohol and PMO, it keeps me from over eating. I am more likely to exercise. Basically, everything is better when I meditate. What has been the problem? I have been going to bed too late. I always plan to go to bed at 10:30, but then I distract myself. Tonight I really will go to bed at 10:30.
Anyway. Clean and sober, 3/90.
Rich
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HumbleRich
Guest
Unfortunately, I slipped today. It was right after, I stupidly got back on Quora. I missed the more interesting conversations, but I quickly got pulled into the more perverted ones, jumped back over to Reddit and that was all she wrote.
I will see if I can control myself on Quora for the rest of this week or not, but I will probably end up deleting it again. Anyway. It is time for bed.
Good night.
I will see if I can control myself on Quora for the rest of this week or not, but I will probably end up deleting it again. Anyway. It is time for bed.
Good night.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking out. Day 1/90 complete. Deleted Quora this past weekend. No social media. This week has gotten off to a good start. Going to bed now. Good night.
Rich
Rich
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking in fresh and early on the morning of day 4/90. (I will, of course, do my usual check out tonight. I am trying to get more consistent with my check ins. Since it is the most convenient way to keep track of my days and share my progress. How is everything going. Well, good. The days are going by as theh do. No middle circle behavior I am aware of. I am stressed at the moment. Work is blamd as usual (I wasn't expecting teaching EFL to be anything but). That is a little unfair. Every once in a while, a few days a week, I get kids who are really into learning English. But it is pretty rare these days. Or that is how it feels. I am finally finkshed studying math for the FTCEs. Now on to the three other exams I will be taking. I really, really hope I pass, otherwise it will habe been a lot kf money and time slent for nothing. I am also thinking of starting a blog. This will be a low priority pastime, but I feel it is important to collate and manage my professional interests on my side, and perhaps a get to know you for networking. I am worried I might be getting to much in my own head. It js always a constant micromanaging of how much time I am spending with my wife versus these projects. On the other hand I feel that these projects build me up, give me a purpose, and of course keep me away of porn and alcoholl. But stress is also a trigger fir me. It is that balance.
Anyway. I will check in tonight.
Peace and love on this journey,
Rich
Anyway. I will check in tonight.
Peace and love on this journey,
Rich
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Hey guys,
I?m checking in on the morning of day (7/90). I have a headache because I did drink three beers last night. I talked to my wife about it and she set up the rules for drinking. I listened. The thing is, I don?t think I am a problem drinker anymore. I had been sober for approaching six months this last sobriety period, prior to that, I was sober for three before a one day bender. This latest decision to start drinking *ocassionally* again was because I had half a bottle of wine last weekend and went seven days and didn?t need to drink at all. The neurons were fine. I had a beer because I wanted to relax. Then the neurons were like, ?eh, you can take it or leave it.? I felt like a changed man. I won?t drink next weekend. I am taking my weight loss and health very seriously at this point in my life. I know I have this under control.
Why? Because quitting PMO has given me the power to control urges. I feel like porn and masturbation addiction was always my original addiction. It was there before anything else. It did the most damage to my career, my social, and emotional lives. It stopped me from growing. It was the primary cause, along with the drinking, of the end of my educational career. It was bad.
Combined with mindfulness and meditation, this reboot has really given me wings. And I need to do more. I need to be more selfless. I need to put my wife first more.
I have dedicated myself to committing to commitment in my marriage. I no longer throw the D word around like I did. These days we still have arguments, vicious sometimes, still. But I don?t threaten to leave. The security is implicit. We will work through our problems.
And it is all because of this space where I have worked on my transformation.
I am leaving the PMO behind. Now and forever.
I?ll check in later.
Thanks.
Rich
I?m checking in on the morning of day (7/90). I have a headache because I did drink three beers last night. I talked to my wife about it and she set up the rules for drinking. I listened. The thing is, I don?t think I am a problem drinker anymore. I had been sober for approaching six months this last sobriety period, prior to that, I was sober for three before a one day bender. This latest decision to start drinking *ocassionally* again was because I had half a bottle of wine last weekend and went seven days and didn?t need to drink at all. The neurons were fine. I had a beer because I wanted to relax. Then the neurons were like, ?eh, you can take it or leave it.? I felt like a changed man. I won?t drink next weekend. I am taking my weight loss and health very seriously at this point in my life. I know I have this under control.
Why? Because quitting PMO has given me the power to control urges. I feel like porn and masturbation addiction was always my original addiction. It was there before anything else. It did the most damage to my career, my social, and emotional lives. It stopped me from growing. It was the primary cause, along with the drinking, of the end of my educational career. It was bad.
Combined with mindfulness and meditation, this reboot has really given me wings. And I need to do more. I need to be more selfless. I need to put my wife first more.
I have dedicated myself to committing to commitment in my marriage. I no longer throw the D word around like I did. These days we still have arguments, vicious sometimes, still. But I don?t threaten to leave. The security is implicit. We will work through our problems.
And it is all because of this space where I have worked on my transformation.
I am leaving the PMO behind. Now and forever.
I?ll check in later.
Thanks.
Rich
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking in on the morning of day 11/90! It feels great. I have not had anything to drink since this last weekend. I will not be drinking this coming weekend. I have stopped going to AA and I actually feel much better. I didn?t stop because I wanted to drink (the two decisions were entirely independent of each other), but because my cult alarm went off again. I am learning to trust my intuition more and more.
Anyway. I am practicing occasional drinking, but will not be for the next week or two.
As far as PMO and this reboot, I feel great! I feel like something must be changing upstairs.
Have a great day, guys. I will check in again tonight.
Rich
Anyway. I am practicing occasional drinking, but will not be for the next week or two.
As far as PMO and this reboot, I feel great! I feel like something must be changing upstairs.
Have a great day, guys. I will check in again tonight.
Rich
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HumbleRich
Guest
I slipped today. Back at 0. Let?s see if I can keep clean for the rest of the week.
Rich
Rich
Andyshealthyself
Member
Hey Rich,
Keep looking up man. Stay positive and on top of it. We all slipped. No one here hasn?t at least once. It?s important to stay positive and learn from why you slipped up. See if you can analyze the events leading up to what happened and then look at what changes you can make to avoid those triggers. I hope I don?t sound like I?m preaching. We have all been there. I?m currently on day 8 after a 20 day run. The best we can do is get back up and try again.
I believe in you.
Keep looking up man. Stay positive and on top of it. We all slipped. No one here hasn?t at least once. It?s important to stay positive and learn from why you slipped up. See if you can analyze the events leading up to what happened and then look at what changes you can make to avoid those triggers. I hope I don?t sound like I?m preaching. We have all been there. I?m currently on day 8 after a 20 day run. The best we can do is get back up and try again.
I believe in you.
Something needs to change though, doesn't it? I know that you're making the effort but the method isn't working. You'll probably come back with a hundred things that you're going to do, and religiously stick to, and this is the way by effort and striving etc etc. I don't think I can just say "hey man, everyone slips up". You're in a cycle.
But what is *actually* going to make you stop?
I know this sounds really harsh but I do want you to get clean and stay clean.
But what is *actually* going to make you stop?
I know this sounds really harsh but I do want you to get clean and stay clean.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Had a good day today for day 1/90. Hitting the sack now for an early morning of meditating and reading the sutras. Good night.
Rich
Rich
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking in at 5:24 pm on day 2/90. Friday! Will check in again tonight.
Rich
Rich
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking out at 12:40 am Friday night. Clean and sober. Day 2/90 complete. Good night everyone.
Rich
Rich
Hi Rich, it was noticeable to me that you gave PE30's post a wide berth. Is there a reason why you don't want to discuss what he raised? Is it because you just want to do things your own way and use your journal for your own purposes? Or did you find the questions objectionable in some way?
For the record, I think PE30 was sincerely wanting to help you by challenging you. You have had a lot of relapses so maybe it's not a bad thing to reevaluate how you are going about things. We are all rooting for you and your success.
For the record, I think PE30 was sincerely wanting to help you by challenging you. You have had a lot of relapses so maybe it's not a bad thing to reevaluate how you are going about things. We are all rooting for you and your success.
Not sure who said it but "the definition of folly/madness is doing the same thing again and expecting a different result". I went a good 15 years stuck in a cycle of repentance and relapse, so I've been there. I'm sorry Rich if I came across too strongly. But it comes from a sincere place of wanting you to succeed and being concerned that your current methods aren't working.
bob
Respected Member
malando said:
We root for your reboot... On a more serious note Rich, it's because we care.
Can identify what has occurred in the past that allowed the relapse? Can you determine a pattern? Are their things/situations/places to avoid? What have you learned?
Again, we care.
Peace
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Hi guys, yeah I am thinking over things and trying to find patterns. Working on keeping up good habits. For right now, it?s late. Good night everyone.
Checking out 3/90.
Rich
Checking out 3/90.
Rich